Yeah, I thought that would get your attention. It sure got mine.
Last week when I told the story about my sister accidentally lining her lips with black eyeliner in the middle of a grocery store, a reader commented with something along the lines of "I see your lip liner story and raise you a Brushing my teeth with Vagisil".
And yes, I'm pretty sure there's only one kind of Vagisil.
We've all done it. Something stupid/embarrassing and (many years or beers later), hilarious. In fact one of the most read posts on my website is all about a a girl, a first date and a fart.
As soon as I read NinaMargoJune's comment about the Vagisil I immediately thought of the time I decided to try to multitask by brushing my teeth while I was sitting on the toilet. I sat, I peed, I brushed and by force of habit when the time came that I needed to spit my toothpaste out, I did that too. All over the bathroom floor.
I'm pretty conditioned to think there's a sink under my face when I'm brushing my teeth.
And then last summer, in another episode of trying to save time I decided if I just jigged my leaf blower a certain way I'd be able to eliminate one of the leaf blowing steps. My leaf blower is also a leaf sucker that has a bag attached that all the shredded leaves go into. Every 10 minutes or so I have to pull off the big, heavy bag, and empty it into a paper yard bag. It's a bit of a pain. I'm very, very smart, so I figured I could just eliminate that attached bag altogether and just keep a yard bag under the leaf blower so all the shredded leaves would fall right into that. Here's a picture so you have a better idea of what I'm talking about ...
See how I got rid of the bag that attaches to the leaf blower and threw it aside so I could implement my better idea of holding the blower directly over a paper yard bag? See how happy I am? How smoothly it all went? That was in my imagination. How I pictured it would go. This is how it actually went ...
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There I was standing out on the sidewalk on a Saturday afternoon, when WHOOMP. I forgot that the very, very, rapidly, fast moving air that sucks the leaves up into the leaf sucker, blows them out with the same force. Air came flying out of the bottom of the leaf blower, hit the leaves that were already in the paper yard bag and sent them flying into the air all around me like an atomic bomb. And it happened in an instant.
I had leaves in my bra. In my ears. In my mouth.
You want to know what my first thought was the SECOND this happened? OMG I hope everyone saw that. It was too funny not to be shared. It was like something out of a cartoon. So I looked around, up and down the street and not a single person saw. This wasn't like when you half trip while walking down the street alone and hope no one saw. THIS was something people needed to see!
Nobody saw. A moment of accidental comedic genius wasted.
It was awful.
It could have been embarrassing this moment, but it was just so ridiculous, so perfect, SO hilarious ... it wasn't.
That time I was on a cruise and upon meeting the ship's Captain at dinner and blurted out "How do you do?" like I was a debutante. THAT was embarrassing. Or the time in highschool when a boy I had a crush on said hi and I said "Greetings" back. GREETINGS? Evidently I am bound and determined to make a really weird first impression at all times.
So. Now it's your turn. I'm sure you all have much better examples of stupidity than I do. Because as I established near the beginning of this post I am smart, smart, smart.
(One second I was the coolest girl on the street, the next I looked like I was about to slowly rise out of the bushes in the jungles of Vietnam.)
Have a good weekend!
p.s. If you read my 10 Seed Starting Tips post on Wednesday and the link to my half price ($15) seed starting video was broken, I've fixed it so here you go ... I personally email out the course information packet so if you don't get it immediately it's only because I was asleep when your order came in. It's coming. I promise.
this is a really old post but I just came across it today... my favorite stupid moment was when I was just learning to use my brand new Sodastream, and decided it would be really good to carbonate cranberry juice. not by putting it in the sodastream bottle, but by simply holding a glass of juice under the nozzle. it went EVERYWHERE. similar to you and the leaf bag, all I could do was stand there and laugh. it was super annoying to clean sticky cranberry juice off the ceiling though.
Were you genuinely upset there was no one to see it? That's when you know it was a good one. ~ karen!
I did not use Vagisil to brush my teeth, however, my brother did. He was accustomed to stealing everything that belonged to me to use as his own, he thought he was grabbing my toothpaste. Poetic justice. Or ironic justice? Whatever the case, it was justice.
My bathroom is the size of a coat closet. For some reason I can't remember, I decided I had to get into the bathroom for something and the door was closed. Forgetting that bathroom doors are usually closed for a reason, I grabbed the handle and pushed open the door... Right over the top of my husband's foot as he stood in front of the toilet, peeing. With a loud yell and some profanity, he jerked away and proceeded to pee all over the bathroom wall and sink. To this day, I cannot remember what I needed so badly from that bathroom.
Well this isn't about me but a very funny thing that my husband did - He accidently used icy hot instead of his preparation H! I don't know how that happened - but I can still hear his screams to confirm it! True story! Thank God there is no picture I can share!
My pantyhose disaster here: http://getonthe.blogspot.com/2005/08/bus-fumes.html
I went camping in Destin (beautiful beach in the FL panhandle) and there's a very fancy little town nearby, so we drove over to walk around and shop. It seemed like I was getting some glances, so I said "I feel so out of place here". My friend looked at me and said, "Well honey, I guesss you would since you are wearing your slippers". I was wearing (dirty) purple terrycloth slippers. For a long time. I was MORTIFIED.
My mom accidently wore Crocs to her sister's funeral. We still talk about it.
omg that's hilarious and awful all at the same time!
This was back in the day, before electronic communications were commonplace, and I worked for a courier company answering calls for service at the rate of about 150-200 per day.
We each had multiple lines on our phones, so sometimes we'd have to take a call and put the caller on hold.
Answering one of the lines as they all lit up, I said, "Couriers, may I hold you?" When I meant to say, may I put you on hold.
And another time, same company, when one of my coworkers (we all sat in one large room at separate desks) was busy writing something down and asked how to spell the word "illiterate". After looking at her for a few seconds, the other girl in the room and I dissolved into fits of laughter as she stared at us, bewildered, no idea what was so funny. To this day I don't think I've ever laughed harder or longer.
I asked a coworker if I could have some of her cheese from the staff fridge. She nodded her head as she answered the phone, "Thank you for calling, you can have some." LOL
Yeah...I didn't have to read the reality of your idea...I saw that coming. Ha! I'm impressed though that your wear PPE.
Pondered over this as I was reading through all of these... Should I or shouldn't I so what the hell... Will share. My husband had a "brown paper package"
sent to me when he was over in Germany. He had mentioned that he was going to send this package in case I got lonely. I received the package and put it in my bottom drawer to open when I would be alone and not have the two little ones around. Well I completely forgot about it and a couple of weeks had passed and the doorbell rang. It was a teenager selling magazines so I let him in. While looking through the selection of magazines I notice that he is kind of squirming and getting red in the face. I turn around and there in the hallway is my daughter with the package opened and the vibrator and all the attachments taken out of the box. I said "On my God, where did you get this"! I ran and picked up everything and threw it in my bedroom. I prayed for a big hole to open up and suck me in. I ordered 50 bucks worth of magazines and never got any of them. I didn't care!!
The second one was when our son was 5 and was being evaluated to ADD and ADHD. We had to take him to a counselor. We were advised to just sit there and not make any comments to the answers that my son might say. Things were going ok until he asked my son " Do you ever smell things that no one else smells"? My son replied that yes he does. The Dr asked what it is that he smells and my son said "Farts"! The Dr says "well why would you think that you are the only one that smells Farts"? My son replies " Well whenever I smell a fart I say who farted and everyone says they don't smell anything "! We lost it and so did the Doctor!!!
I started laughing as soon as I read "brown paper bag" from Germany, lol. I didn't know what it was but I knew something was going to go horribly wrong, lolol. ~ karen!
Two more I had tried to forget about. My daughter went to China for several weeks during college. It was an amazing trip and they went to many buddha temples. In one, she asked the weathered old monk where the trash can was - she wanted to throw away her drink can. He didn't understand and she tried to show him. Finally her got it and pointed to one and she gave him two thumbs up with a smile. Immediately her guide came and said NO - and whispered that means you think he is well endowed. That same daughter invited her boyfriend to stay on the fold out couch one late night in our home. During the night she and I both were jolted awake by him yelling loudly - You short little fat faced m--f---, get out of here - I have a gun in my truck outside and I'll run past you and get it. We looked at the window he was yelling at and saw our big fat cats head looking in at us. We both fell into fits of laughter. He could hear us all night just burst out loud. In the morning he said that short little --- was looking at him and since he was asleep thought it was someone trying to break in and he wouldn't ever try to help us again. I told him it really wouldn't have been much help if the short , fat faced man had ran to his truck and gotten his gun. We just died laughing again.
These stories I'm reading are just great!
Back in the late 60's, I was in downtown Detroit MI at rush hour racing to catch my bus home from work. Missing it would mean another 20-30 minutes added to my 30 minute ride home, and 15 minute walk beyond that. As I neared the corner I looked to my right straining to check if the bus was coming, then BAMB! I tripped over a fire hydrant. Yes, a fire hydrant. I looked around me, dying of embarrassment, but not a soul was reacting. Must have had my invisibility sheild on and didn't remember. LOL
Many moons ago (as in the early '80s) when we still made salad dressing in a jar, we were sitting down to dinner with friends around my brand new dining room set. Huge rattan chairs upholstered with cushions to match the lamberkin (this was the '80s) around the window. As we get ready to dig into the salad, our friend decides to give the dressing one last shake...with the top already loosened. It took weeks to get rid of the last of the dressing which ended up on the ceiling fan, walls and every crevice of the rattan chairs. Cotton swabs work really well for this, IJS.
The boy I had a crush on in High School was sitting, with his good looking buddy, at a Library table very close to one of the small bookshelves that had novels in them. I casually, but very cooly, bent down to casually slide (think Ali McGraw, cool Libraian in Love Story) out a particularly cool novel and promptly bashed my head on the top of the bookshelf. I don't know if you have been on the receiving end of a particulary vicious uppercut by Rocky but I can only imagine it felt like this. The resounding BONK resonated throughout the Library and I staggered back and reeled around the room to the laughter only a teenage boy can produce when someone does something stupid. A curious mixture of hooting, wheezing, rolling around on the floor and pointing. This happened 40 years ago and I can still hear the bonk of my forehead hitting the shelf.