Yeah, I thought that would get your attention. It sure got mine.
Last week when I told the story about my sister accidentally lining her lips with black eyeliner in the middle of a grocery store, a reader commented with something along the lines of “I see your lip liner story and raise you a Brushing my teeth with Vagisil”.
And yes, I’m pretty sure there’s only one kind of Vagisil.
We’ve all done it. Something stupid/embarrassing and (many years or beers later), hilarious. In fact one of the most read posts on my website is all about a a girl, a first date and a fart.
As soon as I read NinaMargoJune’s comment about the Vagisil I immediately thought of the time I decided to try to multitask by brushing my teeth while I was sitting on the toilet. I sat, I peed, I brushed and by force of habit when the time came that I needed to spit my toothpaste out, I did that too. All over the bathroom floor.
I’m pretty conditioned to think there’s a sink under my face when I’m brushing my teeth.
And then last summer, in another episode of trying to save time I decided if I just jigged my leaf blower a certain way I’d be able to eliminate one of the leaf blowing steps. My leaf blower is also a leaf sucker that has a bag attached that all the shredded leaves go into. Every 10 minutes or so I have to pull off the big, heavy bag, and empty it into a paper yard bag. It’s a bit of a pain. I’m very, very smart, so I figured I could just eliminate that attached bag altogether and just keep a yard bag under the leaf blower so all the shredded leaves would fall right into that. Here’s a picture so you have a better idea of what I’m talking about …
See how I got rid of the bag that attaches to the leaf blower and threw it aside so I could implement my better idea of holding the blower directly over a paper yard bag? See how happy I am? How smoothly it all went? That was in my imagination. How I pictured it would go. This is how it actually went …
There I was standing out on the sidewalk on a Saturday afternoon, when WHOOMP. I forgot that the very, very, rapidly, fast moving air that sucks the leaves up into the leaf sucker, blows them out with the same force. Air came flying out of the bottom of the leaf blower, hit the leaves that were already in the paper yard bag and sent them flying into the air all around me like an atomic bomb. And it happened in an instant.
I had leaves in my bra. In my ears. In my mouth.
You want to know what my first thought was the SECOND this happened? OMG I hope everyone saw that. It was too funny not to be shared. It was like something out of a cartoon. So I looked around, up and down the street and not a single person saw. This wasn’t like when you half trip while walking down the street alone and hope no one saw. THIS was something people needed to see!
Nobody saw. A moment of accidental comedic genius wasted.
It was awful.
It could have been embarrassing this moment, but it was just so ridiculous, so perfect, SO hilarious … it wasn’t.
That time I was on a cruise and upon meeting the ship’s Captain at dinner and blurted out “How do you do?” like I was a debutante. THAT was embarrassing. Or the time in highschool when a boy I had a crush on said hi and I said “Greetings” back. GREETINGS? Evidently I am bound and determined to make a really weird first impression at all times.
So. Now it’s your turn. I’m sure you all have much better examples of stupidity than I do. Because as I established near the beginning of this post I am smart, smart, smart.
(One second I was the coolest girl on the street, the next I looked like I was about to slowly rise out of the bushes in the jungles of Vietnam.)
Have a good weekend!
p.s. If you read my 10 Seed Starting Tips post on Wednesday and the link to my half price ($15) seed starting video was broken, I’ve fixed it so here you go … I personally email out the course information packet so if you don’t get it immediately it’s only because I was asleep when your order came in. It’s coming. I promise.