Almost immediately after posting last Friday’s post, which made a quick reference to the fella’s father’s list of “true cookies” I began to get comments requesting this list of true cookies. Right on cue I got a moderately irate message from the fella’s father demanding I print a list of the true cookies in an attempt to keep any holiday mayhem at bay. A world without knowledge of the true cookies is a world on the brink of disaster apparently.
So … I have for you right now, at this very moment, the much anticipated “list” of true cookies. If you aren’t familiar with “the lists of true things”, please refer to the list of true pies from July 7th, 2011. The following is a verbatim copy of the message sent to me by the fella’s father. It has not been altered or edited in any way. All opinions expressed therein are those of the originator of the content.
“There are four true cookies and, from Hallowe’en until New Year’s, one honourary true cookie. All other cookies are faux, jumped-up pretend confections not worthy of the name cookie.
#1. A two-piece white sugar cookie with a hole in the top so you can see the red filling. Filling can be raspberry jam from the E.D. Smith Co. of Winona, Ontario OR Smuckers crabapple jelly. Icing sugar on top allowed but not mandatory.
#2. Chocolate chip. Must be real chocolate.
#3. Peanut butter: with fork marks on top
#4. Oatmeal raisin.
Honourary: Ginger bread people, must be anatomically correct.
Shortbreads are pretentious, look-at-me-I’m-a-shortbread, for snooty people. Rumballs are NOT true cookies. They’re not even cookies. They are lumps of dough infused with cheap liquor.
At Christmas you may feel an urge to make Christmas cookies in the shape of stars, bells and evergreen trees. Resist that urge.
The Nanaimo bar is a worthy confection but IT IS NOT A COOKIE. It is one of the true squares.
Would you build your own car? No. It’s too complicated. For the same reason do NOT attempt to bake anything with marshmallow and coconut and pass the result off as cookies. Let Christies do it. They have factories for that sort of thing.”
And there you have it. The reason behind why the fella is the way he is. And proof the apple pie doesn’t fall far from the tree.