The True Cookies
A List from the Fella’s Father

 

 

Chocolate Chip Lighter

 

Almost immediately after posting last Friday’s post, which made a quick reference to the fella’s father’s list of  “true cookies” I began to get comments requesting this list of true cookies.  Right on cue I got a moderately irate message from the fella’s father demanding I print a list of the true cookies in an attempt to keep any holiday mayhem at bay.  A world without knowledge of the true cookies is a world on the brink of disaster apparently.

So …  I have for you right now, at this very moment, the much anticipated “list” of true cookies.  If you aren’t familiar with “the lists of true things”, please refer to the list of true pies from July 7th, 2011.  The following is a verbatim copy of the message sent to me by the fella’s father.  It has not been altered or edited in any way.  All opinions expressed therein are those of the originator of the content.

 

The List

 

“There are four true cookies and, from Hallowe’en until New Year’s, one honourary true cookie. All other cookies are faux, jumped-up pretend confections not worthy of the name cookie.

The List:


#1.  A two-piece white sugar cookie with a hole in the top so you can see the red filling. Filling can be raspberry jam from the E.D. Smith Co. of Winona, Ontario OR Smuckers crabapple jelly. Icing sugar on top allowed but not mandatory.

#2.  Chocolate chip. Must be real chocolate.

#3.  Peanut butter: with fork marks on top

#4.  Oatmeal raisin.

Honourary:  Ginger bread people, must be anatomically correct.

Shortbreads are pretentious, look-at-me-I’m-a-shortbread, for snooty people. Rumballs are NOT true cookies. They’re not even cookies. They are lumps of dough infused with cheap liquor.

At Christmas you may feel an urge to make Christmas cookies in the shape of stars, bells and evergreen trees. Resist that urge.
The Nanaimo bar is a worthy confection but IT IS NOT A COOKIE. It is one of the true squares.
Would you build your own car? No. It’s too complicated. For the same reason do NOT attempt to bake anything with marshmallow and coconut and pass the result off as cookies. Let Christies do it. They have factories for that sort of thing.”

 

And there you have it.  The reason behind why the fella is the way he is.  And proof the apple pie doesn’t fall far from the tree.


97 Comments

  1. andrea meyers says:

    I too have just spent many many many evenings reading 95% of. every. post.
    I am stunned, that a year after this was written, NO ONE has asked fellas father what a “true square” is!! hello, it is alluded to above, and what he heck is a Nanaimo, wait, I will google now. Please, how can we go on, not knowing what “true” squares are?

  2. Leslie Zuroski says:

    Definitely wish everyone who makes peanut butter cookies would be sure to add the traditional fork marks on the top, my husband is deathly allergic to peanuts.

  3. evilbunnie says:

    Also, after pondering the possibilities of “anatomically correct” gingerbread, I see the wisdom of the “no-nuts” rule.

  4. evilbunnie says:

    I would like to see a recipe for Cranberry Hootycreeks. ASAP, please, I have cookie heresy to commit!

  5. Heather says:

    I was so happy to see my favorite Oatmeal Raisin cookie made the list and I agree that TRUE Peanut Butter cookies MUST have fork marks. Anxiously awaiting true squares…

  6. Evalyn says:

    I fall on the snickerdoodle and molasses/ginger side of the fence. Sugar cookies with jam? Sorry, no. That’s a made-up cookie.

    Chips Ahoy, however, are not even food.

  7. Caroline says:

    I would really like to see these anatomically correct gingerbread people.

  8. Nan Tovar says:

    As always, gotta love the fella’s father! I also vote for a list of the “true squares”

  9. Sandra says:

    I didn’t know about the true cookies. Gingersnaps, home-made, are more of a true cookie than them fey sugar cookies with jam.

  10. Zom G says:

    I don’t get much time to enjoy the internet much anymore, but I am oh so glad I stopped in here today. The true and righteous gospel of cookies and pies and (soon to be?) squares? Just laugh out loud, make your family look at you like you’ve gone nuts, hilarious. 🙂

  11. Thera says:

    Ooooh I want a post on True Squares as well! I think Rice Krispies Squares is one of them!
    As for the cookies, I have to agree 🙂

  12. Ginny says:

    Your fella’s father sounds like an interesting man. And I mean that in the best way possible. ; ) Doesn’t mean I agree with him. But I would love to have a cup of coffee with him and talk about things. I’m sure that would be an interesting conversation!

  13. maria says:

    Oh no – I have to agree with fella’s father!

    The 4 on his list are the ones that my mom made us every year for the Christmas season, right down to the peanut butter cookies HAVE TO HAVE FORK MARKS, both horizontal and vertical — kinda scary isn’t it!!

  14. Liz says:

    Hmmm, I didn’t see ginger snaps on that list.

  15. Dana says:

    Karen, thanks for your fella’s father’s true cookie gospel. Keep the advice coming because I’m all prepared (see http://thecinderblocks.com/2011/11/16/brilliance-with-a-twist-orreinterpreting-a-tea-towel-apron/).

  16. Alanna says:

    Are those home baked cookies in that jar because they look like the kind that come from a package. The shape is too perfect.

  17. Bee-Naz says:

    Am I the only one who’s now curious to see Pop’s list of the “true squares”? I mean, if nanaimo bar is on it then it must be worth posting, right?

  18. LARPkitten says:

    I refuse to accept as truth any cookie list that does not include the heavenly angel of all cookies: the snickerdoodle. Fie, I say.

    • Lindey R. says:

      Is it possible he has never had a snickerdoodle? Surly, no one who has tried one would leave it off the list of true cookies.

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