It's almost Valentine's Day!! A holiday fraught with two of everyone's most favourite things - waxy chocolates and unfulfilled expectation.
To be a truly successful blogger you must, MUST celebrate each and every holiday with steroidal vigour. As if failing to create a St. Patrick's Day themed dinner party complete with live leprechauns glued to your wall in the form of a wreath will result in a man named Rocco showing up at your front door with a baseball bat and an unhealthy obsession with your knees.
Actually, scratch the baseball bat thing, if he's a blog enforcer obviously he'll beat you with a piece of a broken down pallet accessorized with some washi tape.
There are two other things crucial to being a successful blogger. I mean it isn't just about holiday frenzy.
The first being an ability to write. The second being an ability to photograph, manage, market, promote, beg, schedule, code, cry, recover, create, make, convey, invent and be perfectly content living for days on end without any real human contact beyond talking to your cat who you sometimes dress in pants because then it kind of feels like you have a co-worker, albeit a co-worker who never contributes anything significant to the business. So very much like upper management.
You get all those skillz down and you, my friend, WILL BE A SUCCESSFUL BLOGGER.
One of my attempts to make it into the world of successful bloggers was coming up with the cherry tarts I featured last week.
Why do these if I hate Valentine's day? As I do. Because WOOOOOOOOOOOO it's a holiday and we must all celebrate the holidays even if we don't like them and think they're stupid and would rather eat a bag of toenails.
#bloggerlife
The tarts are really good and really easy by the way. Nothing like a bag of toenails.
I do not like Valentine's Day. I think it's stupid and silly. And kind of embarrassing really; mostly for men. It's a holiday that at its heart seeks to point out that men, if unreminded, would go years on end, possibly even an entire LIFETIME without buying their wives cheap, skanky underwear. That's just dumb. Any men I've come across have to be reminded to NOT buy their wives cheap, skanky underwear.
Enter Valentine's Day, which conveniently and concisely reminds men throughout the world that nothing better assures a woman that she is loved and cared for, than a man coming home from work, pulling a newly purchased Valentine's Day card out of a plastic bag, signing it in front of her and handing it over with a self assured "I got you covered." smile. Once a year.
If the inventors of Valentine's Day were really serious about their job, the international symbol for it wouldn't be a heart, it would be the silhouette of a man with a drill and a romance novel tucked into his toolbelt while taking out the garbage in front of the whole neighbourhood wearing a thong. Handy, romantic, well read, funny, confident and helpful.
But because I'm a blogger and wish to maintain my status of successful blogger I spent a lot of time trying to come up with a good Valentine's Day DIY for this year. Maybe some food or a decoration or perhaps a recipe for how to make your own edible underwear. You know. Something classy.
I couldn't do it. Really the only Valentine's Day decorations I like are the super cheesy paper cutout hearts that you stick to your windows. You know, kindergarten type stuff. Which makes sense since I also like those old fashioned classmate Valentine's Day cards which are just a cutout of a slightly misshapen cartoon puppy holding a heart.
You'd have to have the cold, cold heart of a man named Rocco to not love that.
It's not that women don't like romance or grand gestures or even chocolate.
There's just something insincere about telling men, forcing them to prove their love through red roses and cheap chocolate on one of the 365 days in the year.
For most women the most memorable gestures of love rarely involve lace. Usually it involves a beverage. Like making you a coffee or pouring you a glass of wine, miraculously just knowing when you need it.
Maybe even on June 23rd. Or October 5th. Or noticing something that needs to be fixed and ... just fixing it. At the very least calling someone and arranging to have it fixed. Now THAT'S romance.
And don't even get me started on what a libido revver it is for a man to cup your chin in his hand as he draws your face close to his mouth and whispers "I want you to be in charge of the remote tonight."
So for right now, I've got nothin' for ya. No red wreath made out of cutout cupids, no chocolate beverage with a homemade heart shaped stir stick. No Valentine's dinner, dessert, printout or cutout.
Nothing.
But if you've learned anything from this post you've learned that doesn't mean I don't love you.
Amie Melnychuk
We've never been big on Valentine's Day for each other. And I like it that way.
Now that we have a daughter, we make it about her! The cheesey heart crafts, making cookies with extra icing, and the quirky cards to give to her classmates and cards to mail for friends and family.
Nicole
Do they still make those classmate valentines? Because that one? It's kind of awesome. I want to give them to all of my friends. Or at least to make it my FB profile pic (because giving them out actually sounds like work, and I'm dead set against work!).
Diane Amick
I'm sorry...but...I do have that husband that notices things that need fixing before I do and just fixes it. Or...gets an idea about constructing something that will make my life/time working in the garden/daily household chores/favorite hobby easier for me. He usually runs the idea by me first and then gets to work making whatever it is.... Been married to him for almost 47 years and wouldn't trade him for anyone/anything...not Tom Selleck or Brad Pitt. He's my one and only and I thank God for him everyday. He does love to surprise me whether its on February 14 or July 22 or October 4. I know he loves me and that means everything. He's a jewel!!!!
Kim
Love this. ❤️
Valerie
This entry has nothing to do with Valentines but is in response to the freezing and crazy things that are happening whenever I go to certain sites on the internet.
Of course bloggers will have sponsors and advertising on their sites which is the way they basically stay in business; blogging is not a charity driven pursuit after all.
However some sites have SO MUCH ADVERTISING it is my belief that your cursor or your computer really doesn't know where to begin or end basically. For example there was one site I used to attend regularly but don't any longer because whenever I would move my cursor down to continue reading I was swamped with various and endless requests to buy something - anything.
I no longer go to that site which is unfortunate as I quite enjoyed it but it became an exercise in frustation attempting to navigate the thing.
Teresa
My friend told her husband if he ever showed up with a Valentine gift there would be no sex for a year. Now there's a woman who seriously hates Valentine's Day.
I however do like those little classmate cards. And I thought it was rather sweet yesterday when my 93-year-old uncle sent me out to the store to get a heart of chocolates for his lovely bride of 70 years - and maybe at 90 years old a box of chocolates all to yourself is not a bad deal.
Eileen
Sensory flashback to the odd smell those funny little school valentines had...weird.
Meg
YES!!!!!
MindyK
I totally agree that most bloggers need to be whacked with a piece of pallet wood embossed with a cease-and-desist and that we need to be valentines (and carry the spirit of Christmas in our hearts) year 'round. At the same time, I like having a theme for my monthly mail to the college kids in my life. I enjoy sending silly cards to my girlfriends and candy to my mother. And I like getting roses from my husband, even though he sends flowers so often that when I walked into the florist last year, they said, "Oh, *you're* Mindy..." As a general rule, I like holidays--even the made-up ones. Yes, I can make a pie any day, but making one on March 14 particularly delights my math nerd son. Everyday life can be a little dull sometimes; handing candy hearts to a stranger or squirting green food coloring in my beer or mailing blue marshmallow peeps to my kid at college adds a bit of fun. I guess I need the structure of the "holidays" to remind me to step outside my routine for a few minutes.
Mindy
I agree with both the mobile version and Valentine's day. I feel the same about Halloween, but I have children, so I'm outnumbered.
Linda in Illinois
Spot on Karen, Valentines day is just a money steeling gimmick. True love is not shown in candy, flowers and underwear.
I comment on the computer at work (shhhh) and it always scrolls and looses the first replys, and then sits and blinks at me.
jainegayer
Yep, very overrated holiday! I'm cooking lasagna for dinner tomorrow night but my Valentine puts out my vitamins every am, walks my dog 5 times a day, does 95% of the cooking and then shoos me out of the kitchen when he starts cleaning up. He shovels the snow, fixes everything and grocery shops AND empties the dishwasher. He doesn't need to do a damn thing tomorrow. He does it all year.
pat
Ditto the above. I'll give chocolate to my spouse, son and daughter, but this morning my hubby lovingly brushed and petted our elderly cat for a good ten minutes. Warms the cockles of my heart. Men who show compassion / fondness to animals are the BEST!
Kim from Milwaukee
Amen to that!
Kell
I'l be brief. Same iphone, ipad issues. Tried typing this five times already. I'm now going to quote grumpy cat, "I celebrated Valentine's Day once. It was awful". ;) ❤️
Marianne
I too have some problems typing a comment on my Blackberry Classi. Tonight though seems remarkably trouble free. I do get strange things happening when I read the blog on the Classic. Suddenly the screen displays massive letters and it sort of freezes. Usually returns to normal display after 30-60 seconds. Bizarre. Sometimes the browser crashes as well. Better on my new iPad.
Karen
Good to hear Marianne! I've been working for the past 2 days on how to fix things. There may not be any posts written for next week, but the site will be smooth, lol. ~ karen!
Allison Gorham
Amen, Sister! And to all of your commentors..I, too, celebrate "valentine's day" ( lower case intentional....Cuz it's a TOTALLY made up holiday ) every day with my husband for many of the same reasons: coffee made every am, even though he doesn't drink it, wine every night, snow blown for 6 months of the year, lawn mowed, stuff fixed and built all year, dishes done every night ( ok...he can't cook...I have a culinary degree....I can't have EVERYTHING? ) and he satisfies in every other way, too!! That, my friends, is what love is all about...he gets a pass if he forgets the card on that stupid day.....
Centi
Six years since the cherry tarts? Really?
I believe we are old now.
Marilyn
I'm sitting here with my coffee that my husband made, eating my breakfast also made by my husband watching him do the dishes from last nights dinner.hes amazing and I'm so blessed,everyday is Valentine's Day when you have the right person in your life !
Monique
So hard to get the page to load:(
I wanted to read your thoughts..I will come back:)
Maybe a new ad? Today one was between each paragraph which seemd to jerk the screen?
Beckie
One of my best Valentine's Days (I was married for a few years already) was spent at a concert of local musicians with a group of friends that I passed out those kindergarten Valentine's to. It was so, so much more fun than a of the cheesy, over-priced "events" that will happen tomorrow.
Tomorrow will be spent at home, with our young niece & nephew. I think I will bake them a heart-shaped cake =)
bill keiser
You wouldn't be so pissy about holidays if you owned Hallmark stock.
Mo
I agree wholeheartedly Karen, although I did make Valentine's Day cookies yesterday, but they were mainly for me (a happy and grateful spinster) so that's ok. I'm having the same problem with my iPad. The reason I haven't left more comments. Thought it was just me. Have a great day!
Kat
WholeHEARTEdly agree!!!
Heather
True romance is when your guy dons his parka and snow pants and heads outside, yet again, to remove massive amounts of snow from the driveway.