Last week I received an unsolicited email from the fella's father.
He wanted to talk about squares. Not the mathematical kind, the edible kind. True squares to be specific.
That led to an email exchange about True squares which I would like to share with you now.
THE TRUE SQUARES
There are three true squares and one honourary true square. All other “squares” are nothing but overdecorated, unappetizing sugary horrors that ought to be scraped into the garbage at once. The true squares are:
The Nanaimo bar, aka the Mabel bar, perfection on a paper napkin, the pride of Vancouver Island and the only true square that doesn’t require baking.
The date square (real oats only, no instant porridge mix—ever.)
The brownie (NO NUTS!)
The honourary true square is the lemon square. I don’t like them myself and would sooner open up a vein with a rusty fork than eat one, but I put it on the list to show I am broadminded and open to new ideas.
With the exception of the Nanaimo bar, true squares require baking. If you’re making something with crème de menthe, Jell-o or Rice Crispies and the recipe says to refrigerate, you’re not making a square, you’re making a mess.
True squares should measure at least two inches per side. Church ladies take note: Nothing mars a funeral like the puny half-inch squares served up after the rites. Make them bigger.
This email prompted an immediate reply from me. What about the peanut butter square? Was that not a true square? It's either covered in chocolate, or at the very least offers a delicious chocolate base. What about this as a true square? Was there room on the list for this? Or fudge? If it was cut into a square was fudge not a square? What about a square of fudge? Or a coconut square? These all seem like viable options to me. What about them?
My email went unnoticed. He still hasn't replied.
Other than a single lined email that said "I'm giving true meats some thought." I haven't heard from him since. Last I heard he was seen wearing a tin foil hat picketing the doors of the hamburger bun factory that recently added a whole grain option to their product list.
Bottom Layer
½ cup unsalted butter (European style cultured)
¼ cup sugar
5 tbsp. cocoa
1 egg beaten
1 ¼ cups graham wafer crumbs
½ c. finely chopped almonds
1 cup coconut
Melt first 3 ingredients in top of double boiler. Add egg and stir to cook and thicken. Remove from heat. Stir in crumbs, coconut, and nuts. Press firmly into an ungreased 8" x 8" pan.
Second Layer
½ cup unsalted butter
2 Tbsp. and 2 Tsp. cream
2 Tbsp. vanilla custard powder
2 cups icing sugar
Cream butter, cream, custard powder, and icing sugar together well. Beat until light. Spread over bottom layer.
Third Layer
4 squares semi-sweet chocolate (1 oz. each)
2 Tbsp. unsalted butter
Melt chocolate and butter over low heat. Cool. Once cool, but still liquid, pour over second layer and chill in refrigerator.
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(recipe from the Nanaimo, B.C. website)
Laura Nazizmiec
I love the fella and fella/father posts...so funny. Keep them coming. Do not have any input about true squares because I like them all.
Ruth
On the strength of your pie post, I went in to the city fully prepared to picket my usual health food store for alcohol-free vanilla, but wadya know... I didn't have to. I am now the proud owner of alcohol-free almond extract too.
Now.... on to today's post... what can I use to replace custard powder (sounds 'eggy')? Will it still be a true square if I use regular chocolate?
(I already did the chocolate hunt for some other recipe... exercise in futility)
I've never had any of these squares, and I'd really love to try this one.
ruth
The Fella's Dad makes some valid points here and I'm inclined to agree. His open-mindedness to the lemon square is truly generous.
Anna
Horne's Custard Powder
http://www.canadianfavourites.com/Horne_s_Custard_Powder_p/hornes001.htm
Natika
Nice! If I can find custard powder around here somewhere I'll give these a go.
I gotta say that I disagree with the two-by-two rule though. I prefer a smaller square even if I end up eating two of them. LOL!
The Fella's Dad
Jerky is NOT a true meat. Get that thought out of your head right now. Jerky is a snack.
Susan Preston
You're right there! It's gross!
Ashley
Nanaimo Bars for the win! Representing my home town.
Feral Turtle
Lol!!
Suanne
What is vanilla custard powder, and where can I get some? And would the Fella's Father consider making a list of "true midnight snacks"?
Janet
Love it!
Tanya H.
This might oust Nanaimo Bars from the true square list, but due to grocery oversight, I once subbed Oreo crumbs for the graham cracker crumbs. Fan-freakin'-tastic.
qtpuh2tme
I LUV Nanaimo bars!! The first and only Canadian desert I've ever made. They are definitely time consuming, and oh-so-worth-it! NOM! ~:)
Mary Werner
Not familiar with custard powder - is it similar to instant pudding mix? A clearer picture of the Fella is emerging!
Marti
Mary, it's similar, but it's really its own thing: Bird's Custard Powder is often sold at World Markets, which sometimes carry it. Amazon has it, too, but Karen will probably want to give you the link.
Liz
We get Bird's Custard Powder here in the UK but it is basically vanilla flavoured (& coloured) cornflour (corn starch) which sounds a bit odd in the recipe. It would normally be mixed with milk & sugar and heated to thicken into custard sauce.
Jody
I think you should profile the Fella's father. Just saying he seems like an interesting fella.
Sarah In Illinois
Yes! Profile the Fella's Father!
Marti
Yeah, what THEY said.
Ruth
And so say all of us! :D
marilyn
i love the fellas father, especially since he included lemon squares..my personal fave. nanaimo bars..not so much. true meat! can't wait for that list! lol
Laura Bee
I hate to think what would have happened if the Fella's Father had ever come into the restaurant I used to work at. We made Nanaimo bars in a pie dish then cut them into wedges to serve.
Karen
Oh no! ~ karen
Marti
What? Where's the date bar recipe?
Seriously, so tickled with this list that I giggled for 2 minutes consecutively and then got hiccups.
IT
IS
12:24am... Karen.
Did I really need hiccups at this time of night?
I think we both know the answer to that one.
(PS: Are Nanaimo bars Canadian? I thought they were like the National Dessert of New Zealand or some place down under?)
Is jerky a "true meat"? Any idea?
Karen
Marti - I have broached the subject of true meats before and was shut down. There apparently will be no discussion of true meats. He seems kind of touchy about it. There may have been some sort of ham attack in his past I don't know about. ~ karen!
Marti
I just appreciate him keeping his lists to 4-5 TRUE items, whatever they may be. He doesn't lower himself to the degradation of something like "Homemade Samosas" or Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip cookies. Or Cherry Winks, for goodness sake. Imagine the shame of it all!
Raymonde
Nanaimo bars!!! Enough said.
susan Preston
Woo Hoo! We make all of these squares!!! Even the Lemon Square that just happens to be our most popular one... besides the Date and Brownie of course!! With no nuts I might add! Nanaimo bars are special and get made at Christmas time!! your father in law and I would get along just fine I think!! ;-)
Alisha
I'm soooo glad Nanaimo Bars are on this list. I woulda had to have words with the Fella's Father if they weren't. Can I just say though that Nanaimo Bars must be nut free as well? Nuts ruin the delicious texture!