Last week I received an unsolicited email from the fella's father.
He wanted to talk about squares. Not the mathematical kind, the edible kind. True squares to be specific.
That led to an email exchange about True squares which I would like to share with you now.
THE TRUE SQUARES
There are three true squares and one honourary true square. All other “squares” are nothing but overdecorated, unappetizing sugary horrors that ought to be scraped into the garbage at once. The true squares are:
The Nanaimo bar, aka the Mabel bar, perfection on a paper napkin, the pride of Vancouver Island and the only true square that doesn’t require baking.
The date square (real oats only, no instant porridge mix—ever.)
The brownie (NO NUTS!)
The honourary true square is the lemon square. I don’t like them myself and would sooner open up a vein with a rusty fork than eat one, but I put it on the list to show I am broadminded and open to new ideas.
With the exception of the Nanaimo bar, true squares require baking. If you’re making something with crème de menthe, Jell-o or Rice Crispies and the recipe says to refrigerate, you’re not making a square, you’re making a mess.
True squares should measure at least two inches per side. Church ladies take note: Nothing mars a funeral like the puny half-inch squares served up after the rites. Make them bigger.
This email prompted an immediate reply from me. What about the peanut butter square? Was that not a true square? It's either covered in chocolate, or at the very least offers a delicious chocolate base. What about this as a true square? Was there room on the list for this? Or fudge? If it was cut into a square was fudge not a square? What about a square of fudge? Or a coconut square? These all seem like viable options to me. What about them?
My email went unnoticed. He still hasn't replied.
Other than a single lined email that said "I'm giving true meats some thought." I haven't heard from him since. Last I heard he was seen wearing a tin foil hat picketing the doors of the hamburger bun factory that recently added a whole grain option to their product list.
Bottom Layer
½ cup unsalted butter (European style cultured)
¼ cup sugar
5 tbsp. cocoa
1 egg beaten
1 ¼ cups graham wafer crumbs
½ c. finely chopped almonds
1 cup coconut
Melt first 3 ingredients in top of double boiler. Add egg and stir to cook and thicken. Remove from heat. Stir in crumbs, coconut, and nuts. Press firmly into an ungreased 8" x 8" pan.
Second Layer
½ cup unsalted butter
2 Tbsp. and 2 Tsp. cream
2 Tbsp. vanilla custard powder
2 cups icing sugar
Cream butter, cream, custard powder, and icing sugar together well. Beat until light. Spread over bottom layer.
Third Layer
4 squares semi-sweet chocolate (1 oz. each)
2 Tbsp. unsalted butter
Melt chocolate and butter over low heat. Cool. Once cool, but still liquid, pour over second layer and chill in refrigerator.
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(recipe from the Nanaimo, B.C. website)
What about Rice Krispie Squares? They don't need to be baked, and they're pretty classic. Yes, I have small children.
I LOVE that you guys call them squares instead of bars.
Well, I just got home from a weekend in Canada and I had these and didn't even know what they were called. They were delicious. I had a sneaking suspicion they had coconut in the base and I was right - yay! (although I don't care for coconut, this was the one exception - the cream layer and chocolate layer far outweighed the coconut). Now, to find custard powder - never heard of it.
So if a "Nanaimo Bar" is actually a square why aren't they called Nanaimo Squares?
And more importantly, is the qualification of a "Square" determined by it's ingredients?
I think not!
While we are solving world problems does anyone know at what size a tart becomes a pie if everything else is equal.
All my life 'Nanaimo Bar's' have always been in rectangles! One side has always been longer, never a square! The name is correct! Don't worry, no conspiracies here!
Dear Karen,
I have a secret need to see a photo of the Fella's Father.
Right now I'm seeing Albert Finney meets Peter Falk.
Am I close?
Nanaimo doesn't sound like a true square. It sounds like someone has a bias towards something they like but that sounds rather gross. Coconut and custard powder? Yuck! I don't know what a date square it, but I'd venture its similar to my mom's raspberry jam bars which have a layer of preserves inbetween crumbly oaty layers.
No, Nanaimo bars are standard in Canada. It is not just the Fella's father. Don't knock 'em till you've tried 'em!
Yes, your mother's jam bars sound similar to date squares.
And another thing: peanut butter has NO PLACE in a square. Peanut butter goes in a cookie, on toast or between two slices of bread. Duh!
These are the squares that I'm making today. No baking involved. I first tasted these while visiting some folk who lived out in the country. I remember it well, because as I was having tea, a big brown horse was standing at the picture window, nose pressed against the glass, watching me. I call them Microwave Healthy Squares:
Melt 1 cup chocolate chips in microwave with 1cup of peanut butter, 1/2 cup butter. Mix, then add 1 cup sunflower seeds, 1 cup dried coconut, 1 cup chopped nuts , 1 cup wheat germ, 1/2 cup raisins or dried cranberries , maybe 1/2 sesame seeds if you have them. Mix all together, spread in buttered 8 inch pan, put if fridge till set, then cut in 1 inch squares. Really good, freeze well. Sort of square/ fudge.
You can't call fudge a square. Fudge is not a square. It is one of the true Halloween candies.
I'll chime in here - fudge is a Christmas treat. And also, why are brownies a square? I thought squares always had at least 2 layers. Methinks the lemon is true & the brownie honourary.
Lemon squares, oh yes. Adding "date squares" to the requested recipe list. So yummy, even if far too sweet.
OK Mr "broadminded and open to new ideas"..Why not fudge..Karen said what about fudge..We always cut our fudge into squares here in the US of A..fudge is good and comes in many flavors..I guess you need to re-think this one don't you Mr Man..So there..
Because "fudge" is "fudge." It's so good it's in it's own category!
Peanut butter squares ARE squares too! Do we have to start a facebook page for peanut butter square lovers?
I have to say that I have a recipe for Nanaimo that requires baking the bottom layer - just sayin'. And I'm breaking up with the fella's father if turkey isn't on the true meat list. You can warn him, we're not currently speaking (well, technically we never have, what with us being total strangers).
OK How do I say Nanaimo? In case I decide to make them, I don't want to sound like an idiot.
nah-nye-mo.
No disrespect to The Fella's Father; he is entitled to his opinion how ever misguided it may be. Come on, coconut squares?
Tell me more about the lemon ones sitting on the edge of squaredom....?
I am now sitting here wondering what the definition of True Meat is? If jerky isn't, then where is bacon?
Cocoa Powder?? As in unsweetened Cocoa Powder? Popular brands are Hershey's, Ghirardelli, and Scharffen Berger.
Hershey's is aways around, I not sure how common the other 2 are. Probably very common, considering where I now live, the more esoteric and expensive it is, the better it is be down wid dat.
"but I put it on the list to show I am broadminded and open to new ideas."
Ha! This is why we tolerate (and by tolerate I mean dearly love) the Fella's father. And, I agree with many others, he needs to be profiled and not just by the FBI. ; )
Hmmmm. Squares. Guaranteed to raise the blood sugar instantly. But so tasty. Methinks perhaps that the fella's dad is a transplanted "Limey". and the custard powder is none other than the legendary, "Bird's". I have a can on my shelf. The church ladies know how to stretch a pan of squares to feed a multitude. But I agree that there's nothing more delicious than a 2 inch square rich, dark, chocolate brownie. And why did date squares used to be called Matrimonial Cake? That's something I've always wondered about.
Love hearing from the Fella's father! However I'm curious... does he only eat 'true' food items?
Oh my gosh, I am so thankful he honoraried the lemon square; I'd have offered to open his veins with a rusty fork for him, otherwise. Obviously, those are my favorites.
I can solve the problem of the mini-square, though. It's a mathematical trick: If one square should measure 2"x2" (which, in the American Midwest is considered mini, as their full-size squares are 4"x4"), a proper lady or gentleman can only eat one. However, if said square is then cut down to .5"x.5" pieces, they become bite-sized and a proper lady or gentleman can eat six to eight bites before being seen as vulgar. Six to eight bites of .5"x.5" squares has a greater mass than a single 2"x2" square. So, pretty much, you get to be a pig while looking delicate! It's an awesome trick, really.