Yeah, it’s true. You could actually be eating your corn in a way that gives people the wrong (or maybe right) impression of you. Like you didn’t have enough to worry about in life.
You’re at a family BBQ or street festival and you innocently pick up a piece of corn on the cob to eat. Raising it towards your mouth, butter dripping from your wrist to your elbow, you take your first satisfying bite.
So far so good. You’re on track. But be careful because curious eyes are on you the moment you start your second bite. Everyone is watching to see what you do next.
You of course don’t notice because you’re busy concentrating on the sweet bursts of flavour, the satisfying crunch, the pillowcase sized piece of corn wedged firmly between two molars.
Will your next bite take you …
Straight across the cob in a line?
Or around it in circles?
For this you will be judged. It’s a well-known fact that how you eat your corn is the best way to tell if you’re demented.
If you eat your cob straight across like a typewriter chances are you’re pretty stable. You fold your clothes when you put them away, own a Golden Retriever and can generally be counted on to pick your spouse up from the airport on time without challenging anyone in the parking lot to a cage match.
You’re eating corn the right way. The way almost everyone eats corn.
Anyone around who’s watching you can relax and enjoy their day.
If, on your next bite, you choose to start going in circles, you’ve got trouble.
If you eat your corn around the cob in circles it’s a clear indication you could go rogue at any minute. You’re a hippie, a wild child, maybe even an artist. You’re basically immoral and everyone watching you knows it. YOU have parking tickets. Unpaid parking tickets. And you probably drank kombucha when everyone still thought it was a poisonous alien life form.
But you’re not a complete lunatic.
Those are even easier to spot. Those are the peckers. The people who randomly lift the cob of corn to the general direction of their face and wherever their mouth meets the cob, they bite.
If you eat your corn in a non-sensical pattern, you’re giving a warning sign to everyone around you. One bite here, one bite there, another bite over on the other side until your corn on the cob looks like it has meth mouth.
Once anyone at the BBQ sees you eating your corn like this, you might as well get your fill of everything within arm’s reach. Pack smoked ribs into your purse, dump a potato salad into your pants … whatever you need to do, because you’re not going to be invited to another grilling get together ever.
I eat my corn straight across like a typewriter. I know you were wondering. And I’m wondering about you.
HOW do you eat your corn? This is an informal poll and the information will not be held against you in a court of law. Just the court of public opinion.
Have a good weekend. Eat up!
I am apparently insane, Lol!
A little bit OCD
A little bit Hippy
And (new to me) a whole lot of Meth Mouth!
But as long as there is loads of butter and a generous shake of salt,
I am considered harmless ;)
I am a combination of typewriter and circling, in true Gemini fashion ♊️☯️
Ditto!!
: )
But then somewhat obsessively I’ll go back to “clean up” spots I might have missed. I’m a terrible housekeeper, but my cobs will be neat and clean.
Round and round of course!
Typewriter style. I don’t have any parking tickets, but I did drink kombucha long before it was trendy.
Typewriter then round to grab anything I missed.
Me too!
Typewriter style I think. Though I probably deviate from that pattern on occasion for some random reason.
Ha! Meth mouth…..it’s 2 a.m. and I just chuckled so hard I woke my husband!😀
Off the cob for me. Can’t stand it in my teeth.
What do they say about the “off cobbers” , I wonder??
I mean, I didn’t even want to get into that. They’re WAY too sensitive to be called out in any way. ~ karen!
LOL 😅😂
You sound like my dad!
Who have you been speaking too??
LOL 😅😂
;) ~ karen!
Around and round she goes, that’s how we all ate it back home. However I don’t fill many of those other descriptions for that type of corn eater. Well OK, I am & always have been a wild child. And I don’t have any parking tickets. Lunatic, well, not quite but only when someone cuts me off on the freeway, then lookout! You’re mine!
Gulp, sigh: meth mouth
Oh dear. ~ karen!
😂😂😂in circles alternating with a straight line if I feel I’m being watched 😂
How do you have so much wisdom?😹😹😹 I laughed so loud that my husband came running to see what was the matter. (Away to the window, I flew like a flash. Tore open the windows and threw up the sash. Too early? 🌲❤) Lol. I eat my corn like a proper lady (typewriter). I am not an animal. 🐰🐧🦘
I shall think of you as Lady Charissa from now on. ~ karen!
Round and round baby! Used to drive my dad nuts.
Around and around and around….it’s the only way not to let any butter drip off!
Yes! This is why I think the around and around method is more logical, it’s basically a way of continually basting the rest of the cob as you eat. Furthermore, it is essential to have the cob ever so slightly angled downwards towards the uneaten end for the same reason.
I like non chewy corn,old person,so I attack randomly,attempting to find those little kernels that taste great- just the right amount of chewy-ness, not the ones where the skin gets caught in a tooth, usually a front tooth which adds to the look of demented-ness. I am glad you have reverted back to profundity-you had wandered into somewhat shallow albeit very amusing territory of topics.
Hi Judy! Old corn is chewy and starchy. And by old I mean just a few days old. If you can get it from somewhere that picks it every day like a farmer’s market then you won’t have that trouble. ;) ~ karen!
Typewriter. However, I have a technique where I use my lower teeth to initiate the bite, levering the kernels out. Much cleaner rows. I’ve been told I end up with the cleanest cob people have ever seen!
I do that too!. The cob is nice and clean when im finished.
Me too! I was just trying to decide how to describe it, and you’ve done it! I hate all the corn mushed into my teeth – this is an incredibly pleasing way to eat corn on the cob!!
DITTO……..DING!!
Goals! I mist try this method!
Currently I’m a typwriter-style eater.
Can’t wait to try this!! I’m surprised that my OCD tendencies didn’t kick in years ago to help me discover this trick!! Oh, dear! My bottom teeth aren’t straight! Will it still work? Hahaha. Tx for this!!
Mind blown! I’ve always wondered how people got their cobs so neat and clean without a piece left on it, when I always left it looking like a mess. I thought it was because my top and bottom front teeth don’t align together. Will have to try this and see if I can finally get a clean cob. Sooo many years of being embarrassed because of a raggedy messy cob, lol.
I mean, I wasn’t sure whether to say anything, but even here in my town people talk about your raggedy messy cob eating approach. ~ karen!
LOL. Well that’s a skill you might want to consider footnoting on your resume. ~ karen!
Howcdomyou know it’s not? 🤣🤣🤣 🌽
Typewriter. But my three year old leaves meth mouth, which is my new favorite description.
Typewriter and I have two Golden Retrievers. Although, most toddlers eat corn the chaotic way and have probably never tried kombucha. Most are artists though.
Typewriter all the way!
typewriter say to about the middle if it is a huge cob, continue type/eating back and forth and get at the other half later. maybe go around for the second part. or not.
never peck. eek.
Munch-munch-munch Ching!
Clear up both ends (around), and then straight across to finish.as, in back and forth..
That’s how I eat my corn! Its cools on the ends first.
Ooh Patti!!
Me too!
That’s how I do it too. Then the ends become the “handles” so the buttered cob won’t come flying out of my hands!
Typewriter style- with an occasional deviation to scoop up any butter about to drop.
I miss your weekly menus.
I eat the ends first, round and round.
Then I eat from there across.
I’m a rebel. A Bohemian rebel.
Ha, ha to Fannie Mae. I take the same approach, different tactic. I eat one row like a typewriter to give more purchase for my bottom teeth to go round and round after that.
OMG! That’s what my husband does! I thought he was kookoo! I cant wait to tell him he’s not alone in the universe.
That is my way. Gives you more grip space
Someone else said that to me a couple of weeks ago! ~ karen!
What did they say to you? That you are a kookoo? LOL Your corn-on-the-cob blog made me chuckle. Thanks! Oh, btw, I eat mine like a typewriter….most of the time! I’ve experimented though – ha!
What did they say about you? That you are a kookoo? Or that you are alone in the universe? LOL BTW I eat mine like a typewriter, most of the time. I have been known to experiment! Your blog made me chuckle. Thanks!
I eat my corn on the cob by taking it OFF the cob and then consuming it with a utensil because I don’t have the emotional fortitude that cobs require.
Omg. U r hilarious
Absolutely! My mother was a control freak, plus grew up during the depression…on an Iowa farm. When I’d eat corn, she’d look at the cob afterward and say, “you missed a half a kernel here…be more careful, there are starving children in China”! So at a very young age, I cut my corn off. I’m much less stressed and less heartburn.
I do the same………………… something my grandpa used to do and then he mixed in butter and marmite (similar to vegemite/bovril).
LOL! ~ karen
my dad doesn’t have front teeth, so we always had it cut off the cob and eaten with a fork.
I always go around just like everyone else I know. I’ve never seen anyone eat it like a typewriter, though. I think you most likely have the first two mixed up. The third way is spot on.
Sorry, Hippie, I mean Linda.😂
Well, I have tried kombucha, so there’s that. But I also have a golden retriever. He’s a mix though so maybe he fits the hippie in me. The meth mouth method though – I think I would have to order them away from the table.
Well, I have tried kombucha….
You’ve never seen that?? What kind of free-willing commune do you live in? :)
No, lol. The first two aren’t mixed up, lol. You’d better start hanging around different people. ;) ~ karen!
Typewriter…ALWAYS!