How You Eat Corn-on-the-Cob Reveals Everything About You.

Yeah, it’s true. You could actually be eating your corn in a way that gives people the wrong (or maybe right) impression of you. Like you didn’t have enough to worry about in life. 

Karen Bertelsen holding a wooden crate and standing in front of tall stalks of corn growing in the garden.

You’re at a family BBQ or street festival and you innocently pick up a piece of corn on the cob to eat.  Raising it towards your mouth, butter dripping from your wrist to your elbow, you take your first satisfying bite.

So far so good. You’re on track. But be careful because curious eyes are on you the moment you start your second bite. Everyone is watching to see what you do next.
 
You of course don’t notice because you’re busy concentrating on the sweet bursts of flavour, the satisfying crunch, the pillowcase sized piece of corn wedged firmly between two molars.
 
Will your next bite take you …

Straight across the cob in a line? 

Or around it in circles?

For this you will be judged. It’s a well-known fact that how you eat your corn is the best way to tell if you’re demented.

A corn cob that's been partially eaten in a straight line on a white background.

If you eat your cob straight across like a typewriter chances are you’re pretty stable.  You fold your clothes when you put them away, own a Golden Retriever and can generally be counted on to pick your spouse up from the airport on time without challenging anyone in the parking lot to a cage match.

You’re eating corn the right way. The way almost everyone eats corn.

Anyone around who’s watching you can relax and enjoy their day.


If, on your next bite, you choose to start going in circles, you’ve got trouble.  

A corn cob that's been partially eaten in a circular fashion on a white background.

If you eat your corn around the cob in circles it’s a clear indication you could go rogue at any minute.  You’re a hippie, a wild child, maybe even an artist. You’re basically immoral and everyone watching you knows it.  YOU have parking tickets.  Unpaid parking tickets.  And you probably drank kombucha when everyone still thought it was a poisonous alien life form.

But you’re not a complete lunatic.


Those are even easier to spot. Those are the peckers.  The people who randomly lift the cob of corn to the general direction of their face and wherever their mouth meets the cob, they bite. 

 

A corn cob that's been partially eaten in a random manner on a white background.

If you eat your corn in a non-sensical pattern, you’re giving a warning sign to everyone around you. One bite here, one bite there, another bite over on the other side until your corn on the cob looks like it has meth mouth.

Once anyone at the BBQ sees you eating your corn like this, you might as well get your fill of everything within arm’s reach. Pack smoked ribs into your purse, dump a potato salad into your pants … whatever you need to do, because you’re not going to be invited to another grilling get together ever. 

I eat my corn straight across like a typewriter.  I know you were wondering.  And I’m wondering about you.

HOW do you eat your corn?  This is an informal poll and the information will not be held against you in a court of law.  Just the court of public opinion.

Have a good weekend. Eat up!

 

 

How You Eat Corn-on-the-Cob Reveals Everything About You.

131 Comments

  1. Jeanne Draachreider says:

    I grew corn for the first time in my life this year. I had about 60 or 70 stalks, way too much for just me and my hubby, but my adult kids love corn. They came and picked, and had a huge corn feed. I wasn’t there but how I wish I’d seen this article first, I would have showed up and taken videos of how everyone ate their corn. It was a big feed too, including all the extended family and in-laws. Could have tagged the unstable ones. Hahahahaha. BTW, I’m typewriter style.

  2. Shelly says:

    TYPE-ER-WRITER! I think I will start making the little *ching* noise when I hit the end of the cob. Made delicious Bobby Flay grilled corn the other night with butter and cayenne salt. Like a chipmunk, I ate it so fast it was flying off the cob.

  3. Shelly says:

    TYPE-ER-WRITER! I think I will start making the little *ching* noise when I hit the end of the cob. Made delicious Bobby Flay grilled corn the other night with butter and cayenne salt. Like a chipmunk, I ate it so fast it was flying off the cob.

  4. Michael says:

    I’m with Bob. A round off both ends to provide a secure grip and then side to side.

    What does it say about you if you use those little corn handles?

  5. Linda in Illinois says:

    I eat my corn both typewriter and round. Never meth mouth, that’s just wrong and unreliable. Assume those that do it that way have no control over their life and possibly unorganized. Oh the horror! They could not be at my table. 🙃🌽

  6. Bob HG says:

    Go around both ends, creating “handles”, then rapid fire IBM Selectric typewriter. Butter. Repeat.

  7. Andrea says:

    I am a typewriter girl but my madness shows up in the way I go across. After the first row I use my front teeth to pull the corn out row by row. Whole. So I don’t have any of those corn pieces still left in the cob when you bite them off. It’s cleanly shucked when I’m done (except for the opening row)

  8. Librarian Nancy says:

    Around the ends so that the cob cools enough to hold it, then across. And I have a Golden Retriever, I’m extremely stable to the point of being boring (been a librarian and lived in the same house for over 25 years), and always fold and put away the laundry.

  9. Julia says:

    I’m all over the place 😂

  10. Jane says:

    I can’t believe the comments I’m reading! Particularly like Gail’s comment about being “of a certain age”. At least we all know how to use some electronic device to leave comments. 😀

    It used to be that whenever we had corn on the cob, we had to share it with one of the cats. She would appear from nowhere, loved biting down on the tip and chewed, sometimes dropping kernels all over. She had no interest in the dropped kernels. It’s not the same eating corn on the cob now that she’s gone.

  11. Tim says:

    You didn’t address the people who slice it off the cob?

  12. Emily says:

    Typewriter for me. However, this past Monday we had some guys straight from Korea over for dinner and did a cookout in grand Labor Day style, including corn on the cob. The grilled India recipe Karen shared, if you must know. I thought for a while maybe the Koreans didn’t know what to do with the corn, so I set the example and picked it up with my hands. Instead of following my lead, they held the cob down horizontally on the plate with their forks and used their steak knives held parallel to the table to cut the kernels off. They may have then used chopsticks to eat the corn, by then I was eating grilled pineapple and had better things to do than watch.

  13. Barbara Kemp says:

    Typewriter! I grew up on a farm and we never wasted anything!

  14. Donna says:

    I eat it straight across. (as I recall. I haven’t eaten corn on the cob in years.)

    That third way is downright disturbing.

  15. Fannie Mae says:

    I eat round and round on the ends. Then typewriter it out.
    Then peck to gather any kernels that I may have missed.

    I’m a rebel. A Bohemian rebel.

  16. SuzNKton says:

    I don’t eat corn. Ever.

  17. Deb says:

    After the initial first rows across to open up the cob, one row at a time. I love when each kernel just pops off. Delicious.

    • Eva says:

      This! I do what I have to, to get started and then pull them off one kernel at a time! I usually start of going around at the ends until I can get a row to come off cleanly. Lol I don’t know where that puts me

  18. Brita says:

    Like my grandfather: Put a big blop of butter on the butt end of the corn, start there and eat all the way across like a typewriter. Put another big blop of butter on and so on and so forth. The typewriter method is how America learned to do it thanks to Saturday morning Looney Tunes cartoons.

  19. Bonnie Harris says:

    Typewriter, but I sometimes cut off the first row so less corn flies up my nose. Last night I tried the round-and-round method though, I don’t know what got into me! (Word to the wise, don’t Google image “meth mouth”. You’ll be so glad you didn’t.)

    • Lez says:

      Haha! How to make everyone immediately Google Meth mouth! I genuinley don’t know what one looks like! Karen’s picture of ‘that’ cob!?

  20. Becky says:

    I never knew anyone, other than toddlers who don’t follow rules anyway, that eats their corn any way other than typewriter style .
    This is a thing??

  21. Kathryn says:

    I have a cute pink corn-remover (looks like a hole saw drill bit in a bowl). It takes the corn off very efficiently so I can put it on my plate and eat like a grownup.

    I was just imagining how hard it was for you to eat the wrong ways to take the pictures.

  22. Jack Ledger says:

    And why were the corn cobs afraid of Jimmy? Because Jimmy cracks corn and he don’t care!

  23. Gail says:

    We must be all of “a certain age” since no one asked what a typewriter is!

  24. Mary Kathleen Rocha says:

    Typewriters the real question is: left to right or right to left?
    Which way do you swing?

  25. Jenny W says:

    I am apparently insane, Lol!
    A little bit OCD
    A little bit Hippy
    And (new to me) a whole lot of Meth Mouth!
    But as long as there is loads of butter and a generous shake of salt,
    I am considered harmless 😉

  26. Sabina says:

    I am a combination of typewriter and circling, in true Gemini fashion ♊️☯️

    • Eileen says:

      Ditto!!
      : )
      But then somewhat obsessively I’ll go back to “clean up” spots I might have missed. I’m a terrible housekeeper, but my cobs will be neat and clean.

  27. maura says:

    Round and round of course!

  28. Marguerite Floyd says:

    Typewriter style. I don’t have any parking tickets, but I did drink kombucha long before it was trendy.

  29. Raena says:

    Typewriter then round to grab anything I missed.

  30. Kate says:

    Typewriter style I think. Though I probably deviate from that pattern on occasion for some random reason.

  31. Carrie says:

    Ha! Meth mouth…..it’s 2 a.m. and I just chuckled so hard I woke my husband!😀
    Off the cob for me. Can’t stand it in my teeth.
    What do they say about the “off cobbers” , I wonder??

  32. Sam C says:

    Around and round she goes, that’s how we all ate it back home. However I don’t fill many of those other descriptions for that type of corn eater. Well OK, I am & always have been a wild child. And I don’t have any parking tickets. Lunatic, well, not quite but only when someone cuts me off on the freeway, then lookout! You’re mine!

  33. Mimi says:

    Gulp, sigh: meth mouth

  34. Kmarie says:

    😂😂😂in circles alternating with a straight line if I feel I’m being watched 😂

  35. Charissa says:

    How do you have so much wisdom?😹😹😹 I laughed so loud that my husband came running to see what was the matter. (Away to the window, I flew like a flash. Tore open the windows and threw up the sash. Too early? 🌲❤) Lol. I eat my corn like a proper lady (typewriter). I am not an animal. 🐰🐧🦘

  36. ESA says:

    Round and round baby! Used to drive my dad nuts.

  37. Ella says:

    Around and around and around….it’s the only way not to let any butter drip off!

    • Sally says:

      Yes! This is why I think the around and around method is more logical, it’s basically a way of continually basting the rest of the cob as you eat. Furthermore, it is essential to have the cob ever so slightly angled downwards towards the uneaten end for the same reason.

  38. judy says:

    I like non chewy corn,old person,so I attack randomly,attempting to find those little kernels that taste great- just the right amount of chewy-ness, not the ones where the skin gets caught in a tooth, usually a front tooth which adds to the look of demented-ness. I am glad you have reverted back to profundity-you had wandered into somewhat shallow albeit very amusing territory of topics.

    • Karen says:

      Hi Judy! Old corn is chewy and starchy. And by old I mean just a few days old. If you can get it from somewhere that picks it every day like a farmer’s market then you won’t have that trouble. 😉 ~ karen!

  39. Patricia S. says:

    Typewriter. However, I have a technique where I use my lower teeth to initiate the bite, levering the kernels out. Much cleaner rows. I’ve been told I end up with the cleanest cob people have ever seen!

    • Patty H says:

      I do that too!. The cob is nice and clean when im finished.

    • carol says:

      Me too! I was just trying to decide how to describe it, and you’ve done it! I hate all the corn mushed into my teeth – this is an incredibly pleasing way to eat corn on the cob!!

    • Jennifer says:

      Goals! I mist try this method!

      Currently I’m a typwriter-style eater.

      • Carol says:

        Can’t wait to try this!! I’m surprised that my OCD tendencies didn’t kick in years ago to help me discover this trick!! Oh, dear! My bottom teeth aren’t straight! Will it still work? Hahaha. Tx for this!!

    • Dana says:

      Mind blown! I’ve always wondered how people got their cobs so neat and clean without a piece left on it, when I always left it looking like a mess. I thought it was because my top and bottom front teeth don’t align together. Will have to try this and see if I can finally get a clean cob. Sooo many years of being embarrassed because of a raggedy messy cob, lol.

    • Karen says:

      LOL. Well that’s a skill you might want to consider footnoting on your resume. ~ karen!

  40. Sara Cox says:

    Typewriter. But my three year old leaves meth mouth, which is my new favorite description.

  41. Letty Regan says:

    Typewriter and I have two Golden Retrievers. Although, most toddlers eat corn the chaotic way and have probably never tried kombucha. Most are artists though.

  42. virginia ritchey says:

    Typewriter all the way!

  43. bev out west says:

    typewriter say to about the middle if it is a huge cob, continue type/eating back and forth and get at the other half later. maybe go around for the second part. or not.
    never peck. eek.
    Munch-munch-munch Ching!

  44. Patti Shiels says:

    Clear up both ends (around), and then straight across to finish.as, in back and forth..

  45. Chris says:

    Typewriter style- with an occasional deviation to scoop up any butter about to drop.

  46. Laura Nazimiec says:

    I miss your weekly menus.

    • Fannie Mae says:

      I eat the ends first, round and round.
      Then I eat from there across.

      I’m a rebel. A Bohemian rebel.

    • Karen says:

      Someone else said that to me a couple of weeks ago! ~ karen!

      • M’Liss says:

        What did they say to you? That you are a kookoo? LOL Your corn-on-the-cob blog made me chuckle. Thanks! Oh, btw, I eat mine like a typewriter….most of the time! I’ve experimented though – ha!

      • M’Liss says:

        What did they say about you? That you are a kookoo? Or that you are alone in the universe? LOL BTW I eat mine like a typewriter, most of the time. I have been known to experiment! Your blog made me chuckle. Thanks!

  47. Ann says:

    I eat my corn on the cob by taking it OFF the cob and then consuming it with a utensil because I don’t have the emotional fortitude that cobs require.

  48. Linda says:

    I always go around just like everyone else I know. I’ve never seen anyone eat it like a typewriter, though. I think you most likely have the first two mixed up. The third way is spot on.

  49. Angie says:

    Typewriter…ALWAYS!

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