Those are the words I said out loud at least 17 times today as I decorated my house for Christmas, for the second time in as many weeks.
The official Art of Doing Stuff Christmas House Tour will be on Monday as scheduled. But the house will look nothing like it does at this moment. Because this weekend I changed it all.
I don't mean that I moved this ornament from here to the incrementally better position of over there, I mean I took an Eames lounge chair apart to make my Christmas decorating better.
I hauled furniture around, moved chairs, buffets and benches.
I. Am. Ridiculous.
It started out fairly innocently as far as situations like this go. On Friday night I thought I'd try moving the two big orange chairs in my foyer to either side of the fireplace in my living room.
These are the chairs I'm talking about. This photo is from my Christmas decorating LAST year. I cannot remember if it was from round 1 or round 2. Yes. There was a round 1 and round 2 of Christmas decorating last year as well.
It's a thing. I have a thing. I'm just not right and I accept it.
It was just before midnight (my favourite time to rearrange & the time I am most likely to SNAP as I told you about when I took a sledgehammer to my living room this spring).
Also, Friday night I was amped up on Peppermint Patties and the unfulfilled mood that follows watching mediocre television.
So I moved the chairs. The chairs looked great!
Except now my foyer had the other chairs (from the living room) in it. They looked not great. An Eames lounge chair and a big velvet armchair seeming to take up a lot more space than they did in the living room.
This is the moment I should have put everything back the way it was. This is the moment sanity should have prevailed. Instead, sanity wandered out the back door leaving me in charge.
I heaved a sign of resignation and went to bed; assuming, hoping that I would wake up sensible. I did not.
I only had work planned for Saturday and not something important like getting a new kitten or pressing flowers so I allowed myself to be led around by my very ridiculous, unsensible self.
Would you like to save this stuff?
We'll email you this post, so you can refer to it later.
I started by staring down the 2 chairs and ottoman in my foyer. The Eames chair I could maybe deal with. It's the heavier, but the smaller of the two chairs. I could potentially get it upstairs into my bedroom.
At this point in the story imagine a lot of heave-ho-ho-hoing going on. Things being moved here, then back, then turned around and upside down. Nothing worked, every time I moved things around it just kept looking like a different kind of mess.
But the two chairs in the living room were perfect for Christmas and I was committed to making this work for at least the next 2 weeks. Everything can go back the way it was after Christmas. I just need to find somewhere for these 2 living room chairs until then.
The front porch? Felt a bit Sanford & Son, but I wouldn't rule it out.
In someone else's house this might not be quite as big of an issue. People have extra bedrooms, garages, even big sheds that they could put at least one chair into. But my house doesn't have any of those things.
My house has a space issue.
That topic of space is going to come up again in a few days by the way.
By my favourite time of day, dusk, I'd made the house presentable enough. Not so wonderful that I'll keep it this way, not so wonderful that it doesn't make me itch a little, but not so bad that I'm motivated to change it all back.
In the end I lifted the big velvet chair into the dining room. That was a lot more stressful than I'm making it sounds as it involved a church pillar, swear-crying and lots of other traumatic things I don't have the energy to recount.
The Eames lounge chair - I took apart. The only place it could possibly go was upstairs. There or on my kitchen island.
Being a very large lounge chair that I was wrestling up the stairs of a very old house, something had to come apart to make it work. Yes, I considered taking apart the stairs because that is the OBVIOUS choice for someone as unsensible as I.
But in the St. Nick of time my sanity blew back through the back door and I took the legs off of the chair instead at which point I could easily get it and the ottoman upstairs. All in the name of Christmas decorating.
This is my longwinded way of telling you there's no puzzle today. Unless you could this look into my puzzle of a brain.
For you this is good news because it means, yet again, there will be 2 Christmas house tours this year. The first tour tomorrow is a photographic tour of my first decorating experience of the year.
And the second tour will be a video tour of my house which I'll tape and post on Christmas Eve like I did last year.
I'm hoping what I'm looking at right now will be what you'll see on Christmas Eve - but I'm not promising anything. I've been having some ridiculous thoughts about my dining room table.
p.s. I just bought a second Christmas present for myself. In addition to the whittling kit, I just ordered something that's been on my wish list for 2 years - an International reference book for clipping and grooming poodles.
Kristin Smith
I totally get it. I will spend far too long staring at the Christmas tree, and my housemates ask what are you doing? There's something missing, or something off, I respond. They say it looks fine. This all leads to minor imperceptible changes to most people, but I can tell the difference. Eventually the tree seems balanced, and my inner brain critic is quiet(er).
If you have this problem with the chairs again, I'd be happy to have an Eames lounge chair for two weeks around Christmas. Lol. You just have to drive it over to me in Michigan, and I have plenty of room for it. It's my dream chair.
John Naismith
My brother's flight arrives in Buffalo in 30 minutes and I am still cleaning, waxing furniture moving everything and wiping brick-a-brac down with a wet cloth, washing floors and putting up the decorations as I go. What did our mother's do to us????? I will finish on time, except the kitchen...... Karen you always make my day!
Sabina
Go Bills!
Karen
You know! You understand my particular brand of crazy. It's a Sunrise in the 70's thing. ~ karen!
Mary
You are doing this for your brother? Your mom did a really great job! My husband’s sister has refused to speak to him for over 13 years (who’s counting?).
Have a wonderful Holiday! PS: Karen’s insanity is a gift that keeps on giving.
Catherine Powers
Oh Karen! SWEAR CRYING! Every holiday that requires hauling in decorations. That’s me. Lots of head slapping as well. I’ll tell you though, I’ve got two spare rooms upstairs and that means even more shifting and shuffling. BUT, I usually always love the end result. Thanks again for SWEAR CRYING, my favorite new phrase!
Cannot wait for the final reveal!
Teddee Grace
I'm so glad I'm not the only who does this. This year I decided to clean out the large storage closet in my apartment after I had already completed my winter decorating. I did this for two reasons. I knew I had stored some winter decor in there that I hadn't seen for about five years, and I wanted to make space for my laundry hamper that had been pushed out into my bedroom as the storage closet got filled with more and more plastic bins of decor. It has taken me a week to accomplish this and now, since I found all of this lovely winter decor, I can redecorate at least my bedroom where I had been reduced to using the leftovers. I may be doing this on Christmas eve. Looking forward to seeing what you've done.
Karen
Don't look forward to that - it may end up exactly the way it was in another day, lol. Oh boy. ~ karen!
Linda in Illinois
You go girl. Patiently waiting.
Marilyn Meagher
Am I the only one that’s pissed about no puzzle ?
Van
Probably. But if your head is about to explode, just go to https://www.jigidi.com/ and have at it.
Marilyn Meagher
You didn’t detect the note of sarcasm there ? I can live without the puzzle.
Van
Not really, but then, comments are "social media" and other than Karen's readers have a pretty low bar. Sorry not to get you - I rarely make comments, even here, so maybe I lack the skills. However, I do fiddle on Jigidy at times when I'm really sick and need to distract my brain and that's also where Karen makes her puzzles. So it's not a bad place to play. Happy holidays to you and yours! Van
Deb from Maryland
You do you Bebe! I understand "the voice in my head needs this" situation, plus you never have to worry about dust collecting underneath anything. win-win Your Christmas decorating is always spot on - both ways - the first is better and then the second is better. Have a great time hosting your family!
Deb
Cheryl
We have taken apart a staircase railing in order to get furniture upstairs. We bought a post-war house in Halifax, and when it came time to move in, we couldn't not get the mattresses upstairs. When we viewed the house, it clearly had a king bed in one bedroom and a queen in the other, but there was no way they were getting upstairs with the rail on.
It took very little effort to disassemble the stair railing, so we determined that was what the previous owners had done as well (the balusters were barely toe-nailed in).
The stairwell was open-concept until 5 years later, when we sold the house! But when reconstruction happened, my husband made it removable and easily replaced for the next homeowner.
Karen
Oh!! Your husband is a good man and I hope the new owners appreciated that touch. ~ karen!
Cara M Powers
Well - one can clearly see that because you are capable to take chairs apart and move things around, YOU DO IT! Let's look at the positive: you like to make changes and you proceed. Not so with some of my friends. Something is put in place and never moves. Well after dark is a very fine time to move things around. Good luck with the final arrangement. Oh, and holiday wishes to Phillip who is no doubt loving the action. Cheers.
Karen
When he sees me starting to move things or stand and stare he hops up on the sofa because he knows it's a long day or night ahead. ~ karen!
Amber Erkiletian
For some reason this post has brought to mind an old news article I read about a snake-guy. You know, one of those guys who has snakes as pets. He was being interviewed about his boa constrictors. He mentioned that once his largest snake had gotten out of its cage and gone missing in his apartment. When asked what he did about the missing snake, he said ‘I moved.’
I totally get the 6-day rearranging of every single detail plus sledgehammer.
I spend Christmas elsewhere. Otherwise I’d start to feel like my house had missing snakes in the air ducts.
And I would move.
Karen
I've always thought I'd do the same thing if I saw a rat in my house. Just move. ~ karen!
/anne...
I'm jealous, but in a nice way.
Because the owners of my home are moving in, I have to move out by 8th January (that's an improvement on the original date, which was 2nd January).
Also, I only found somewhere acceptable at the last minute, so I'm hoping I have enough stuff shifted to cook a big Christmas dinner (duck AND vegetarian) with no disasters, and I'm desperate to get the Christmas tree up because, damn it, if I have to live around boxes at Christmas, at least I want a tree, glitter and lights.
This will also be the second summer in a row where moving stopped me planting veggies (I'm in Australia, which is also why I put the full stop after the bracket). I also would like to actually sew some new clothes, and use my loom and spinning wheels. Instead of packing/unpacking/packing/unpacking...
So that's why I'm jealous of anyone who doesn't have to figure out if they have Christmas then move, or move then have Christmas. Last year it was Christmas then move; this year I realised it had to be the other way around.
Three moves in 16 months has done my head in.
So I will live vicariously through your gorgeous Christmas decor, and look forward to your perfect pictures.
Merry Christmas!
Karen
3 moves in 16 months is significantly more work than my idiocy. Good luck with the duck and the vegans! You can do it. ~ karen
Chris W.
Am I the only one who got exhausted just reading this post? You seriously have a great sense of style so please don't stress about this decorating - take it slow and easy ...have a gallon or so of wine, and call it good! Can't even tell you how much I look forward to your posts. Entertaining and informative, as usual.
Karen
Thanks Chris. :) I woke up this morning and thought ... no it definitely cannot stay like this forever, but it's nice for Christmas. ~ karen!
Darlene
I have such a difficult time reading your posting on my phone e....
Karen
Hi Darlene. You just have to click the X on the lower ad to close it if you want more viewing space. :) Because your text is set to be so big, you only get to see a few words per line. If your text was set larger you'd have a whole paragraph there. I assume you need the text that large, so just click the X on the ad like I said to get rid of it. :) ~ karen!
Randy P
Karen-Karen-Karen. You're NOT completely holiday redecorating ridiculous, I'd guess more like 75% ridiculous and 25% nutz. I could be mistaken. PLEASE buy a pair of those level 5 kitchen cut-proof gloves for handling those wood handled razors used for whittling. Them boyz iz mighty sharp and you should leave the bloodletting to the professionals at the health clinic. Been there, suffered accordingly. lol
Karen
Yeah, and I do have a habit of slicing myself open fairly often. It's how I always end in up the urgent care. ~ karen!
Kay
Lol. Yeah, a chisel is how my sister nearly self amputated her thumb. It was the same day Granny died. (Mom said, "We are Not taking her to THAT hospital.")
Eating restaurant food is taking your life in your hands.
EC
This photo would make a good puzzle…
Karen
O.K., I'll remember that for next week. ~ karen!
Laurie
Karen, you are completely sane except for not calling that gorgeous hunk boyfriend of yours. Idris would have been happy to help.
There is every reason to take apart the furniture to create a more pleasing arrangement! I’ve done it many times but can’t always use the furniture again afterwards.
Can’t wait to see both versions. I’ll especially let you know if I like #1 better.
Merry Christmas!
Laurie from San Francisco
Karen
Idris would have been able to move everything around by simply giving it a look and charming it into place. ~ karen!