Does browsing through Instagram leave you feeling like your life took a terrible, terrible turn at some point?
Mine doesn't. I mean look at me. My life is FANTASTIC.
You thought you were doing alright but as it turns out, your husband is a loser, your kids the spawn of South Park and your house looks like a centrefold for the latest issue of You're such a loser and you have such bad taste. The shame you must carry around.
You, your life, and your family are all an embarrassing failure. You know this for a fact because ...
Instagram and all other social media platforms tell you so. Case in point.
At Christmas you did not, even ONCE, get the whole family in matching footie pajamas to gather on your bed to play board games and eat popcorn while laughing maniacally and tickling each other. Didn't. Happen. Once.
In the fall you didn't walk through an apple orchard with perfectly tousled hair while holding your bearded husband's hand. And even if you did who the hell was going to be behind you and happen to take a picture of the event as it unfolded at sunrise?
And your vegetable garden actually has weeds. Loser.
None of this would have bothered you one bit in your life before S&M (social media) but now it eats at you. You wanna know why it eats at you?
IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE BEING TRICKED.
Here's why what we see on Instagram and other social media platforms can send us into a tailspin.
When you flip through a magazine you know that you're looking at ads that have been produced. When you watch a tampon commercial with some woman dancing through a field of lavender while holding a puppy high over her head you know it's fake. It's an advertisement. You know there was a photographer, a lighting specialist, hair, makeup - it was a whole production.
This woman doesn't routinely dance in puppy-filled lavender fields. She's working. She's an actress or a model or if the ad is particularly low budget, maybe the wife of the producer's loan shark.
Her job is to create whatever tampon fantasy the advertiser wants her to. We don't believe this is her real life.
But with Instagram we do.
Bloggers, influencers, even average people are "just being themselves" on Instagram. So it's easy to get roped into the belief that this is them.
In turn, it's easy to become depressed over your life and anxious that you're not living up to the potential you could. YOU could be vacationing in a fantastically appointed castle atop a palm tree covered mountain on a remote island no one's ever heard of. With an INFINITY POOL!
But you're not. You're at home planning your next big trip to the dentist.
Would you like to save this stuff?
We'll email you this post, so you can refer to it later.
Are they real people these bikini wearing, hand holding, pumpkin spice latte drinking apparitions of Instagram? Yes. Are they being themselves? No, not entirely. They're portraying themselves, - their brand - which is very different.
We perceive the matching pajama wearing Instagram life as real life because it's real people. They're just better people than we are. Right?
Wrong. Obviously. Even when we smartly and astutely understand that these social media photos and videos by bloggers and influencers are staged and fake and not even close to being a representation of how they actually live, we sometimes can't help ourselves from wondering where it all went wrong for us.
When I still posted to Instagram, I tried to be realistic about what I showed.
It's really my house. It's really my garden. It's really me. But a tiny bit better sometimes. I made an attempt to brush my hair or clear the half eaten bowl of dried oatmeal off the coffee table.
Also I'm kind of lackadaisical about having my bras hanging off of doorknobs so they often pop up in the background of my photos.
The picture of me with the apples up at the top of the post? That's not me. Why the hell would I be picking apples in a vintage floral dress. Even if I was, why would I plop myself down on the grass with an artfully arranged basket of apples and grin like a simpleton up at a camera that just magically appeared over my head?
But did I share that photo on Instagram? YOU BET I DID. LOOK HOW CUTE I LOOK! Like Cameron Diaz only cuter.
It got 511 likes.
Then I shared these pictures of that time I watched a YouTube hair curling tutorial and thought I'd end up looking like Charlize Theron ...
... but ended up looking like Barbara Bush on crack at a hoe down.
Guess what? This photo? It got twice as many likes. Over a thousand.
I really don't go on Instagram much anymore. If it was still a photo sharing app, I might, but now it's reels of people making cakes in 30 seconds or changing into 15 different outfits by jumping up and down.
So yes, Instagram Reels are also not real.
Instagram photos inspire me, motivate me and sometimes yes ... irritate and anger me. You too? K.
That's when you have to stop and remember the tampon lady. She's not real. And neither is a lot of what's on social media. As long as you remember that you can enjoy it instead of getting angry at it. Or your life. Or your throw pillows that don't match.
So while you're scrolling thorough your favourite social media feeds this week wondering why your living room doesn't have pom poms or your husband doesn't want to heft you over his head in the middle of a pumpkin patch like all the other Instagram husbands do, remember ... behind every Cameron Diaz there's a Hoe Down Barbara Bush.
With her bra hanging off of a doorknob somewhere out of sight.
Suz
The destruction of public and private properties in the name of getting that perfect shot.....it makes me want to weep. Holiday pictures that involve the death of flowers that got stomped, memorials that got stood on while people smirked at their cameras....even animals that died from being handled. We are so self centered and disingenuous. I know, I am ranting. Sorry. Hit a nerve there.
Audrey
I'm with you, Suz. Self-centered was a good word.
So many people seem totally unaware of their surroundings and the consequences of their actions. I don't think they are disingenuous because that would imply a certain amount of self-awareness ;-)
Got a kick out of Karen's post though, as well as the comments!
Rebecca
I think this could be said about Facebook as well. All my friends seem to have perfect children who attend or are attending college, jobs they love with managers who praise their work daily, and friends who take three or four fabulous trips a year. The dinners out almost every night with their adoring "hubby" is the norm for them.
Meanwhile in my reality, my daughter, her boyfriend, and their very hairy fur babies moved back home. My last trip was to the market, adoring hubby, nope.
I actually found myself sinking into a depression because my inadequacy according to FB friends.
Thanks for keeping your blog real Karen. For those of us with weeds in the garden, you're a breath of fresh air.
Jeanne Boardman
Best thing all day....Barbara Bush at a hoe down!
Cheri
And on crack!!! 😆😆😆
Penny
Agreed! Genuine laugh out loud moment, startling the family.
Lynn
You know, I know someone like those pictures you described and oddly, I don’t like her that much because she’s like that.
And this is as close as I get to social media (well, plus a neighborhood site) because I Have A Life! And enjoy it.
Thank you for the vote in favor of reality!
Sherry (BTLover2)
I’m case I haven’t said in awhile... I love you!
Karen
I love you too Sherry! ~ karen
ecoteri
I have given up on Instagram. for some reason, it is optimized for smartphones. I don't use the inter web on my phone, so Instagram drives me crazy ( as does facebook) . what happened to thing in order? If I try to look at my facebook feed, it force-feeds me what some stupid algorithm thinks is what I want. same with instagram. I don't even bother with IG on my computer (and don't 'do' it on my phone) because the algorithms used aren't working for me. sorry to sound grumpy, but can I please have my world presented in a timeline that makes sense to me, rather than curated by some stupid AI bot?
OK, RANT MODE MOSTLY OFF ((except I let all caps take over))
PegB
I totally agree. I think IG is worse since the IG traitors sold out to FB. FB censorship is a problem and it seems they brought to IG. Accounts are being shuttled so far back I quit looking because when I do find them it is from 4 days previous. I don’t think real people are in charge anymore; AI has taken over. It may be the newest Frankenstein.
Audrey
Yes! Nice to know I'm not the only one who is totally frustrated by Facebook (I have never even tried Instagram). Seems like every time I want to go back to a post to read it again, it has disappeared, and I have kept my Friends list to a minimum. Or I click on something and end up somewhere else and can't get back to the post I was on....grrrrr!
I read Karen religiously, but the comments are also a big draw!!
Jenny W
...aaand this is why I follow you, both here & on the Gram :)
Suzanne Heslep
You are a rare woman...beauty, loads of talent, and wonderfully authentic!
I can’t recall how I came to be familiar with your blog but every time I read it, it’s like a breath of fresh air!
You doing life, epic or fail is what bonds your readers to you...that is the realness we connect with.
Thanks for you just doing you!
Kristen
Suzanne, I'm sorry that your experience has been that it is rare to find a woman who has beauty, loads of talent, and is wonderfully authentic. I've found that most of the women I've met have been beautiful (in many different ways), talented (again, in many different ways), and authentic (all in their own way). Although we haven't met, I expect you're one of them!
And it can be difficult sometimes, but I try to remember that I too am beautiful, talented, and authentic. :)
Kole Morgan
I'm sorry but that's outrageous.
Bra's go on the bedknob not the doorknob!
Karen
You're absolutely right! While I would normally agree, I've been known on occasion (every single day) to snap at about 7 o'clock at night and wriggle out of it no matter where I happen to be in the house. Nearest doorknob gets it. ~ karen!
MaryEllen
You’re HILARIOUS 😆. I will however be looking for the hanging bras in your posts from now on!
Marie Anne
Haha! Me too! It's like a game now 😂
Caroline Whittaker
I get irritated by the word 'influencer', but I don't feel any angst when I scroll through Instagram, maybe because I don't follow many 'influencers'. I follow A LOT of cats /kittens and also artists (because I'm trying to learn how to paint). When I post a photo it's BECAUSE it looked great, not that I made it look great in order to take an Instagram photo. I post photos of my paintings because I want to see if anyone likes them or has comments (obviously only interested in those from real people, rather than bots). Ultimately, you only have to see a Celeste Barber post to get a dose of reality!
Debra Prince
Barbara Bush on crack at a hoe down!!! Best laugh of my day so thanks. I am not on Instagram or even Twitter so I am pretty safe from the I'm a Loser syndrome. But I do have Facebook which, I guess, is only mildly annoying when it involves someone's lunch and pretty good for keeping up with friends far away.
Laura Lee Mistycah
One of the reasons I LOVE your blog is because YOU and the content YOU present is REAL! Keep it up girl, real is what this world is desperate for and sooooo lacking!
Jacquie Gariano
I totally agree. We need your "brand" of reality. Keep up the real Karen.
Kristin Conley
Thank you Karen for a dose of reality!
Even the word 'influencer' sets my teeth on edge.
I actually remember the before the days of email when I truly was climbing up the top of Pyramids, hiking the high peaks of the Himalayas and stalking rhino and tiger atop an elephant! (I might have a photo of that one someplace...
But my feet aren't in it)!
Ha!
sera
Yeah. "Influencer" - that really says it all doesn't it. Who wants to be influenced by an influencer? ugh.
Lisa
You’re real... and great... and really great. Thanks, I needed that.
Debbie from Illinois
I totally agree!
Jean
Me too!!! This is classic. I want to show my daughters:)
Peter
I liked the video on how to kick start your dead Ryobi battery mixed in the blob text.
Kmarie
This is exactly what I needed. I was literally thinking all angsty Instagram thoughts (of if I should go off but also it does fill something good too at times) and this post put humour and words to my inner existential insta crisis . Lol . Sometimes it’s nice not to be alone in musings and to have someone funny make it less serious then my typical overly thinking serious brain makes it out to be ... thank you.
Sincerely
Karen
Hey! You're welcome. It really is great for inspiration just take it all with a grain of salt Or box of salt. Or a salt lick. ~ karen!
Caryl Hodgdon
OMG I was just about to get nasty and say "but that's what you do"! Then I got to Barbara Bush on crack, peed my pants a little while laughing and remembered the real you! You are the queen of all things domestic, artistic, stylish, craftish (?) and best of all you make me lsugh-often. Thanks
Linda
I love pom-poms and do have some! But yes, fall into the loser category described. I think TV sit coms cause the same problem, as a child I couldn’t understand why house/family/school wasn’t like as shown on TV.
Karen
The difference is sitcoms are "entertainment". Fake. Instagrammers are real people so it can be confusing for our little brains, lol. But I completely understand what you mean about sitcoms! :) ~ karen!
Lesley
No smart phone = no Instagram. Easy peasy.
Sarah Baranek
Oh baby -- you hit it on the HEAD !! I don't even own a cell phone! Nor do I have cable [YES I live in suburbia]. We don't bother with news programs because they tell us what to be mad at TODAY -- waste of time. I waste ENOUGH time on the internet as it is! Easy peasy, you said it !!