Ode to an Ikea Hot Dog
An original poem by Karen. © 2010
Oh, Ikea Hot Dog …
I love your warm and floury bun,
I love the cost from which you come.
I love the paper that is your sheath,
I love the mustard with which you tease.
I love your innards all full of beef,
I love the way you make me sleep.
For after a day of shopping and meals,
I always come home and nap – for reals.
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Kleenex anyone? Kleenex? You’d have to have a black, black heart not to have a tear in your eye after that one. Please contact me if you are interested in a live reading of the Ikea hot dog poem. I’m available for University graduation ceremonies, summer camp “spaghetti nights” and cat baptisms.
I’ve been enjoying Ikea hot dogs for years now, but it wasn’t until recently that I was clever enough to go rooting through their garbage to find out what goes into them exactly. After figuring out all of the ingredients (and cross-checking these ingredients casually with the unsuspecting 14 year old behind the hot dog counter) I now have for you the absolute Ikea Hot Dog recipe. Uh, formula? Instructions. Whatever it is, you can now make your very own Ikea Hot Dog at home.
Ikea Hot Dog Ingredients
White Wonder Buns (not the enriched kind), Schneiders All Beef Wieners, Heinz condiments.
The Method
Steam your hot dogs in a pot with no lid. They only need to be warmed up really, so 3 or 4 minute should do it. Add your buns to the steamer during the last 15 seconds or so. Open your bun up before you put it in, otherwise the steam will act like a catalyst that turns the white flour into glue making it impossible to open.
The Finished Product
Stick your wiener in a bun and top with the Heinz condiment of your choice. Not French’s mustard … it must be Heinz. Same goes for relish and ketchup. The full effect is truly accomplished if you find you’re able to um … distract the Ikea Hot dog counter person by say, knocking over a tray of swedish meatballs and then grabbing a few of those crinkly paper sleeves when they aren’t looking. Because they’re busy cleaning up meatballs. Or calling security.
I realize that these hot dogs only cost 50 cents, but you never know when an Ikea Hot Dog craving might come. What if it comes at 8 o’clock in the morning when you wake up and your hair’s all messy and you don’t feel like brushing it (which you would have to do if you were to drive to Ikea for your morning hot dog)? What then? Well, you’d be screwed, that’s what.
Now you have all of the tools and instructions you need to make yourself an Ikea Hot Dog any time you want. Watch for my next post on stylish ways to wear the often under-utilized Moo-Moo.
Your post actually made the “breakfast hot dog” sound like a good idea!
“My tastes run more to gravad lax….”
Well, that is the first line of my ode – strangely, I can’t get a second one, What went wrong?
OK Karen – this takes the cake, the dog and the trophy for all out wackiness. Should I ever decide to have another cat, you will be the first I call to recite poetry at said cat’s baptism.
If you ever need a recipe hack for the festive Starbuck’s Peppermint Latte let me know…I have this among others 😉
Too funny! I didn’t think there was anyone who loved Ikea hot dogs as much as me!! (The only thing better is a good street dog.) I figured out my own way to make an Ikea dog a couple years ago while working on a house reno one summer, it was the perfect jobsite food – cheap, tasty, filling and fast! All we had on the construction site was a microwave and a small fridge. I bought the maple leaf hotdogs that come in a box and each hot dog is individually wrapped, like little condoms. You stick two of them in a microwave for 47 seconds, then stick the buns in the micro for about 6 to 8 seconds. Remove the steamy weiners from their wrappers and put in the warm buns. Done in 1 minute. Top with heinz mustard and relish. Never ketchup, because ketchup never goes on hotdogs. As a bonus we were a stone’s throw from the wonder bread factory outlet (Weston’s) so we got fresh baked buns, half price. BTW, there’s also a weston bakery outlet right next door to the Ikea in Etobicoke. Coincidence? ; )
Hah! The day I went to confirm the Ikea ingredients they were using Sunshine Bakery buns, but the kid confirmed they normally use Wonderbuns. Try doing this at home with the exact ingredients and method I’ve shown you. You’ll be stunned, amazed and in love. (with both the hot dog and of perhaps even me a little bit) I’ve been cooking hotdogs in the microwave for years. Mine normally get all crispy and crunchy tho. Not that I mind that, really. 🙂
Oh I will definitely try your stove top method – I’m soo impressed with your research! (The key with the microwave method was the wrappers,,,,they created steam so the dogs never got crispy. But its all in the timing,,,seconds count.) Oh, now I’m hungry……..
Hilarious! Can you figure out how to make those tasty cinnamon rolls? 🙂
Never been to IKEA even though there’s a HU-YUGE one about twenty minutes away.
Hot dogs should always be broiled or grilled until crispy. Always.
Karen you wreck me!!! Why do I often end up laughing out loud at your posts? Probably because your sense of humor and mine came from the same dark corner of the universe!!! Now I am going to have to make the 2 hour trip to IKEA and have a dog or 5 or 6!!! We are going to Houston this weekend, maybe I can convince my husband we need to visit theirs while we are down there!!!! He’s not the shopping type, but I can always convince him to sit in the car and play with his phone while I feed my addiction!!!! 😉
Hi Karen,
Right now Im pregnant with my 2nd child and craving Ikea hotdogs for weeks! Really hard for me bcoz there is no Ikea in my country (I had it at Ikea Singapore). So glad I found ur recipe :), hubby bought the ingredients ASAP and I will make it for breakfast tomorrow. So thanks for the recipe and all ur research, hope this will taste the same *Amen!
Ken! Glad to help. Hope your hotdogs work out. What country doesn’t have Ikea? Eep. And how does someone named Ken have babies? This is the most interesting comment I’ve received in ages, LOL! ~ karen
Karen, LOL im just a girl named Ken. My sister and her kids (boy&girl) first name are Ken too. So it almost a family name, LOL! I live in Indonesia, Jakarta. Its the capital city, but still no Ikea. Thats ok for the furniture (furniture in here are pretty cheap, even if handmade and teak!) But Im so sad for the loss of Ikea hotdogs, honest!
Today I already eat 3 hotdogs (besides a plate full of rice) and right now I try to order myself not to eat 1 more, cos its 10PM already! Seems I had this craving badly, huh? 😀
Love this! I get ikea hot dog cravings frequently. Now, I know!
And of course another hilarious post.
And….I still haven’t started work. Mind you, I’m self employed so my commute to the “office” is not far, but still, I really have a ton of back posts to read! But I can’t stop reading!!!!!
I am going to try your stovetop method but I have had good luck with the microwave. Put weiner in bun, wrap snugly in a paper towel with all parts covered, and nuke for one minute. Or less, it might be less than a minute. It steams the bun nicely and cooks the dog at the same time. You could put a bit of cheese on it before cooking as well. I’m not sure what brand of mustard I have at home so I’ll buy the Heinz for sure – it must be correct! What if my store only has enriched Wonder buns???
You are so funny – keep ’em coming!