I know I said I wasn’t posting again until the New Year, but I have one final piece of business to address.
please enjoy this photo of me pretending to relax
I was about to pack up my laptop and iPhone and iPad and old iPad and emergency old iPhone that I mainly use for streaming music, and super extra old iPhone that only has a battery life of 7 minutes – when I realized I hadn’t given you a list of what I intend to do on my time off between Christmas and the New Year. I can’t pack that stuff up for my official week off until I’ve given you my annual list of how I’m going to relax.
This is a burning question in your mind I’m sure, right up there with how many ice cubes you currently have in your freezer.
As someone who spends their whole life doing stuff, and loving doing stuff, I sometimes have to remind and/or force myself to relax. To sit back and rest my brain and body; allowing drool to cascade down my chin as I gaze at the television from the comfort of my workshop.
I mean couch.
How I Plan to Relax
- Handcuff my ankles and wrists to the front, left leg of my couch, forcing myself into a locked, permanent fetal position. Inform neighbours and family to ignore any pleading or screaming they might hear from December 26th to January 1st.
- Realize plan #1 might be incomplete and come up with a “safe word” in case of emergencies. Alert neighbours and family to my “safe word” – tinkle.
How I’ll Actually Relax
- Handcuff my ankles and wrists to the bathroom vanity. ‘Cause that’s just more sensible.
- Wean myself off of elastic waist band pants.
- Dig sparkles out of my scalp.
- Make a hand puppet out of my back fat.
- Do my nails. (organize by type and size)
- Learn how to use my new camera.
- Learn how to use my new dehydrator.
- Learn how to speak Chinese with a Russian accent.
- Clean up all the Christmas crap.
- Reorganize the basement to better accommodate the Christmas crap which may involve a jackhammer and drywall.
- Read a book. This book. (I’ve actually started it, I just need to finish it)
- Come up with 156 post ideas for next year.
- Contemplate whether it *really* matters if I finally throw out the frozen blob of something in my freezer I’ve been trying to identify.
- Refuse any and all New Year’s Eve invitations in favour of walking around the neighbourhood after dark so I can get a *really* good look inside other people’s houses.
- Sit. I’m really going to sit. Honestly I am. In a chair and everything.
- Order compression socks in preparation for my busy week of sitting.
- Maybe make a lasagna.
- Clean up, reorganize, declutter, get a new television for, streamline, cozy up, make perfect, make imperfect my office.
- Unplug. My coffee maker and give it a thorough cleaning.
O.K., that really is it for me until the New Year. I hope your time off is as relaxing as I’m planning mine to be.