I’m not exactly a Valentine’s Day fan – I’m more skull & crossbones than hearts & teddybears. But I am a fan of go big or go home, so please enjoy this ridiculously huge, candy filled homemade Valentine’s Day card tutorial.
It’s hard to pass by a bulk bin filled with the shining foil wrappers of Hershey’s Valentine’s kisses. They’re the only thing grocery store fluorescent lighting can actually make look good. On a whim I shovelled what I thought was about $10 worth (but ended up being $25 worth) of them into my cart and started planning.
I didn’t know exactly what I was going to do with them. All I knew was that only good could come from $25 worth of kisses. (Unless they’re kisses from a scabby, cocaine addicted prostitute. Only bad can come from that.)
A couple of days later, sure enough, I knew their purpose.
The actual card is two pieces of Dollar store foam core board and some construction paper.
The inside, a great big heart of Hershey’s kisses which through the magic of technology (a hot glue gun) can be plucked off the card and eaten.
DIY CANDY VALENTINE’S CARD
Want to make the most ridiculous Valentine’s Day card in the world? Here’s what you need.
3 lbs Hershey’s Kisses ($25-$30 depending on whether they’re on sale)
2 pieces of foam core board
Construction paper (2 sheets of black, 1 sheet of white)
Hot Glue and gun
1. Lay Hershey’s kisses onto foam core board in the shape of a heart. I chose to let the red fade into the pink at the bottom. Just fool around with it.
2. Once you’re happy with the look, lift each kiss up, put a very small dab of hot glue* on the bottom of the foil and stick it back in place on the board. Continue until all the kisses are glued down.
3. Cut a 6″ wide strip of white construction paper lengthwise. This will be the spine of your card.
4. Lay your card heart side down with your other piece of foam core 2″ to the right of it. If you’d like the back of your card to be black like mine, glue a piece of black construction paper onto the back of the foam core on the left. (the one with the chocolates on the other side of it).
5. Glue your strip of construction paper on both side of the foam core to form your spine. You need the 2″ space between the foam core boards to allow room for the candy inside.
6. Decorate the front of your card with anything you want. I chose to cut out a black heart from construction paper.
7. You can also write on the heart with a white marker. Here are a few ideas.
I mean, I’d never use any of those cheesy sayings, but Valentine’s Day seems to bring out the cheese. Actually, I wish it would literally bring out the cheese because I for one would applaud any man who showed up at my door with a $75 block of cheese as opposed to a $75 bunch of red roses on Valentine’s Day. I would applaud him, grab the cheese, shove him away, then shut the door. Because it’s my cheese and I don’t feel like sharing.
The total cost of this card is around $30 if you get your chocolates on sale. Which is probably about what you’d spend on a card and a small gift or box of chocolate anyway and THIS one is much more fun. Plus you can make it a custom Valentine. Write anything you want in it or on it.
If you think this is just a little too big, you’re wrong. BUT, I’m willing to bend here a little bit so if you’d like to make this card smaller, you could do it half the size with half the amount of chocolates and therefore half the amount of money.
These are two DIY gifts that I think would work really well for Valentine’s Day.
Is this a completely ridiculous Valentine’s Day card? Yes. Yes it is. But Valentine’s Day in general is ridiculous and as far as I’m concerned, any man who went to the trouble of making this for me as opposed to buying me overpriced fragrant roses knows the way to a woman’s heart is through her stomach, not her nose.
Unless she’s a scabby cocaine addict of course.
But for future reference? I’d still prefer the gift of cheese.