Do you Swear?

My mother doesn’t swear.

She’ll tell you that if you ask her.

Ask my nephew, when he was 6 years old though and he’d declare that “My gramma, smokes, drinks and swears a lot”.

At least that’s what he told his Kindergarden teacher some 30 years or so ago.

Of course my mother was mortified. He didn’t even mention her sassy fashion sense.

So I get my love of clothing, my migraines and my colourful language from my mother.

Unless you ask her.  In which case she’ll say she doesn’t know what the hell I’m talking about.

Of my two sisters, one swears and one does not.  As in, I have never heard her swear a word in my entire life.  Ever.  Not once.  Not even in secret I bet.  She also doesn’t drink, smoke or lie.  She’s no fun at all.

My OTHER sister?  She’s lots of fun.

Just kidding.  (but only if she’s reading this)

 

swearing

 

So tell me my little assheads. Do you swear? And before you answer no, think of the second thing that would pop out of your mouth if you were to smash your shin on a glass table. (I’m assuming the first thing would be Ow.)


178 Comments

  1. Cynthia Jones says:

    Yes, monkeybum, I do swear. My favourite terms of endearment for my husband are …’dogballs’, ‘donkeydick”and ‘bumnose”. He likes them all.

    PS Chippies Awaaaaay!

    • Jamie says:

      Those names are Amazing! My boyfriend and I have some very romantic pet names for eachother as well… He calls me FuckFace and I call him Shit Fer Brains (via text they become FF and SFB of course). So glad we’re not the only weirdos out there πŸ™‚

  2. Steven says:

    I don’t trust people that don’t swear.

  3. Donna says:

    I sure as hell do, dammit!

  4. Nancy Blue Moon says:

    Oh Hell Yeah!!!!!!

  5. Jamie Lynn says:

    like a potty mouthed sailor. and first words out of my mouth when i hurt myself is a string of profanities, possibly followed by an “ow”. then likely more profanities.

    cracks me up when (usually) guys in conversation say a “dirty” word and apologize for their language. if they only knew. i could swear them under the table.

  6. Cynthia Jones says:

    PS ….I love reading “Your comment is awaiting moderation”. I imagine you slicking your hair back firmly, donning a pair of black rimmed eyeglasses and a crisp white blouse, putting your feet on the desk, popping a pencil into your mouth and making management decisions on whether we have been too naughty. PPS If donkeydick is too naughty, feel free to edit.

  7. SusanR says:

    Yes, I do. A lot. At the Universe, about 10,000 times a day. Really, really bad words. It’s a very difficult habit to break. I’m trying. Just because I think there are more elegant ways of expressing things. But for now, …..

  8. Tracy says:

    As much as possible. Fuck is my favorite word. I’ve found that it works as a barometer and helps me filter people out. I like the word so much that my new website is ‘Brought to you by the letters W,T and F” Also on the main page……’If the word ‘fuck’ bothers you this is not the place for you.’
    So yeah, I’m in! πŸ™‚

  9. Miriam says:

    I make the truck drivers blush.

  10. shuckclod says:

    Yes, I do… But not outside of home unless pissed off. I do not smoke and drink 1 0r 2 a year. πŸ™‚

  11. lori jones says:

    oh ok you got me, yep i swear!
    and hers a sign i saw on the way home to night. The sign was on a flower shop signage
    “Gardeners are bed-wetters” I laughed out loud.
    and my husband thought it said “Gardenias are bed-wetters” and could not understand it. so i had to tell him it was gardeners,not gardenias. hahah

  12. West Coast Nan says:

    Yes, there are some situations where “Darn!” just doesn’t cut it.

  13. Sheri Braaksma says:

    On my computer desktop sits a little motivational poster I refer to when I have one of those “I’m swearing way too much” days. It reads “People who use a lot of swear words tend to be more honest & trust worthy, human behavioral studies suggest” So basically yes I do love to swear πŸ™‚

    • Sera says:

      Ha! I love it!
      I also seem to remember hearing about a pain study where they found out that swearing through pain actually does momentarily give your brain a sense of pain relief, where those who held their tongues were not so lucky. So maybe it’s more appropriated to swear first then say “ow”.

      • Molly says:

        Thank you for sharing and/or making that up. Now I know it’s self-healing to shout F%*# first thing when I’ve hurt myself. That’s good because I can’t seem to stop.

      • LeeAnne says:

        Sera, I saw an experiment on that on TVO documentary thingy probably based on the that or at least a similar study.

        http://ww3.tvo.org/program/193160/frys-planet-word
        (See Uses and Abuses)

        It involved timers and ice water and two guys. One was the host of the documentary, a normal, swears-a-little type but the other was a bona fide-crown-wearing Swear King (Brian Blessed).

        The result of the experiment clearly showed that habitual swearing dulls the pain killing properties of swearing. πŸ™ πŸ™

        I’m getting older and hurt myself a lot more now so I tried to stop swearing hoping to save aspirin money. Didn’t fn work. Now when alone and I bash myself, I bring out the big guns: “politically incorrect” words. The theory is that they are more taboo and thus more potent than overused swear words.

        For a really different swear, I offer my father’s favorite, the colourful and animated: “Snapping blue ass holes”. Makes me laugh every time I think on it.

  14. Paula says:

    Hell yes I swear. I think I’m getting worse as I get older too. But hey I just don’t give a #%&*. I’m fun too. I can’t believe there are no comments yet. Everyone must be in a turkey coma.

  15. Laura Watt says:

    I swear a lot, yet people are always surprised. I’ve had two midwives tell me that swearing is great pain management,

  16. kelli says:

    F*** in all its forms and functions, and son-of-a-b**** are two of my favorites, and are used often. Even today on Thanksgiving, when everything went wrong until I got to my destination! Tho it’s not good when you let fly at the office and suddenly realize your boss is standing behind you. Oops.

  17. SeaDee says:

    Hell-to-the-yeah I swear!

    Apparently not very becoming of a lady, as pointed out by an ex.

    I kicked him the fuck out. Lol

  18. Nicole says:

    Uhh…yeah! But not in front of my mom (and I’m 42 1/2).

    • Molly says:

      I’m in my forties and I will β€’neverβ€’ swear in front of my dad. And he has pretty low standards. We don’t say “fart.” I have to be very careful not to hurt myself in front of him.

  19. Cathy says:

    Shit fire and save the matches! I’d like to do it less, though.

  20. Grammy says:

    Oh, yes. Yes. Yes, I do. Of course. How can I not? I think your mom is just fuckin’ with ya. She probably giggles about it when you’re not looking.

  21. Heather says:

    I swear A LOT! My mother, however, does not. When we were kids we knew she was mad if she said, “What the SAM. HECK. is going on in here?!” If we pushed her to the brink, she would use “H-E-Double Hockey Sticks!”, and follow that with an emphatic, “Pardon my language!”

    I sh** you not.

  22. Jane says:

    Hell yea…getting worse the older i get, too! My dad cussed constantly..used to embarrass me…now I’m just like him….relieves a lot of stress…try NOT to in front of grandkids…but I slip once in a while!

  23. RadioRedHead says:

    Do I swear?

    Fuck yes. I swear too much. But I can reign it in when required. I work a LOT on the phone from home though with colleagues I’ve known for years so it flows freely. Of course when my audience changes I’m more polished. Or, I bring it out for effect, laughter or when it just slips. It’s work these days around the kids though. (Why is the urge stronger when you CAN’T let it out?) My 6 yr old scolded me yesterday for using a bad word. When I asked what it was I said, he said “the F word!” I thought: “oh shit”. And then he said “Frig! You said Frig”! I then smiled to myself and said “oh no I’m sorry” all the while patting myself on the back. I view “frig” as a WIN.

  24. Edith says:

    Well, I’m not proud of it. And I try not to do it. And I don’t like it when others nonchalantly pepper their normal conversational language with it. It seems primitive to me. However, when my shin hits that corner all bets are off.

    • Megan says:

      I’m with Edith (though that’s not to say that I haven’t or couldn’t peel paint if the right stars are aligned). I have a good friend who makes a point of not swearing, and that’s taken my edge off quite a bit.

  25. Jamieson says:

    I swear a normal, healthy amount at any time of day no matter what the condition of my shins, but I am fully capable of corralling my blue tongue when children or live TV cameras or Delicates are around. I am a lover of language and linguistics and all the words count for something. I vividly remember my grade 10 English teacher saying “you kids think you invented the F word, but it’s been around for centuries.” That made me embrace it even more, plus all the others.
    My mother swears somewhat less than me, unless cards or board games or cocktails are in play.
    I have never in my life heard my father swear, not even when it was well deserved. Weird, right?!

  26. Therese Bourne says:

    Oh yes I do, especially when driving.
    I swear too much around the children too. Once, when my husband and I were having a rather heated debate about DIY, one of my (then) 3 year old twin daughters interrupted with “Excuse me”. We ignored her and continued. The steam of “excuse me’s” continued.She started hopping about, fair curls bobbing, with her hand up. Finally, after a particularly insistent “EXCUSE ME!” I stopped and said in exasperated tones, “yes, sweetheart, what is it?” She said “Mummy, you said BUGGER!”

  27. Bernard Bryant says:

    I swear, curse or spew expletives with twisted delight (even when I’m really angry).

    I for one (or all) do not share my 7th grade English teacher’s opinion that using such profanity is a display of ignorance and points to a diminished vocabulary (or some such she-at).

    In fact, I find it a challenge to colorize my own points of view or spice up an otherwise dreary report with strategically implanted bleepers. It’s therapeutic as well as rhetorically effective.

    It’s my own form of artistic display, that only gets better amid family members where it reaches levels of competitiveness unequaled by professional sports.

    Except in front of Claire (the family matriarch). The F-bomb is THE Mega-taboo, sure to earn scornful glares and reprobations (not too mention deep-seated feelings of guilt) that can last for seasons on end. Thankfully, her hearing diminishes with wine.

    Cheers

  28. Lin says:

    Bloody well yes I do swear. Tried substituting words like frig, son of a beach ball, be-atch but it just isn’t the same. Ya need the ‘real’ word impact and feeling. Gave up smoking about twenty years ago. Never was a real good drinker but I do enjoy a drink now and again.

  29. Mati says:

    No I don’t swear unless you consider “oh shoot a duck” and “you suck egg mule” and “oh crap” swear words. One of my favs is dagnabbit! Just thought I would be the 1% on here that said no to the swearing you see there always has to be balance.

  30. mia pratt says:

    Well, @$%^ (&* @@$$!!!!!! and @!$%K

  31. Valerie says:

    This is a true story:

    When my son was in public school I went to a third grade parent teacher interview after Christmas. The teacher told me that prior to the holidays she had asked the class what they knew about Jesus. My son put up his hand and proudly announced to the class that he knew what Jesus’ last name was. Then curiously she asked him to tell the class. His response was Murphy.

  32. Sam says:

    I go as far as “crap” and “blast” for the shin-banging moments in my life. Anything stronger is reserved for really dire situations; my friends know that if shi*t passes my lips it’s a life-changing moment lol xxx

    • Karla says:

      Me too. I say “darn” alot also. But when I say sh*t my friends know to clear a path and wait for me to climb down from the ceiling.

  33. Pam'a says:

    Sure I do. It’s so common now, however, that it’s largely powerless.

    I like to recall the creative utterances of the women I knew growing up. My Aunt B. in particular, who was the kindest, most even-tempered woman I have ever known, would, in moments of frustration, murmur, “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph,” and many of the gals were known to ask What in the SAM HILL is going on? I always wondered who Sam Hill was.

  34. Lyn says:

    Yes, but not in the course of regular conversation. Fuck is the best word ever, it totally conveys either you are really pissed off or really hurt yourself. There’s no second guessing that word.
    My mother occasionally said shit but her favorites were “Got dandruff, sunk in a ditch you dirty basket”. Of course you have to say it with the proper gusto.

  35. of course, I swear. profanity is fun. once, in college, I was telling a story peppered with profanity within a large group of people. one of the girls didn’t appreciate my lingo; and asked if I needed to swear so much. the group went quiet and after a couple of beats I responded with “fuck you!’. everyone laughed. it was one of the coolest moments of my life.

    thanks, profanity!

  36. Amie Mason says:

    Yes! I’m Australian so it considered a national pass-time.

  37. Erica says:

    The first word that would pop out of my mouth would be something like godddamnmotherfuckingsonofabitchgodddamnmotherfuckingsonofabitch . The second word would be ow.

  38. Emily says:

    Hell yes! And when I really want to get my point across I used the F word. A lot.

  39. Rhonda Smartypants says:

    Obviously, at least from the majority of posters so far tonight, you’ve got a real bunch of potty mouth followers, Miss Karen. I include myself in this bunch and proudly so. I am in my mid-60’s and recall when it was unusual to hear a woman swear, at least not publicly, so it seemed to be something rebellious to do as a teen and in my early 20’s. My pace picked up as it became more acceptable. Today, I love to swear and know almost to the minute when I said, “Fuck” without reservation; however, I am so fond of words and all the ways they can be used that I am just as likely to say, “Fiddlesticks” with the same conviction. Go figure!

    • Pat says:

      Ha, ha! I use ‘fiddlesticks’ too; it’s my go to substitue “F” word at work. And ‘fudge’ on occasion. At home is a different story though. Especially during a Saskatchewan Roughrider football game. Anything goes!

  40. Kate says:

    Indeed I do. Happily. It’s creative, and it’s fun. Better than a crock of horse shit. I often simply do not give a rat’s ass. My husband swears (non profanely) that a televised interview with me would be a long series of bleeps punctuated with conjunctions and pronouns.

  41. Zala says:

    I would never fucking use a swear word. It’s so not classy.

  42. Angela says:

    I save my swearing and cursing for special occasions.

  43. Suzan says:

    Most certainly! I have been known to make up words when the “usual” profanity just won’t do. Turns out that I have passed that ability to my youngest son. I discovered his ability this summer when he was installing a storm door on the front of my house. My house is 115 years old and just a bit out of square. After putting the door up three times trying to square it to the front door on the fourth attempt the battery operated screwdriver ran out of juice. I believe his exact words were “fuckity fuck fuck mother fucker fuckity”. Not exactly new words but I was very impressed with his ability to create such a lively phrase!

    • Sherri says:

      Suzan, I laughed out loud when I read your string of rather repetitive cuss words because it was the exact same string I used earlier in the season when I stepped on the business end of a metal rake, causing the handle to pop forward into my face, knocking me on my ample ass. I seriously thought I had been shot in the head by one of the dumbass novice hunters that patrol the perimeter of our property and have great difficulty telling the difference between a pheasant and a 90 pound dog. I thought shit like that only happened in cartoons and slapstick skits. I was wrong. No blood or broken bones, but I had one hell of a goose egg on my temple and had to explain what I had done whenever I ventured into public. After a few truthful explanations I began embellishing until the final story resembled the summary of a James Bond movie. Lesson learned–don’t fuck around with garden tools if you don’t want to get shot in your head.

      • Pat says:

        Okay, there’s some pretty funny posts here, but Sherri should win some sort of prize for this entry! Hilarious!

        • Sherri Hanigan says:

          Did you hear that, Karen? I should win a prize! I patiently await word from you about my prize, but I want you to know that I already have a table lamp that looks like a woman’s leg. Just sayin’.

      • Linda S in NE says:

        Oh, Sherri…that was so funny…I was laughing out loud, and laughing and laughing. It’s late afternoon, and maybe it’s getting close to cocktail time?? Were you listening to that rake story, Karen? Now there’s a guaranteed two day headache for ya!

      • Auntiepatch says:

        OMG Sherri! I’m sitting here trying not to: 1) wake up my husband & 2) NOT pee my pants! I just saw the whole thing in my imagination! LOL!

    • Denise says:

      Suzan, that gave me a LOL moment! Hilarious.

  44. Jay says:

    I cuss like a stevedore. This disgusts my mum.

  45. Maureen Locke says:

    Yes, I swear, though usually it’s only when I’m mad or upset. I try not to swear in front of the grandchildren but have to constantly be reminded by my daughter. I guess I forget a lot. πŸ™‚ I try hard to not say ” Jesus” but I slip on that too. Once I tried to give up swearing and the word I used when upset was ” NUTS “….. believe it or not, it worked well. Then I got divorced and all hell broke loose. Oh well, I yam who I yam, like it or lump it is what I tell people. I’m too old for that shit. hehe

  46. Bre says:

    Oh, the first word out of my mouth is rarely “Ow,” I can assure you. I have potty mouth and I can cuss in other languages, too. Unfortunately, that’s where my knowledge of them ends. As for the F bomb, sometimes no other word fits and it is so versatile. I’m currently imposing a cursing austerity campaign with myself however because I don’t want the word f***ery to be the first word out of my infant son’s mouth. Unless he learns to use it in context.

  47. JennyW. says:

    I am an intelligent, classy, well educated woman, who says Fuck alot πŸ™‚

  48. Heather says:

    I swear– but really only when the sentence should have an exclamation point at the end. I am not really a conversational curser.

  49. Christine says:

    Chris Ledoux said it best!

    Well it’s 40 below and I don’t give a fuck
    Got a heater in my truck and I’m off to the rodeo
    And it’s allemande left and allemande right
    Come on ya fuckin’ dummy get your right step right
    Get off the stage ya god damn fool,y’know (you know)

    piss me off, fuckin’ jerk, get on my nerves

    Well here comes Johnny with his pecker in his hand
    He’s a one ball man and he’s off to the rodeo
    And it’s allemande left and allemande right
    Come on ya fuckin’ dummy get your right step right
    Get off the stage ya god damn fool, y’know (you know)

    piss me off, fuckin’ jerk, get on my nerves

    Well it’s 40 below and I aint got a truck
    and I dont give a fuck cause I’m off to the rodeo
    And it’s allemande left and allemande right
    Come on ya fuckin’ dummy get your right step right
    Get off the stage ya god damn fool, y’know (you know)

    piss me off, fuckin’ jerk, get on my nerves

    Well here comes Johnny with his pecker in his hand
    He’s a one ball man and he’s off to the rodeo
    And it’s allemande left and allemande right
    Come on ya fuckin’ dummy get your right step right
    Get off the stage ya god damn fool,y’know (you know)

    • Julie says:

      Oh Christine….you bring back fond memories for me!

    • Laura Bee says:

      I learned that one word for word from CFGM radio in the mid 80’s. I could not have been more than 12. Always fun with my friends while waiting for the bus on those cold Ontario days. Never in front of my mom.

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