Do you Swear?

My mother doesn’t swear.

She’ll tell you that if you ask her.

Ask my nephew, when he was 6 years old though and he’d declare that “My gramma, smokes, drinks and swears a lot”.

At least that’s what he told his Kindergarden teacher some 30 years or so ago.

Of course my mother was mortified. He didn’t even mention her sassy fashion sense.

So I get my love of clothing, my migraines and my colourful language from my mother.

Unless you ask her.  In which case she’ll say she doesn’t know what the hell I’m talking about.

Of my two sisters, one swears and one does not.  As in, I have never heard her swear a word in my entire life.  Ever.  Not once.  Not even in secret I bet.  She also doesn’t drink, smoke or lie.  She’s no fun at all.

My OTHER sister?  She’s lots of fun.

Just kidding.  (but only if she’s reading this)

 

swearing

 

So tell me my little assheads. Do you swear? And before you answer no, think of the second thing that would pop out of your mouth if you were to smash your shin on a glass table. (I’m assuming the first thing would be Ow.)


178 Comments

  1. cricket says:

    I swear like the fucking lady that I am. People who don’t swear make damned nervous. And I usually, albeit secretly, think they’re assholes.

  2. Slackerjo says:

    I used to work in tech support. Early Sunday morning tech support call. I heard an agent trying to help a client with an internet issue. The agent was speaking in French.

    Agent (in French) Are you in front of the computer?
    Customer cannot answer this yes or no question for some reason.

    Agent again (in French) Are you in front of the computer?
    Customer cannot answer this yes or no question for some reason.

    Agent again again (in French) Are you in front of the computer?
    Customer cannot answer this yes or no question for some reason.

    Agent for the FOURTH TIME (in French) Are you in front of the computer?
    Customer cannot answer this yes or no question for some reason.

    Everyone could hear the agent bang the mute button and yell “Tabarnac fucking moron!” Everyone sitting near him burst into laughter. The agent unmuted the customer and returned to his Patience of Job Voice and asked. “Are you in front of the computer?”

    Yes bilingualism swearing is alive and well in Canada.

    My favorite swearing combination is “Fuckity fuck fuck fuck!”

  3. Oriah says:

    I’ve earned a silver medal in cussing….some other-mother fucker took home the gold.

    I consider cussing to be actual verbal punctuation. In case you didn’t hear the exclamation point or question mark via tone, i include a “fuck”, “hell”, “damn”, “dick”, or “c*nt” to help you to understand the sincerity and depth of my emotional response.

    I’m a nurse and i work at a teaching hospital so there are newly minted doctors running around. One day i asked one of the family medicine residents if labor and deliver nurses (which was my specialty at the time) talk dirtier than other nurses. He sheepishly reported, “Well…i’ve actually been pretty surprised by how ‘dirty’ nurses talk and labor & delivery nurses are definitely ‘the sailor of nurses.'”

  4. Louann says:

    Yes. All the time. With effing regularity.

  5. Amanda says:

    I swore in middle school. A lot. My parents had taught me not to, but I wasn’t cool and thought swearing would make me cool. It didn’t. So I challenged myself to stop, and I did. It has been twenty years, and I only once cussed at my hubby when we were having a good old row, but I figured once in 12 years of marriage is pretty good. I don’t like hearing swearing in general, but if it is particularly funny or well timed, I certainly can appreciate it.

  6. safety dog says:

    I do swear, but only with certain people or in certain situations. I have acquaintances who would be shocked to hear me swear. After having kids, I’ve tried to moderate. My favorites for public consumption: crikey, dagnab it, and diggedy dogs. Although I did say “what the fuck” the other day in the car, and neither child commented or seemed surprised. Maybe I haven’t been as careful as I’d thought.

  7. Elisa says:

    I swear but only at work or if it’s funny. My husband on the other hand, swears when he’s mad. We were lost just this weekend and my 13 year old daughter was in the back seat listening to it. She later told me it was like Dad had made a cuss word salad and the F-word was the lettuce.

  8. Mari says:

    My sisters sent me a picture of a t-shirt that read,” I am an intelligent, well educated, classy, woman who says Fuck – a lot!”

  9. Meg says:

    Yes, ma’am. It’s definitely worse, too, because I work with all dudes.

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