Welcome to my burn out. I had BIG intentions for today's post but every time I started to write - nothing happened.
The curtain is down on my brain for the year and as much as I'd love to give you the performance of a lifetime today, I can't. Cannot.
At the end of every year I am creatively BURNT OUT. I then pledge to actually relax for my time off between Christmas and New Year's Eve so I can recharge. I need and plan to slow the hell down for one entire week, even if I have to chain myself to a sloth to do it.
I'd TOTALLY chain myself to a sloth. I *love* sloths. I wonder where I could get a sloth. I think the most exotic thing my nearest pet store sells are the one eyed mice they sell to snake owners.
Before I leave you to your own few days of relaxation in the form of family fights, present returning and turkey burning, I will give you some insight into what I plan to do with my relaxation time until I see you again late next week.
My Relaxation List
CookI love cooking but I hate having to clean up after cooking so maybe I won't cook.
- Forage for whatever food in the cupboard can be eaten out of the can.
- Wonder why the only canned food I have is Sweetened Condensed Milk.
- Contemplate whether consuming can of Sweetened Condensed Milk constitutes eating or drinking. Decide it's both based on it's more mainstream drink/food cousin, Boost.
Realize I have single handedly created a new rage drink by serving sweetened condensed milk in a cup. Make a note to find a modern version of a hipster boyfriend whom I can
Snapchat, Tik Tok, look at while holding my drink invention which I will serve in a bowl (now that I think of it) to make it even more hipster.
- Feel ill from "dinner", strip naked and lie down on bathroom floor.
- Notice dirt.
- Ignore dirt.
- Notice dirt again. Curse dirt.
- Wash bathroom floor which leads to kitchen floor which leads to mudroom floor which leads to outdoors.
- Wave at neighbours looking curiously at my outfit which I now realize consists entirely of rubber gloves.
- Wave more enthusiastically as a way to distract them from my nakedness.
- Retreat indoors.
- Still unwell. Lay on the couch. Do not MOVE from the couch.
- Contemplate installing a refrigerator in the couch. No that's stupid, I should just move the couch into the kitchen.
- Bored on couch, move to computer.
- Look up ways to relax
- Find my own post on chaining yourself to sloth
- Fall asleep on couch, wake up and repeat.
Have a great Christmas and Hanukah, each and every one of you. If you're celebrating something else, let me know and I'll wish you a happy one of those.
Even though we all know this is technically the season of hope and love, you and I are smart enough to know it's also the season of outbursts and arguing. There are only so many Christmases we all have in us so don't waste this one getting worked into a fit for whatever stupid reason.
Chain yourself to a sloth.