This week my dog Philip became a boy. Help control the pet population — have your pets spayed or neutered. Well, Mr. Bob Barker I did just that and now my dog is stoned, pees weird and his ballsack is a hanging, shrivelled mess.
Not high, but not, not-high either.
There is a debate about when to get your large male dogs neutered. 10 years ago there was no debate, you did it when your dog became 6 months old or started to look at you with humpy eyes.
Now research is showing that large dogs in particular should be left as long as possible before neutering. This allows the dog to reach maturity before being altered which in turns helps prevent certain illnesses later in life.
It also allows the dog to grow to its full potential making dogs who are neutered later bigger and more muscular.
So instead of 6 months, some vets are recommending neutering at 1 year. 24 months even, if you can tough it out.
I didn't have that kind of resolve, I used up all of my resolve last week when I bought dry popcorn instead of Ruffles and dip at the grocery store.
You can read about how I plotted to put an all inclusive resort out of business by eating all their bacon here, because that fiasco is what led to me having to snack on dry popcorn and carrots for the next couple of as long as I can handle it.
I opted to get Philip neutered at 16 months around the middle of the recommended age of 1-2 years . And approximately 5 months after he began eyeing everything as a potential partner in porn.
At the vet's office while I was picking him up after his surgeries (I also had his stomach tacked so it can't flip - a known issue with barrel chested dogs) Lip seemed subdued from the sedation but nothing noteworthy.
Between the vet's office and my living room Philip went from a little bit slow to a drooling simpleton.
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I immediately texted everyone in my family to tell them Philip was stoned. It was almost funny, but not quite, but probably would be by tomorrow - so I clicked record on my phone.
By the next day it was indeed funny. Still a bit sad, but mainly funny because he woke up feeling fine other than NOT being able to get comfortable.
I clicked record on that as well.
Please enjoy.
We're now 3 days out from the neutering and Philip is back to normal and in a week and a half he'll be able to go play with Sterling again.
Philip is 60 pounds and 25" tall at the shoulder. He is a large dog.
There is something no one tells you when you get your 1-2 year old dog neutered. Especially a BIG dog with a royal sized set of door knockers.
How big? I was going to get a curtain made to hang off of his tail.
With neutering, they don't get rid of the whole handbag - just the coins inside the purse. Once they take the actual money out, you're left with a deflated sack that hangs down, empty, pathetic and without purpose; a lacky sack.
If you have an interest in the before and after shots of Philips testicles (because you're human and even though you don't WANT to want to look - you wanna look), you can click here to read this tiny post about them.
I've been assured this entire experience from the arrival of Snoop dog to the withered birthday boy balloon between his legs are perfectly normal.
Taria
My pooch is a female a couple of months older than Philip. I got her fixed a little earlier than I wanted since there are two very horn doggies next door. Their people don't seem to want to fix them or keep them in the yard. Ugh. Surgeries are tough for dogs. Hard for their people. Glad your boy is feeling better and doing well.
Karen
He's doing very well! :) ~ karen!
Joanne E Mercieca
soo any of you with horses will know that people wait way too late or don't do it at all thinking they have the next world champion - stallions live a lonely life if they are not breeding and can be nasty to handle as well. I'm all for neutering/spaying animals that will not be used specifically for breeding We neutered our calves as soon as we could and they grew into very good looking boys.
Trish
I adopted my first male dog in June. He's a wire coat Jack Russell and was kicked out of his last home for lifting his leg everywhere -- everywhere. The poor little guy had to sit with these two huge black golf balls hanging. I got him neutered asap and was happy to not to deal with indoor leg lifting. Yes, the deflated bags eventually seemed to disappear.
Grammy
My labradoodle Frank was neutered at six months on the recommendation of his vet, and his scrotum wasn't as large as Philip's, but it was definitely an empty sac after the surgery. I have had many male dogs in my long life, so that wasn't a surprise. I never paid any attention to when it actually happened, but it "disappeared" on all my dogs so that there's nothing there to notice after awhile.
Just imagine if Philip looked at you and felt either sorrow or mirth at something about you that had changed. He wouldn't. He's not into you for your looks. He does appear, however, to be gazing at the Christmas tree and wondering why you took his decorative balls but hang some others up to admire. Taunting him. Philip's a good boy, so he won't punish you for this. He deserves a carrot or some other good treat.
Karen
He *does* like carrots! ~ karen
Babs
Fans of Karen and now fans of my comment, I grew up on a farm and I am not squeamish regarding testicles. I watched my father slice off testicles on hogs with ease. And no, we did not eat them! I would imagine Karen would jump right in to assist my father if she had been around. Wouldn't that make an interesting post!
Karen
Not if the method was one of commenter Tricia's. I refuse to bite out the testes of anything. ~ karen!
Vikki
He almost got comfortable with his butt-in-the-air-like-U-just-don't-care pose. Otherwise, he looks like me with a bad case of menstrual cramps.
KimW
So, dumb question:
When you say you "hit record" on your phone, I got the idea that there was a video you made, and then you said "please enjoy" and I am assuming you meant to share that video. But...I don't see a link. Am I missing something?
(And I totally wanted to do the same thing after bringing my cat home after some dental surgery. I was scared at first when he walked out of his carrier and then his back legs went in a different direction, and called the vet and we had the following conversation:
"So my cat just came out of surgery, but I've got him home and he's walking funny. Is there some kind of neurological thing going on? Should I bring him back to you?"
"Haha...no, he's probably still feeling the effects of the anesthesia, it'll wear off. He's just stoned."
"So...sounds like instead of bringing him back to you I should record something for AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS."
"Yep!")
Karen
Hi Kim! Yes, you read all the signs correctly, lol. There is a video. If it isn't showing up you can try to do a few thigns. 1) clear your browser cache, 2) use a different browser - Chrome is generally better than Safari or Firefox 3) Remove any ad blockers you have on your computer or set them to allow The Art of Doing Stuff. Adblockers don't just prevent ads, they prevent videos from loading as well. Try any of those and let me know! ~ karen
Susan Claire
Now this is interesting-you have been advised to wait to let your dog mature before neutering. I think this makes total sense, and I waited until my boxer was over a year old before having this done-even though the vet kept telling me that neutering at six months was best because anything after that was just begging for serious consequences down the road. Hah. I saw it as a blatant money grab-we no longer patronize this vet.
Carswell
On another note - you didn't consider getting fake testicles for Philip? I think they are called Neuticles. A vet friend of mine told me about them years ago - and I laughed hysterically. I thought she was joking.
But no, apparently it is a thing. Especially among male dog owners. Think there's something up with that? LOL
Carswell
With my late and much lamented Siamese cat I waited until he was almost two. He was an indoor cat so there wasn't much chance that he was going to increase the excess population - but I waited because he was a small cat and very obviously not mature. Siamese tend to be slender but he still looked like a lanky kitten for the longest time - a lanky kitten with a rather disturbingly large pair dangling below his tail. They literally jiggled when he walked. LOL. I did the nasty deed when he started to look more muscular - and yeah, he was stoned when he came home. He nearly fell off the couch at one point.
Babs
Ok, the content is going down hill!!!!! Neutering your dog, what? I know this is the day in the life of Karen but come on. TMI!!!!!
Cherie
Only Karen could make it amusing. Poor Philip. Not TMI at all. Hilarious -- for us if not for poor pup.
Karen
And I would like to add, also filled with interesting, accurate, useful information. Not to brag or anything.😅 ~ karen!
Petra
Oh Babs, I think most of us are way beyond being squeamish about testicle talk. It is after all something you deal with as a pet owner. And humour helps.
Kippy
Please please post this on IG for your fellow poodle owners(and other canine owners). I was told by breeder to not get Kippy spayed until after her first period. She was almost exactly a year old. The minute the heat (which wasn’t fun for any of us)was over I scheduled the appointment.
Karen
It's still a bit of a debate. They're really is no definitive answer. Some vets still advise 6-8 months. It's kind of up to the owner to sift through the information and decide. ~ karen!
Jody
Well done for getting Philip neutered. And well done for the associated humour.
Karen
Poor Philip, all I could think as he was gazing at the Christmas tree was he’s thinking “so this is Christmas “
Lois
hahahahahahaha
Gretchen
Lacky sack for the win! :D
He's a good boy for sure.
Bridgett
This was such a funny post! I’m sure Philip is doing well now! The coin bag analogy is hysterical! We’re always making fun of our dog’s “empty bag”. Thank goodness all he hears is “oooh! You’re so cute! I love you so much!” 😆
Khalen
It’s far too early to laugh so loudly. 😂
I did the same with Clooney (stomach tac too). Similar story though one of his was hiding. Clearly didn’t want to get caught. He is also huge and still thinks he runs the house - balls or no balls. Thank you for keeping us in full humour!
Wendy
Awwwww, poor Philip. ☹️🥴
/anne...
I never got around to getting my last dog Hamish neutered - he was a groodle the same size Philip - because he was very determinedly a beta dog. He rarely barked when the other dogs were alive - that was their job - and he never had any interest in the opposite sex. He was an absolutely perfect gentleman.
Hamish died from arthritis a few days before his 15th birthday.
Charlotte
I too was caught off guard by the presence of the very equipment I thought I had paid to remove and wondered if the vet had somehow forgotten step 2. Why must we continue to look at the useless danglers? Do you think refunds are in order?
MO Min Pin Rescue
First of all I commend you for having Phillip neutered. (Fixed sounds like was broken and a term these hillcrickers around here use as frequently as full-blooded, ugh). Rest assured, the purse that once held the giblets will shrink up to almost nothing with time!
Karen
Thanks MO! If I let his hair grow a bit around there I should be able to disguise it until then, lol. ~ karen!
Wendy
Omgosh! This is tooooooo funny 😆
Karen
I'm guessing no. Even IF I could have made a nice little change purse out of it if they'd saved it for me. 😂
Randy P
I would make a comment - but being one of your 'guy' followers I have been left mute...... just for now. Other than to tell Philip -" I feel your pain."