If you have EVER stood in front of a mirror while pulling any part of your skin back, up or sideways - this little experment is for you.
Getting older is gross.
I'd love to say I think growing old gracefully is the way to go but I'm not so sure about that. There isn't anything very graceful about an ass that hits the back of your knees.
But at least you can improve your ass with a good pair of jeans. We can disguise flabby arms with long sleeves and bad hair with hats and ponytails.
But what do you do when you're having a bad face day? Botox and fillers are an option but they can lead to frightening results if they aren't used properly plus there's the whole issue with not being able to show your spouse that you're angry that they just farted next to you on the sofa.
So what's a gal to do when she wakes up one morning and realizes the face staring back at her is the very same one she had in high school. Only melted.
The buckle up into their face corset. Otherwise known as instant face lift tape.
That's what.
Yup. A couple of elastic bands and some super strength tape.
You too can have the face of your youth by wrapping your head in the packaging from a Barbie doll box.
Think plastic surgery for women is complete vanity? Yeah probably.
Why do more men decide to age gracefully than women?
My guess is it's because when men get wrinkled they look more manly, whereas when women get wrinkled they look more manly.
But what do I know? I'm just a young, fresh faced lass of 17. Sorry, that was the elastics speaking.
Dr.(ish) Karen Bertelsen
phD, BSc, oLd l.a.DY
The Instant Face lift sells for $16 on Amazon and gets a rating of 3.5 stars out of 5. The most brilliant stupid thing I've ever seen.
What Leslie said in comment number 12 perfectly describes what I thought (but better).
Fact is, when you're old enough for this business, your hair is also thinner, so it won't hide a damned thing. I just live with the fact that I EARNED every wrinkle on this face, so if anybody doesn't like to look at it they are welcome to turn away. I do applaud the lovely mother who modeled for the video -- she's a good sport.
For you youngsters who don't have the face to fit this solution, yet, you may be interested to know that some of us old ladies were actually young once and concerned about other things. I personally purchased a Mark Eden Bust Developer (google it) when a so-called-boyfriend replied to my question of "What's she got that I don't?" with "A Double D." I dropped the jerk, never got a Double D, and never bothered with such things again. I just try to eat right, get some exercise, and laugh a lot. And the old codger I've been married to for almost 40 years calls me "Cutie". Go figure.
It looks painful. The lady is practically grimacing in the video.
First, for those with an adhesive allergy, not all adhesives use the same glues. I'm allergic to a single band-aid, whose glue is so bad that the doctor immediately recognized it by name just by looking at the shape of the outbreak, she's had so many people come in with the same issue. Curad large bandage that looks like this http://quill.scene7.com/is/image/Quill/120643_s7?iv=CnlqG1&wid=360&hei=360 but is made by Curad. This is not to encourage those with adhesive allergies to just willy-nilly slap bandages on to see which one gets a reaction, it's just something I learned by experience...not all adhesives are the same. As for heavy-duty adhesive bandages, they put something on me criss-crossed over my chest as part of holding down the tube they inserted down by throat when they were removing my thyroid that took MONTHS to come off. Had I tried pulling it off, I would have lost many layers of skin. Most modern adhesives that are made to stick on skin, like the 3M version shown in the video, will remain intact if you get the skin cleaned of oils before applying them. So not too much FWAPPING or SPROINGING will happen.
I'm 65, and can see doing this for a very special occasion when I want to look my best. Those come around about every half decade. A high school reunion might be a good occasion for it, and I'd definitely get a wig to make sure everything was covered well and probably glue some of the hair to the tape, just to make sure.
I'm delighted you posted this, Karen. I'd always wondered how those lifts worked. A girl can never have too many tools in her toolbox to use when she feels like it. Just because you have a hammer, doesn't mean you have to use it on everything, but it's nice to have a hammer when you could use one.
I thought we were past the times of the Barbarians and of Medieval torture. Ouch!
Hmmmmmmm! My neighbor went through a facelift and I tell you...I don't think I would ever want to go through that! Her face does look good but ....to much pain for me! I'm a baby about that kind of thing! Guess I will just have to look my age! YUCK! :(
I've heard of these but have never actually seen one. I wonder how uncomfortable it is, especially since that's exactly the area I get tension headaches. I wonder about fillers, etc. I'd attempt a filler maybe but, let's face it. If all the celebrities I see on TV, etc, with all the money they have to throw at the best plastic surgeons around can't get it right, what chance do I have of a "natural look" while aging not-so-gracefully.
@ Deb (comment #7), please tell me where you can get a facelift for $6500 because I would love some touch up work! I had a full facelift (forehead, upper & lower eyelids, lower face, under the chin etc.) 12 years ago and the surgeon's fee was $10,000 and $2,000 to the hospital for Operating Room and overnight stay. It was THE BEST thing I ever did for myself and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I highly recommend it to anyone who is considering it. Just make sure you do your homework in picking a doctor. I recommend consulting with at least 3 QUALIFIED cosmetic surgeons and ask to see Before/After pictures of their work.
@ Barbie (comment #45) Painful? Absolutely not! I had far more pain when I broke my toe! I would describe my facelift as "mildly uncomfortable" for a few days, primarily due to swelling. I never had to take anything stronger than a couple regular Tylenol. In fact, I had very little bruising and was back to work in about 10 days. People tell me I still look younger than my almost 61 years but nevertheless, time and gravity are still at work and there are a few areas I would love to have touched up. However, the thing holding me back (besides money) is I fear maybe we all only get one chance for a natural looking result and after that you just end up looking like Joan Rivers. Yikes!
I love all the comments. Here's one you will not be able to publish, but thought I would post.
If you want to ensure a whole body lift:
1. grab a lot of the skin on top of your head
2. pull it up high drawing all body sagging areas upwards.
3. Cut off the current sagging, stitch opening close, and you will have a youthful body and face.
disclaimer: after many attempts with this surgery, one will eventually develop a curly beard of unfortunate pubic hair. Sigh......
Perhaps it is the fact that I frequently stand in front of the mirror lifting my own sagging jowls and droopy eyebrows or perhaps it is that I am delirious because my four year has allowed me only three hours of sleep...I am not sure which...but I also see this as the most brilliant, stupid thing I've ever seen! Although, this could also be the result of the lack of oxygen to my brain from the non-stop laughing that has ensued from reading all the comments..."You'll shoot your eye out" cones to mind...LOL!
And for more lifting of all body parts, you can get 'instant lifts' here: https://www.instantlifts.com/
We will be so taped up it will take an hour to undress and definitely hide the mirrors.
I'm seriously going to have to invest in Depends or those astronaut diapers if I keep reading your blog. I've never laughed so hard in my life. Between your posts and the reader's comments, this HAS to be the damn funniest site online.
Maybe if we all just sleep hanging upside down, it will all reverse itself.....?
Hi Lisa! Welcome to my site! Free depends with every subscription. ~ karen!
Wearing these could make me richer. That's my rationalization. Not so stupid NOW, eh? With these new riches I could visit a spa. In the spa I could get anti aging treatments so I can look and feel fantastic. These could stimulate the economy!