I guess you probably don’t know what it’s like to almost kill someone but I do. I mean, obviously, I do, I’m sure you assumed that about me the first time we met. I pretty much ooze lethal in the same way a hand grenade does. Or a Long Island Iced Tea.
Lemme tell you how it all happened. My sisters and I loaded into an SUV at 8 o’clock last Saturday morning to head to the Christie Antique Show and Sale where I assumed I probably wouldn’t be almost killing anyone. We do it every year, head out to Christie’s. Sometimes it’s both sisters, sometimes it’s one sister and Betty, sometimes it’s both sisters and Betty. Always it’s an exercise in patience, thirst, lust and hunger. So like sexy time, but way more fulfilling because half way through you get to eat French Fries.
Betty didn’t come this year because of the temperature. It hit around 37 degrees on Saturday which sounds cold if you’re American but for everyone else, it’s sounds like maybe I’m describing the oven temperature for baking cookies. 37 degrees celsius is around 98 degrees fahrenheit.
The show is always filled with hundreds of things you didn’t know you needed.
… came, she saw, she bought. She also sweated.
Luckily someone was offering free shade.
Thousands. These two iron urns were thousands and thousands of dollars.
Christie’s is the place to go for things you didn’t know you needed, know existed, or didn’t think you’d ever find.
Did I mention the heat? It was SO hot that both sisters and I were crawling along the ground in search of water when we came across this disgusting, filth riddled trash can. ALL three of us stared at it and exclaimed WATER!!!! No, we didn’t notice the filth, or the garbage or the fact that all the bottles were empty and smeared with ketchup. All we saw was glorious water.
It was a rare antiquing moisture mirage.
Around noon we decided it was time to break for lunch. That would be the famous French Fry break.
My favourite part of Chip truck fries is the wood fork which I had no idea you could buy.
This is the moment I came close to taking my own sister’s life.
Standing in line to order our food, Pink Tool Belt asked me what I was getting. I said “Fries.”, paused a little, then repeated “Always Fries”. And that simple phrase was the weapon that almost killed Fish Pedicure. At the same moment I said “Always Fries”, she was taking a drink of water and laughed at the same time.
At that point a series of events ensued that would involve choking, laughing, a weird donkey sound, and a most unfortunate incident involving bodily fluid.
I should point out that the Christie Antique Show and Sale is quite a crowded event and the lines for the food trucks are the most congested area in the show. We’re all packed in there desperate for a quick meal so we can get back out into the trenches and find that thing we don’t need but have to have.
Just after my sister inhaled her water, but before the donkey sound, the man in line next to us, turned to look at what the commotion was at the exact moment she did a good old fashioned spit take. I can still see the entire event as it played out in slow motion. His hand raised up to shield himself, his eyes wide with fear, my other sister jumped aside covering her mouth, but neither one of them moving faster than Fish Pedicure’s spray of spit and water.
She spit taked a stranger. A real spit take. The kind you’d learn in an improv class. Or by studying a particularly bad episode of Saved by the Bell.
She continued choking, laughing, coughing and apologizing for the next several minutes as everyone around her looked for napkins to wipe off the spittle.
And THAT is how I discovered I could use humour as a weapon. And a cooling off device when timed perfectly.
This is the exact style of chandelier I’m searching for, for my house makeover. It’s am Empire chandelier. But I would prefer one that doesn’t measure 4 feet from top to bottom.
Yeah, I mightta tried it on and walked around telling people I wore it to the show while they stared at me through a sweat tears dripping off their eyebrows.
Oh I’m sorry, BACK UP. BACK THE HELL UP.
Recognize that bed?
No?
How ’bout now?
Yup. Sold it off my front porch for $20 or $25. At the show for $95. I’m just glad it’s off my porch. But there’s something very strange about seeing something of yours, days after owning it for sale at an antique show.
Somebody bought this. They bought the massive mountie! I saw it in the big pick up area as we were leaving.
And that’s it.
Somewhere in the pictures from today’s post are the things I bought at the sale. Feel free to take a guess. I bought 4 things. Not including the french fries. Always french fries.
I know what you mean about your headboard. We had a sleigh bed. After 3 moves and 25 years, the footboard cracked too much for us to repair, so we put the footboard only at the curb for trash pick up. A few weeks later we saw it at an antique sale, marked as a headboard, for $65! We just laughed. Would love to visit Christie’s some time.
C’est la vie sign, red, white and blue buoy, pizza board, concrete looking rooster, all of which I would have purchased. Love the photos !!! There are many other choices I would suggest you bought as well… The water spit, donkey sound about killed me since I was reading this at work and could not stop laughing.
As soon as I saw it I knew you’d bought that beautiful library ladder! Great pics! Thanks for sharing!
Whatever next? A better than sex antique show! I’m currently experiencing all those primitive feelings, also longing and desire.
Especially for the metal sheep and the Love & Peace chairs .
Which you’re probably too sensible to buy.
Karen, I don’t know if it just my feed, but I could not read your words over the pictures! I caught bits and pieces of words but most could not be read! The photos were gorgeous but I think this post had hysterical content and I want to read it!!!!
Did anyone else have this problem (I could not read the comments for the exact same reason)?
HELP!!!!
I think it’s just your feed robyn. Try just refreshing the page and see if that helps. ~ karen!
Thanks for the tour. I really enjoyed those pictures. I would have bought any affordable wooden cooking utensils we do not already have in our museum. Did you get the sheep?
Big orange sunburst. To be painted royal blue.
What, for you? No silly, me!
The baby voodoo pincushion. The black fan. The wooden divided tray. The stone chicken. The white squared off plates. The drink MOXIE box. The yellow leather purse. The white wicker chair. The skinless man poster. The gorgeous ladder that you shouldn’t have because you didn’t get enough for your bed. The white serving platter or pitcher in the open wood cabinet. Wood topped – black legged table. One of the huge gorgeous frames that Athena is standing in front of. The horrid baby with the starring blue eye in the suitcase full of babies. ( Is Halloween really worth all these props?) Yes it is. One of the troughs over the pizza paddles. Hanging wooden match box. White leather chair.Surely I got at least one but don’t tell me it was the orange sun.
The flag, the sun, and the jadite pitcher. I’m CERTAIN of it!
What a fabulous flea market! I love going to them as well. In my neck of the woods we have Brimfield held in Sturbridge, Massachusetts. It’s held 3 times a year: May, July and September. If you haven’t been, it’s quite the experience and perhaps worth a visit to New England. It is vast and therefore impossible to see everything in one day. You need at least two full days….and a cart of some sort to lug around your loot. You will definitely find good loot to buy. Going in July is a nightmare due to the heat although there are people selling drinks everywhere.
The photos you took are fabulous by the way…I feel like I was there with you minus the heat and dehydration!
One of the best memories of my life was the trip (a million years ago, when I was 12) to Old Sturbridge Village with my dad & little sister. Part of the fun was sharing my dad with just one sister instead of the usual 2 sisters & a little brother (& my mom). We got to buy candy buttons on a strip of paper. I think my love of early American history started then.
Go back right now and get the butt jiggler. My friend’s rather large mother had one when I was a kid and nothing in my adult life has ever made me laugh like that again.
After I’d chosen about 20 things I needed, my husband reminded me that I’m in Australia :(
hey, I have the goat! or it’s little sibling, anyway…found it at a rummagey place on the way back from the beach a few years ago. They’re made in Mexico, I think. All kinds of animals and birds, from table-top to life-size (I kinda wanted the life-size giraffe, but I woulda had to raise the height of the porch ceilings. What a fab flea….
I’ve seen those giraffes, and I’m dying to have one!
I am guessing one of the wooden boxes hanging on the display, and maybe a wooden bowl and spoon. By the way, thanks for the belly laugh about trying to kill your sister. It probably is much less funny to her, but your description of the event was wonderful! Hope you let us know soon what your choices were!
Thank you so much for the pictures. Almost like being there without the heat. I wish I had bought your bed when I saw it on your porch. She who hesitates loses the best stuff.
Ok…I HOPE you bought the SHE letters….love them…..and the old blue picnic case….just because I KNOW it caught your eye. And I am thinking you won the antique ‘cupie doll-ish’ pincushion. And last but not least….I sincerely hope you came home with the crawling toddler in the top hat ….because……just because!
I hope it’s that ladder. With the right hardware you could set it up to glide across the room on whilst holding onto the ladder with one hand and a book in the other shouting, “By Jove, I’ve got it!” I’ve always wanted one of those ladders.
Could you be our proxy buyer? Show us pics, we pick, you pay, deliver, etc……no, eh!
Would go crazy seeing all this stuff…..but I don’t do anything when it’s over 75 degrees so need proxy shopper, cheers!
I’m thinking that you bought the pizza boards; love and peace chairs (and if you decide not to keep them, I’ll take them off of your hands), chicken, and a green glass bowl.
Good times,….ha, ha…
I go with the lion head – just so you!
I guess you bought
1. The chicken, to put beside the pen with the real chickens as a decoy for dumb foxes. Or to mark your allotment, so you will remember which one is yours.
2. The library ladder. Because it’s gorgeous. Card index drawers to go with the ladder in your new library themed porch.
3.The chandelier, because it’s what you want, and you can shorten it, while doing a tutorial and showing the rest of us how to do it.
4. A box of wooden forks.
So funny…thank you!
I hope you bought the four peace and love chairs. I didn’t see them but it was so hot I could hardly think straight!!! As my daughter and friend (who has been going since the first show) and I were eating our fries I spotted you and your sisters. Almost spit my fries out saying “there’s KAREN!!! you know from the art of doing stuff”. So many wonderful and wondrous items to see. We left early because of the heat. Can hardly wait till the fall show.
:) A few people came up to me during the show. And yes. It was so hot you literally couldn’t think straight. I don’t think I saw half of what I normally see because it was just so oppressive. ~ karen!
Thanks for all the amazing photos. It,s almost as good as being there. I can,t get there anymore, it was one of my favourite haunts in the summer.
so many things I didn’t see!! It was just too damned hot! My friend came out of one booth to say a thermometer inside was reading 108F. We dragged ourselves around till 4 in the afternoon, then had to call it quits. Saw you and your sisters walk by as we sat in the shade eating deep fried apple slices. Who bought the yellow enameled pot?
Ha! Fish pedicure. Great price and it’s in perfect condition. I love cooking in those old enamel pots. :) ~ karen!
Reminds me of the Brimfield Antique Show here in Massachusetts. Some really cool stuff but why is it those dolls always look so creepy?
LOL, I don’t know. There are always creepy dolls at these shows. ~ karen!
Well, I hope you bought the hanging scale and the leather handbag in front of the two ungly chairs Karen. ??
I already own that exact hanging scale Birgit! Mine is black, which I discovered is brass underneath this winter when I accidentally scraped some of the paint off. I use it for weighing the produce I grow in the summer. :) ~ karen!
I want it all…then I will sit back in my dragons lair and sort…unlike the other dragons I would have minions to take away the things that aren’t exactly right. Dragons are greedy hoarding bastards, but I just want time to appreciate each morsel while deciding which to keep. Then I would graciously gift the rejects. But not to uou, because none of you would want them, as you only want perfect things as well.
A very well thought out plan Susy! ~ karen!
I don’t know what I would do with a giant orange metal sun in my shoebox apartment, but I would love to find out. Perhaps I would paint my ceiling blue, mount it up there, and then tell people I spent the whole weekend outside while really having spent it watching Netflix on my couch.
I love that sun, and your idea!
I was wondering just that same thing! You my friend are brilliant!! LoL
I fell in love with that very same metal goat (and several of his friends) at the Aberfoyle show last month. Unfortunately, I don’t have the yard space for even one.
You don’t need a yard. I have a metal rooster hanging out in my living room. It’s very festive!
Those beautiful wooden boards. And I hope you had a rush of blood to the head and bought those old wooden card file drawers. The ones stripped out of libraries without a care. They are perfect for storing seeds. Heavenly. And I’m so glad you bought me that big quebec butter storage box for me. So kind!
Well, I guess pizza bread boards, rolling pin, one of the wood boxes, and the chicken!
I lost it when you described your sister’s unfortunate incident. I, too, seem to have more than my fair share. Once: my sister (who is always very well dressed and friendly) and I were in Macy’s (I hate shopping) at the perfume counter, with my 5-year-old niece who is the daughter of another sister who was not there. We were busy, and I guess she was making vague noises, which we ignored. All of a sudden, we looked down and she had made a huge puddle in front of the perfume stand. I had just picked up a tester bottle of perfume and, in my shock, sprayed it all over my face and started choking like crazy. The perfect model-like employee didn’t react other than her eyebrows started twitching. I could imagine her eye-rolling get these idiots out of here.
LOLOL!!! Ohhhhh … I love a good almost kill yourself story. The almost being the operative word of course. ~ karen!
I hope you got the cement chicken. I want the blue and red truck! It is a wonder to behold. I love it when you go to Christie’s. I swear, it’s the best thing you ever do. Why not start a blog where you just go to flea markets and tease us with photos of what we can’t buy? I would love it.
LOL. There’s another fairly good market around here that happens twice a year, Aberfoyle. Maybe I’ll do another post like it later in the summer. :) ~ karen
Yes!
Aberfoyle runs every Sunday in the summer but they do have a big spring and fall show! Love Aberfoyle.
The white platters and 3 other things…………..
Thanks for the peek.
Not the Loui garment bag? Every girls gotta have one of those!! Ha!
Definitely Christmas ornaments, possibly a pizza board, the “Dewey” drawers, to store stuff in your basement, and some of that coloured glassware.
When are you going to put us out of our misery and tell us.?
Lovely photos and some ‘stuff’ I would have loved to have bought.
On Friday Kathleen! I’m just not sure which Friday. Either this Friday or next. :) ~ karen
My guess: She Letters, tin goat (you always wanted a goat!) this one carefree! depending on price otherwise a hanging wooden box, the wooden hen, the black wrought iron planter.
I liked the doll pin cushion…she has a lovely face!
I loved that doll pin cushion too Heather! ~ karen
The SHE letters…the picnic case…a pizza board…old Christmas ornaments…There you go..I win so my prize will be..the love & peace chairs!!!!!…Let me know when you will be delivering them..oh and…please stop trying to kill Pam…the lady was already traumatized by the little fishes eating her toes off…sheesh…Thanks for all the great pics!
I would so totally have gone for the pink door!!! Not sure what I’d have done with it but it’s so awesome. :) I’m so jealous at this sale
I love that door too!
I was thinking that exact same thing!
the wood basket things hanging off the door in the sixth photo
the orange sun, for sure
the letters S H E
pink door
guy with the beard
Yes, lol. I bought a buy with a beard and brought him home, lol. ~ k!
The ladder, the chicken, and the pair of off white chairs. Maybe not the chicken, and the lady in the white dress instead. Did you buy a lady in a white dress? She’s beautiful, and I think she would be a great coatrack!
LOL!
LOL. Maybe I did! Maybe I did not. ;) ~ karen!
Veggie baskets, white chicken, iron balls, library ladder. I would have bought the Robert Goullet Mountie.
This list sounds very plausible to me, so I’ll go with Auntie Patch. I will add that you rode away with these goodies on the red tricycle (dragging the ladder behind you).
Im guessing at least one of the boxes in the sixth pic. They’d be great on the brick wall in your kitchen,
But please let one of them be that lion head
The chicken and the gigantic wooden toboggan!
The chicken, it has to be the chicken and the ladder and I give up on the other two…lol
Good thing I wasn’t drinking water while I read this, otherwise I’d have had my own spit take going on here, complete with the weird donkey sound. I almost did that at work the other day, and I totally fought it, thinking all the while, ” NO!!! YOU CANNOT MAKE THAT SOUND HERE! PEOPLE WILL THINK YOU’RE DYING!! BREATHE, DAMMIT, BREATHE!!!”
That chandelier type would be perfect in your house. I’m guessing you bought some vintage Christmas ornaments and that really cute chicken. And maybe one of those wonderful carved wooden dough bowls. I can’t wait to see your stuff!!
For sure, the library ladder and 3 bottles of water.
I loved that ladder!
I’m thinking the ladder, as well! Maybe the rooster statue, but it does somewhat seem like maybe that man bought the rooster since it’s sitting on a table all by itself.
I saw about 37 things in the photos that *I* need…most of them in the background of the actual item being photographed LOL
I hope it was the Peace & Love chairs!
Karen,
Please tell me you bought the tin sheep and goat set – they are wonderful!
Ditto and then some. I totally want these two in our backyard. As we’re in Texas, it’s a bit of a drive to get them, so someone local should get to love them, and that someone should be you, Karen.
So much great stuff!!! How can you stand it? Love the photos.
Thanks.