You're out to dinner, you've finished your meal, now what? According to etiquette, where do you put your cutlery when you're done eating? You have two proper options and here they are.
Picture it. You're out for dinner and you've finished with your meal. At home, you'd simply stand up and wander away from the table knowing your plate will magically disappear, get cleaned and be returned to the cupboard at some point in the evening.
That's how it worked for my father anyway.
But in restaurants, servers rely on non-verbal cues to know when they can clear your plate. Your utensils act as a secret code that lets them know you're finished. A sign language of sorts.
If the waiter doesn't happen to see you licking your plate (which is the International sign of I'm just about done,) how are they supposed to know if you're finished eating?
They know by where you've placed your cutlery.
Where to Place Your Cutlery When Finished Eating
You have two correct options:
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№1 Parallel Placement – Place your knife and fork vertically in the centre of the plate, handles resting on the rim.
OR
№2. Clock Position – Place your knife and fork at a 10 o’clock to 4 o’clock angle on the plate.
In both cases:
- The tines of the fork should be facing up.
- The knife edge should point inward.
- Your napkin should be casually folded to the left of your plate.
Great. You've made it this far. You now know what to do with your cutlery so you don't look like a buffoon in front of your 19 year old server at The Olive Garden.
What Not to Do:
🚫 Do NOT rest your cutlery on the table.
🚫 Do NOT cross your cutlery into an X.
🚫 Do NOT place your napkin on your plate.
🚫 Do NOT refold your napkin perfectly.
🚫 Do NOT place your napkin on your chair.
🚫 Do NOT fold your napkin into the shape of a swan or a dead chicken and then wear it as a hat.
You are now fully prepared to attend a Royal Wedding. Bon appétit! 🎩🍽️
CathyR
Wow! I have the same cutlery, I feel so validated and ready to dine out!
Does this hold true for the plastic stuff from Culver’s?
Sally
I’m going to disagree with the point about leaving your napkin on the table as part of the signal. Once your napkin is on your lap (placed there by the waiter if it’s a formal occasion/restaurant) it should remain there until the end of the entire meal rather than signalling that you have finished your course. If you have to leave the table during the course of the meal, it should be placed on your chair and you should ideally find that it has been either replaced with a fresh one or refolded on your return!
Jan
Unlike some commenters, I know being taught this from childhood results from good breeding, not location. I was the result of good breeding so I already knew these table manners (but thank you Karen - I enjoy all your posts). However, I am changed after years of reading comments from others on the internet. Now I am rude and a little reactive. There are too many people who can but absolutely refuse to think. I will add that obviously these commenters were not taught "from birth." Who in their right mind would try to teach a newborn how to leave utensils and napkins when they're finished eating? I could be wrong...perhaps these commenters were such good babies that their mothers were desperate for things to do. Yeah, that's probably it. Never mind.
Alison Wagstaffe
Haha! Here in UK we’re taught this from birth! We’re sooo achingly polite! 🤣
JillyB
My mom was from the UK and yep, I was taught this at a young age and I've done it my whole life!
Elaine Culbert
I’m originally from the UK but live in Karen’s hometown now and as far back as I can remember, I’ve always placed my knife and fork at the #2 position Karen mentions in her blog. I left England at age 9 so I’m guessing I was taught the proper utensil placement at age 7 or 8.
I also remember my mother telling me the proper way to spoon up my soup. I love seeing proper table manners put into practice; in my opinion, manners are what separate us from the apes, lol!
Sabina
Interesting, and we were taught to place them horizontally on the three in an X to indicate we were done.
Patti
As long as we are speaking of dining etiquette, here's an easy way to know which bread plate and which water glass are yours, especially at a round table.
Remember BMW, not the car but bread meal water. Bread on your left, water on the right. BMW!
Lana Jones
Love that!
Karen
That's quite brilliant! Also I've been eating someone else's bread my whole life. ~ karen!
Randy P
That settles it for me. I'm going back to just eating with my hands like the cave-dweller that I am. Enough of my pretending to be 'fancy' foolishness. I'm not kidding anyone, let alone the folks at the drive-up window.
Mathilde Spring
for desert you have a small folk and spoon above your plate and I want to know which way the folk and spoon should face
Bright
Your post has been very helpful and thanks a lot for sharing.
Franca Whyte
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Karen Jeanne
Well, shoot. I've been placing my utensils at 8 & 2 when I'm finished, instead of 10 & 4. I guess I'm just a left-handed heathen.
Pretty sure I'm doing everything else right, now if I could just get the garden soil out from under my fingernails before my next dinner date...
Tony Osime
Why should the napkin be placed on the left rather than the right side of the plate when you have finished eating?
Max
Having a simple convention makes the work of the waiters easier, and that helps all around. Too often people just assume it’s their job, and don’t realise how hard that job is made by lazy customers, or customers with different ideas about how things should be done. It’s a simple matter to put your napkin on the left when done, then the waiter can have a safe, quick and reliable routine to clear the table quickly.
Watson Williams
I always forget the rules about cutlery when it comes to fine dining, so I appreciated the reminders in your article. It's helpful to know that cutlery ought to be between the 10 and 4 o'clock positions on your plate when you're finished. I think it's the little things like non-verbal communication that really make a difference when it comes to fine dining.
Catherine Vosper
I've been told that placing the fork upside down is a no-no, but I was taught by a very proper English lady whose parents had been in service, that the reason for placing the fork upside down is to allow the egg yolk to drip off the silver and on to the plate. Makes sense to me.
Wendy
When the tines of the fork are pointed down on the plate, it means that you're not finished eating. Just taking a wee break.
Linda
For about 3 years, back in the early 80s I was a full-time waitress in a couple of different restaurants in Toronto (trip down memory lane with me... Rhodes @ Yonge & St Clair, The Corner Bistro @ King and Bathurst). Anyway... I learned a lot at an early age by having these jobs, things I never would have learned in the home of my childhood. I'm forever grateful. I loved non-verbal clues because I was trying to be efficient without interrupting the guests' conversation.
A personal pet peeve I have is when the waiter comes by and removes one (or more) plate while others are still eating. They think they're being efficient but I was taught this is a real no-no as it's a subtle way of rushing guests to finish. Makes sense! I have to admit though, I'm not always at the fanciest places :(
Jody
That is my pet peeve as well--clearing plates before everyone at the table is finished.
Safetydog
My mother believed in doing everything "properly", so she taught me these rules of etiquette. I don't always follow her example, but I am aware. Unfortunately, not all wait staff are so aware.
While dining out this Mother's Day, I requested a spoon (not included in the table setting), and the server placed (smacked?) it directly onto my plate, not on the table. Very odd.
David R.
I guess it all depends on the waitstaff's knowledge of such things. Some are seriously lacking the basic skills that a server should have. I remember going to a restaurant in your neck of the woods, ordering a bottle of wine, and the server brought it to the table already opened and poured into glasses. I explained that it's customary to bring the sealed bottle to the table and open it there and have the customer taste it. Apparently she didn't know how to use a corkscrew, so the bartender opened it and poured it. We can only hope that it was the actual wine we ordered.
Lez
Thank goodness this is one '1st world problem' we don't have to worry about. In our house, we eat with our fingers, as many different cultures do!
(Then we wipe our mouths on the table cloth...just kidding!) :)
Thera
One of my best memories from my childhood was Sunday Dinners at home. The China, silver, napkins and delicious food all came out! And it was a way to teach and reinforce manners, a tradition I kept with my children, I was taught 10/4, not crossed, tunes down to preserve the silverware. On a side note, my 18 yr old son and I were at the doctors, other patients were almost all elderly and it was getting quite packed, another elderly woman came in, registered and couldn’t sit as there were no chairs, without a word or signal from me he jumped up and offered his seat, so proud of him!
Penny
If you do a halfway decent job of bringing them up, they'll do that, Thera. I remember being grossed out by both my son and my daughter on a regular basis, by their dedication to eating things for a dare or a bet (fifty pee if you lick it, one pound fifty if you eat the whole thing) and then amazed and gratified by comments from parents who had hosted play dates or sleepovers to the effect that my children were respectful, courteous and helpful, with "lovely manners".
Billy Boland
Manners maketh the Man.
TucsonPatty
I love reading all the old comments. We get ourselves into such a lather, sometimes, eh? I eat out a fair bit (lots and lots of times just a Subway sandwich taken home, but I digress.) and I cannot for the life of me remember how I place my utensils. My favorite establishment knows me well enough to sense when I am *finished*, (yeesh, calm down, Mary!) and always asks if I would like the plate removed. Somehow in all my years, I've learned some good manners. Except I eat much too fast. I've eaten lunch in 5 minutes or so, during my 48 years as a hairstylist, and cannot seem to slow down very much. Happy Royal Wedding Watching, everyone. I'll have a nice Yorkshire Pudding in honor!
Garnet
Interesting read. Etiquette is about being courteous and kind to the waiter (or whoever would clear the table at home). When one considers such things as cleanliness, unspoken communication and the like, all manners are an expression of empathy.
There are some small differences in culture, though. For example, in China, although you do place your chopsticks on the plate/bowl when you are finished eating, you do not place them in a direction pointing towards anyone else at the table. Even then, such a practice makes intuitive sense.