Tonight’s the night! Ghosts, goblins and gastrointestinal distress.
This post is about how I went simple and elegant with my Halloween decorating this year. Some black gauze, twinkle lights and pretty pumpkins. Add in the witches’ broom I showed you how to make a couple of years ago and my first Halloween DIY for this blog, the Halloween wreath and Halloween decorating was done.
So now let’s talk about Halloween gut rot.
I won’t be having stomach issues on this Halloween night. Most kids won’t either, what with parents being so parenty nowadays.
Don’t eat this, don’t eat that, gimme your candy so I can lock it up in this Pinterest inspired candy lockup drawer that doubles as a “Mommy has her period emergency kit.”
Someone who will be sick tonight? My mother. Today at some point gastrointestinal distress will be attacking my mother Betty.
Elegant Halloween Decorating
We couldn’t possibly be more different, Betty and I.
As a kid I would gather my Halloween candy, separate it all based on what kind of candy it was, count it, put it all back in the bag and shove it under my bed until the house developed an ant problem some time around February.
Betty? Betty eats candy until she’s sick.
Every Halloween she sets herself up by the front door with boxes and boxes of candy. Before she knows it she’s plowed through most of it and is turning a nauseous shade of green. That’s her cue to lock the door, shut off the porch light and proceed to moan like she has dysentery.
This is usually all before 3 p.m.
I have a few problems with Halloween but eating candy until I sweat corn syrup is not one of them.
Problem #1 with Halloween. My level of creative OCD is not compatible with a quick pumpkin carving. Couple of triangle eyes and a toothy grin? Sure. I’ll just decorate one Christmas tree and hire someone to do my plumbing while I’m at it. So if I don’t have a spare 2 days? I just don’t carve.
Problem #2 with Halloween. No start and end time. I want to know exactly when all of this is going to go down so I don’t have to turn out every light in the house at 8:30 while still worrying some jackass kid is going to bang on the door looking for candy my mother already has dibs on.
Problem #3 with Halloween. I eat until I feel sick. I know I told you I didn’t but I do. I just don’t do it with candy. I do it with chili.
Every year, the night before Halloween I make a big pot of my famous chili. On Halloween night I don’t have to worry about making dinner, I have a big bowl of comfort food ready to be eaten. I just heat it up on the stove, ladle some into a bowl and top it with chopped avocado, cilantro, sour cream and shredded cheddar cheese. And then I do it again. And again and again and again and again and again and again.
I don’t suffer the “dysenteries” like my mother. I suffer the “Oh-my-god-my-stomach-is-going-to-explodes.”
And then I Google yoga poses that make you fart.
Have a good night, don’t eat too much candy, don’t eat too much of whatever your traditional Halloween dinner is and don’t expect me to answer the door after 8:30.
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