Ghosts, Goblins and Gastrointestinal Distress.

 Tonight’s the night! Ghosts, goblins and gastrointestinal distress.  

This post is about how I went simple and elegant with my Halloween decorating this year.  Some black gauze, twinkle lights and pretty pumpkins.  Add in the witches’ broom I showed you how to make a couple of years ago and my first Halloween DIY for this blog, the Halloween wreath and Halloween decorating was done.

So now let’s talk about Halloween gut rot.

I won’t be having stomach issues on this Halloween night.  Most kids won’t either, what with parents being so parenty nowadays.

Don’t eat this, don’t eat that, gimme your candy so I can lock it up in this Pinterest inspired candy lockup drawer that doubles as a “Mommy has her period emergency kit.”

Someone who will be sick tonight?  My mother. Today at some point gastrointestinal distress will be attacking my mother Betty.

Elegant Halloween Decorating

We couldn’t possibly be more different, Betty and I.

As a kid I would gather my Halloween candy, separate it all based on what kind of candy it was, count it, put it all back in the bag and shove it under my bed until the house developed an ant problem some time around February.

Betty?  Betty eats candy until she’s sick.

Every Halloween she sets herself up by the front door with boxes and boxes of candy.  Before she knows it she’s plowed through most of it and is turning a nauseous shade of green. That’s her cue to lock the door, shut off the porch light and proceed to moan like she has dysentery.

This is usually all before 3 p.m.

I have a few problems with Halloween but eating candy until I sweat corn syrup is not one of them.

Problem #1 with Halloween.  My level of creative OCD is not compatible with a quick pumpkin carving.  Couple of triangle eyes and a toothy grin? Sure. I’ll just decorate one Christmas tree and hire someone to do my plumbing while I’m at it. Image result for rolling eyes emoji So if I don’t have a spare 2 days?  I just don’t carve.

Problem #2 with Halloween. No start and end time.  I want to know exactly when all of this is going to go down so I don’t have to turn out every light in the house at 8:30 while still worrying some jackass kid is going to bang on the door looking for candy my mother already has dibs on.

Problem #3 with Halloween.  I eat until I feel sick.  I know I told you I didn’t but I do. I just don’t do it with candy.  I do it with chili.

Every year, the night  before Halloween I make a big pot of my famous chili.  On Halloween night I don’t have to worry about making dinner, I have a big bowl of comfort food ready to be eaten. I just heat it up on the stove, ladle some into a bowl and top it with chopped avocado, cilantro, sour cream and shredded cheddar cheese.  And then I do it again.  And again and again and again and again and again and again.

I don’t suffer the “dysenteries” like my mother.  I suffer the “Oh-my-god-my-stomach-is-going-to-explodes.”

And then I Google yoga poses that make you fart.

Have a good night, don’t eat too much candy, don’t eat too much of whatever your traditional Halloween dinner is and don’t expect me to answer the door after 8:30.

→Follow me on Instagram where I often make a fool of myself←

 

46 Comments

  1. Jenny W says:

    Happy Halloween! Thinking I might just put some twinkle lights and spooky cloth over my 2 big pumpkins too 🙂 Last year I carved a 3D face into one and it took 5ish hours, so That’s NOT gonna happen again LoL
    Oh yeah, I’m finally 1st to comment, So YaY me!!

  2. Robert says:

    8:30? Wow you really can’t wait to be old and cranky, can you?
    Happy Halloween

  3. TucsonPatty says:

    Ooooohh – I can’t wait!! My ugly, ugly witch (MEEEE!) will be at the front door, scaring the neighbor kids. I eat the things. But my black teeth and black lips get spoiled and I must re-apply the makeup and tooth wax, and there is no time to do that, so I have to wait until it slows down, then there isn’t much candy left, and I’d better save it for one more visitor, so since I haven’t purchased any candy yet – I may be safe this year from a bellyache! Happy Halloween! P.S. Your decorations do look classy, simple and very nicely put together! In a word – elegant!

  4. Robert says:

    Fair point!
    Also, I can’t see the previous comment on which I’m supposed to be responding

  5. Patty says:

    I love this!. Its so classy and spooky at the same time. Im the graveyard. monster syle of Halloween decorator. Ive already dcorated this year. But, i think I will try something like this next year!. Thank You for the inspiration.

  6. Dana Studer says:

    What black magic did you use to take the picture where your reflection isnt seen, Karen?
    I love that broom hanging over the entry to the porch. Cute idea.

  7. Marna says:

    Looks great! No kids go house to house any more anywhere in the neighborhoods for miles. My youngest stopped when he was maybe 7 and we just went to the huge mall where they had candy, games etc for the kids too. It was so nice not to be out in the heat or cold or rain! If I buy candy it is for my family. Chili does sound good! I use to make a special Halloween dish when all my sons lived at home, sort of like sloppy joes.

  8. John says:

    How are you able to take a picture of you porch which reflects the garden and gate but not the photographer?!? Are you a ghost for Halloween this year?!?

  9. Bonnie Gutierrez says:

    Are you sure that broom isn’t your other vehicle? Just kidding! Happy Halloween!

  10. Katie Grace says:

    Your mother and I are one and the same. I was reminded last night the candy is for the kids. Also, do you have any tips or tricks for keeping squirrels away from your pumpkins?

  11. Mia says:

    I see what could be the faintest reflection of a head between the gate and wreath, right in the middle. Even a dark circle that could be a camera lens. And a darkish area, still transparent, over the gate. Spooky!

  12. Shandra says:

    Where I live there are start and stop times for Trick or Treaters… always has been as far as I know/can remember. I’ll be setting up shop from 6-7:30, hoping there are a few leftovers when I turn out the porch light, but not enough to pull a Betty (because if given the opportunity, I totally would).

  13. Darla says:

    From 4-6 PM our town has “boo on the bricks” where children trick or treat our downtown businesses which reside on the old original hand laid brick streets. I lived just down the street and they would mosey on down my way after hitting downtown and the fun was over by around 8. Now that I am in the country I don’t get any trick or treaters…which is fine with me. I would rather have a ton of them and be able to dress up and have fun with them as to have a few stragglers that interrupt my evening.

  14. Tracy says:

    We usually never pass out candy. Makes me furious when “kids” show up with more facial hair than my husband and beg for candy. Caved in last year and bought a 36 count box of full-size Hershey bars. Decorated them with scrapbook paper and cute Halloween stamped tags. Our subdivision is somewhat out of town but there are a handful of kids. Not.One.Person.Came. Notta! My husband ate 36 candy bars in less than 48 hours. I should have called Guinness World Records!

  15. Kat O says:

    My traditional Halloween food is potato cheese soup (made with processed cheese product and jarred picante sauce – this is the ONLY time I will touch “cheese product”), plus caramel popcorn and pumpkin cookies. Definitely eat until I get sick. Where would we be without traditions?!

  16. Heather says:

    Love your decor! Can’t stand blood and gore Dollar Store Halloween garbage. Yuck! Your place looks seasonal and lovely. I will copy. : )

  17. Melissa says:

    LOL!!!

    “Pinterest inspired candy lockup drawer that doubles as a “Mommy has her period emergency kit.”

    I see a project in my future! Except the drawer will be some kind of Nikki de St Phalle papier mache structure to effectively block anyone else from poking around. 😀

  18. Lynn says:

    So beautiful Karen

  19. linda in Illinois says:

    It is eerie when you can’t see your reflection in the glass front door but can see the fence in front of the house. I applaud you. Is that a mirror trick you came up with. Very nice elegant decorations, though I don’t see how the little kiddies will get around the stools without knocking them.

  20. p says:

    oh, please take pics so we can meet Betty 😀

  21. Martina says:

    Will you be wearing your zipper face tonight? Might save some candy that way, as they run away shrieking in terror…lol

  22. Tammy says:

    You are so funny! Glad I found you so I can have at least one laugh out loud moment with each post. Thank you!!

  23. Tess says:

    I’m the Halloween version of the Grinch.

    We hide in our basement (which is very nice by the way), eating Halloween food and candy, watch scary movies or Bewitched, and keep all the lights off. I used to put a huge pumpkin in front of the door with a “We are closed” sign in it but my neighbors stole it once and we ended up having to share our smarties with the trick or treaters.

  24. Christine says:

    I love your other.

  25. Christine says:

    Oops, mother

  26. Christine says:

    Oops, your mother.

  27. Jacquie Gariano says:

    So simple, so elegant. Love it. But my 2 daughters are Halloween fiends. Pumpkins, ghosts, bones everywhere. Here in my daughter Debbie’s house there are dragons (3) a very large cat, skeltons on the front bench, ghosts and skulls. All out. We do have quite a few kids as we are near a school and have lots of young families here. Usually starts about 6 with little ones and goes till about 8 with teens. Lots of candy. ( I do have to hide the candy until today in order to have some for the kids, son-in-law is the thief)

  28. Marilyn Meagher says:

    Looks great, as usual. I detest Halloween, I wish I liked it. I did it all when my kids were young and I love to see the little ones but I hate dressing up and I just don’t like it in general..people look ya me like I have two heads when I say I dont like it. Like I just committed sacrilege by saying it out loud. Anyway. Your place looks great. Enjoy the chilli and the yoga induced farts.

  29. Jan in Waterdown says:

    Every year I’m the crazy lady at the end of the street and the kids love it. This year we planted a bunch of white styrofoam heads stuck on stakes in a tasteful grouping in the garden. I made chili too. And ya gotta watch Jimmy Kimmel’s (on Youtube) videos about parents telling their kids they ate all the candy… there are some hilarious reactions!

  30. Jan in Waterdown says:

    Ya gotta check out Jimmy Kimmel’s videos on Youtube…. parents telling their kids that they’ve eaten all the kid’s candy, hilarious reactions.
    I’ve got chili waiting for me too with hopefully a nice cold beer.

  31. Meg says:

    Hahhaa I love Betty stories. I did eat chocolate until I passed out once…Woke up with the bag still on my chest. And promptly continued my chocolate fest.

    Happy Halloween!!

  32. judy says:

    Any chance your Mother might be lactose intolerant? It’s amazing how much food has milk or milk solids(as a filler) in it. I had decades of misery until I discovered lactose free products.
    The porch is beautiful but sad spider is my favorite,have that pic on my laptop and every time It pops up I gotta laugh and I need desperately to laugh cause I am a tRumpairican-(WTF!) and I am usually glued to the news 24/7. My apologies for Canada’s new designation as an adversary. I love Canada and all you sensible logical people. I’d like to think our midterms will make a difference but you know Russians? Hackers? Voting machines?

    • Karen says:

      I actually thought she was this summer, but then she seemed fine with milk/icecream etc. Mainly she’s like a goat. ~ karen!

  33. Jody says:

    Halloween is the best! Homes on the street go all out with decorations. We had about 500 kiddos last night–it was a parade. My husband was giving out chili for parents and had them help with pumpkin installation art. All at the Parent Warming Station.

    • Karen says:

      500?! That’s insane. I’m not sure what I got but not 500, lol. 150, maybe a bit more? I should count one year. ~ karen!

  34. Dana says:

    And now that the happiest day of the year is past, we all eagerly await the Christmas Pledge, 2018.

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