Edgar the Spider. A Halloween story.

 

 

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Sunday morning I woke up and declared it pajama day.  I did this out loud, to my cats, while sitting cross legged on the couch with my morning coffee.  Both cats gave their sign of approval by completely ignoring me.  Perfect.  Pajama day it was then.  For the next hour or so I flipped through the small stack of decorating magazines that had been growing on my coffee table since August.  By the time I got to the pumpkin heavy October issue of Country Living I realized I hadn’t done my Halloween decorating yet.  How fortuitous. Pajama day would be the perfect day to do it.

Mainly this is because although I love pajama day, I don’t love sit around and do nothing day.  It makes me feel sad and useless.  Like a hotdog with no mustard.

So after my second cup of coffee I walked out to the kitchen declaring it Three Cups of Coffee morning with my cup  held high above my head like a Viking.  Again the cats didn’t object, although one of them questioned me on whether or not Vikings held coffee cups over their heads.

Reaching up onto the shelf where I keep my coffee cups I noticed something barely moving on the countertop.  I put my cup down and took a closer look AT WHAT TURNED OUT TO BE THE BIGGEST SPIDER I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.

Just kidding.  It was a tiny thing.

Normally I’d kill that spider no matter how tiny it was, but that day I didn’t.  I’d found a centipede in the bathroom a few nights earlier and figured I’d spare the spider, starve it out for a few days and hope that it would get hungry enough to eat a centipede 12 time its size should one wander past it.

I should mention that I killed the bathroom centipede.  I killed it a lot.  It was only little as well but that’s no reason to not kill it a lot.

I should also mention the spider we are now speaking of is Edgar.  Edgar my spider friend.

After the hullabaloo with Edgar, I stirred my coffee, tapped the spoon on the edge of the sink and made my way down to the basement.   It isn’t the prettiest basement but it has two advantages over pretty, finished basements; a) it’s an entire floor to the house where I can store things  and b) it’s so scary most kids would rather do anything than go down there.  This makes for some very productive days when kids visit.  As in “Would you like to clean the toilet,  the weird gunk under the taps and the weird gunk in the eavestroughs  … or get me a single potato out of the basement?”   9 kids out of 10 choose the weird gunk.  The other kid’s still in the basement.

Even though it’s a fairly big basement it’s not quite big enough to accommodate all of my addictions.  Between holiday decorations, power tools, scrap wood, seed starting lights, maple syrup equipment, silk screening junk and the stuff for various other hobbies and habits, there isn’t much room for maneuvering.  I found a spot on the workbench to set my coffee down while I started to move some things around so I could get to the shelves filled with my Halloween decorations. Other than a few wreaths and feather boas, everything is stored on shelves in Rubbermaid bins.  That’s on account of the great mouse incident of ’98.

I put my hand up towards the top Rubbermaid bin, my fingers barely long enough to just grasp the edge of it.  Standing high up on my toes, I was finally able to grip the top of the bin to pull it towards me.  With a crunching sound my ring finger came down on something crispy.  Figuring it was a leaf or piece of straw I didn’t think anything of it.

I don’t know why I was so stupid.  I mean, you’re not.  You knew right away it wasn’t a leaf or a piece of straw, didn’t you?  I on the other hand, had no idea.

Placing the bin down on the floor I could see a little scribble of something on the lid of the bin.  I looked closer and then jumped way, way back when I realized what it was. What my finger had come down and squished on that Rubbermaid lid.

A 2 inch long, dried up centipede.  And 3 of his friends.

I can’t really describe the sound that came out of my mouth that day but if you really find it necessary to imagine it, I’d say imagine something between dry heaving and a snowblower.

I looked around desperately for Edgar but he was still upstairs and after a good 10 minutes of ageing, still just a baby.  He couldn’t help me. These centipedes looked like they were bred in a nuclear reactor, a proton pack wouldn’t have helped me.

Thankfully for whatever reason they were dead, (being they were found in my scary basement all fingers point to dying of fright) but the centipede from the other day was proof they were some that were still alive, still breeding, and possibly mutants.

Also I had 3 centipede legs stuck to the tip of my ring finger, so there was that.

All of this added up to running out of the basement and cleaning the toilet instead that day.  And the gutters and the gunk.  Also I’ve been feeding Edgar regularly.   Protein shakes mainly.

So that, is why this blogger didn’t decorate for Halloween this year.  And why she might not decorate for Christmas, Valentine’s Day or Easter.  And why she’s likely to run out of maple syrup and screen printed tea towels in the next year or so.

Turns out the kids were right.  That basement’s a scary place.  I’m sure in the next week or so I’ll muster up the courage to go down there and clean things up.  It’s been a while since I’ve played around with my hazmat suit and valium anyway.  It might be fun.

In the meantime, Edgar and I talked it over.  How we can get the centipedes under control until he gets bigger.  This was Edgar’s suggestion.

 

bad-spider-costume-2

 

Edgar’s got a surprisingly agile sense of humour for a spider.

Happy Halloween everyone.

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100 Comments

  1. Debbie from Illinois says:

    Girl, you are crazy!!!! Lol! The good sort of crazy!!!! Happy Halloween right back at ya. 🙂

  2. Shana Beirne says:

    I love this post! I am an entomologist, and as such it is a requirement to own some type of arachnid. Just trust me on this one. I have had a scorpion since it first climbed off its mother’s back and it is now about 8 months old. It is going to be a gi-normous scorpion when it is fully grown. I have been referring to it as “he”, since sexing a scorpion is apparently extremely difficult until they are adults. And if you know what you’re doing. Anyway, I haven’t named “him”, so I’m going to name “him” Edgar if that’s ok with you. I love that name! And if “he” turns out to be a “she”, then Edgar is still perfect. I love him no matter how he turns out. 🙂

  3. Betty says:

    OMG, you are one funny woman. KILL those centipedes and feed Edgar. Keep us posted!! Happy Halloween …

  4. Tracie Berry says:

    Spiders and centipedes and basements, oh my! Freaky shit I have to say…but I do admire pajama day. In fact, I love it so much it’s a daily occurrence at my place. It does not mean unproductive, just unrestrictive…Plus, I love cats. My cat Tigs, (yes, SOA Tigs) is the best cat I’ve ever had. And I’ve had plenty. I doubt very much that any spider, or crawly thing could prevent Christmas from happening at your house. Love it Karen, and love you too! Boo!

  5. holly says:

    OMG – 1st, Shana, you are going to hate me. Karen, I so get your reaction. My story. I live in Arizona. I walk into the kitchen without my glasses on one day. I see a couple of dishes in the sink from the night before. Start running hot water..see what I think is a twistie tie like they use on loaves of bread protruding out from underneath a bowl. Don’t want that to go into the disposal, so pick it up to throw it away. It starts vibrating!!!! I will never forget that feeling. I throw it onto the counter next to the sink, grab my scorpion killer, (knew what it was), looked at it and it was thrusting its tail into the air over its back like it was wanting to sting me, I soak the crap out of it, all the while emitting sounds most likely similar to yours, Karen, and retching, and saying Oh My God. Scoop it into the sink, and down the disposal it goes., all the while retching. I wear my glasses at all times now.

    • Shana Beirne says:

      I don’t know where the emoji is for crying uncontrollably with snot bubbles coming out of my nose, but there needs to be one. And I would insert it here. I don’t hate you.

      • holly says:

        Oh, Shana, thank you : ) I’m sorry to kill something so close to your heart.

        • Karen says:

          You killed Shana’s nipple? ~ karen

          • Shana Beirne says:

            It’s ok. I’m actually kind of used to it. Not many people love invertebrates the way I do. For some reason when people find out that I love inverts, they feel the need to tell me about how they kill them. It’s kind of like I’m a priest and they’re going to confessional. I absolve you of all of your invert sins. 😉

            I was wondering what that tingling feeling was.

        • Shana Beirne says:

          It’s ok. I’m actually kind of used to it. Not many people love invertebrates the way I do. For some reason when people find out that I love inverts, they feel the need to tell me about how they kill them. It’s kind of like I’m a priest and they’re going to confessional. I absolve you of all of your invert sins. 😉

  6. MaryJo says:

    I’m tickled pink that I stumbled across your blog a couple of weeks ago. I don’t even remember how I found it, but I had a marathon of trying to read every single one of your blog posts and couldn’t tear myself away for 3 or 4 days–honest to god! You are the best, Karen! I especially love this post with that hilarious picture.

    • Karen says:

      MaryJo, I think you spelled “beautiful” wrong. I can’t believe I kept you entertained for 4 days. I’m quite proud of myself and therefore in a good mood. Extra treats for Edgar tonight. Welcome to my site! ~ karen!

  7. Alex says:

    I read a lot. A lot of books, newspapers (yes, old fashioned smudgy newspapers) and a few blogs. You need to write a book. You. Need. To. Write. A. BOOK. Autobiography, novel, I don’t care. Just please, before you die, write a book.

  8. Lavacha says:

    If Edgar brings you prey as a present, he’s reached adulthood and fell in love with you, karen. I’ll name my doorframe spider Edgar – end of Oktober, the only time I get compliments for my ‘realistic Halloween decoration’ = laziness, until the spider moves… ‘he’s just waving at you’ 😉

  9. TucsonPatty says:

    I’m snorting at “snot bubble emoji” and laughing at poor Shana’s dead nipple and then I remembered the “thing” going round the internet – “I found a spider in the bathtub this morning, so I got a tissue and very carefully…Burned The House Down! Now I’m remembering the other story about your centipedes, Karen. It is all giving me the heebie jeebies. I love me some Halloween, but this gets to me. Touching them, oh, my!

  10. Jenny W says:

    That costume! A testament to black legging wearing’ women everywhere 🙂

  11. Steph says:

    Just wonderful, crazy wonderful. Discovered your blog a couple of months ago & love it. You are a woman after my own heart – garden, chooks & DIY everything!! Yes, definitely a book.

  12. Laughing out loud for 10 continuous minutes at 6 a.m. is something to behold, and the best way to start the day. Also annoying the crap out of my 16 year old teenage girl when she is getting up to go swim for her highschool team, has its benefits too, especially when her father is driving her. When she heard me, she said ” Mom…it’s 6 a.m.!!!!!” ( It pains her to see me having a good time when she’s not)
    Because she wants to be a journalist, I’m going to insist that she reads your blog, and when she does, she’ll beg me to get her out of bed early when I discover there’s a new one in my inbox. I’m going to share with all my glum friends, and then read it at least 10 more times today. 🙂

  13. Heather says:

    You so made my day!

  14. Judy Beeksma says:

    OMG! I am a faithful reader of this absolutely amazing blog and I don’t normally leave comments! But when I saw the suggestion of you writing a book…Well, I could not leave that alone! You. Have. To. Write. A. Book. Please! I love your stories and Edgar is one of the best ones yet! Thanks for so much enjoyment that I get when your posts come to my inbox! Judy!

  15. Joslynne says:

    Love it…love it…love it…that goes for the post and costume, of course!!!

  16. Denise says:

    LOL knew there’d be a great story behind the pic. It’s worth my first glimpse on ig before bed the other night. Even though I had various strange dreams. 🙂

  17. jainegayer says:

    Do spiders eat centipedes? I HATE centipedes! I once saw a centipede in my bedroom right before I went to bed and the damn thing skittered away before I could smash it (sorry Shana). I had to sleep in the guest room that night because I was so terrified that it would crawl on me during the night. I don’t think I can eat my breakfast now thinking about them in your basement, Karen. 3 big ones all together. You know there must be lots of others down there. I think I need some xanax. And yes, you should write a book.

  18. lisa says:

    Have you tried sticky traps for the centipedes? You could put them on top of the container lids.

    And a dehumidifier might help too.

    We had them in my college apartment, I feel your pain.

    • Karen says:

      I think I might have tried sticky traps years ago but not lately. Maybe I will give them a go. I’m not opposed to lethal and possibly illegal poisons either. ~ karen!

  19. Catherine Vosper says:

    Awesome hilarious blog….you are great and I look forward to all of your postings!

  20. judy says:

    I was already chuckling as I was reading this-because Spiders are the bain of my existence. We are old ones in the rancher(hate ranchers) of distressed knees and general fatigue and our abode is ground ZERO of the Arachnids Versus the Humanoids……No matter how many times I walk around this house, broom weapon in hand and brush off the forest of Webbing,huge dead Bugs,also thousands of little gnat things and the BAGS of new Armies of Spider Soldiers …………….THEY COME BACK!!!!!! Are they immortal? Mutants? Can they get into the house in the dead of night and repay me for my feeble attempts at genocide? Should we move? Back to the point of this (why do old people go on and on so? ) I got to laughing so hard at the Spider version of Karen….I feared a heart stoppage…………..I would have died raucously Happy and that’s the way to go!

    • Mary W says:

      I once lived in a rental that was completely overrun with 5-6″ wolf spiders that came in from the orange grove. At night you can see their eyes green in reflected light. I killed and killed but had to shake out my shoes in the morning since they liked to hide in the daylight. Now, 60 years later, I found that spiders love dark moist holes and your mouth is perfect. So while I thought there was no way I could have eaten one, I now realize several probably (for sure) did crawl in. 60 years later, I’m still horrified at that thought.

  21. Pam says:

    I read this post last night and laughed hysterically at the story and especially the photo! I’m now back to read the always entertaining comments and have laughed hysterically again. A great way to end and start my day! I love that you named your spider Edgar. As a kid we did a 6 week cross country road trip and would get flies trapped in the car sometime. My sister (who was 4) named the fly Fred and thought that every fly in the car was Fred. Fred sure got around that summer! My other sister was stung twice by a scorpion while sleeping. (Lots of those creepy invertibrates in Arizona.) She felt something on her hip and swept at it with her hand and it stung her in both places. I have no centipedes or creepy basement in my apartment, but I am battling a silverfish invasion. Maybe I need to change my approach and embrace these critters as welcome friends and start naming them. Does Edgar work for a silverfish?

    Thumbs up to the book suggestion!!

    • Brenda says:

      OMG my brother had a fly named Kindy … Pronounced like Cindy … but with the hard K … and we moved a lot and he’d always find Kindy in the car or hotel room or new house (sometimes ‘sleeping’ ) etc and we’d all have to keep away and not wake her – haha

      which brings me to centipedes … OMG those sneaky nuggets … (Spellcheck thinks bugger’s a bad word I guess and nugget’s better) I was always led to believe Centipedes ate all the other bugs … so don’t EVER kill them OR the spider OR the centipede will die … brothers ‘o brother! Maybe it was millipedes?

  22. Karen says:

    I used to live on a farm which meant I lived in a farm-house. Which apparently means you get bigger critters then your friends who live in the same town but who live in subdivisions. I swear centipedes are born and are teeny tiny on day one and are an inch and a half on day two! Even being a farm-girl could never mentally prepare me for seeing some of the legs still moving after you squash the things!! BTW Karen, it helps to have a dehumidifier on in the basement as the centipedes are apparently attracted to moisture.

  23. maggie van sickle says:

    Edgar has a sense of humour???? You do as well my friend. Bahaha hilarious.
    Happy halloweenie and good luck on basement cleaning. I am with the kids, clean the gutters. Just sayin

  24. Beth says:

    Another newbie fan here! Just wanted to join the chorus of ‘please write a book’. Since I see you’ve read several of my childhood favorites that I still re-read on occasion, would you consider a children’s book series? I used to read Junie B Jones books to my daughters when they were little, they were quite funny as I recall, but can’t hold a candle to your writing. Maybe a girl detective series, a la Nancy Drew, and instead of a widowed dad, a single mom who is a DIY-freak with a creepy basement…

  25. Tigersmom says:

    I’m going to be buggy all day now, thanks.
    FYI Karen, I did not receive the usual email I get once you have sent out a post. I checked my Spam and nothing there either. You may want to check things on your end. Could be a bug in the system.
    I will now apologize for using 2 bad puns in a row.

  26. Linda says:

    Kill Edgar! Kill the centipedes! I’m so creeped out and crawly just thinking about spiders and multi-legged, biting, venomous, scratchy, jumpy, nasty creatures…well, I need drugs now.

  27. Glenda says:

    I can deal with killing spiders but centipedes make me shiver and quake. Our basement, completely finished by the way, has had quite a few centipede visitors. My daughters would leave little post-it notes on the floor – Dad, (not Mom, they know better) I think there’s a centipede under this cup, and a squished one under my shoe and there might be one under the couch. I would often turn on the light, see one shoot across the floor then turn off the light and run upstairs. Touching one would do me in.

  28. Jodi T. says:

    I try to never kill spiders. I think they are “good bugs” who kill the nasty bugs that like to drink blood…. Like mosquitoes…… I HATE MOSQUITOES.

    Plus, I think Edgar is the perfect name.

    • Ev Wilcox says:

      I am famous (infamous) with my family for not killing spiders. I too am glad to have the bug-killers work for me! I do scoop them up and put them outside sometimes, like when I need to do dishes and there is one in the sink. I also enjoy thunderstorms and windy days-do you think there is a connection?

    • Brenda says:

      I went to a sweat once and the shaman leading it told us spiders were his spirit insect so I don’t kill them BUT I do get right down there in there face and tell them to GO !

  29. Barbie says:

    …..I noticed you went strangely silent on the “book deal” up there in the comments Karen….hmmmmmmm! lol

  30. jeannie.b says:

    I have a lovely cellar spider named ” Robert” who is currently living in a ceiling corner in my family room. It’s too cold to put him outside. And as for centipedes, they’re great fun for the cats. Happy Halloween!

  31. Karin says:

    ROFL oh my…. Where to start with this awesome post….

    First of YAY to jammy day, a friend gave me a set of light blue pj’s with bacon, eggs, pancakes and waffles on it. I love it! First thing I do when I come home is jump outta my street cloth and into my breakfast jammies. It’s a way of life really.

    Secondly, I’m somehow relieved that you’re skipping the whole Halloween decorating thing. I did start on that awesome witches broom you made last week. Got me stick debarked and have a bunch o branches in the trunk of my car, so I’m getting there. But besides that, meh – not really in the mood for it this time.

    Now, as for naming creepy clawlies, since there’s usually no chance of an introduction (unless the broom or towel counts ;0) we don’t name those. We do however have a chipmunk living in the tree next to the house that goes by the name Mr. Chips and there is Gordie the groundhog who waddles by every so often. We don’t name squirrels though, too many, too hard to keep apart. And of course there is Vicky the Volvo and Robbie the lawnmower. Yeah, we’re weird like that.

    As for the creepy clawlies themselves *shudder* I do remember one time being stopped in my tracks on my way out on the deck, mouth running dry, heart skipping several beats, whimpering and mewling sounds coming outta me, staring at a heee-uge wolfs spider smiling up at me. It almost looked like he was waving a little top hat, but I can’t be sure cause my vision got blurry all of a sudden. Within seconds I inventoried the cupboards to see which glass would fit over that monstrosity, nauseously realizing that we don’t HAVE glasses that big. I whisper-yelped for my husband, who manly and heroically stormed over and stomped the living poop outta it. My husband is wearing size 13 but I coulda sworn I saw its legs protruding from under his shoe on each side. Geezum, I almost swooned after that episode.

    And that although I generally like spiders and all things crawly, no ON me, heck no, but I like to watch them, behind glass preferably. I think they are fascinating and interesting creatures. I just can’t stand to be surprised by any of them. Like after we flea bombed the house this year and the first thing I picked up in the basement disclosed yet another vicious looking spider giving me the finger… basdards….

    Lastly, I love your costume, it’s worthy of a good old coffee-spit-guaffaw-moment.

    Have a happy Halloween ya’ll.
    Happy Samhain too.

  32. Joyce says:

    *giggle* *snort*

  33. Linda in Illinois says:

    Karen, you are an inspiration to all. Write the book by all means, it will be a big seller I’m sure. I myself try to never kill spiders as they are beneficial garden arachnids, and I even take most other creepy crawly things outside to freedom (depending on what it is and if I have gloves on) but I always let out a sound that has no identification to real animal calls. The hurl sound is pretty dang close with a shrill pitch of a scream especially if I don’t expect it and accidentally touch it. Creepy ! Happy Boo day !!

  34. Amber says:

    I have been told that bleach-water is very hard on things like cockroaches because it eats the exoskeletons of insects–that wiping down a surface occasionally is good enough. It hurts for them to walk on it? “It burns…. It BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS” sort of experience. Also, food-grade diotamaceous earth puffed into things like wall spaces?

    Anyway… good luck…

  35. Ev Wilcox says:

    Karen, is that your jammies you are wearing? Still having hee hees over that picture! Anyway, Happy Halloween!

  36. SusanR says:

    You have a natural gift, to be able to write. I know you have a book in process, or are working on a book deal, or both, and I look forward to the day it’s published. Great costume. Would make a good book cover. Happy Halloween!

  37. Jan in Waterdown says:

    i truly don’t mind spiders but hate walking face first into their webs yecch! Centipedes on the other hand are just about the grossest things. Never see them in the basement but they regularly run across the carpet upstairs, find them occassionaly in the bathtub and hubbie admitted to one in our bed. I would have gone stark raving mad if I had known that at the time. And some of them are freekin’ big enough to put a leash on them to go for a walk, double yecch.
    On a completely different note, I didn’t get your blog in my emails this morning. Anybody else have issues? Or maybe Karen has defriended/banned moi?

    • Karen says:

      You’re the second person to mention that Jan! I’m going to resend the post I think. I know other people did get it, but I’m going to resend it just to be safe. Thanks. ~ karen!

      • Ronda says:

        I didn’t receive a post either, but found the new one as I still had Wednesday’s open on my iPad. So, fortunately did not miss the fabulous (beautiful?) spider costume. And cats love chasing centipedes. Send THEM down to the basement!

  38. dede says:

    Forget the book idea. Yours is a big screen life. And I want to see the film. Write your screenplay. I want to be at the premier cuz it’s my idea. ???????❄️?????????☃. xox,d

    • actually no….it was MY idea. I am now her agent, aren’t I Karen?

      • Karen says:

        Well, heh, actually Deb, I already have a literary agent. And in fact she read your comment and told me to tell you that if you tried to steal me away she’d put Edgar under your pillow. I’m not sure who that threat was for … you, Edgar or myself but Maria seems adamant about keeping me as her writer. I on the other hand have hidden Edgar. Just to be safe. ~ karen!

        • Having Edgar under my pillow wouldn’t faze me…in fact he would be a welcome change, cuz I know that spiders don’t snore…ok then Maria…I will be Edgars agent then.

  39. Michelle says:

    This post was very funny but hit too close to home for me. I have the heebie jeebies now. I found your blog when I was on an obsessive search for a glass front fridge for our new home in Scottsdale AZ. Umm ended up with a stainless boring fridge because of the creepiness unleashed when we moved a wall. Inside that wall and in every crawl space were pack rats. Dead ones, live ones, and everything they could drag into the attic over the life of the house. We have just now moved back in. The last straw???? Was when we removed the bath vanity and had two crispy skeletons underneath. I made your sounds and possibly ones audible to most of the USA. That moment I snapped and left poor husband standing there with the vanity on his foot. Did not return until every corner of the house was inspected and cleaned. Four months later…We now have new walls, ceilings, insulation and are $25k poorer. Soooo a GE Cafe fridge was grudgingly accepted and all of my wonderful remodel plans are on hold until more money is saved. But on the positive I found your blog and enjoy it! Just don’t post any pictures of those very popular rat skeleton Halloween decorations. Yuk! Here’s to Edgar!

  40. Gillian says:

    My spider story. (On my brand new wee little blog.)

    We must be in sync because I posted “real life” bedroom pics right when you posted “real life” kitchen pics. LoL. Of course mine is a work in progress…..anyhow….

    I couldn’t keep a spider. It would be killed a lot along with the centipedes. I wouldn’t be in the basement for a year (really a week) either.

  41. Kathi says:

    Used my puffer a few nights ago. Screamed as I felt something wriggling in my mouth. I VERY quickly grabbed it out and threw it down. An earwig had crawled inside and made itself at home!!!! A thousand Ewwwww’s!!!!! My family thought this was very amusing !!

    • Pam says:

      EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! I just gagged a little.

    • Jan in Waterdown says:

      Your family is/are slime . . .
      You are lucky it didn’t bite your tongue!! I had one bite me once on the back of my knee when it was briefly trapped there. Not a lasting pain but a nip none the less. You have my sincerest condolences and sympathy. I hate earwigs as much as centipedes. Tell your family from me that they are slime.

  42. Nancy Blue Moon says:

    OMG…I THINK I JUST PEED MY PANTIES…I HAVE THIS SUDDEN DESIRE TO STOMP ON YOU..SEVERAL TIMES…HAPPY HALLOWEEN GIRL!!!!

  43. Rachel says:

    Happy Halloween Karen and housemate Edgar! Got a spider web waiting if Edgar needs a vacation! No protein shakes, just Rum.

  44. Rachel says:

    Let him hit the sauce before, and he’ll be hiccuping little brown jug all the way through a hurricane (bubbles and all!). Enjoy the day ahead!

  45. Piddlewick says:

    Love it! I am so having a Pajama Day. Soon. Real soon. (but without the basement) Thoroughly enoyed your post on many fronts. Thank you.

  46. amanda says:

    Pretty sure even my full grown, fat tarantula (can tarantulas be overweight? she’s pretty well-fed) couldn’t even eat a centipede. Good luck with those awful things!

  47. Cindy says:

    The answer to basement critters is OZONE – and a timer plug. Zero bugs, zero mice, zero all stuff yucky. I have an old ozone machine but it’s huge and noisy. I’m going to get me a little “bare bones” ozone generator so I can use my own, “quiet” fan. Ozone is my new best friend. I used to have an ionic air cleaner that broke and just pumped ozone all the time. I had it in the basement – where I rarely ventured – and lo and behold! Dead bugs EVERYwhere! I’ve been an ozone fan ever since!! Plus, it makes the basement smell thunderstorm fresh, no matter what, so BONUS!!

  48. yvonne rosanne says:

    Best Halloween story ever!

  49. Christy says:

    “hullabaloo”
    Everyone should use this word all day today in honor of Edgar the spider.

  50. Jan in Waterdown says:

    Got yer resend, thanks! I will be dressing up tonight as the “crazy lady who lives up the end of the street” in my purple afro wig, sexy leopard print top with long black tiered skirt, fluffy slippers, too much makeup and a cigarette . . . pretty much the way I always look . . .

  51. Rondina says:

    Looks like someone snuck off to the dollar store. Or the dollar store has moved to your basement.

  52. Meg says:

    hahaha oh my god: “It’s been a while since I’ve played around with my hazmat suit and valium anyway.”

    Annnd that’s why you have a literary agent now. Which I could not be more excited for! I think you are hilarious – and I’m just catching up on posts as I was away in early October 🙂 congrats!

  53. Christie Thomas says:

    Lol! Happy Halloween, Karen! Great story….great costume! Hope Edgar is well! ?

  54. Pingback: Props! Halloween Edition | Sprouting Balance

  55. When we lived in Austin we had big hairy wild tarantulas – apparently they aren’t the venomous kind there. Still… They ugly. (Meant that lack of grammar)

    I was doing laundry and apparently a tarantula decided it was spa day, as I was pulling stuff out of the machine, a waterlogged tarantula was amongst the clothes – it was a load of darks so it was appropriate. I screamed and ran because I’m a girl. (Pre-Instagram, because otherwise I would have snapped, posted, then screamed and ran)

    Sage’s Austinite boyfriend was there and he refused to help. A teenage boy afraid of a spider… Well of course they had to break up (we also moved back to Singapore so there was that)

    I did like any mature woman would do. Threw out the clothes and washing machine.

  56. Kelly says:

    I have been inspired to buy a viking helmet. I too raise my coffee cup, and declare a ‘fill in the number’ cup day. I will from now on consider myself a viking while I do it.

  57. dana says:

    Cute post. Our storage containers are in the shed and mouse peepoo on the lids. I’m as scared of Edgar as I an all spiders. That means not one iota. I have a total indifference to them. Even if they’re above my bed. I give them the once over, decide if it’s a deadly or dangerous one, and decide if they get to live.

  58. Susan Preston says:

    Hey crazy lady! Don’t centipedes eat spiders? …yup! Keep those centipedes coming and watch out Edgar! You’re on the endangered list!

    • Brenda says:

      Yes what eats what … going to google http://www.orkin.com/other/centipedes/what-eats-centipedes-and-millipedes/
      Chickens eat centipedes Edgar would never save you Karen but your chickens will but you will need to teach them to fly so they can get the ones up high (or buy a flying chicken) or get a really sky high hopping frog

      • Karen says:

        I know. That’s the funny part. Spiders don’t eat centipedes. ~ karen!

        • brenda says:

          haha – and plus you killed Edgar’s centipede already … (I guess I got carried away … and made about 5 comments because this is my first time reading this post) … I imagine Edgar is pretty big by now and you two sit around in your costume on some days that aren’t pj days, etc … so cool – I just have fruit flies I’m trying to keep alive – thankfully they’re spontaneous combusters and come back from nowhere when you miss awhile

  59. Nancy W says:

    On average, humans swallow seven spiders per year.

  60. Marna says:

    Gross, hate spiders! In California where I grew up, it was hilly and full of tarantulas. In Arizona it was more the other types of critters that caused
    problems. In Texas it has been various types of spiders getting in the house, especially wolf spiders, so gross, all of the spiders! I hate that any of them can get into anything they want to get in! Ick!

  61. Mary Schnitzler says:

    We were recently involved with Hurricane Irma, down here in sunny Florida. Fortunately we suffered no damage, either to ourselves or our home. We were without power for two days, and after two days of absolutely pitch black, candlelight looses its romance.
    I also lost Karen on my iPad, and I miss my bawdy blogger! I’ve tried twice to get back on
    “The list”, to no avail. Can something be done from your end? Never trust an Irma. They screw up your life!

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