Tired of droopy tape measures? Here’s how to choose the best measuring tape—and why you actually need three of them (plus one fake limp).
There are three things you absolutely need if you're a homeowner or an apartment dweller. You need a flashlight, a measuring tape and a limp. The most important of these three things is the limp.
The flashlight and the measuring tape are nice to have, but if you have a limp you’ll accomplish all kinds of things. People will magically appear to shovel your driveway, cut your grass, carry heavy objects into your house. The possibilities are endless really.
A limp you can easily fake, but a the measuring tape is trickier.
You need a minimum of 3 measuring tapes in your household.
How to Choose The Right Tape Measure
The biggest mistake people make when they buy a measuring tape is they don’t buy a big enough or a good enough one. Ever wonder why your tape kinks and droops once you pull out a few feet? It’s because you have yourself a crap measuring tape.
Buy one that’s at least 1″ wide. The wider the tape, the longer you’ll be able to stretch it out without it bending. A handy quality in a measuring tape.
See me testing my old and my new measuring tape in the video below. 👇🏻
The Tape Test
The Results
- My old measuring tape measures out a bit more than 7 feet before it "breaks".
- My new measuring tape measures 11 feet before it "breaks.
When you’re in the store just stretch it out. Don’t be shy. Just stretch it out and make sure it doesn’t bend or kink too soon.
Now onto all the measuring tapes you need as an adult human person.
Ribbon Tape
You need a flexible cloth tape like seamstresses and tailors use for measuring curved or misshapen things. Like pillows, or your bum.
Compact Tape Measure
Soft & rigid
Soft
You need a small, soft, compact tape you can stick in your purse/pocket/keychain and always have with you. That way, when you’re out thinking … Geez … I wonder if that will fit … you’ll have a measuring tape to measure whatever it is you’re wondering about.
I used mine a few times at a flea market this weekend. First to measure a dresser and next to measure the length of a french fry.
Rigid
I also own this rigid mini Craftsman measuring tape that fits on a keychain. And this Milwaukee one. And a few others.
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Construction Tape Measure
The most important of them all … you need a big, honkin’ metal measuring tape. Not a reasonably sized one. You need one you can barely fit in a drawer.
10 years after buying it, this measuring tape above has just retired. The stop button stopped working and the tape is crimped in a few places. I'm not throwing it out, I'm just reassigning it.
The old tape will go in my shed so I have something to quickly grab when I'm outside and suddenly need to measure something. It happens.
I now own this colourful monstrosity of a measuring tape, which is what inspired me to write this post. There IS a time to retire your old tape measure and get a new one.
Check your tape today to see if that time is right about now.
The only problem you might encounter with a measuring tape of this size is your neighbours might wonder why you, someone with such a pronounced limp, would ever need such a hefty measuring tape.
If the neighbour gets argumentative, shine a flashlight in their face, bonk them on the head with your massive measuring tape and run for your life.
Randy P
Good solid tips - I keep a Stanley 12 footer at the PC and always have a 12"
& 18" ruler at the desk. They're a lot like the pocket knife I always carry. Never thought I'd need one until I started carrying one. Use it all the time.