A lump. Two words. That's all it takes for any woman to know exactly what you mean.
At this very moment in time I have no idea if I have breast cancer or not, but by the end of this post I will know. I'm writing this post after an incident the weekend of February 16th. If you've ever had a cancer scare you know the drill. Something's wrong, you Google everything that wrong thing could be and definitely decide it's probably cancer.
Loose teeth? Must be cancer. Yellow fingernails? Cancer. Unable to watch an entire episode of Game of Thrones? Regrettably ... cancer.
The problem is ... when you find a lump in your breast, that's really the most logical direction for your mind to go.
On Saturday morning I woke up with a sore spot on my boob. Not the whole thing, it wasn't radiating, it was in one place. I poked around and my knees went weak when I felt a lump. A big one.
Google, Google, Google. Pain isn't associated with breast cancer - usually. Good. But sometimes it is. Bad. Google, Google, Google. Could be breast cancer, cysts, fibrosomething or an abscess. All kind of unfortunate but only seems like its goal in life is to make you miserable and possibly kill you.
As I sit here, I am certain of two things. That all the men are currently scrambling to close this post as fast as they possibly can, and that even having the remote possibility of cancer descending on you can completely justify eating an entire bag of Ruffles with dip.
As is often the case with something like this, it happened on a Saturday morning which meant I had the whole weekend to try to not freak out. Plus I had to wait through Monday as well because Monday was a holiday. By Tuesday morning nothing had changed so I knew I had to make a Doctor's appointment. Also by Tuesday morning I couldn't concentrate longer than 2.5 seconds on anything.
When I finally got to call my Doctor 3 days after my discovery I was told she would be unable to attend to my crisis on account of she was holidaying. Would I mind going to see a stranger Doctor in another city who's been out of medical school for precisely 1 year.
Ummmmmm.
So off I went to see Dr. One Year knowing it really didn't matter. This appointment was going to end with her ordering me to get an ultrasound and a mammogram. I knew that. I mean if I couldn't tell whether it was cancer with my 3 straight days of Googling and poking myself then she wouldn't be able to tell either.
I sat alone in the office waiting, thinking this is why women have husbands. This might be the only real reason to have a husband. So someone can sit in the waiting room with you holding you tightly so you don't donkey kick the chatty woman next to you.
At this point I haven't told anyone because there is nothing to tell other than My boob is being weird. Oh and Dr. Google says it's cancer. Best not to say anything until I actually know something.
I got an appointment that very day. After the Doctor examined me (by some stroke of good luck I was seen by a senior physician) she told me to get dressed and wait while she made a phone call.
I could hear the some of the call from the outside of my examination room.
Suspicious.
Urgent.
Ultrasound and Mammogram.
Those were the only words I heard. At least they're the only words I remember hearing.
The Doctor came back into my room and explained that she was sending me for tests at the hospital I originally had a mammogram about 2 years ago. At least I thought it was 2 years ago. Turns out it was 4.
I kept meaning to make an appointment.
I've been told that as an urgent case I should be given an appointment within the next couple of days. And that's where we are right now. With me at home, the night after my initial Doctor's visit waiting for a call to confirm my urgent mammogram appointment.
February 22
After 4 days of waiting and 17 bags of Ruffles I finally got a phone call telling me I got an appointment at the breast assessment centre. For March 7th. 17 days after my initial Doctor's appointment. Now I don't know if you know this but Cancer time is a little different than regular time. When you're waiting for results, time slows downnnnnn and each day lasts approximately 1 year. That means my appointment was going to feel like waiting for 17 years.
February 26
The breast assessment centre called to say they had a cancellation and could I come the very next morning? Yes. Yes I can. Not even a blizzard could stop me, which by the way we're supposed to be hit with the at the very time my new appointment is. That's O.K. I'm full up with Ruffles and have an extra layer of protective fat. I'll walk the 12 kilometres if I have to.
It's now the evening of February 26th as I write this and I don't mind telling you I feel quite ill from the stress of it all. The pain is gone, I don't have that anymore so one of my symptoms has disappeared. However for the past week I've had a fever. This is giving me hope that I'm only riddled with some time of non-lethal pussy infection. I'm almost certain that's the correct spelling of pussy. As in filled with puss. I understand it reads a bit differently, but I can assure you only one of my lady parts is malfunctioning - my boob.
February 27
At least it's a beautiful building. Beauty is calming so walking into this as opposed to a cinderblock dungeon somewhere in the basement of a hospital is much appreciated.
My appointment took place at 9:45 a.m. in this facility in the middle of a snow storm. First up mammogram. Actually first up getting into the contraption they call a "gown". Then the mammogram.
Once you have your mammogram you sit out in the waiting room watching I Love Lucy reruns with all the other women wearing contraption gowns waiting for results or for their initial scan.
If your mammogram is good, you get to go home after it's reviewed and get celebratory drunk. If it's bad, or needs clarification you have to have another mammogram. I had to go for another mammogram.
After my second mammogram was done I went back to the waiting room where it's now all new women and me. And Mary Tyler Moore. If the second mammogram shows inconclusive or suspicious results you have to go in for an ultrasound. I had to go in for an ultrasound.
Did I mention you're not allowed to wear deodorant when you get a mammogram because it can interfere with the results as well as your dignity? So no deodorant during one of the most sweat inducing moments in your life. I mean there's cancer tests and pregnancy tests. Those are the two sweatiest moments in life.
It didn't really matter because I was so anxiety filled that all liquid producing pores or holes in my body completely shut themselves off.
15 minutes after my ultrasound and 1.5 hrs after I got to the hospital I was given the results.
I don't have cancer.
I am however filled with cysts and need to be checked again in 3 months. The ultrasound can see the density of things and whether they're solid masses or fluid filled. Mine were fluid filled and one is possibly infected which would explain the week long low grade fever.
Cysts are harmless. But I do need to be checked again to make sure they're shrinking. Apparently they flare up then shrink. There is no known cause for cysts.
I'm home celebrating by wearing sweat pants and eating cheese and crackers and the relief is just setting in. I'm a huge advocate for mammograms. I wrote a post on the fact that everyone should remember to go regularly for mammograms including everything you can expect to happen while you're getting yours.
Yet I didn't book my follow up.
One, two, three, four years went by and I didn't get a mammogram. Which is enough time for cancer to sneak up and attack you. If you get a mammogram every 2 years they can catch it early enough that it's completely treatable. THAT'S REASON ENOUGH TO GET ONE.
Do you know anyone with terminal cancer? Imagine if they could have taken a 10 minute test to prevent it. And chose not to.
That's what you're doing when you choose to skip a mammogram.
I have something to tell you. I think now's a good time for you to book your next or first mammogram.
love karen
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Cathy
Oh, God, Karen. I was holding my breath through your whole story. So Glad you don’t have cancer. I’m lucky that my Women’s Center calls me every year to set up my appointment. I’m not responsible for remembering. My pap test on the other hand...🤔😞
Debbieo
So glad it turned out this way and so sorry you had to go through it alone. You have a bigger team of supporters than you can ever know!
Clare Hollingsworth
Karen, that is so true! Debbieo, thank you so much for putting that into words. There are so many people around the world who are with you in spirit, Karen, who love what you do and would love to be there in person for you too. I hope you can feel that <3 xxx
Stacy P.
Oh Karen! I'm so pleased that you don't have cancer. Cancer sucks!
marli
Ugh. Been there with the cervix (now removed) and yet I've not been well enough to make the damn mammogram appointment. Dr. is less than thrilled with me, and now you've set a large reminder in my email. I suppose I should just do it and get a ride if necessary.
Thank you for the nudge. And I'm over the moon happy for you!
Smiles, marli
Mike
Great news! Congrats!!!
Sarah
What Monica said ! Phew ! I think I held my breath for the whole of that post. Thank goodness.
Also after 50, you should do a simple stool test every 2 years for colo-rectal cancer. A friend is suffering after ignoring symptoms and leaving it too late... and 9 out of 10 can be cured if treated early.
Lisa
Do you get sent a Happy 50th Birthday card by the Government - giving you a free stool test to check for bowel cancer (it comes every year after you turn 50). Weird feeling to get that just before you turn 50. A bit of an EEK! :-)
We also get a reminder to have breast checks and pap smears (really don't want the government knowing I'm due for those, but glad they do it - it's because they are charged through Medicare and bulk-billed - so they send reminders out).
Ann Brookens
So...the government-sent medical reminders: is that a Canadian thing? I could certainly use that, here in the US!
Patricia Jaroslawski
I am very glad that your results were good :)
Laura Bee
Immediate tightness in my chest at those two words. My Nana was in her 30s in the 1960s when she lost a breast to Cancer. I am 45, thinking it is time I had my 1st mammogram.
I am so happy for your good news. About the husband. . . my spouse of 20 years moved out last Oct. so if need be, I will take my sister or my best friend. My mom and aunt always go together.
Im_UrAlly
it's never the same. My BFF went for her routine exams in April and got the all clear. She found out in May that she was losing her job, so she decided to get a full physical before her benefits were transferred to COBRA plan in August. In August she found out she had stage four Breast Cancer. .... .... she has three young sons ... 9, 6, 2 ... A husband that doesn't work and isn't around that much (longer story), and would be hunting for a job while going through Chemo. .... Years have passed ... reconstruction failed ... she couldn't heal the skin ... she's in a trail now ... more years have passed. ... she is living each day as fully as possible ... no new job yet but she keeps interviewing. .... the kids have special counseling to deal with all this .. spouse is more (a little) around and is doing great with not being pulled away by (another story) family members insisting they need more help than his wife or kids .... 12, 9, 5 ... she believes in being confident ... It's more than a scare, and it's not just because you forgot to get a mammogram on time.
Tina
Your friend is lucky to have you as a friend. I hope she has many more days. <3
Nicole
As you say, a mammogram can find it early enough to halt the cancer - my very first mammogram (at 40) was the one that found the abnormal cells. I have five little tattoos that they used to line up the radiation and I'm way prouder of them than I would have been had I ever got up the nerve for that tribal tattoo I wanted when I was in my 20s. :)
Nicole
My name is also Nicole and I just finished my breast cancer treatments a month ago. I’m also proud of my dot tattoos. We’re part of a different tribe.
So thrilled for you Karen. It’s like winning a million dollars, isn’t it. Thank you for sharing this with us and getting other women to go for their mammograms. I go to mine every two years and that is what saved my life. It was caught in time.
Barbara Heathcote
Deep Breath! Great to hear!
Kelly
Amen Karen!! Thank you for sharing..... mammograms are a wonderful tool. Please ladies, get yours as often as allowable by your medical coverages.
Also, PAP smears and be sure to have the dr. do a ‘thin prep’ slide to check for HPV.
Early detection is the best way to beat the crap out of that nasty six letter word; cancer.
Thank you, again, Karen!! Thank God you are in the clear! Big hugs and sighs of sheer relief!!
Kelly~~
Andrea Falconer
Ohmygod, I read this feverishly, having just heard that a friend recently went through the exact same lump in boob drill. So glad you’re good! And thank you for posting the pro-mammogram pitch. It’s so easy, painless and quick!
My friend’s results weren’t great. But she’s fighting it.
Effing cancer 🤬
Meg
Note: mammograms are NOT PAINLESS if you go at the wrong time of the month. I have had great/painless mammos and *TOTALLY AWFUL I WANT TO KILL THE TECH* mammos.
SCHEDULE IT AROUND YOUR CYCLE LADIES!
Also, Eff cancer, I hope your friend fights it like a champ.
Michelle Vaughan
So happy for your good outcome. My mammogram is scheduled for March 26. Thanks for sharing your story.
Audra Caton
I have breast cysts as well. I've never had a flare up, but I can just imagine the scare you went through. Thank God you are ok and everything checked out.
Oh and BTW, I'm scheduling my mammogram tomorrow morning.
Hugs
Audra
Phylicia
So happy for you!
Sue
I cannot imagine your levels of fear and tension. Just reading your post made me feel tense and fearful. The photo of you in weary relief at the end is gorgeous. Instructing stock broker to buy stock in potato chip company pronto.
Cynthia
Just an additional comment. Please don't let anyone say, or believe, that "cancer doesn't hurt". I was diagnosed 15 years ago with Inflammatory Breast Cancer, which causes rapid, incredibly painful swelling in the affected breast. It is frequently misdiagnosed as mastitis (an infection).
I'm so so so very happy to hear that you are simply a cysty! Please continue to monitor, and thank you for sharing your experience in the hopes of educating others. Knowledge is power.
Shelly
Breathing a big sigh of relief for you. Scheduling my mammo first thing thing tomorrow.
monica
😳❤️⦿⦿🕘🕙🕚👌🎉
valerie mason
tears of joy for you!!