A lump. Two words. That's all it takes for any woman to know exactly what you mean.
At this very moment in time I have no idea if I have breast cancer or not, but by the end of this post I will know. I'm writing this post after an incident the weekend of February 16th. If you've ever had a cancer scare you know the drill. Something's wrong, you Google everything that wrong thing could be and definitely decide it's probably cancer.
Loose teeth? Must be cancer. Yellow fingernails? Cancer. Unable to watch an entire episode of Game of Thrones? Regrettably ... cancer.
The problem is ... when you find a lump in your breast, that's really the most logical direction for your mind to go.
On Saturday morning I woke up with a sore spot on my boob. Not the whole thing, it wasn't radiating, it was in one place. I poked around and my knees went weak when I felt a lump. A big one.
Google, Google, Google. Pain isn't associated with breast cancer - usually. Good. But sometimes it is. Bad. Google, Google, Google. Could be breast cancer, cysts, fibrosomething or an abscess. All kind of unfortunate but only seems like its goal in life is to make you miserable and possibly kill you.
As I sit here, I am certain of two things. That all the men are currently scrambling to close this post as fast as they possibly can, and that even having the remote possibility of cancer descending on you can completely justify eating an entire bag of Ruffles with dip.
As is often the case with something like this, it happened on a Saturday morning which meant I had the whole weekend to try to not freak out. Plus I had to wait through Monday as well because Monday was a holiday. By Tuesday morning nothing had changed so I knew I had to make a Doctor's appointment. Also by Tuesday morning I couldn't concentrate longer than 2.5 seconds on anything.
When I finally got to call my Doctor 3 days after my discovery I was told she would be unable to attend to my crisis on account of she was holidaying. Would I mind going to see a stranger Doctor in another city who's been out of medical school for precisely 1 year.
Ummmmmm.
So off I went to see Dr. One Year knowing it really didn't matter. This appointment was going to end with her ordering me to get an ultrasound and a mammogram. I knew that. I mean if I couldn't tell whether it was cancer with my 3 straight days of Googling and poking myself then she wouldn't be able to tell either.
I sat alone in the office waiting, thinking this is why women have husbands. This might be the only real reason to have a husband. So someone can sit in the waiting room with you holding you tightly so you don't donkey kick the chatty woman next to you.
At this point I haven't told anyone because there is nothing to tell other than My boob is being weird. Oh and Dr. Google says it's cancer. Best not to say anything until I actually know something.
I got an appointment that very day. After the Doctor examined me (by some stroke of good luck I was seen by a senior physician) she told me to get dressed and wait while she made a phone call.
I could hear the some of the call from the outside of my examination room.
Suspicious.
Urgent.
Ultrasound and Mammogram.
Those were the only words I heard. At least they're the only words I remember hearing.
The Doctor came back into my room and explained that she was sending me for tests at the hospital I originally had a mammogram about 2 years ago. At least I thought it was 2 years ago. Turns out it was 4.
I kept meaning to make an appointment.
I've been told that as an urgent case I should be given an appointment within the next couple of days. And that's where we are right now. With me at home, the night after my initial Doctor's visit waiting for a call to confirm my urgent mammogram appointment.
February 22
After 4 days of waiting and 17 bags of Ruffles I finally got a phone call telling me I got an appointment at the breast assessment centre. For March 7th. 17 days after my initial Doctor's appointment. Now I don't know if you know this but Cancer time is a little different than regular time. When you're waiting for results, time slows downnnnnn and each day lasts approximately 1 year. That means my appointment was going to feel like waiting for 17 years.
February 26
The breast assessment centre called to say they had a cancellation and could I come the very next morning? Yes. Yes I can. Not even a blizzard could stop me, which by the way we're supposed to be hit with the at the very time my new appointment is. That's O.K. I'm full up with Ruffles and have an extra layer of protective fat. I'll walk the 12 kilometres if I have to.
It's now the evening of February 26th as I write this and I don't mind telling you I feel quite ill from the stress of it all. The pain is gone, I don't have that anymore so one of my symptoms has disappeared. However for the past week I've had a fever. This is giving me hope that I'm only riddled with some time of non-lethal pussy infection. I'm almost certain that's the correct spelling of pussy. As in filled with puss. I understand it reads a bit differently, but I can assure you only one of my lady parts is malfunctioning - my boob.
February 27
At least it's a beautiful building. Beauty is calming so walking into this as opposed to a cinderblock dungeon somewhere in the basement of a hospital is much appreciated.
My appointment took place at 9:45 a.m. in this facility in the middle of a snow storm. First up mammogram. Actually first up getting into the contraption they call a "gown". Then the mammogram.
Once you have your mammogram you sit out in the waiting room watching I Love Lucy reruns with all the other women wearing contraption gowns waiting for results or for their initial scan.
If your mammogram is good, you get to go home after it's reviewed and get celebratory drunk. If it's bad, or needs clarification you have to have another mammogram. I had to go for another mammogram.
After my second mammogram was done I went back to the waiting room where it's now all new women and me. And Mary Tyler Moore. If the second mammogram shows inconclusive or suspicious results you have to go in for an ultrasound. I had to go in for an ultrasound.
Did I mention you're not allowed to wear deodorant when you get a mammogram because it can interfere with the results as well as your dignity? So no deodorant during one of the most sweat inducing moments in your life. I mean there's cancer tests and pregnancy tests. Those are the two sweatiest moments in life.
It didn't really matter because I was so anxiety filled that all liquid producing pores or holes in my body completely shut themselves off.
15 minutes after my ultrasound and 1.5 hrs after I got to the hospital I was given the results.
I don't have cancer.
I am however filled with cysts and need to be checked again in 3 months. The ultrasound can see the density of things and whether they're solid masses or fluid filled. Mine were fluid filled and one is possibly infected which would explain the week long low grade fever.
Cysts are harmless. But I do need to be checked again to make sure they're shrinking. Apparently they flare up then shrink. There is no known cause for cysts.
I'm home celebrating by wearing sweat pants and eating cheese and crackers and the relief is just setting in. I'm a huge advocate for mammograms. I wrote a post on the fact that everyone should remember to go regularly for mammograms including everything you can expect to happen while you're getting yours.
Yet I didn't book my follow up.
One, two, three, four years went by and I didn't get a mammogram. Which is enough time for cancer to sneak up and attack you. If you get a mammogram every 2 years they can catch it early enough that it's completely treatable. THAT'S REASON ENOUGH TO GET ONE.
Do you know anyone with terminal cancer? Imagine if they could have taken a 10 minute test to prevent it. And chose not to.
That's what you're doing when you choose to skip a mammogram.
I have something to tell you. I think now's a good time for you to book your next or first mammogram.
love karen
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MaryJo
Oh Karen, I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that alone! And I'm so glad that you're okay. I saw my GYN last week and have a reminder in my calendar to make an appointment for a mammogram next week.
Ritz
Karen, I'm awfully glad that that you don't have cancer and you're OK.
Thank you for sharing your story, you've reminded me that it's time to schedule one for myself.
Take care of yourself ..maybe do a little research on the coke connection?
Jane
Karen, bless your heart for sharing your experience. We can't do that enough as so many women are fearful of going for the test because of the possible cancer results. From a woman who started her cancer journey with breast cancer which metastasized to my bones almost 15 years ago, let me assure others that breast cancer is often considered a chronic disease these days rather than the terminal diagnosis it used to be. My next bout of cancer was thyroid three years ago but I'm still going strong at almost 75. The breast cancer diagnosis doesn't have to mean the end of the world, it's only another experience to get through and possibly learn from.
Christie
How terrifying for you. I just had a mammogram and colonoscopy the past month - to your point - simple tests that can easily find a problem. My heart was in my throat reading this post... thank goodness you’re okay 💕
Bonnie Gutierrez
Karen, I am happy for your good news!
YVONNE WOLF
I'm so happy that you are ok! My stomach was in a knot reading your posts until the end. You are such an inspiration to so many of us...we're all making our mammogram appointments because of you. Thank you for your courage in writing about this all important topic.
Aggie
My mammogram is Wednesday. Your post is exactly my story and here I am. Sick to my stomach.Hoping I can dodge this bullet. I am so thankful for you( and your outcome). Take care sisters.
Shannon
Intensely relieved at your diagnosis! I just had mine done after feeling a sore spot and like you had to wait days for an appointment. A dear friend beat cancer 2 out of the 3 times she was diagnosed. I could hear her whispering, “girl, you better make that appointment.” I’ve been given the all clear and I want to shout from the rooftops at my gender: Do It! Go in and get it done. The amazing relief you feel even when you felt fine to begin with is much better than the quiet nagging you have if you keep putting it off.
Mary W
That title was horrific. I'm so very happy that you have come back cysty! I have had a reminder on my desk for almost a month but never called for my appointment. Just didn't take the time. I will Monday - your post makes it impossible to ignore any longer. Thank you from the bottom to the top of my boobs.
Miriam Mc Nally
Phew that you are ok.
I hope you're still celebrating!
Kudos on the 'go for your mammogram" post. We all need to be reminded how important it is. I have 4 friends who caught breast cancer very early, got treated and are fine, as a result of a mammogram.
Rosy
I am so happy my favourite blogger doesn't have cancer! I mean, I don't want anybody to have cancer, but it would have really messed up pre-Christmas season to not have your stuff around.
On the same prevention note: if you know women under 35, tell them to get their damn HPV shot. My sister has to have a hysterectomy at 29, well before she was ready to close the children door, because she has cervical cancer. If she'd got the HPV vaccine 10 years ago, she would likely not be in this situation.
Renn from out West
Steven King has nothing on you. That first paragraph scared the bejesus out of me. I thought “Oh no, it got Karen too”. Please don’t make it so.
I go to your blog for a happy smile and good laugh and can so relate to you. I was scared to read on.
I live with this nasty disease in our family as my daughter is a breast cancer survivor and I too faced the massive painful lumps. (But that is another story)
So glad you had great results (your smile says it all) and you can now look forward to planting your garden and enjoying the warm earth on your hands.
From out West 🔆
Kim W
Hey there - occasional reader here, and also VERY frequent breast-cyst-haver. In fact, every time I've felt a lump it's been that. The thing is I always would go running to my doctor whenever I first felt a lump (and I was one of those "do the monthly self-exam thing" people), and would get the whole mammogram and sonogram thing and have it turn out to be a cyst. Finally my doctor sat me down and said "listen, I think we need to change the BSE rules in your case; instead of when you feel a lump, you call me, let's have it be that when you feel a lump, wait a month and see if it goes away on its own - and then if it doesn't THEN you call me."
They get big on me sometimes, they get sore every time; but they always go away within a month. It's still a mental wedgie every time, though.
....I am just generally a lumpy person. I've also has sebaceous cysts here and there, and an ovarian cyst that caused one DOOOOZY of a problem when I was on a second date once. (Dude ended up having to carry me to the ER, but then waited around with me for the nine hours it took the doctors to figure out what was wrong with me, and that is a WHOLE other story.)
Long story short: your story is sounding very, very familiar to me, and that's a good sign (even though you don't know me).
Susan
I don’t think I breathed at all reading your post, Karen. Thank goodness you had the all-clear! I too have had a scare like yours, and it’s frightening. I’ve been having regular mammos for many years, and now have to have them yearly as I’m told I have dense breast tissue.
Early detection is the key. Check your breasts every month!
Jody
How frightening for you and what a relief.
Melissa S Foremny
Almost 2 years ago I went for my annual Mammo, they didn't see anything, but I had what looked like a divot in my breast. I thought my elastic had sprung, just part of ageing. After 2 mammos, one a 3D type - better for those of us with dense/fibrous tissue. 3 biopsies and a batch of tests... turns out mine was cancer. ILC stage 2 - I decided on a double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. Keep preaching Mammo - and get the 3D kind! So glad you are ok.......and that I am too!
Nancy Sciarretta
Seeing your post made me catch my breath. I admire and respect you and became suddenly fearful for you. Your story was wonderfully compelling which will, I'm positive, inspire others to get that gad-awful mammo done once again. We are truly all sisters at heart, and I am relieved that my sista-from-another-motha is cancer-free. Thanks for sharing ALL of you. You are a blessing to us all.
amanda
Oh Karen! So frightening. So very happy for your good health!! I am a member of the dense breast club and have also been one of the fortunate ones to learn my cyst(s) we’re just that. Not cancer. But each of the many times I’ve had the follow up ultrasound, as I was sitting with the other women waiting for our turn, I wondered.... who will it be here among us? Will we all get to go back to our lives, our families, the world of not having cancer? You perform a true service by sharing, in this most public forum, your own most personal experience. Thank you. You almost certainly saved a life today.
Dianne
So happy for you and am overjoyed for your good news Had a similar experience but long ago when they still did surgery to be sure. And yes it is time to schedule my next mammogram.
Alyson Bird
I love you. I force feed your IG to everyone I know. Some take to you and some don't but I think you sure are swell. So glad for the good news. My mother has a similar condition to what yours sounds like and she never ever had any complications. Hope you rest well tonight.