A lump. Two words. That's all it takes for any woman to know exactly what you mean.
At this very moment in time I have no idea if I have breast cancer or not, but by the end of this post I will know. I'm writing this post after an incident the weekend of February 16th. If you've ever had a cancer scare you know the drill. Something's wrong, you Google everything that wrong thing could be and definitely decide it's probably cancer.
Loose teeth? Must be cancer. Yellow fingernails? Cancer. Unable to watch an entire episode of Game of Thrones? Regrettably ... cancer.
The problem is ... when you find a lump in your breast, that's really the most logical direction for your mind to go.
On Saturday morning I woke up with a sore spot on my boob. Not the whole thing, it wasn't radiating, it was in one place. I poked around and my knees went weak when I felt a lump. A big one.
Google, Google, Google. Pain isn't associated with breast cancer - usually. Good. But sometimes it is. Bad. Google, Google, Google. Could be breast cancer, cysts, fibrosomething or an abscess. All kind of unfortunate but only seems like its goal in life is to make you miserable and possibly kill you.
As I sit here, I am certain of two things. That all the men are currently scrambling to close this post as fast as they possibly can, and that even having the remote possibility of cancer descending on you can completely justify eating an entire bag of Ruffles with dip.
As is often the case with something like this, it happened on a Saturday morning which meant I had the whole weekend to try to not freak out. Plus I had to wait through Monday as well because Monday was a holiday. By Tuesday morning nothing had changed so I knew I had to make a Doctor's appointment. Also by Tuesday morning I couldn't concentrate longer than 2.5 seconds on anything.
When I finally got to call my Doctor 3 days after my discovery I was told she would be unable to attend to my crisis on account of she was holidaying. Would I mind going to see a stranger Doctor in another city who's been out of medical school for precisely 1 year.
Ummmmmm.
So off I went to see Dr. One Year knowing it really didn't matter. This appointment was going to end with her ordering me to get an ultrasound and a mammogram. I knew that. I mean if I couldn't tell whether it was cancer with my 3 straight days of Googling and poking myself then she wouldn't be able to tell either.
I sat alone in the office waiting, thinking this is why women have husbands. This might be the only real reason to have a husband. So someone can sit in the waiting room with you holding you tightly so you don't donkey kick the chatty woman next to you.
At this point I haven't told anyone because there is nothing to tell other than My boob is being weird. Oh and Dr. Google says it's cancer. Best not to say anything until I actually know something.
I got an appointment that very day. After the Doctor examined me (by some stroke of good luck I was seen by a senior physician) she told me to get dressed and wait while she made a phone call.
I could hear the some of the call from the outside of my examination room.
Suspicious.
Urgent.
Ultrasound and Mammogram.
Those were the only words I heard. At least they're the only words I remember hearing.
The Doctor came back into my room and explained that she was sending me for tests at the hospital I originally had a mammogram about 2 years ago. At least I thought it was 2 years ago. Turns out it was 4.
I kept meaning to make an appointment.
I've been told that as an urgent case I should be given an appointment within the next couple of days. And that's where we are right now. With me at home, the night after my initial Doctor's visit waiting for a call to confirm my urgent mammogram appointment.
February 22
After 4 days of waiting and 17 bags of Ruffles I finally got a phone call telling me I got an appointment at the breast assessment centre. For March 7th. 17 days after my initial Doctor's appointment. Now I don't know if you know this but Cancer time is a little different than regular time. When you're waiting for results, time slows downnnnnn and each day lasts approximately 1 year. That means my appointment was going to feel like waiting for 17 years.
February 26
The breast assessment centre called to say they had a cancellation and could I come the very next morning? Yes. Yes I can. Not even a blizzard could stop me, which by the way we're supposed to be hit with the at the very time my new appointment is. That's O.K. I'm full up with Ruffles and have an extra layer of protective fat. I'll walk the 12 kilometres if I have to.
It's now the evening of February 26th as I write this and I don't mind telling you I feel quite ill from the stress of it all. The pain is gone, I don't have that anymore so one of my symptoms has disappeared. However for the past week I've had a fever. This is giving me hope that I'm only riddled with some time of non-lethal pussy infection. I'm almost certain that's the correct spelling of pussy. As in filled with puss. I understand it reads a bit differently, but I can assure you only one of my lady parts is malfunctioning - my boob.
February 27
At least it's a beautiful building. Beauty is calming so walking into this as opposed to a cinderblock dungeon somewhere in the basement of a hospital is much appreciated.
My appointment took place at 9:45 a.m. in this facility in the middle of a snow storm. First up mammogram. Actually first up getting into the contraption they call a "gown". Then the mammogram.
Once you have your mammogram you sit out in the waiting room watching I Love Lucy reruns with all the other women wearing contraption gowns waiting for results or for their initial scan.
If your mammogram is good, you get to go home after it's reviewed and get celebratory drunk. If it's bad, or needs clarification you have to have another mammogram. I had to go for another mammogram.
After my second mammogram was done I went back to the waiting room where it's now all new women and me. And Mary Tyler Moore. If the second mammogram shows inconclusive or suspicious results you have to go in for an ultrasound. I had to go in for an ultrasound.
Did I mention you're not allowed to wear deodorant when you get a mammogram because it can interfere with the results as well as your dignity? So no deodorant during one of the most sweat inducing moments in your life. I mean there's cancer tests and pregnancy tests. Those are the two sweatiest moments in life.
It didn't really matter because I was so anxiety filled that all liquid producing pores or holes in my body completely shut themselves off.
15 minutes after my ultrasound and 1.5 hrs after I got to the hospital I was given the results.
I don't have cancer.
I am however filled with cysts and need to be checked again in 3 months. The ultrasound can see the density of things and whether they're solid masses or fluid filled. Mine were fluid filled and one is possibly infected which would explain the week long low grade fever.
Cysts are harmless. But I do need to be checked again to make sure they're shrinking. Apparently they flare up then shrink. There is no known cause for cysts.
I'm home celebrating by wearing sweat pants and eating cheese and crackers and the relief is just setting in. I'm a huge advocate for mammograms. I wrote a post on the fact that everyone should remember to go regularly for mammograms including everything you can expect to happen while you're getting yours.
Yet I didn't book my follow up.
One, two, three, four years went by and I didn't get a mammogram. Which is enough time for cancer to sneak up and attack you. If you get a mammogram every 2 years they can catch it early enough that it's completely treatable. THAT'S REASON ENOUGH TO GET ONE.
Do you know anyone with terminal cancer? Imagine if they could have taken a 10 minute test to prevent it. And chose not to.
That's what you're doing when you choose to skip a mammogram.
I have something to tell you. I think now's a good time for you to book your next or first mammogram.
love karen
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Chrissy
Scheduled my boob squish. I had the same scare a number of years ago and this was a somber reminder that I need to keep up with it. Thank you.
Dorothy Flory
Returning to The Lump post I have another view. I found my first lump on my honeymoon. Turned out to be a cyst. I was 27. Fast forward, I have had cysts off and on ever since. I am now 72 and still get them. My problem is chocolate. If I can stay away from that then I am clear. Needless to say all I need is the smell of it and I am hooked again. For me it does take months to go away and I do get my every two year mammograms. Usually very ouchy. Hope this helps some people.
KatieC
Aw, Karen. Bravo, sister. <3
Connie
So very happy for you that it was not cancer. I had a breast cancer experience two years ago. Detected by annual mammogram. Doctors told me it was the “best kind” - caught early, very small, treated with lumpectomy and radiation therapy, long term anti-hormone drugs, but no chemo required. I never expected to have a surgeon, a medical oncologist and radiation oncologist as my new best friends.
Electric Dee
I just read this post today March 5. Held my breath till I had skipped to the end. I am not sure a husband is any good in this waiting game. You are always so alone on this one. Thank God you are brave and that your news was so very wonderful. Hop skip and jump with joy, but don't spill your wine honey bunch. Calling tomorrow for my appointment.
sera
fuck. I need to get a mammogram. I haven't because I'm not sure my insurance will pay for the place my doc recommended to me over a year ago. Insurance is bullshit. I'm busy and afraid. But I'll go. Thanks for the reminder!
I'm so happy it's not cancer! I love you dearly!
Meredith
I had this exact thing happen to me right before Thanksgiving. And my doctors office called and told me there was something suspicious on my mammogram at 3pm the day before Thanksgiving and to schedule a 3D mammogram ASAP.....right before a 4 day weekend. Yay! The time spent sitting in between the 3D mammogram and the ultrasound was surreal....like this is the point at which my reality will catastrophically change....or not. And it didn't. Whatever is in there isn't dense.
And BTW, just because someone has a husband doesn't mean they have someone to hold their hand. Mine said "its probably nothing"...and that's it. No acknowledgement that this was scary or any comfort given whatsoever. He also told me to "go F myself" on the morning I was going for the second round of imaging, by myself. Awesome guy. We're getting a divorce now.
Marna
Glad it turned out ok! I can relate. I had my regular mammogram, then I got a call to come in for another one. That was scary, and I don't have a very caring family so I was on my own. Then I was told I needed to have a biopsy. That was even worse. My husband could care less about any biopsies etc, so having a husband isn't always that great, nor having family at all, my friends were more caring. I have a marker in one breast, it is checked on a regular basis. There is breast cancer in my family. I hope you always have ok results. :)
Mary Jo
I had cancer in 2000. Found the lump shortly after a "clean" mammogram and when the dr. found it was malignant he asked me "would you rather go to your grave with two breasts or live with one?" I'm glad I choose "life" and I did that because I KNOW that I am more than a breast and so are all you ladies that have written in with comments. etc. Right now I am scheduled for a 3rd. plastic surgery because I have a leaking silicone implant so both implants have to be replaced. Isn't it wonderful that we have so many parts that can be replaced!!!!! Just be sure to keep up with all your tests etc. because they are for your good --not for the dr.'s good. Love to all you ladies!!!
Karen
I've actually already given this thought. If it had been cancer or if it ever is cancer - they'd both be coming off. BAM. Just like that. I'm so glad you're doing well. Get that leak fixed! ~ karen
Sheri
You get the test results right away? We have to wait to hear from the doctor.
Karen
In my experience they don't let you leave until they have your results. I imagine it would be different if you were required to have a biopsy, I don't think you can get those results immediately. ~ karen!
MartiJ
Whew.
So glad for you, Karen.
I'm not able to read your posts as often as I do (getting a real job after years of television is slightly different than becoming a full-time blogger, I'm sure you'll agree) but I do still pop in once in awhile. I depend on you for silliness and of course, DIY projects that are so incredible and impressive that I would never consider attempting them. But I am glad that you do. Please don't stop. Very glad you are well.
Karen
Thanks Marti. A real job! I don't even know what it's like to have a regular, dependable paycheque! I'm guessing a real job is horrible and great all at the same time. ~ karen!
Beth
I had the same scare years ago. Glad we were both ok. Drs told me to severely limit caffeine (including chocolate, soda, tea, and coffee) and to not wear bras with underwire (the wire can irritate the tissues like sand in an oyster).
Elen
Happy for you good outcome, Karen!
Wendy E.
So glad it wasn't cancer! I was diagnosed with Triple Negative Invasive Ductal Carcinoma on Feb. 16, 2018. I had 8 doses of chemo, a lumpectomy and 33 rounds of radiation. There's no evidence of disease now. Mine started as a painful lump. I did the internet thing as well and read the same "cancer isn't painful" line. It was...Someone needs to update their info! Anyhow, for the rest of my life I shall be looking over my shoulder wondering if it will sneak up on me again. It's a horrible mental thing to feel this way. More mental health care should be offered to women after they've completed their therapy. A social worker being available to you isn't the same as making some type of counseling mandatory as part of your cancer care. To go through your remaining years always wondering takes it's toll.
Jack Ledger
Phewwwww!
Karen
Indeed. ~ karen!
Sheila
yay! Just saw you build the chickens a beautiful home, via Pinterest. I took your journey and wound up seeing the pic of you waiting...knew exactly what that was! My heart fell but now it’s back. I say again, yay ♥️
Karen
Thanks Sheila! ~ karen!
Devon
Thank you for sharing your journey, and I'm so glad all is well. Take good care.
Jacquie Gariano
OMG....I'm so glad you are OK. It is so hard to find "something" and then having to wait for tests, treatment, etc. My Mother-in-law had breast cancer in the 60's and had a radical mastectomy with chemo and radiation. She had a reoccurance 10 years later and had another mastectomy and round again. Clear for another 5 years then it went to her bones and (it seemed) everywhere else. Her daughter died of breast cancer and her daughters are so high risk but have lucky so far. My daughters are at a lesser risk as I have no history of cancer. BUT I nag and check every year to make sure they have their mammograms, just in case.
I am so pro active on all tests to make sure we all keep well.
Cancer is a killer, don't ever forget that.
So glad you are safe, but do keep up the tests and mammograms for your safety and health. You are to precious and loved to be lost.
Huguette
Like "IM_URALLY" story, mammograms are not the answer. All clear in May, and stage 4 in August? Unfortunately I have too many friends (4!!!) in the same sort of situation... nothing to declare and bang, surprise, surprise, you, yourself, find a lump! (Mammograms are very painful; so why oh why have they not found another way to diagnose breast cancer?) And by the by, UK is seriously considering cancelling the 2-year mammography checks for the simple reason that too many women go through unnecessary surgery and chemo and radiation therapy for very unlikely small cancer lumps that would never develop in the first place.
Best recommendation: Ladys, check your boobs!
Deborah Branham
Had breast cancer. Found the lump Thursday before the Easter 3day holiday. Worst family gathering of my life. I am a “surgical cure”, had both breasts removed, no spread, so I am now fine. And yes, I am very happy with my personal choice. My cancer cells were hormone sensitive, and I would have risked a recurrence or new primary if I would have chosen lumpectomy and radiation.
I actually had two types of cancer, that had grown together, one was intraductal carcinoma, one of the most lethal and fastest spreading. I was lucky, but the mammogram that is supposed to catch that type because of the micrcalcifications, showed nothing. I got the diagnostic ultrasound the same day because the radiologist thought the lump was suspicious enough to warrent it. For myself, with what I now know, I would go yearly for a more sensitive test than a routine mammogram. I had them yearly, and the most ironic thing was 6 weeks after my surgery I received a letter with the official radiologist’s report stating that compared to the previous ones, there might possibly be a change that might need follow up in the future.
All I can say is don’t be afraid to find it. Be afraid not to find it.
I applaud you Karen, for posting this.
I found out after my surgery that a lot of women in my larger circle of acquaintances have had breast cancer. They took me aside to tell me. But mostly it was their secret, not known to their friends.
It should not be a shameful thing, and if I have to choose between a breast (or two) and my life, no contest!