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    Home » More Stuff » Health & Beauty

    Oh hi! Um. Have You HAD a Brazilian Wax??

    January 14, 2021 by Karen 207 Comments

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    ↑ random old picture of me to fill in some space ↑

    And ANOTHER Thing About a Brazilian Wax!

    There is absolutely no predicting people.   People who read DIY blogs, this one in particular, are as unpredictable as a cat in a butterfly conservatory. If someone were to run into any single one of you they'd probably think you were a perfectly respectable person at first glance.  A stand up citizen who refills their gas tank before it gets below ¼ of a tank and who wears different underwear every single day.

    But you're not.  You're a bunch of teenage boys.  A gaggle of pimply faced, adolescent teens, standing in front of the mirror looking at the 4 hairs on your upper lip which look exactly like the 4 hairs on the upper lip of your younger sister, only you've put a little mascara on yours to make them look more lush.  Which will attract all kinds of praise while you hold your place in line for the next Star Wars movie.

    A few weeks ago I ran out of things to talk about so I posed a vocabulary question to you in a well researched and articulated post where I talked about pee pees.

    kitten-in-meadow

    Here's a picture of a kitten for those of you who are getting uncomfortable.

    A lot of you get my posts by email.  Every time I publish a new post, it immediately pops into your inbox.    I can judge how much interest a post has generated based on how many of you open that email and then how many of you click on it to read it further.

    You, the mothers, the wives, the daughters, the fathers, the uncles and brothers clicked on the pee pee post more than almost any other post in a year.  So even though you claim to be interested in the more highbrow topics I offer such as The Frozen Yogourt Tampon  you actually just want to learn everything you can about wieners.

    Would you like to save this stuff?

    We'll email you this post, so you can refer to it later.

    The post, in case you somehow missed it, was a linguistic experiment of sorts, requiring readers to state what terms they use to describe a certain male body part.  Like all of my posts, it was done in a most grown up and tasteful way which was instantly recognizable by the fact that I only used the word gonorrhoea once.

    I also had a record number of people opt out of receiving my informative emails after the pee pee post was published, which is GREAT because it means you and I can continue to be fun and laugh and build things and make fart jokes without worrying about any people with actual standards trying to stop us from educating ourselves on topics of global importance like why getting a full Brazilian wax means you'll never be able to muffle your toots.

    It's a well known fact that Brazilian waxes (distinguishable from regular waxes by the Brazilian waxer's calling card, a crown made out of pubic hair ) involve removing all the bodily hair that runs between your chin and your toes.  Front and back.  Yes, that includes the anus.  You probably didn't realize that those hairs serve, especially for ladies, a very important sanitary purpose.  

    When a lady expels gas from her bum hole, those anus hairs gather together and form a loving, hairy, sound muffling hug around what has the potential to be an embarrassing bodily noise.  The hazy, wind blowing out of her bum at 7 mph can only be blamed on her husband, cat, dog or boss who happens to be standing beside her in the elevator if, and ONLY IF she can muffle the sound.

    Once unceremoniously ripped up from the gas belching volcanus they've been guarding since adolescence, there's nothing left to do their job.  Those hairs that have been stoically muting your lady wind chamber are forever released from their duties, or at least until new ones grow back.  Without so much as a thank you or an excuse me.

    While most people have a difficult time distinguishing where sounds come from;  Is that my cell phone ringing or yours?, Is someone at the front door?  Is that the television or are you talking to your mother again? humans have an uncanny ability to pinpoint exactly which bum a wind tornado escaped out of.  I suspect it's some sort of primal instinct dating back to when cavemen first tried out the pull my finger joke on their wives.

    I just thought it was important to let you know about the potentially embarrassing side effects of a Brazilian wax for anyone who was thinking of getting a Brazilian wax because you think *hair* is embarrassing.  At least this way you'll be prepared for what's to come and might even be able to look into low cost solutions like little wearable anal wigs or something of the sort.  Putting a shredded wheat down there might even do the job.

    It is unfortunate that we lost a few of our ever growing members but we can all take solace in the fact that they are currently mortified in an elevator surrounded by a cloud of green gas with nobody to blame but themselves.

    Have a good weekend!

    signaturetransparent

    p.s.  that oughtta get rid of the last of them.

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    1. Debbie

      October 05, 2024 at 7:39 am

      OMGS Karen I didn't think I could love you any more than I already do but this did it! You are now officially my hero! I want to be you when I grow up!!

      PS. I never knew we had hair on our butt holes! Also I will now NEVER get a Brazilian wax!!

      In gratitude!
      Debbie

      Reply
      • Karen

        October 05, 2024 at 11:00 am

        I'm there for you and your butt hole. ~ karen!

        Reply
    2. Andrea

      March 19, 2024 at 8:06 pm

      😂🤣😂

      Reply
    3. Robin

      May 19, 2023 at 1:17 am

      Stop! Stop! You're killing me! LMAO!!

      Reply
    4. Lisa R

      January 18, 2023 at 1:07 pm

      Very funny, thank you😄. Best wishes from freezing U.K.

      Reply
    5. Julie Anne

      January 18, 2023 at 1:55 am

      OMG, this may be the funniest thread you’ve ever posted. Thanks for all the laughs, but especially this one.

      Reply
      • Karen

        January 19, 2023 at 12:32 am

        You're welcome Julie Anne! ~ karen

        Reply
    6. Ysabet

      January 03, 2023 at 8:55 am

      I have to go onsite today to work, 1/3/22, and it's wet and cold outside and I would like to stay home with my couch today. But no. So I needed to read this, and thank you; I didn't know the Thing About The Anal Hairs, but now I do, and my day at work will now include my giggling at random times over it. You made someone's day better! Once more, thanks. :)

      Reply
    7. Carole Larose

      October 30, 2022 at 11:50 am

      I know this post is OLD, but it is still one of the many reasons I love you. 💘

      Man o man, do I need to laugh. 🥸

      Reply
      • Karen

        October 31, 2022 at 10:46 am

        Thanks Carole! I even laugh at this post myself still! ~ karen!

        Reply
    8. robbie ashton

      February 05, 2021 at 3:02 am

      Super sad I'm unable to share your wit amongst my friends.
      I haven't laughed so hard in such a long time, definitely pre-covid and I want to thank you for a moment of sheer bliss.

      Reply
      • Karen

        February 05, 2021 at 11:05 am

        You're welcome Robbie! How come you can't share? Everyone needs to know about the perils of the Brazilian WAX! ~ karen

        Reply
    9. Jaybird

      January 22, 2021 at 6:38 am

      Blinded by tears of laughter...what a great way to start my day. This is my first read of the pee pee post, and now I must read frozen yogurt tampon (oh the images that conjures). Keep doing what you do so very well; and "____ 'em if they can take a joke".

      Reply
    10. Laurie R.

      January 18, 2021 at 4:41 pm

      too funny :-} thank you!!!

      Reply
    11. Catherine

      January 18, 2021 at 9:01 am

      Hi Karen,
      I love ALL your posts, and totally love your sense of humour: the strategically placed kitten picture for these people getting uncomfortable. I don't remember reading this post the first time around, so glad I caught this time. Would not drop off for anything in the world, your are way better than L'Oréal commercial: "you are worth it"
      BTW, the comment on your picture in the lovely Summer dress makes me think you might be following Tikka the Iggy ( is this too much ? ) another much loved way to brighten and lighten up our gloomy days.
      Once again, thank you for you, farts and all, you are the best !

      Reply
      • Karen

        January 18, 2021 at 10:09 am

        I do not know what a Tikka the Iggy even is, lol. But I'll now be Googling ... ~ karen!

        Reply
    12. rljex09

      January 16, 2021 at 1:25 pm

      Too good! I needed the laugh and you not only piqued my interest, you gave me the endorphins to get through being imprisoned at home with 5 children between 7years old and 6 months old (thanks Covid!). I did miss the pee pee post, but now I will go back and look. And thanks for all the follow up hilarious comments, Fellow Readers. Cheers to being comfortable with our bodies and their functions. ;)

      Reply
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    My name is Karen Bertelsen and I was a television host. In Canada. Which means in terms of notoriety and wealth, I was somewhere on par with the manager of a Sunset Tan in Wisconsin.

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