How to Fix a Slamming Screen Door

Have you ever had your screen door slam too hard and too quick?  It’s a relatively easy fix as long as you have some time on your hands.   Here’s how to do it!

Materials needed:  Chair, Screwdriver.

Total project time:  3 ½ hours, 30 seconds.

This is a reenactment of my actual experience  …


Look at front door and remember the slamming screen needs to be fixed.  Resolve to fix it immediately.


Head on over to take a look.

Notice movies on front hall table that need to be returned.

Quickly run to stick those in your purse.


Head back to front door to fix it and notice that bunch of stuff always sitting by the basement door.  Figure you should probably pick it up and put it in the basement once and for all.


Head back to front door.

Discover cat vomit on cowhide rug.  Mutter, swear, then clean it up.

Grab the screwdriver you know you’ll need to fix front door.  ‘Cause you’re proactive like that.  Peer outside and notice something that needs to be dealt with.


Take down Christmas wreath.  Seems a bit early, but better to get it done with.

Return inside and actually make it to the front door.  Stare outside longingly waiting for spring to arrive.  Do this for approximately 15 minutes, then realize a watched pot never boils.  Spring will come when you’re not looking.  Remember door needs to be fixed.  Head to kitchen to grab a chair to stand on to fix door.

Notice messy kitchen.  Resolve to ignore messy kitchen.  Door needs to be fixed.

Tidy up kitchen.

Make it 2 feet from kitchen table then have a snack.  Most people do a better job of fixing doors when they’ve had a snack.

Arrive again at door.

Without chair.  Get chair.



Notice Christmas tree on front porch.  Again … a little early but should probably take it down.



Pitch it just far enough onto the front lawn that I can’t see it from inside the house.

Ready to fix slamming screen door!  Stand on chair and assess “closer”.

Reach for screwdriver in back pocket, which is not there because you left it in the dining room when you took down the Christmas wreath.  Go back to cupboard to get screwdriver.



Discover a bag or rats in cupboard!  Wait.  No.  It’s hair extensions from a television show you hosted several years ago.  Model them for yourself.  Contemplate the fact that even though hers cost $7,000, your $100 hair extensions look exactly the same as Kate’s from Jon and Kate Plus 8.




After at least half an hour of ponytails and braids, return to fixing door.  Take a look at the “closer” of the screen door.  That’s the black tube hydraulic looking thing with the screw on the end of it.

Insert screwdriver.



Turn screw clockwise a smidge.  Door fixed.  No more slamming too quickly.

If your door closes too slowly … turn the screw counter clockwise.


Prep time … 3 ½ hours.

Work time … 30 seconds.

Total time required … 3 ½ hours, 30 seconds.


If this interested you, you might also be interested in How to Cut a bunch of Spring Tulips if You Have a Minimum of 17 Hours on Your Hands.

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