The only time most women give their lady parts a second thought is when those lady parts start acting up. This can happen in 1 of 3 ways and always results in a trip to 1 of 3 places. If they itch, burn or bleed you'll be heading to either the medicine cabinet, the drugstore or the doctor. If they do all three you'll first head to Google. It's spelled "gonorrhoea" by the way. And if you need to know how to spell that, you'll probably also need to know how to spell the words "subpoena" and "you asshole".
Other than those few occasions when our lady parts speak up, it's really as if they don't exist. I mean they're pretty useful when the time is right and babies rocket out of them like nobody's business, but for the most part our vagina's are our silent partners in life. We don't talk to them, they don't talk to us and the world goes around just fine.
Men are different.
Nicknames for Penis
If you've ever been pregnant or read a baby book you probably know that for the first 2 months or so in the womb, the fetus is really neither a girl nor a boy. After a few weeks the fetus develops something called "indifferent gonads", which will eventually become either ovaries or testicles, but for the time being, they're nothing. They're indifferent. They're completely and totally loosey goosey about what sex they are. They're just a few cells holding their place in line until they decide to either scream HEY WE'RE BALLS, or HEY WE'RE BABY MAKERS.
During the 2nd month of gestation ...that's when shit gets real. At around week 7 or 8 stuff starts happening. The Y chromosome, in an attempt to establish dominance, starts peeing testosterone all over the place and the "boy" is born.
It is my belief that this is also the exact moment all men name their penis.
So pregnant mothers be careful about everything you do when you're 8 weeks pregnant. Innocently whipping up a batch of Rice Krispie squares could result in your son referring to his penis as Marshmallow for the rest of his life.
Men admire, talk to, name, point out, play with, whip back and forth, dress up and even have lengthy, emotional discussions with their penises. From, like, day 1 basically. Oddly they don't seem to need privacy for any of it.
A man is happy for you to watch him scrunch, move, stretch or ricochet Marshmallow from one side of his pants to the other, because even though he knows he is the proud owner of his very own penis, YOU might not be aware of his good fortune. Think of it like a dog who loves to show you his toy. He has a toy, he's proud of his toy, and even if he's going to run away with that toy right away, he wants you to know he is the lucky, lucky owner of that toy.
Like I said, men are different.
And so are the many names for their penis. A few years ago on this very blog I referred to a man's penis as a "dink". I didn't think anything of it. That's what people round these parts refer to it as. A dink. I mean not everyone, all the time; urologists still haven't caught on for instance and only the hippest of them tell men they're going to insert this garden hose sized tube into their dink. Most of them still use official terminology, like ding dong.
In fact, it was through one of my readers that I learned her southern grandmother's term for it, "that ole' purple thang". Which gives new meaning to the term colourful description.
I guess you know where this is heading don't you. I've done it once before, and I'm doing it once again. Asking you for the terms you and your family use for "penis". Dink? That ole' purple thang? Weiner? What is it?
Let the world's most entertaining comment section commence ...
p.s. don't forget to come *back* to this post later today to read the results!
Kelly
We called it a "peter" as kids. Not that we were actually "allowed" to say it, but that's what it was!
Brett
Can't forget the Johnson.
Fitting that Johnson outboard motors "benefitted" from this association and started seeing increased sales in their bigger, more powerful engines.
Beckie
We go with *bits & pieces* for the most part.
My young nephew has declared his his "area".
I've also used "tink" or "peeper" when telling a young one he needed to wash. It gets giggles & they generally will then comply lol
Karen Kay
My husband and I were sitting at the kitchen island drinking coffee when I opened my email, saw the post and started reading aloud. Reading the comments caused him to snort coffee through his nose. Literally. LOL! On his way out of the kitchen to the bathroom he pauses at the door, turns me and says" I have to go clean up, brush my teeth and hair, before you have to man the Torpedo"!
Karen
:) Love it when these posts get read out loud. And especially love it when they result in coffee spewing. Hope you had fun. ;) ~ karen!
Linda J Howes
Johnston
Trish ORiordan
Piece. Like a gun.
Karen
That's good. That has some dignity to it! ~ karen
Marie Anne
Lmao! I saidto myself *just read the post today or you'll be late! " of all days! thanks for the laughs! It's a dick in my house, and occasionally" him"
Thera
When our sons were little it was twig and berries or wee wee, twig is still popular at our house but dick is thrown about here and there. Speaking of which, what's up with this current trend of "dick pics"???
Julio
The "dic pics"..is a mans ego response to."Titpics"..
Yes, I know.. A sad state of of sexual awareness! Lol
But to continue:
Loaded 45..
JOY STICK..
A ROD....
Hoagie..
Johnson..and my favorite!
THE KRAZZY Snake!!
(I attended five high schools)!)
Judy
....One Christmas, my husband came out of the bedroom with a hard-on and a gift tag tied around his penis. It read, "TO: My Love, FROM: Herman." Ever since then, it was called Herman. Believe it or not, I still have the gift tag after 50+ years. :-)
Jen
What a present! The gift that keeps on giving, but with sooooo much maintenance!
Judy
The maintenance part actually isn't a negative thing. I love being a wife and he loves being a husband...so it's all good. After being together more than half a century, we're like two peas in a pod.,,and continue to be "in love."
Debbie
My mother was Scottish and she called it a Toorie. Which is defined as the tassel on a Scottish bonnet. Hillarious! She would call it the "wee toorie" when talking to my brothers.
We've also referred to it as the shnorkey.
Emie
It's a wackadoodle for sure!
TucsonPatty
OMG - I call people (not to their faces) that are a little crazy, "wack-a-doodle".
I didn't realise I was also calling them a dick. I forgot many names until I read all the comments. If it is a dick what exactly is a dick-head? I thought it was simply a jerk, but now I know that a dick-head also has feet!! ; )
Gillian
bha haha! Me too!!
Amy
I guess im gonna have to comment since no one calls theirs what my son calls his... we started with Penis and Vagina being all correct and all. At 9 it has evolved to "Penie".....
My stepdaughter is grown with boys and she still cant bring herself to call her vagina a vagina. She calls it a Lucy....dont ask me....
Karen
LOLOLOL ~ karen!
Leticia
Ok, after the education I got in the comments I'll have to give you guys a Brazilian Portuguese perspective. Pinto (chick) is one very common name - for a mid range sized one, not small by any means - weird, right? Passarinho (little bird) is another one, this for a small one - that could get you in trouble. For instance we (me and my brother) joke that old men smell funny because of the rotten tomatoes and the dead bird in their trousers - but never to their faces. Then there's the obvious: linguiça (sausage) also works here, pênis (penis) is pronounced pretty close to the word in English and actually vagina is written the same just pronounced a little different.
Jenny W
Dink has been heard around theses parts also -N.B., Canada- But another hugely popular term used all over the East Coast is, wait for it... Bird! Apparently Cock is a little too harsh back here lol :)
John M Campbell
Am I the only guy answering? Should I be concerned? Nervous? Nervousness can lead to shrinkage...everyone here knows that, right? In our house we all had a 'wee-wee'...difference by gender be damned.
Karen
Good for you John! I'll put the call out at the end of the post asking for men to ... man up. :) ~ karen!
Mo
"Peepee-er". Lol!
Ella Johnson
Pepe (not pronounced pee-pee, but peh-pay). Also, when I was little I was convinced that sex was "something pretty that you hang on the wall."
movita beaucoup
Meat and potatoes. (Duh.)
Marna
Funny! I called my son's their penis(3 sons), but I have heard so many names for the part, and from my hubby he said all men name their penis when they are little. I think the most common terms I have heard are: willy, dick, trouser snake, one eyed monster, peepee, weewee, weiner, hot dog, monkey, kielbasa, sausage, little guy, junk. I think younger women name their parts too, I have heard some call them by name, things like Thelma and Louise for instance.
Elizabeth
I think my 73 year old mom still calls penises "hoo hoos".