Last week I told you that I thought my 94 year old friend David might be dead, that I went to a drag show in Portugal (yes really during the pandemic I did this) and alarmed a lot of people on Instagram with a naked photo of me. Here are those stories.
The OTHER thing that happened, now that I think of it, is that I spent $600 on stamps. I've never done that before and instantly wondered if stamp forgery is a thing. I bet it's a thing.
If I wasn't such an upstanding citizen who has watched every season of Orange is the New Black then I would TOTALLY buy forged stamps.
The above photo is a picture of me as I walked to the mailbox with 3 baskets filled with hundreds of newly stamped envelopes for my first The Art of FUN Stuff mailings.
My neighbour happened to see out her window and stopped me to take my picture.
And this is what my welcome card contained ...
Of course the card also had the mechanism and instructions on how to make their own exploding card. Because if there was any year that exploding confetti and glitter seemed imperative for our survival - this is it.
In this next months mailing nothing will explode. THIS month's FUN Stuff is all about gardening. In fact, on Monday night at 7 p.m. I'm hosting our second live ZOOM and we're all going to start seeds together.
If you want to take part, you can still sign up. You'll get to come to the live ZOOM on Monday, you'll get this month's special mailing right to your house and some other fun bits of entertainment throughout the month.
Let's talk about DAVID now!
For those of you who don't know, David, is a neighbour of mine who I met last fall as I was stacking my many cords of firewood.
We became friends, and as such, David would split kindling for my fireplace once a week and drop it off on my porch in a big wicker basket. Sometimes he takes my logs to split and other times he scrounges local building sites for scrap untreated wood.
David's 94.
For a few weeks David didn't show up. And I didn't see him walking daily. David walks 30 minutes every day between 11 and 2 so he can get home in time for his 4 o'clock rye and water and whatever game is on.
For days and days there was no David. I walked past his house and his car was there so at least I knew he hadn't been in a life threatening car accident.
Then 2 weeks ago BOOM, I came home from being out and my kindling box was full. David had been here! A few days later I took a walk past his house again to check on him and saw him sitting in his living room probably pondering if 3:30 was too early for his rye and water.
All this to say that David and I are still friends, David is still alive and you never know who is peeking in at you while you sit quietly in your living room.
This pandemic really is dragging on isn't it?
We might be in the middle of the worst worldwide pandemic in modern history but at least we can still go to drag shows in far away countries.
A month ago my friend Andrea asked if I'd like to go to a cooking class/drag show in Portugal.
Why yes I would!
The night of the event I got dressed for the evening in my most blinding gold sequins, sat in a chair, clicked on ZOOM and scanned the participants for my friend Andrea.
And thereeeeee she is - I didn't say.
I must have scanned 4 times before I finally texted her to ask if she was in ZOOM. She said yes, so I looked again and realized that my friend Andrea was the lunatic in a cartoon blue wig and orchid earrings.
That is why I love both Andrea (a hair and makeup artist) and the drag community. They both have a Less is Less attitude.
The experience (available on airbnb experiences) was called Sangria and Secrets - a live hour and a half long lesson on how to make authentic Portuguese Sangria taught by drag queens.
If you're bored with the monotonous pandemic life this will surely be something different than what you normally do on a Saturday night. You can read about Sangria & Secrets here.
Am I the only one who didn't know of The Blender Girl?
I've been taking an online workshop with her for the past 6 months with ZOOM meetings and all of that and I had no idea who she was or what she did really.
I finally found out this weekend that she's actually kind of a thing.
Remember last year when I thought my meno was pausing??
It wasn't. But now, NOW I really think it is because I'm finding myself waking up upside down in my bed, I can't eat endlessly like I used to, and my back fat has reached around to the front of me.
I knew Tess (that's The Blender Girl's real name) wrote cookbooks and was weirdly obsessed with nutrition but what I didn't know was she had a menopause eating program.
In fact, I'm going to be totally honest with you and say I had no idea there was any kind of menopause eating program out there in the world.
I attribute this to the fact that NOBODY TALKS ABOUT MENOPAUSE AND DOCTORS DO NOT GIVE IT THE ATTENTION IT DESERVES BECAUSE IT DOESN'T INVOLVE A WITHERING PENIS.
If you're a middle aged woman, it's largely up to you to figure out what the HELL is going on and then deal with it yourself.
So I'm signing up for Tess's program that starts next week just to see what happens.
This is her in an interview below if you're looking for an hour of learning all while listening to one of those hypnotic Australian accents.
If you're like me you might have thought something like this was a scam with ties to a protein powder conglomerate run by a Russia oligarch.
It's not.
It just occurred to me that without ZOOM this post wouldn't have been possible. My Fun Stuff gardening class Monday night is on ZOOM, my drag show was on ZOOM, and Tess hosts part of her program on ZOOM.
And David? Well he's a reminder that every once in a while between the magic of technology we all need to take the time to go for a walk and chop some kindling.
Have a good remainder of your weekend!
p.s. yeah. As it turns out I didn't have time to get to the naked Instagram story. I'll let you know about that next week.
Em
I sailed through menopause. Then I acquired jowls. Fts.
Huguette Lacoste
Wait... David is your neighbour, aged 94, and you only met him last fall???
Where was he all this time?
Then, I have a problem with your wonderful marketing idea. Pssst, you're on the web. And guess what? You have international followers... like me, a Canadian living in the South of France (ya, bummer!). So your wonderful live Zoom at 7 p.m. is a tad late for me. Any chance of a replay?
Love your blog, lots of laughter (on my side)
Cheers!
Karen
Hi Haguette! There will be a replay, but it's only available to the members. I'm calling David a neighbour but he's a few blocks away, not right next door. :) ~ karen!
Jennifer
I am looking forward to the new book from gynecologist Dr. Jen Gunter, out in May, call The Menopause Manifesto. She swears a lot, so I think you'd like her. I'm not waiting for the book because of the swearing, but because I think (suspect, expect?) it will take a lot of guesswork out of the whole meno thing.
Karen
I'll look for it! Actually I'll forget. So remind me. ~ karen!
Andrea Claire
I have her Vagina Bible as well as follow her on IG.
I love how she tells people to fuck off when they say dumb things like smoke out your vagina for healing etc
You’d love her.
Karen
OH! I knew you had the Vagina Bible, I didn't know it was the same person. ~ k!
Marion Gibson
I was so excited to get mail from you that I set it aside to read as a reward for finishing my vacuuming. Good one Karen!
Karen
LOLOL! Oh dear. Sorry! ~ karen!
Brian Pellow
Well my little 11yr old Yorkie likes to sniff everything. So when I got your card I opened the envelope and pulled out the card for her to sniff. You can well imagine what happened when she got a snoot full of sparkly confetti. She is not to quick to come when I open envelopes any more.
Karen
Yes, but I bet she looks fabulous. ~ karen!
Karen from Maine
Thankfully I brought the “letter” to work and opened it there! Ha, ha, glitter ALL OVER THE OFFICE! And I run a recreation program where I REFUSE to buy glitter for my staff to use with children in our after school program. Yeah, my staff sees that mess and I definitely have some ‘splaining to do...🤣🤣🤣 It was fun, tho.....🤔
Diana
I was simultaneously disappointed and relieved when my confetti card didn’t explode. Disappointed because, well, it’s confetti. Relieved because the cats wouldn’t be tracking it all over the place.
Karen
Oh no!!! You must have got a defective card! I feel terrible. Let me know if you want me to mail you another one! ~ karen!
Cynthia
I was just wondering the other day if stamp forging was a thing too! Weird. Great minds think alike I guess, or maybe I'm just really cheap. I've even downsized to postcards at Christmas... which I didn't send at Christmas. Because I forgot to buy special postcard stamps. Maybe this year.
Karen
It's cheaper to mail a postcard???! ~ karen
Susannah
Yes Karen, postcard stamps are a thing- and they are cheaper than regular stamps 🤷🏼♀️
Guess you’ll be sending postcards for your next big mailing 🤣
Wendy
My car has glitter for eternity...hope the next owner likes it 😏
Rory
I hope you will soon write about this year's gardening plans and tell us what didn't work so well last year!
Alex Franges
It's amazing how less dirty the kitchen floor looks with glitter on it. Thanks for the lesson, Karen😈
Mary W
Loved the explosion and I did laugh at myself since I should have known! The BEST part was the included template so I can "karen" a few of my friends, too.
Lauren from Winnipeg
Oh my. Is it wrong of me to want to hire a hit man to take out someone who sent me a letter bomb that disperses confetti and glitter? 😳 😂
Benjamin Hepple
There were no scary naked insta photos of you in the story. 🤪
Gigi
Two things I can always count on from you—humor and truth!
“and my back fat has reached around to the front of me.”
This sentence covers both. And I’m gonna be stealing it.
Can’t wait to hear your take on all that the ‘Pause’ offers you in the coming months. It’s a horrible subscription you want to cancel but can’t figure out how, cause you don’t know who is in charge and where the damn u subscribe button is. Hang on, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride, but we’re right there with ya.
Two for the price of one admission to the haunted house if you will.
Karen
You're not making this sound like a very welcoming joyous experience, lol. ~ karen!
whitequeen96
Don't be scared; everyone is different. I sailed right through mine; I might have had 3 hot flashes, and I was no more ornery and cranky than normal (which doesn't say much for my usual demeanor).
But it *does* give you an excuse to be a little less well-behaved, so make sure not to waste it!
Joanne Mercieca
Well WhiteQueen96 count yourself lucky, because I have been SUFFERING with menopause for over 11 years! I had every symptom in the book, mood swings galore (and I am a very even keel type of person), overheating especially during important meetings, weight gain (just lost 8 pounds and am very proud of myself). Doctors certainly do ignore the whole thing. I tried every natural remedy on every website I could find, Finally one day for my appointment, my doctor had me meet with a doctor that was doing a 'practice' year before starting up her own shop - and she prescribed me a narcotic - it helps immensely with the mood swings - except for the time I ran out and couldn't get a refill because it was a long weekend. (pizza flying through the air because I burned it on the BBQ was one memorable moment).
Anyway, I can't wait until its over! (although I must admit feeling warm in the winter is nice)
Christine Hilton
Omg! You got me so good.I saw a glimpse of glitter and got all superior thinking if l opened it slowly it wouldnt fall out.Wrong.l got covered and then couldnt stand up because l had a three inch shag rug under me.I had to be vacuumed off.You are the best.l havent laughed like that for a year.
Karen
Betty told me NOT to do the exploding card. She was opposed to it from the beginning.🤣 ~ karen!
Thea
Thanks Karen! Your blogs always cheer me up and make me laugh.
Thea
LOIS M BARON
I long for the days when the term "back fat" did not exist.
KimS
What happened to the N on your keyboard?
Grammy
That bothered me through the entire post. I kept waiting for Karen to mention it. She didn't, so I'm going to assume she did something to it just to make some of us crazy and then sit back and laugh when she finds out who among us are bothered by that sort of thing.
Karen
Mention what? What is this N business? What am I missing???? Tell me before I turn my brain inside out. ~ karen!
Grammy
Karen: in your picture of your friend in the drag wig on your laptop, there is a blob of something where the "N" should be on your keyboard. Please don't turn your brain inside out -- it's really unattractive to walk around that way.
Karen
Ohhhhhh lol! I wore right through the paint over the years and because it's a lit keyboard it's a constant glowing blob. ~ karen!
Grammy
Added: I just checked and it's on the other picture of your laptop, too.
Grammy
Thanks for the explanation. I see the "E" gets a lot of use, too (understandable, since it's supposedly the most-used letter in the English language). I guess if you keep your laptop long enough, you could eventually end up with a keyboard that consists of a bunch of blank keys surrounded by Q, Z, X and punctuation marks. But it'll have a warm glow.
Kat - the other 1
Its not just the 'N.'
...
& no one tells you when you have to start taking thyroid hormones when you're 9, that side effects may include: super early onset menopause (like hot flashes & murderous mood swings starting by age 12, no really. Or heart failure in your twenties, or bleeding ulcers all along your digestive tract. :( or losing your hair & having to shaving like a man - neck & face, by your twenties. ) I may finally be nearing the end of the meno' nightmare, a couple decades or so ish later. At least the hot flashes had stopped for some years. They've started up again, argh!, but not as bad as they were back then, & some of that is just seasonal (wonky air conditioner/ heater.)
All that, lol, just to say, sorry for what you're going through! I think I'm several years younger than you, but there is hope! It will, eventually end! Not that you want to hear that right now, you're probably thinking this post is really annoying and you want to stab me in the eye with a pencil, while licking a pop cycle & rubbing it all over to cool down. So um... * goes to hide Karen's pencil sharpener*
Karen
Funny story. I don't really get hot flashes. I'll get warm the odd time but what I do find is I seem to get cold flashes. Because nothing in my life can ever just be normal.😂 But I definitely wake up 12,935 times a night. ~ karen!
Kat - the other 1
I never even thought of the cold flashes being meno' related! I've always run hot, (which is especially weird with thyroid disorder). The first cold flash I had was during an after Christmas "camping" trip with some friends. (We rented a cabin, went hiking, ect,) I was freezing the entire three days, I had never been so cold! & with something like 5-7 layers on too! They only started up again a few years ago, no where near as bad as that first one. Now I have to wonder if that's what caused it! Huh, who knew? Obviously no one with a weines! ;)
Ann Larkin
I'd like to sign up for the zoom gardening class- couldn't figure out how as the link - ckick here- doesn't seem to work.
Thanks
Ann
Karen
YUP. That's because I forgot to include it, lol. The link is working now. Just press the yellow button. ~ karen!