O.K., let's see, in the past couple of weeks alone I've taken Betty for her COVID vaccination, worried that my 94 year old friend David was dead, went to a drag show in Portugal (yes really during the pandemic I did this) and alarmed a lot of people on Instagram.
Everybody say hi and congratulations to Betty who got her vaccination exactly one week ago. No seriously. I beg of you to congratulate her.
You see, Betty wasn't all that interested in getting the vaccine. Not because she's opposed to it from a medical perspective, but because it was going to cut into her very strict regiment of waking up, doing nothing for 5 hours, going for a walk around the block, and then doing nothing for another 5 hours.
I get it. We all have busy lives but the vaccine is something you really want to think about making room for. Since we all knew Betty was not going to take charge of getting the vaccine herself, I was given the job.
This involved calling the hotline to register her. Our city is currently vaccinating people over 85. Once they get done (they could actually be done now) then the 80 year olds get it and so on until the only people left to be vaccinated will be the ones who recently nursed their children back to health after a bout of whooping cough followed by a pesky case of measles.
No problem. Having grown up during the age of the telethon I can work a phone like I was born to be sweated on by a rapidly fading Jerry Lewis.
I called the hotline like someone who has been using a telephone all her life but the phone did something squirrely. All I heard were screeching and whirling sounds. Like the phone line was suffering a nervous breakdown.
It was.
I'm not sure of the exact number of people they had manning the hotlines when the city of Hamilton opened them but I would guess there was one frantic person answering the calls of the approximately 15,000 people over 85 needing an appointment.
People were having to call over 200 times just to get through to the line. I waited a day until they realized that their current ratio of 1:15,000 was going to mean that most of the people who needed a vaccine were going to die before getting through to the phone line.
I finally got through to the hotline and crossed my fingers that I'd be able to get an appointment that met Betty's requirements which were as follows: no morning appointments, no weekend appointments, no appointments anywhere that aren't close to a mall or furniture store for shopping in afterwards, no appointments on Wednesday - that's visit her friends day, and nothing in the next month or so because she was just too worn out from sitting around doing nothing.
Turns out the phone line was just for registering and no appointment times or days were given. I would have to wait for the clinic to call me with a day and time.
I got that call 3 days later, on a Saturday at 10:30 a.m. I was asked if she could come for her appointment at 11:30. It was a morning appointment, on the weekend, and would require that Betty immediately jump, up, get washed, dressed and be by the door for me to pick her up.
YUP! That'll be fine, I said.
The hospital where they were giving the vaccinations wasn't near a mall. It was however right beside a former psychiatric institution which a realtor would list as a "Handsome fixer-upper with great potential for a handy exorcist."
The former psychiatric hospital known locally as "West 5th."
I made the call to Betty to let her know today was the day and WASN'T THIS GREAT?! You can't often hear a sneer over the phone, but I did.
10 minutes later I was at her door with a couple of brand new level 3 surgical masks in hand.
After working myself into a froth trying to get Betty excited about this we arrived at the hospital where we were immediately told we had to wear brand new masks that they gave us.
The administrator let us know we could keep our regular masks, we didn't have to throw them out, we just had to put them in our pockets and put our new ones on. Which I was glad about because like I said, I pulled out the big guns, the LEVEL 3 SURGICAL MASKS which we had worn for all of 2.5 minutes while we walked from the car to the hospital. I took mine off, put it in my pocket and put the hospital mandated mask on.
At this point Betty stared right into the vaccination helpers eyes, pulled her mask off (all while maintaining eye contact) and chucked it right in the garbage.
O.K. then.
I'm still not sure if that was an act of defiance or just a case of not hearing the woman.
My mask new boinged right off my face when the elastic immediately snapped on it. This was already feeling like an unhealthy start to vaccine day.
Up the elevator, around the corner and down the hall approximately 1.5 km to the vaccination room we went.
I know if I ever set up a vaccination protocol for people old enough risk breaking their jaw after eating a marshmallow soaked in milk I will definitely make sure they have to walk as long as possible to get it. Because that just seems smart. You're gonna lose half of them on the journey. More doses for the young and fit.
It was a remarkably quick and efficient process other than the hike. She was registered, we were both given stickers on our hands for some reason, and we were sent to a room with a few nursing stations.
Her sweater sleeve was rolled up, she was jabbed, then we sat in a waiting room for 15 minutes to make sure she didn't have any adverse effects. Her mood was pretty foul so she seemed fine.
I spent the time on my phone and Betty spent the time pointing out the decorating she approved of. Also some time was spent with people coming up to us to comment on Betty's coat. Betty has a collection of coats that all elicit a response from strangers.
This isn't her #1 coat by the way, that one is a quilted coat covered in an Asian print of horses that she made. I suspect we'll either bury her in it or take turns with it once she dies much like The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants, only we're real sisters and it's a coat, not pants, and we probably won't actually wear it.
We made the 15.7 km trek down the hall and headed back to the car . Betty was in a much better mood after it was all over with as you can see in the first photo where she's standing beside one of the many inanimate objects outside the hospital where people had stuck their (still unexplained) hand stickers.
The next day Betty felt a little tired from her vaccination.
I, on other other hand, was cramped up into a fetal position with an eye twitch until last Tuesday.
It appears as though I've overshot this post a bit and we're nearing in on 1,300 words so the rest of the stories will have to wait until next week. Unless, of course that's when Betty's second vaccination shot gets scheduled for.
Have a good remainder of your weekend!
Lacey
You're a good daughter, Karen.
And doesn't Betty looks MARVELOUS in her purples and prints? Purple = Royalty, Betty is Royalty, thus Queen Betty >> long live the Queen!
Karen
Oh boy I wish you hadn't said that. She reads the comments. She's now going to be looking for a crown. ~ karen!
Sabina
I’m sure you can make her one ;-)
Kat - the other 1
Bone crown! :D
From one of those cool black bone chickens! ;D
Naomi
Hi Betty,
Congratulations on getting your vaccine! Stay healthy 💕
Kat Bat
I managed to hold on to a shred of composure until "if I ever set up a vaccination protocol for people old enough risk breaking their jaw after eating a marshmallow soaked in milk...", then I lost it. Excuse me, I have to go change my diaper now. BTW, would you come to Arizona and take me to get my vaccinations? I don't have a cute coat (cuz, you know, Arizona), but I could get one. GREAT STORY -- thank you for making my day!
Karen
I"m there for you. Just make sure the vaccination appointment is in the middle of a psychiatric hospital that's across the road from an even older, completely terrifying psychiatric hospital. With no malls nearby. ~ karen!
Kat Bat
LOL! Thank you -- I have a place all picked out for us!
Eleni
Congratulations. Such an investment in her health! And so stylish when doing so.
Donald Koerner
Congrats Betty! Wait,What? Portugal? Drag? I'm waiting with bated breath.
This expression literally means “holding one's breath” so please tell us soon , I'm starting to turn blue.
Karen
That's interesting, because Blue is a colour that will feature prominently in the drag story! ~ karen
Sandy
My mom always said “with a worm on my tongue”, I still think that is hilarious. But when I say it out in the general public no one ever gets it. They just look at me like I have a bird on my head.
Robert
Congratulations Betty! And yes, a nice coat indeed - looks like a good coat for bone chilling Saskatchewan- but that was last month - it was t-shirt weather here yesterday!
As for taking your mum for her vaccination - good on you Karen. Although we haven’t made any appointments for anyone, we have driven some seniors who don’t drive for their appointments.
As for getting our own vaccinations, Saskatchewan has learned from other jurisdictions of what not to do (like crashing the on-line registration website after two seconds of opening) . The 80+‘s were dealt with quickly - so quick in fact that on Saturday (after four days) they dropped it to 76+ on Saturday to register for an appointment. We figure that by next weekend we’ll have a shot (pun intended) at getting registered!
Let’s hope that once vaccinated - people will keep their guard up and not run off hugging people. Patience is a virtue for a while yet.
Melissa
Wait, Hamilton? Did I know that before now? I used to do CANUSA as a kid, so I’ve been to your fair city... but somehow missed West 5th while I was there.
Congrats to Betty. That pic of her next to the sticker pole is pure gold!
Penny
I have had my first jab at a vaccination centre here in the UK. Wow, I never thought I would say this, but for once, I am glad I'm not in Canada!
Old farts like me (over 60) got a letter with a link to a website, a really user-friendly, idiot-proof on, and registration is quick and easy for your first appointment... and it even calculates the date for the second! I'm easily impressed, I know, but I was so grateful for that! I hate being stuck on hold, sweet of you to do it for your lovely mum.
KathC
It's not all of Canada - In Quebec, my mom got a letter with a website address and phone number to arrange an appointment. It took about three minutes. Her appointment is next Saturday. She already has her outfit picked out.
Cathy Prince
Betty noticed the Conrad Furey artwork there too, eh? Made it worth the hike - almost.
My 94 yr old Father-in-law opted to climb down two flights of stairs with his white cane rather than walk all the way to that elevator a second time. What in heavens name were they thinking when they set that up? Good thing there were 423 people to show us which way to go, or we would still be there .
Karen
Ha!! So you're familiar with the setup. We walked down the stairs on the way out too, but only one floor. We got off on the wrong floor from the elevator and looked around bemused, then headed down the stairs. ~ karen!
Grammy
I got my first "shot" about ten days ago, and they gave me a card that says my second appointment is April Fool's Day. Okay.
I'm so glad you mentioned Betty's coat. I love that coat. Seriously. That is a truly fabulous coat. Tell Betty I'm jealous.
As for the people leaving their hand stickers on the post outside the vaccination clinic, that's cool. First, because it looks cheerful and we haven't had a lot to be cheerful about for the past year, but also because it's like what dogs do at fenceposts -- letting every other member of their community know "I was here!"
Karen
LOL! Yep, we were there, marked our spots and wandered away. The garbage cans were covered in stickers! Good luck with your next appointment! ~ karen
Susan Mercurio
The first thing I noticed in Betty's photo was her coat! I loved it too.
And I think she's fascinating, not petulant or self-indulgent. Some people!
Mandy
Yay Betty
I dressed up in sequins and took my own disco ball for mine
The vaccination lady said I was ‘memorable’ 😂
Karen
LOLOL! ~ karen!
mandy
Im trying to start a new trend DISCOvid jab
Laurie
Yay Betty! Taking my Dad on Thursday.
Karen
Good job Laurie!!:) ~ karen
ecoteri
um. Thanks for the Betty information. I am glad my 91 year old mom is simply arranging her own Vaccine, I can't keep up to her. I think she is arranging to have the people come to her building, actually. We have other things to concern us these days.
but, Karen
Tell us about David, please?
Nicole
Who is Betty?
Penny
She's the amazing lady who birthed our Karen!
Together now:
All Hail the Matriarch!!
Karen
Oh, lol! Betty is my mother! :) ~ karen!
Renee Strange
I love the door mat, just wish it wasn't made of coco fiber, they really don't hold up more than a year. My mom was batshit crazy too.
Nancy
Betty,
Congratulations on getting your vaccine!!!
And I love your coat!
Melissa O'Leary
Congratulations, Betty. Your ahead of the game.
I can't believe they are only at the 80 year old mark. I'm only 65 and have received both shots. This happened in Idaho which is not known for its progressive health care. Of course it may be explained by all the anti-vaccers. More for the rest of us.
You "done good" Karen. I hope you are still alive when it comes your time for your vaccination.
Keith
Karen, you’re a saint. I have no patience for illogic, petulant behaviour. I don’t care how old or young you are. Self indulgence is almost always unnecessary and always in my case not indulged. Good for you for caring for your friend.
Marilyn Meagher
I’m pretty sure she was being sarcastic. Betty is her Mom! And I’m also pretty sure Betty had her fair share of illogic,petulant , behaviour when Karen was young. It’s called HUMOUR Keith, you should try it. Indulge yourself, just this once.
Janet
Marilyn...perfectly stated...thank you for speaking my mind! ;-)
Karen ( a different Karen, it was a very popular name back then)
Well said Marilyn....and hey Keith, Betty is Karen’s Mom...but maybe you read this article early in the morning, on a weekend, before you had walked around the block, and hadn’t managed to get out to a mall for awhile?
Nancy Ann
Keith, you're a jerk. Betty is Karen's mom. I hope you're kinder to your mom than you sound.
Karen
O.K. It's alright. Everybody calm down, take a deep breath and be nice to Keith. ~ karen!
Nancy Ann
Being nice to Keith is so far down on my to-do list I don't think I'll ever find it; he should be more like Robert. Now there's a nice guy!
Carol Halliwell
My husband can register here (in BC) on March 22nd so that means I will be on the phone for ever on hold because he won't have the patience. I wish they had set it up so that we could register online but they must think because we've waited this long for the vaccine we are very tolerant. NOT!
Martina
Ha! You’ll be lucky to be put on hold. I tried to make an appointment for both my over 90 folks and rather than being placed on hold was told to try again later (this is of course, after listening to all the options...lol) Twenty tries later I was finally on hold and was told my wait time would be approx 8 minutes. 38 minutes later I finally got an agent who spoke so softly (and no,I’m not deaf) that I constantly had to ask her to speak up. I gave my email address four times and spelled it out every time and still did not ever receive my confirmation. I’ll be taking my parents for their vaccines tomorrow! Can hardly wait for the day I can try to make my own appointment...:))
Good luck with your appointment!!
Carol Halliwell
Oh my gosh, thanks for the 'heads up'. I'm really looking forward to March 22nd now! Too bad we can't make our own appointments at the same time!
Martina
I know, I’m sort of hoping that they say, well since you’re here...
Anyway, I sincerely hope that your phone appointment goes better than mine. Good luck!