What you are about to read is a true story. I am telling it 24 hours after the fact.

I easily could have started this recountment off with a lie. Just a slight exaggeration. I didn't though.
The reason for this is, I very much want you to have a perfectly accurate account of all the events as they happened to me last night.
Therefore, I will not embellish by telling you this was the first time I had ever ordered from a fast food delivery service. It was my second.
The first time I used an online app to have food delivered was during one of the summers of Covid. I can't remember if it was UberEats or Skip the Dishes or even which Covid summer it was. All of my summer memories from 2020-2023 have been compressed into one chubby year. Or slim century depending on how you look at it.
In my head, our centuries now look like this: 1800-1900, 1900-2000, 2000-2019 ( COVID) 2023-2100, 2200-2300, etcetera.
The above timeline is subject to change. Obviously.
I had been working in the yard all day when I worked up the nerve to convince myself I should pay someone to bring me dinner. I found that to be agreeable and even surprised myself with a bold improve move; I ordered my dinner through an online app.
That's about all I can remember about my first fast food delivery experience. Partly because it happened during the great hippocampus hiatus, and partly because the event was - uneventful.
I ordered food, I got food, I ate food.
Which brings us to the dark & post-stormy night two evenings ago. Anyone in North America probably heard about the ice storm that swept over the US and Canada. In my particular area of North America we got freezing rain, ice pellets, then 15 cm of snow topped off with several mm of sheet ice.
When these things combine they form cement.
Since I'm maintaining my year's New Years resolution to quit work before midnight (like some sort of independently wealthy muckity muck who doesn't need to work 23 hours a day), at 5 o'clock I headed outside to start shovelling.
Outside, I took a few steps towards the snow shovel then skate, slid, walk, splayed my way to the sidewalk.
I would need 2 shovels. One roofing shovel for cracking the top and bottom layers of ice and one snow shovel for pushing the layer of snow in the middle.
I live on a corner. Which is to say I have a lot of sidewalk to keep shovelled clean. Too much for a woman of my age I was told by my mother (of 87 who herself shovelled that day.)
Halfway through the torturous shovelling I entered it into my top 10 list of most miserable winter shovelling events. (I almost added in a tiny lie about me immediately ordering some antique ice tongs so at least in the next ice storm I'd be better prepared - plus they'd look really cool on Instapinbook. But that is EXACTLY the kind of exaggeration I have committed to avoiding in this retelling)
The shovelling lasted a couple of hours but it felt like a Covid century. I was inside by 7:30 in the evening.
Once inside, I cracked my mittens off and made my way to the fridge having decided on a grilled cheese sandwich, black blean soup & salad for dinner. I'd grab the soup from the freezer and the salad was already made so I just had to lop off half a pound of butter and fry up some bread and cheese.
Without any bread or cheese.
These are the moments that can break us. Having just survived an ice storm shovelling, I was now facing the reality that I didn't even have enough ingredients to make bread and water.
Would you like to save this stuff?
That was a insignificant exaggeration for effect. I do have water.
That cheese and bread moment did break me. For the second time in my life I used an online fast food delivery service for dinner.
After debating with myself for 15 minutes the side of me that swings towards fries had a more convincing argument. Which was, But you've never tried Pinks Burgers.
Pinks Burgers it was. A local place that everyone has eaten from and raved about. Finally. I was doing it. This was a BIG and exciting night. A new, long awaited, love affair with a burger and fries that I've been daydreaming about for a couple of years. And someone was going to pick it up and bring it to me.
I dialed the app in, made my selection (cheeseburger with fries), entered my drop off location (on the box by my front door) and watched as "J" made his way to the restaurant.
What happened next is very sad.
J made his way to the restaurant, waited there for a few minutes and then started to head towards me. For those who don't know, you can see all of this on the app. It's a direction map with a little cartoon car driving in real time.
Once I saw he had picked up my food and was on his way to me I floated towards my kitchen feeling a bit lightheaded from it all. Plus I hadn't eaten. I laid out a round, matte white plate, a black cotton napkin, salt, pepper, vinegar and ketchup.
As I was closing the cupboard my phone dinged that my food had been delivered. Welcome to what should have been the second most exciting moment of my life.
But instead it was this:



I'M MISSING A COUPLE OF SENTENCES HERE WHERE THE COMPANY APOLOGIZES AND ASKS WOULD I PREFER TO GET A REFUND IN CREDITS OR HAVE IT PUT BACK ON MY CREDIT CARD.
I AM THEN STUNNED WITH THE REALIZATION THAT MY DINNER IS NOT COMING. I HAVE SPENT 15 MINUTES DECIDING, 35 MINUTES WAITING & 45 MINUTES WALKING AROUND THE NEIGHBOURHOOD LOOKING FOR MY DINNER OR A RACCOON RUNNING AWAY WITH MY DINNER.

I had them put it back on my credit card and just like that I was dinnerless again. It was very sad.
Later that night I padded into my kitchen to get a drink having worked up quite a thirst after eating half a pound of butter for dinner. That's the moment I stuttered.
Jumping into my lime green crocs I skate, slid, walk, splayed my way out the front door, around the corner, around another corner to my backyard gate that's off of a side street.

Pinks is right across from McMaster University. I'd guess a lot of the delivery app drivers are students. This was probably one of those students, although not the specific one that studied boxes and front doors.
250F for 15 minutes. It was delicious.
I hope you enjoyed this true story written by karen.
Unfortunately, I am out in the boonies, so no food delivery service. But I wouldn't try if they did. You see we have a shed down the hill from the house. Walmart cannot seem to find the house. If they find the address they can only see the shed. Amazon can see the house just fine as it's completely visible.
LOL!! Well Karen, at least it was not your entire grocery order. Yes, that conversation went like this; "Hello, this is your peapod driver. I have arrived".
"Nope, you have not" as I look out my front door and see a vacant driveway- a LOOONG vacant driveway.
"Your order has been delivered".
"Nope, it has NOT!" As I send a photo of my empty driveway. Next photo is a picture of my sister in laws very looong driveway, and my grocery delivery sitting in front of her garage. Of course. Um.... honey? Can you please go get our groceries from your sisters? I wish I could send you a photo of HIS face. Delivery is great, when it works, and when it doesn't, it really sucks!!!
Hilarious!
My son has the same name as my husband. He lives in town, we live 5 miles out in the country. Our grandson was sick so my son placed a Walmart Plus order of sick supplies to be delivered to him in town. He got the notification saying it was delivered....with a picture of it sitting on the ground in the dirt.....
He searched all around his grassy yard...no dirt spots....no delivery.
I happen to notice someone driving away from our dead end street...a dusty gravel road. I go out & see a Walmart bag of stuff I did not order sitting in the dirt at the end of my very long drive.
By the time I realize what had happened my son had already reordered. Crazy, crazy. I don't know how they're making anything on home delivery in my area at all. Often they have two or three different drivers bring things separately way out to my house. I always tip but I only tip one driver for one delivery....crazy.
Karen, I did enjoy that. You are so funny, I read your posts and just crack up. So my husband says “what?” so I tell him “it’s that woman whose blog I follow”. Then I have to read the funny stuff to him. So I have to read you twice. Not sure you’re THAT good!
Definitely not. Tell him to mind his own business and find his own things to read. ~ karen!
Always enjoy your adventures!
Absolutely Pathetic....And to think this generation will one day be in politics and make decisions for the rest of us. God save our soul......
Love, love, love your true story!!! Eventually one's ole brain comes up with a solution or idea or remembrance that had eluded one, until something gives it a quick start! LOL
He was parked directly in front of my front door. HOW DID HE MISS THE FRONT DOOR??! 😂 ~ karen!
Oh hon. I feel your pain. Kinda. Only my (not nearly as traumatic) story is about grocery deliveries. Since I started having my groceries delivered to my apartment now and then, I have not had ONE. SINGLE. ORDER. that was correct and complete. Doesn't matter if it's Aldi, Kroger, Walmart, or Tom Thumb, something is always missing, or too much of, or weird substitutions, or completely random items included, etc. etc. ad nauseum. And yet...I continue to try, in the hopes that ONE FINE DAY, I will get a full and complete order. However, I'm not holding my breath.
I could turn your grocery tale of woe into a hyper-traumatic story in a heartbeat, lol. ~ karen!
I laughed out loud!! Good story. Sorry you didn't have your dinner on time but you are quite the sleuth to have figured it out.
Excellent! Laugh out loud is always the goal. ~ karen!
Haha ! there’s a moral to that story…something like “blessed are they who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed “. (My Dad’s favourite saying)
No kidding, lol! Your dad's got it right. ~ karen!
I may have peed a little over the bread and water crisis. Really Karen, some warning to initiate Kegels would be appreciated!
That was a sombre post with lots of opportunity for crying. It's unusual to pee when you cry isn't it? ~ karen!
Good one! I am snowbound in the pacific northwest (Oregon) right now and would really love a pinks burger and fries but there's no ways anyone can get in or out of my neighborhood. Also, I love your jigsaw puzzles!
Amen to the jigsaw puzzles!!! I want more of them, and they need to be bigger. I always get the 1000 piece ones when shopping for them, though I've had to take a hiatus. I have a cat. One who needs to be in the middle of everything, and I can easily visualize finding puzzle pieces all over the house, with little sharp tooth punctures in them and the little sticky-out parts missing. So I've been doing your online ones, but more, please? Have not used a delivery service, too many tales like yours, but I have had pizza delivered in the past and since they need to hand it to you so you can hand them the tip, delivery seems to be assured.
You make an excellent point because he had already been tipped. And much to my mother's chagrin I tend to tip on the higher side of the scale. I'll see what I can do about additional puzzle situation. ;) ~ karen!
Thanks Carolyn! New puzzle coming up in about 2 hours. :) ~ karen!
This happened to me with my Instacart grocery order. We never did find it, but someone got a lot of free food!
!!! It would drive me crazy for years not knowing where that Instacart food of yours went, lol. ~ karen!
This was the best! Glad you enjoyed your burger and fries. Thanks for the laugh.
I'd still like one hot off of the grill not cold off of the sidewalk ice. Just for fun. ~ karen!
Funny story. Perhaps not as funny as the night I ordered delivery and it never came: They sent me the pix. It was delivered to the doorstep NEXT to the restaurant. They literally thought someone two feet away would pay for delivery. Apparently my online ordering skill was lacking that day. But still, wouldn't someone with any brain cells at all call and doublecheck!
Clearly the answer to that is no. Nobody cares.😆 ~ karen!
Loved this! I enjoy the clear humorist-style writing…thanks again!
Thank you for saying that Lynn! I wish I had more time for that type of writing. ~ karen!
No such thing as food delivery - or any delivery, really - where I live (rural Newfoundland). But if I'm ever out of food, I know my neighbours will have salt fish to spare.
Now I would like fish and chips for my next delivery order. ~ karen!
Your descriptions placed me right there and I'm so sorry for what happened. Actually, most sorry for the disappointment you HAD to have had - following the tiny car to your house. Unbelievable disappointment for it to be NOT there. But certainly worth reading the story as I could almost taste the award winning meal - no exaggeration intended. As I was waiting in line at a fast food joint for a chicken pot pie after not eating all day, sweating as I worked in my garden and hungry beyond anger, my car began overheating and smoking and I had to drive home as my whole family of anyone knowing anything about cars were gone until late - so I did eat a bowl of cold cereal and went to bed. Got up and read about your night. There must be a really weird conspiracy theory happening across country borders.
It *was* disappointing Mary, lol. Thank you for the recognition. And now I want a bowl of cereal. ~ karen!
"hungry beyond anger" oh my. Been there, done that, got the Tee shirt. not pretty AT ALL.
🎵And after all....Check the wooden waaaaall.🎶
You're my wooden wallllll! ~ karen!
I live in the middle of NOWHERE. We can’t order a meal for delivery, but Amazon does deliver…often to a very nice old farmer who rattles up in his ancient pickup and hands me the fluglebinder I just chewed Amazon customer service out for not getting to me and the VERY plainly visible box i leave at the gate for deliveries. It got so bad I had Amazon note on my account that no one unfamiliar with my area is allowed to deliver my stuff. That seems to have helped, but I kinda miss my chats with Junior about his cows.
LOL! ~ karen