Ta Da!
Now let me tell you a little something about that rubber chicken. In telling the tale of the rubber chicken, you will learn an infinite amount about the family from which I come.
The fella and I have photography class every Wednesday night. We get home around 10, he scurries off to bed and I make the rounds making sure the chickens are locked up in their temporary pen, the tools are put away, there’s cold Diet Coke in the fridge. You know. All the important stuff.
Last Wednesday was no different. We returned home from class and after the fella went to bed, I went out to tuck the girls in. I am referring to the chickens. Not my boobs. They squawked at me and one of them made a foul poop. Again – I am referring to the chickens.
After locking the chickens up, by the light of the moon I made my way over the the coop I’m building. Keep in mind, the light of the moon is, well … not very bright. One might even say it’s eerie. As I got directly in front of the coop I saw the chicken hanging from the frame of the coop doors. At night. In the dark. Hanging there.
I squawked. And one of my boobs made a foul poop. Suffice it to say the funny rubber chicken you’re seeing right here is not so funny at 11:00 p.m. by the light of the moon, in a quiet residential neighbourhood. It’s quite ominous in fact. Think horse head in a bed.
My first thought was Someone doesn’t like me having these chickens. My second thought was That’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. It’s easy to immediately go for the threatening thought when it’s dark out and you’re alone and you need a Diet Coke.
Then my senses kicked in and I realized it was a joke. And the sort of joke one of my family members would pull.
My family’s what you’d call … weird. Touched in the head. A bit off kilter. Mostly on my mother’s side.
My maternal grandmother used to catch rats in her basement, put them in a shoe box, wrap it up pretty and then leave it on her front lawn. She would sit in her front window watching, waiting for someone to come by, pick up the present and walk away with it. At which point, she was scream with laughter. See? Weird. But weird with a sense of humour!
So by method of weirdo deduction, the big foam finger pointed right at my mother.
The next morning I called my mother and asked her about it. She laughed for a full 10 minutes and then said. Chicken? What chicken? Hmm.
Luckily for me this particular genetic peculiarity doesn’t skip a generation.
I’m inviting my mother for dinner tomorrow night. And as a special treat we’re going to have potatoes, salad, corn on the cob and Chicken? What chicken?
Ok-I’m obviously trying to go back and read all the hilarity I’ve missed.
I cannot believe no one else comented on one of your boobs making a foul poop!
“My first thought was Someone doesn’t like me having these chickens. My second thought was That’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.” This part illustrates exactly the way my brain works. Just because you scare the sh#* out of one of my boobs doesn’t mean I can’t truly and immediately appreciate the humor of it. : )
I can’t believe you’re still making your way through all these posts! You must be almost done. Almost? ~ karen
Loved the rat and chicken stories! Here’s a story from our house…
When our daughter was little we started a tradition of buying her toy frogs…stuffed ones, plastic ones, even Christmas ornament ones. One day I went to the basement to retrieve some now-forgotten item, and noticed a cute little yellow-green frog sitting on the basement shelves. “Oh, look…how cute! I wonder where Allison got this frog…I haven’t seen this one before”, I think to myself. I reached out and picked it up.
“OMG! It’s REAL!”. Quite a shock to feel its cold soft frogginess in my unsuspecting fingers!
LOL! I *love* that. ~ karen
I have had a rubber chicken hanging in my garden to show the birds that if I get them what will happen to them.. so far birds stear clear…
Hah! ~ karen
That would have scared me silly. Lovely coop.
Linda – It did! And thanks. :) ~ karen
Clearly I need to raise my children the way your family did if they are to be as awesome as you are. Thank you, I finally know the secret!
Late one stormy night just after I bought the 1932 house that I’m restoring, my mother and I had been cleaning it out in prep for my moving in. She had been upstairs working, and as we were getting ready to leave for the night she told me that she had forgotten to close the dressing room window and she was too tired to climb all those stairs again. When I went up to close it, in the dark, I was hit in the head by the rubber bat that she had tied to the pull string of the dressing room light. How she came by a rubber bat, and a particularly evil-looking one at that, I have no idea. But we both had a good laugh over it.
Can’t wait to see the final coop! We just got approval for backyard chickens here in Kingston… pretty sure this is not the kind of pet my landlord would approve of :) So instead I am enjoying hearing about your experience raising them!
I can’t help but wonder if I hung a skinny rubber chicken in our coop if my chickens would be scared into submission. If I hang one in my garden will they stop eating my plants? If I hang one on the boat will they stop using it as their potty? Really the possibilities are endless.
Seriously hilarious!!
When I was 12 or so, my idea of a good afternoon was crazy gluing a penny to the sidewalk in front of my house and patiently waiting until someone passed by and tried to pick it up.
Maybe at 25 it’s time I advance to the rat-in-a-box technique?
I think my grandmother was your granmother.She once arrived to find a flattened chameleon in her front door.I received it as a plasticized greeting card.Because the apple doesn’t fall far from the grandma tree I loved it!!!
Your family sounds all kinds of hilarious, and I’m glad it hasn’t skipped a generation and has seemingly manifested in the witty entries in this blog that keep us all coming back for more. You’re a pistol, Karen! If you wind up in any more pranks and/or light-hearted shenanigans involving your maternal family, we want in!
Good one, Betty!!
I love you and your family! I’d like to be adopted. I’d fit right in. I do stuff like that. Here’s an example: When I was younger, much younger, my sister and I would laugh about the corn that ended up in your poop after you ate it. Corn poopy was a constant subject (and then so was peanut poo). Fast forward to adulthood: I’m working in the city, having a salad that has corn in it or peanuts or both. There was a piece of paper on my desk that had some smeared chocolate on it (don’t ask me where that came from becasue I have no idea). I glued the peanut and the corn to that paper with the brown smudge and mailed it to my sister. We both lived at home back then. I told my mother what was coming so she could watch her reaction since I probably wouldn’t be home when she received it. Well, my sister opens this paper and my mother claims her face fell, she starts saying, “What the hell? What is this? Oh my God! Someone is stalking me!” Now I ask you, what or who would stalk with corn and peanuts? A giant poop??? We still laugh about that story…
So, Karen, please take me as your sister. I beg of you. I want in on that action. Your family cracks me up!!!!
OMG. thanks for the laugh BYLover2..right out loud!!! Seriously, I’m killing myself and Its hard to write this.
Your decorating ideas are creative, informative, and beautiful, but best of all, you make me laugh out loud!!!! Thank you for that!
The gift-wrapped rat is one of the strangest and funniest things I’ve ever heard. I’m trying to imagine how it must have felt to open that… Ha!
This is hilarious. I’m sorry your mother scared you like that though. Your grandmother’s joke will make a very nice offshoot of an on-going joke my husband and I have. So thank you for telling the story.
Absolutely CLASSIC! Your Grandmother. Not the Coke.
Brenda
lol wish the web cam was still set up so we could’ve seen the footage!
Good one Mum!
Your Grandmother is giving me ideas for my neighbors who can never seem to keep their hands to themselves.
..and just from the sliver I can see, the coop looks awesome!
I can see this escalating to untold heights of low humor!
But the coop looks lovely
The rubber effeigy didn’t scare the ( feathered) girls did it?
Did you go in and have that diet coke after?
Glad to hear you and the girls are alright.
Denise – I did! And some plain potato chips if I remember correctly. ~ karen
Okay, that bit about your grandmother cracked me up for a full 5 minutes! Now I know where you get your crazy sense of humour from. Love it!