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The Funniest First Date Story Ever Told.

Every so often readers send me stories of links they’ve found on the Internet they think I’ll enjoy.

I always take a look at them.  Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes I love them, sometimes I think Oh my God.  Do you really think I’d like that, you crazy person?
Last week I got one such email.  The funny kind.   Not the crazy person kind.

I beg of you.  If you only click on ONE link this whole year make it this one.

It’s a love story about a girl, a first date and a fart.   Then come back here …Read this Fart Story!

You’re welcome.

I’ll give you a moment to blot your running nose and wipe away your tears.  GET AWAY FROM THE DOOR!!!

So, that’s how that went for her.   It got me to thinking that I really don’t have any hilarious first date stories.  Or any hilarious date stories at all really. I have a LOT of hilarious first day at work stories, and even more that take place in grocery stores, but nothing about dating.

I now have a craving to hear ridiculous date stories.  That’s where you come in.

Have a great date story?  Tell me.  Tell me now.  What is the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to you on a date?

Don’t worry.  You can divulge.  I won’t tell a single, solitary, soul.

Have a good weekend!

 


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71 Comments | Filed Under: Everything Else |

71 Responses to The Funniest First Date Story Ever Told.

  1. Karen says:

    I guess this constitutes as a first date story. About 25 years ago several girlfriends and I took a trip to Las Vegas. One night we went to a bar, ok more than one night, but I am talking about this particular night, and were approached by several guys. We had a nice evening with them and one of my girlfriends was smitten by one of the guys. However she only had his first name and that he worked for coke. So she decided to send him a letter addressed to his first name at coke. Seven months later she got a call from the guy we met at the bar, the letter went from person to person with the same first name at coke until it reached the right one, they have been married 20 years and have two sons.

  2. Trysha says:

    On our first New Years Eve together, my now-husband had the champagne farts. Since men thinks farts are hilarious, he locked the car windows and turned up the heater.

    It seems kinda douchey typing it out but we laugh regularly about it. I feel like I should also point out that we had already been dating for 11 months and were living together at the point. I don’t know why that’s important for me to share, but farts…yeah.

  3. I woke the monkeys up with my laughter! I really didn’t read the whole story, as my eyes had filled up with tears!

  4. Kat says:

    I would love to but I just can’t! I have only told that story to 2 gay guys at the bar I worked at and we cried laughing so bad, but it is still to embarrassing after 34 years! Maybe if I could write it and not give my name and explain I was really drunk!

  5. KL says:

    My lips are sealed…..
    Hillarious!!!! Will have to re-post with appropriate reference if that’s OK. Still laughing…
    x KL

  6. Jan says:

    10th anniversary date night, hubbie surprises me with a beautiful huge sapphire & diamond ring. Our food was bad, really bad – we both got sick overnite. The crowning moment came when the two guys sitting at a table near us got up and came over and started flirting, then straight out coming onto, flat out prospecting for my man! My hubby was so upset! The waitress asked if we wanted the cops called (they would not leave my man alone!). After we got home one of the diamonds fell out of the ring! We still laugh about our 10th anniversary date 11 years later.

  7. Langela says:

    You weren’t kidding! Tears, nose running. I had to keep squeezing my legs together so I didn’t pee while reading it. Thank you, Karen!

  8. ev says:

    OMG! I did indeed have to wipe the tears from my eyes! So funny!

    When i was maybe 16 I went on a first date with a guy that was tall, good looking, and extremely shy. Anyway, he took me to a movie–Irma LaDouce. I was embarrassed since I hardly knew him and I was so young. Oh well. That relationship was doomed from the start anyway. Thanks for a good belly laugh from “The Fart Story:.

  9. Diana says:

    Karen…..
    You….
    made….
    my….
    day….

  10. Lisa F says:

    Still laughing over that story!!!
    My first date story: It was my FIRST date ever. I was in high school. When he brought me home, we sat in the car and talked awhile. We both knew what was coming, and we were both pretty nervous. He leaned over to give me a kiss–and bang—no not the sound of fireworks–the sound of the car hitting the garage door. He had never put the car in park.

  11. claudine says:

    I read this a couple of weeks ago when you first posted it and had not laughed so hard in years. It took me 10 minutes to finish because of episodes of crying and the inability to breathe. Thank you, I really needed it!

  12. Dawna Jones says:

    Sorry ,I have to go re-do my makeup! That really was the funniest story!
    http://www.dawnajonesdesign.com/

  13. keg says:

    OMG! I just died of laughter! The fart thing happened to me with my now husband! And it was right after the first night we spent together. He still can’t believe that such raucous noise could come out a tiny thing like me. We still crack up over that story loll.

  14. Sandy says:

    I laughed till I cried!!

  15. Reg says:

    “OMG I can taste it!”

    My sides hurt I’ve laughed so hard.
    Thank you for sharing.

  16. Ann says:

    This is a story about my first date with my husband. Now, I was his sister’s BFF for 5 years before we ever dreamed of going out. I had graduated from HS and had a child without the benefit of marriage. In those days and in the eyes of many of the older generation, that made me look like someone they did not want their son to bring home.

    So anyway, I get this call a few days before New Years asking me if I wanted to go out. I had the flu and I had it bad so I had to turn him down. I told him he could call in a few days and ask again but didn’t really expect he would.

    I was wrong and this time I was well and was ready to go out with anybody since it had been awhile since I had dated anyone. But one caveat. I needed to have a friend for his friend to make it a foursome. What are the chances, but I actually did have a single friend who was in my class in xray school. Now, I thought I knew DH’s best friend and I thought he was hot. Told school friend this and she was expecting to be wowed when she got to meet him. But when they showed up to pick me up first I quickly learned that the hottie was actually his BF’s younger brother and that this guy was a bit on the hefty side. Still a good looking guy but hefty all the same. So when we picked up my friend(way before cell phone days where I might have possibly been able to call ahead and warn her)she was a bit taken aback.

    So all the way to the movies she was a bit speechless and it was awkward at best. I mean it is hard enough to meet someone new but to think you would be meeting one type of person and it doesn’t end up that way can be a bit shocking. But of course, it did not matter much once the movie started. But then we went to a big dance bar and my friend very quickly got smashed. So I ended up spending the entire time at the bar keeping her out of trouble and mostly spending time with her in the bathroom. I spent no time at all with my date and barely talked to him at all. So when they dropped us off I figured that was it for both couples.

    But a few days later at school she admitted that she had been seeing him every night since then and had even “slept” together already. But no word at all from my date. I kinda felt like I had sacrificed my date and she came out smelling like a rose. I was a bit bummed. But a few days later she said that she had heard thru her guy that mine was going to try the date thing one more time, without them along. We had a much better time, although he told me he was about to graduate from college and he was beholding to the military for 4 years after that so don’t even dream about getting serious on me.

    Needless to say, both couples got married. We still are after 35 years. They would be but Mr. passed at a youngish age of a cancer recurrence which broke all our hearts.

    But it just goes to say, that a horrible first date can work out if you are willing to give it just one more try

  17. Nancy Blue Moon says:

    Yeah,,I was on a date once..I’m not sure how I could explain all this but lets just say that after a while I came to realize that I was out with a multiple personality..Yup..No doubt about it..Do I win???

  18. Debbie says:

    Ok, Here is the first date nightmare of mine. It is the 1970′s. He picked me up in a huge 1960′s Impala. We were on our way to a drive in movie it was Jaws. So, to move it along we went in to the snack bar. I love chocolate and thought I would get junior mints. For those of you who don’t know what they are they are small plump mints with a milk chocolate covering. Plus it helped with breath.It was getting dark so we made it back to the car and watched smooched and snacked through the movie.

    So its intermission time coming up we hurried off to go potty and get more popcorn before the crowd comes in. This rest room had many pottys and a whole wall of sinks with mirrors. I finish with the potty and am washing my hands when the huge crowd comes in and are looking at me and kinds making faces.

    I gave myself a final look in the mirror and that was one of those OMG what is this. The butt of my light green slacks were covered in smashed black and white junior mints. Once melted it looked like I pooped and maybe something sexual was with it. The bottom of the box was open and it was all over my ass.

    Now what the hell do I do. I waited as long as I could and walked by a wall out the door. Thank god my date was already back in the car. Out side it was really dark so it was ok there.

    I managed to get through the date and he never saw my butt. I jumped out of the car and backed my way into my house. Thank God that was over.

    Next morning a call came through from his mother saying she was coving over to see me. WTF I am thinking. She comes over gets out of the car with her sons pants. They were covered in the same crap mine were. I saw the seat and it was smeared on fabric all over the seat. She wanted to know what the hell I did to her car and son. I started to laugh so hard that she got in her car and took off. I never saw either one again.I never found out if it came out of her car. I threw my pants out it would no come out. Oh well I didn’t like him anyway……….

  19. Shari says:

    Craig and I ‘accidentally met’ on Lavalife. I was setting up a hotmail address and accidentally clicked on the link to Lavalife. Just for fun, I thought I’d poke around. When I came upon his profile, I thought it was too good to be true so I impulsively pulled together my own profile (that was restricted just for him) and sent him a ‘smile’. I waited one very long week before he got back to me.

    We e-mailed back and forth for another week before we arranged to meet. I couldn’t wait to meet him, but I was a little nervous about meeting someone over the internet, so I thought we should meet somewhere close to where I worked. We decided on the Keg – which was below the building I used to work in.

    Craig called the restaurant to see if he could get us a reservation in advance, but they didn’t take reservations. I told Craig that I would save a table if I got there before him. When I arrived, I told the hostess that I was meeting someone by the name of Craig. He wasn’t there yet, so she took me to a table and told me that she would bring him over once he arrived.

    Five minutes later the waitress showed up with an overweight, older, balding man – the complete opposite of what I was expecting!!!!

    Even though he was a nice enough guy, I felt really duped. After chatting politely for a few minutes, I discovered that his name was ‘Greg’ and he was also on a blind date! I was so relieved when he went off to find his blind date and Craig arrived 5 minutes later. When I told him the story about the mistaken identity, his classic response was “you mean ‘Greg’ wasn’t a keeper”!

    I knew from the minute we met that Craig was going to be a keeper. We were engaged exactly one year to-the-day later. To this day, I often wonder how ‘Greg’s’ blind date turned out!

  20. kortni says:

    I was so drunk. He took me home to my place because he was homeless. He moved in. Turned out he was rich. He replaced all my shit with nice shit. Five years later we are still together. I have nice shit and I don’t have to work.

  21. kelliblue says:

    OMG. The poor woman. The poor guy. But such a happy ending! Thrilled to know that I am not the only female with farts that will “make your hair curl.” Thanks for that, Dad.

    Once many years ago, I was dating very nice guy who happened to live in a very small apt. Like our gassy heroine, I was trying to eat well, which, on that day happened to be a nice big bag of dried apricots while we were out running errands (fruit? who knew?). A few hours later, back at his place, watching TV, I was hit by what George Costanza put as “a sudden sense of urgency.” Yup, there was no time–I dashed to the bathroom (conveniently located at the other end of the living room), turned on the taps full blast (pathetic sound filter) and spent a good 30 minutes trying not to sound like someone dropping explosive depth charges into the sea.

    Like her future hubby, about every 5 minutes my poor freaked out beau kept asking “honey…are you okay?” and all I could do was moan (and not in a good way). TO THIS DAY, 25 years later, I’ve never been so mortified, so embarrassed, or so humiliated over anything else. IT. WAS. HORRIBLE. No happy ending for us, but it did give us a good laugh the entire rest of the time we dated. It’s an experience that’s definitely left a mark on my psyche. *shudder*

  22. Kathy says:

    I invited him over for brunch and a picnic to the nearby national seashore. I made my special quiche with southwest influence including cilantro. Stopped at the local bakery for their killer cinnamon raisin bread. Prepared smoothies with bananas and apricot nectar. Coffee. Served this delightful brunch and he started eating. very. very. slowly. A bare sip of the smoothie. Lot of coffee, and I noticed a pile of raisins on the side of the plate. Out it came: of all the foods in the world, he had four things he did not like: raisins, apricots, bananas and cilantro.

    It’s 34 years later and he’ll eat raisins in a hot dish, cilantro is a favorite, and we just don’t bring bananas or apricots into the menu!

  23. Hi Karen,
    I left you an imaginary Christmas gift for you on my blog! Enjoy!

  24. marilyn says:

    that was hilarious and honestly i just laughed all day, thanks sooo much for sharing it, i too have a funny date fart story but i really cant share it…sorry lmao

  25. Allison W says:

    Oh, man! The link won’t open!! Is it just me??

  26. Joanne says:

    Gawd, I’m still crying! I grew up in a fart-infested home, with a Dad who could fart God Save the Queen while running up the stairs….

  27. Tiinity says:

    Ok, ok, I’ll share my story. A third date with a bit older guy when I was 16.

    We decided that day to meet in the city center and just walk around. This was after school and I had been in a bit of a hurry. It was in fashion to wear a sweater over your shoulders and I had it this day and felt I was looking nice.

    When we walked around for a few hours we were standing at H&M looking at clothes and he turns to me and says:
    “This sweater you are wearing over your shoulders doesn’t it have a bit long sleeves.”
    And I still remember the feeling of panic rising inside me when I realize I didn’t take the sweater. I didn’t take the white sweater… What I had put over my shoulders was my super non-sexy LONG JOHNS… And the guy was looking at my LONG JOHNS which was put over my shoulders.

    Aah, the embarrassment… I reached (in panic) the first item I and rushed for the fitting room. In the fitting room I pressed the LONG JOHNS down, down, down into my bag. I went out and said I was going to buy whatever I had taken with me, pretending the other thing never happened…

    Did he call, yes. We dated for a good 10 years after it… But then I wore my nickers on my head instead of a hat and that was too much… (or not)

  28. Jessica says:

    This website: http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/ is full of great date stories.

  29. Lynsy says:

    I’ve won contests with this one:

    I’ve had my fair share of bad dates. They’ve been dubbed: “The Josh,” for the guy that talked in third person; “Coaster Dude” for the guy who would take a coaster from every bar/restaurant we went to and write my name and date on it and “Crazy Cat Guy” for the guy who kept his cat’s hair in a jar so he could “one day knit a sweater with the fur.” But of all of those, one stands above the rest as Worst. Date. Ever. He is called “The Shrink.”

    Dan, name kept the same to protect his future dates, was a psychologist. He seemed a little obnoxious but after some cajoling from an optimistic friend, I agreed to go out with him.

    The date lasted one hour. In that time span, I was offended so many times I lost count.

    He called ladies sitting near us fat whores and questioned why the dudes with them would stay.

    He called every girl he had ever dated “whore cunts.”

    (At this point, the tables next to us were shooting me looks of pity. He was not the quiet sort.)

    He compared his bowel movements (which is always a classy conversation for a first date) to “evacuating after Hurricane Katrina.”

    To prove to me that he was looking for more than a one night stand, he showed me the email he sent to a girl asking her to be his “steady gal”. He then produced the email she sent back to him. Shockingly, her answer was no.

    All of these were deal breakers, but nothing compares to what happened next.

    We started sharing the normal battle stories of bad dates (in my mind thinking that this was the worst). He told me he had a couple dates with a girl who had a colostomy bag. Now, I am an understanding sort and it is unfortunate. Yes, the bags are gross. It would take one hell of a man to deal with one. Dan was not that man.

    He claimed to really like her, but, “You know she liked it up the butt.”
    I replied, “I’m sorry?”

    “Well, she had colon cancer. Only people who take it up the ass get colon cancer.”

    I said, “My father had colon cancer last year.”

    He leaned into the table and motioned to me like he had a secret to confess.

    “Your dad’s a fag.”

    I recovered, “Excuse me?”

    “Your dad is a closet homo. Your mom probably knows. He takes it up the ass.”

    After the urge to punch him in his smirking face subsided, I excused myself, ran to the bathroom and called the optimistic friend who put me up to this. After shrieking at her, she (in between uproarious laughter) told me that I needed to excuse myself from the date. I went back to the table, told him I needed to go and we left.

    Out on the street, I started to say goodbye and hightail it out of there when he said “Let me take you home, my car is right here.”

    “No thanks, I like the walk.”

    “It’s okay, I don’t want you walking at night.”

    “Oh, it’s fine. It’s totally safe. I walk at night all the time.

    “No.”

    “Yes.”

    “I am not letting you walk home alone.”

    “And I’m not getting in your car.” With that, I turned around and got out of there as fast as I could.

    On the walk home, I called back the optimistic friend (who was still laughing as was her now husband) and told her that under no circumstances was she to convince me to go out with anyone I had doubts about ever again.

    The twist to the story? I’m marrying that friend’s brother in law next year. At least she made it up to me.

    • Karen says:

      I am going to choose to not believe that date story. Not because I don’t actually believe you but because my psyche would spontaneously combust if I thought people like that actually existed and walked around amongst the rest of us. ~ karen!

  30. Amanda says:

    1. Was waaay shorter than me.
    2. Oiled his hair. This was the late ’90s.
    3. Informed me how he was going to be the one to dress his future wife.
    4. Abandoned me at Barnes and Noble.
    5. Took me to dinner with his entire.extended.family.
    6. His BIL looked me up and down, then proclaimed ” You brought a girl this time!”
    7. Credit card got denied at dinner.
    8. Abandoned me at an arcade.
    9. Interviewed on the ride home about being a senator’s wife.
    10. When he met my roommates, he promptly kicked one off her own computer and proceeded to play a game for an hour without talking to anyone.
    11. Was shocked when I turned him down for a second date.
    12. I later found out he was 25. I was 19.

  31. GwenDee says:

    I have to say that I laughed until I cried. That story was the best!!

  32. Tracy says:

    Well, I now know that you cannot actually die of laughter, but I came really, super close. Thanks!!

  33. JamieK says:

    Went to a movie. Once movie was over thought I’d spruce myself up a bit before we left the theater. In the dark of the theater and my little hand mirror close to my face I applied a new coat of lip liner; only to find out in the sunlight I had outlined my lips with navy blue eye liner pencil.

    • Karen says:

      JamieK – My sister did exactly the same thing! Only she was walking around in the grocery store. She can put on lipliner like nothing so she reached into her purse applied it as she walked around the store and shoved it back in her purse. She got home and realized she’d put on black eyeliner. I can’t wait to tell her you did the same stupid (if you’ll forgive me) thing! ~ karen

  34. Amy says:

    When I was in my 20s, I went out with this guy on the understanding that we were going as “just friends.” So imagine my surprise on the drive home from the movie when he started telling me all about how our life together would be. We would be married in a year. We would have 3 children, a girl and twin boys, in that order he said. AND we would have a house 3 doors down from his parents. Needless to say, we never spoke again after that night.

  35. Nancy Eileen says:

    Side Note:
    I just finished reading one of your top 10 books, and its now in my top 3ish books:
    The Book Thief, by Markus Zusak

    Now I’m on to Sarah’s Key.
    Thanks a heap!!

  36. Erika says:

    1) picked me up in his monster truck. Wanted to go to a restaurant that served alcohol. (my male bosses told me it was because he wanted to get me drunk. I don’t drink, so it availed him nothing). Bragged about going skiny dipping alot, and how much money he had. Hated my dogs. Expected me to sleep with him.

    2) (different guy) Took me for a drive in the middle of winter out into the boonies late at night. van got stuck in the snow on a hill near a train trestle, far away from civilization. I thought I was going to die.

    3) Took me to a family (his) reunion cook-out. Introduced me to his female relatives and disappeared.

    • Erika says:

      Oh, and there was the one where he showed up in his civil war reinacting costume, took me to Red Lobster, and ordered french fries. Only french fries, because he said that was all he ever ate. Even the waitress was looking at me with pity.

  37. valerie says:

    too funny, the website wouldn’t open at first so when I hit the back button it took me back to your site and I had to do a double take because I thought it said thefartofdoingstuff! lol…great story!

  38. Pam'a says:

    Farts are God’s way of reminding us that nobody is cool ALL the time.

  39. susan says:

    Funniest freakin’ fart story-EVER!
    Thanks for sharing.

  40. susan says:

    see? Laughing so hard it made me misspell my blog addy LOL ( now corrected)

    • Karen says:

      Maybe you’re just drunk. Are you drunk Susan? I’m O.K. with that. Just don’t want you driving, texting, cooking or a variety of other things you shouldn’t do when you’re drunk. ~ karen!

  41. Sehaj says:

    I was terrified to fart in front of my now boyfriend, but a few months into our relationship I started getting these stomach pains that just wouldn’t go away unless I passed as much gas as possible. To make me more comfortable farting in front of him he would kiss me every time I tooted, essentially training me like a Pavlovian dog. Needless to say, I’m more comfortable farting around him than when I’m totally alone. And I still get a kiss each time. Unless it’s a silent killer. =P

  42. Violet says:

    Went on a blind date with a guy who turned out to be obnoxious and hyperactive. We went to a teeny tiny saloon because I’d heard there was going to be a magician performing that day and thought it might be fun even if the date was crap. Turned out my date had learned a few magic tricks in his time, so as the magician performed, Mr. Obnoxious loudly announced in detail how each one worked. Then he whipped out a deck of cards and started trying to get people around us to “Pick a card, any card.” Then, as the magician would start a new trick, he started going, “Hey, let me see that…” and would reach for various props the the poor guy was IN THE PROCESS OF TRYING TO USE TO PERFORM! I walked out at that point and ran to my car like a bat out of hell. Thank god I always insisted on meeting people at the date destination rather than letting them pick me up at my house. And it’s always the guys like this who go around telling everyone that GIRLS are the crazy ones for not wanting to date them.

  43. flattire Tuesday says:

    I love that story! And there are a couple very close runner-ups. Except that creepy psych guy – the number of poor women he must have terrorized. Ugh…

    Awkward first date – I met a guy, and we had talked on and off on the phone for probably a year, (this should have been my first clue) and he was coming down to visit his family, so he wanted to pick me up and I could go meet them. Very first date was a huge family reunion. I was an idiot, and had agreed to spend the night (on the floor in the living room with half of his cousins and Aunts.) The whole thing was awkward – meeting every single person in his family (Am I the only one who thinks a move like that kind of means a certain amount of commitment?), and he would just disappear and leave me alone at a table full of Uncles to play video games.
    I managed to be enough of an airhead not to pack pyjamas, so after the lights were out, I crawled into my sleeping bag and took my pants off. I spent the night praying if a fire started, I would at least have time to put my pants back on before I ran.
    The next day, he drove me to the ferry I had to take to get back home. Only he brought his super awkward best friend along, and they shared weird stories about past girls the entire ride, while I sat in the back and was not spoken to the entire hour and a half trip. Now he raises hairless cats and lives by himself. I am happily married … to someone else. :)

  44. Before I even saw which story it was I KNEW!!! She had sent that to me when I was having a bad day…I laughed snot! I swear!! Love it!

  45. Jane says:

    My first date story with my husband is not too exciting, however I find it extremely humorous.

    He was the brother of one of my close friends, when I met him I had just started dating a guy (who funny enough dumped me after I wished him a “Happy VD” on Valentine’s day). Every time I seen him, he would ask me if I still had a boyfriend, well after the mentioned Valentine’s day, he asked me again and well I didn’t. So he asked me if I wanted to go for dinner – have some chicken, maybe some sex.

    Yes I know that sounds kind of sleazy, but he had a certain charm about him and I am a sucker for a horrible pick up line.

    We have been together for almost five years and just got married on October 31, 2012.

  46. Hayley says:

    Okay that was so wonderful. I just read it out loud to my mother and could not get through it without tears, choking, and a little urge to pee. I rarely get embarrassed, but I love hearing others embarrassing stories. The best fart story I have though is this…
    Six months ago I was in Germany, visiting my boyfriend (we are super long distance…) and hadn’t gone to the bathroom in 3 days(!) and begged him to go buy me some German laxatives. They didn’t work right away, but in the middle of the night my boyfriend woke me up to ask if I was alright and if I needed to go to the bathroom. I told him no, don’t wake me up, and the. He said that I was farting so loudly, and with som h force that it woke him up! Yikes. I realized then that he was a keeper if he could put up with my vibrating flatulence.

  47. Courtney Brush says:

    I have a couple of stories that happened to some friends of mine. Because they’re my friends I’m not going to use names and they were told to me quite some time ago so I don’t have all the details, but they did happen.

    The first story is about a boy in high school who had met a girl from out of town and asked her out. He was so excited that even though is tummy started feeling a little weird he just ignored it and got in the car to go pick her up. Now, on his way there, he really started feeling sick, but he didn’t stop driving. Fast forward, he picks her up and they start driving up to Hebert, UT to go on the Heber Creeper for the date. (It’s a train that’s supposed to be supper fun or something.) on the way there though, he poops his pants.

    Mortified by what has just happened, he doesn’t know what to do. How could he tell her? He couldn’t. So instead, he decided to say “I’m sorry but I told my mom I’d pick up some stuff from a store while I’m up her.” She said it was fine, and he ran into a store and bought new pants. Then he came back out and got in the car.

    Fast forward, they arrive at the Heber creeper, he tells her that he needs to go to the bathroom, he gets in the bathroom, takes his poopy pants off, somehow gets his new pants mixed up with the others, throws his new pants out the window, realizes what he’s done, has to put his old pants back on, and then – here’s the sad part- just leaves. Without the girl. He never saw her again.

    Okay that’s the first one.

    The second one is even worse.

    A boy and girl were driving home from a cabin out in the middle of no where and it was the middle of winter. They were at least 45 minutes away from any sort of gas station or cell phone service, when she has to pee.
    “Hold it.” He says
    “I would if I could but I have to pee SO BAD.” She said. “Just pull over so I can pee!”
    So he did.
    She got out of the car and went around the back so he couldn’t see her. She pulled down her pants, and leaned against the back bumper of his truck. She peed and then went to pull her pants back up but there was one problem… Her butt was frozen to the metal back bumper. Crap. She tried to pull off but it was too painful, she didn’t have anything warm to melt the frost. So she finally had to call out his name.
    “Umm… I’m frozen butt naked to the back of your truck….?!”
    (Yeah most awkward situation ever!!!)
    Fast forward, he had to pee on her to get her unstuck. (I don’t know about you but after that incident I would never be able to even be in the same room as him again!!!

  48. Lina says:

    Oh my God that was hilarious, made me laugh out loud at the office!! Also got a few giggles out of everyone else’s stories.. My husband actually started farting around me while we were engaged, in a funny ha ha kind of way, and his farts are super loud and even sometimes he can even fart on command!! But not smelly.. So I guess he never expected my silent killers :P at first I don’t think he even noticed it was me, but then he started to catch on. Now I am pregnant and it is giving me horrible gas, every time I fart he sprays air freshener :/ lol.. only 7 months to go!!

  49. Aryanna says:

    My boyfriend and i go out for drinks often, especially when we travel. He likes me to wear jeans, so he bought me innumerable pairs in any imaginable color, white jeans, black jeans, red jeans, orange… but his favorite are the beige ones. This particular evening i was wearing them and i thought i looked nice ! At the bar i noticed that people sitting behind us were starring at me… and i thought i looked really nice !!! After a while i went to the restroom to pee and on my way out i had a look in the mirror ( just to “admire” myself) at my behind ! to my horror, i noticed a nice, obvious bump down at the back of my right leg ! I went back to the toilet and to my surprise i found the panties i had been wearing the night before stuck into my jeans ! Instead of throwing them i bundled them in my hand, went back to the bar and smilingly stuffed them into my boyfriend’s jeans pocket. There were more drinks, talking to people and by the time we wanted to leave my dear man wanted to exchange business cards with the owner of the bar. So he reached into his pocket and without thinking twice he pulled out my red, lacy panties…

  50. tanya says:

    My worst first date ( and I too have had some doozies )…. I am pretty shy so I was nervous and feeling awkward. He was ‘a friend of a friend ‘ and we met at his place for a tea and we were going to go for a walk afterwards. By the time we had our tea I was certain he wasn’t for me but wasn’t yet skilled in making an exit when I wanted to. While I’m really a dog person he was sure I’d LOVE HIS cat. ” It’s a Manx ” he said ” It has no tail you will love it ” he said.” It will only take a minute ” he said. So he proceeded to go yell it’s name to call it home from it’s frolic out in the hood just so I could meet him. This little tail-less cat came running home alright. Right in front of his home it was struck by a car :( the neighbor saw it and new the cat so brought it to the door and rang. My date started freaking out- ( understandibly…. I do have a heart ) and left crying to call his Mom. So there I am on the stoop with a cat I know is dying and I don’t want it to die alone- so I stay with him and tell him he isn’t alone and ” I’m sorry “. After all he only got called home to come meet me- so it was pretty much my fault he is dying. I told him he was loved and a great companion and then he died. Now what ? do I just leave – do I stay here and wait for him to come out ? Well… I am the kind of person who didn’t want the cat to die alone so now I knew I needed to go make sure he was ok. SO awkward. He wasn’t ok and he ” just wanted his Mom” he said so I made my escape. As I write this I think I still might be traumatized from this….Worst first date ever. EVER.

  51. Lisa M says:

    Thank you Karen,I needed to laugh uncontrollably it’s been a tough week!

    P.S. My 17 year old daughter loved the term “fart cloud”!

  52. Nicole says:

    Oh boy. I went on a date with a guy who showed up the the restaurant drunk, after several months of dating. I was looking at my menu, already ticked off that he showed up that way, when all of a sudden he dumps a few packets of sugar on my mini-skirt wearing thighs. Needless to say, I left a few minutes later and had to deal with sticky thighs until I got home. I realized after that date that I should probably set the bar a bit higher (it worked- and only took 10 years to find the right one).

  53. Tia says:

    Spent the early evening chatting with a cute guy, then downed a bottle of JD on an empty stomach (I was 18, and stoooopid); I remember leaving the building, falling in snow… and then I woke up in the hospital. Turns out, the bit I don’t remember involved vomiting all over the cute guy, cab, sidewalk, hospital, etc. But, as embarrassed as I was at the time, it worked out. 10+ years later, and I’m still with the cute guy. Maybe showing your “worst” at the start is the way to go.

  54. Ttowngirl says:

    In college I went out with a guy who figured out that I clearly wasn’t into him. He was too gloomy and depressed for me. So, then he proceeds to drive me around town pointing out houses he had helped paint through his job and then how he had no reason to live and nothing mattered. He said he felt like just smashing his car into a wall. I was fearing for my own safety and hoping he wasn’t planning on committing suicide and taking me along with him. I was very relieved to get home that night! Well, I lived in the same apartment complex he did until the end of that school year. I don’t know whatever became of him after that. But yikes.

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