Last winter I was complaining to my sister Fish Pedicure about how I had too much to do and didn't have any idea how I was going get it all done.
My well thought out solution, was to sit in the corner and stare at a dead bug.
Vacuuming was one of the things on my to do list by the way.
She scoffed and said, all you need is for someone else to do your website photos for you. That would free up a lot of your time. As long as whoever's taking the pictures has chipped, black nail polish the readers will never know the difference.
Fish pedicure has a great sense of humour. She wasn't using it in this particular moment. She was quite serious. And quite right. Not about someone else taking my photos, that's just stupid, but about my chipped black nailpolish.
You know how taking pictures of her own ass is Kim Kardashian's trademark? Chipped, black nails are kind of mine. Her trademark gets her millions of Twitter followers, mine gets me offers of change and a warm place to sleep from random strangers. Suck on that Kim.
Now that I've addressed my problem, I can address the product.
Sally Hansen's Miracle Gel Nailpolish. A product that claims to last for 2 weeks, just like a manicurist applied gel would.
How could I say no?
So I shelled out $11.99 for a bottle of topcoat and $11.99 for a bottle of polish and started the experiment.
I painted different nails with different combinations of the Sally Hansen Miracle gel polish, regular polish and the Sally Hansen Miracle gel top coat.
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In case you can't be bothered to analyze the nail graph, the middle, index and thumb nail of my left hand were Miracle gel polish and Miracle gel topcoat. Those are the ones to watch.
The actual Miracle Gel Nail polish comes in all kinds of colours, but since Black is what I wear most in the winter black is what I got. Also the bottle of top coat is black, but the top coat itself is clear like regular top coat.
I decided I needed to divide my fingers up into sections. One section would have Miracle gel polish and Miracle gel topcoat. Another section would have regular nail polish with the gel topcoat. And the final sections would have regular nail polish and regular topcoat.
I would wear this nail polish through my regular daily activities (including but not limited to baking, fixing large appliances, digging up potatoes, cleaning up cat vomit, scratching mystery things off the floor and giving bad drivers the finger)
After a few days things were looking iffy. This is the hand with the Miracle gel polish and Miracle gel top coat on the thumb, index and middle finger. You can see here how dull the top coat is. It just isn't nice and shiny. And it wasn't even when it was first put on. Plus … after just 3 days slight chipping at the tips and base is starting.
The chances of this gel polish lasting for 2 weeks as advertised is looking slim. I'm already thinking the "miracle" portion of the label should probably be scratched out.
However. The Miracle gel polish and Miracle gel top coat was holding up much better than my other hand. The right hand has regular polish and Miracle gel top coat on the index, middle finger and thumb. They're already a mess.
I'm quite used to walking around with fingernails that look like a disaster. It's kind of my way and I'm O.K. with it. The reason is that my nails become a mess so quickly. Within days after doing them they look like I joined a chain gang immediately after digging myself out of a grave.
But this. THIS was bad. After leaving black nailpolish on for 2 weeks this is how they looked.
The top hand is the hand with the gel polish and gel topcoat on the index, middle finger and thumb. Clearly it doesn't look as good as new after 2 weeks. The ring finger and pinkie are regular nail polish with regular top coat.
The bottom hand is the hand with the regular polish and gel topcoat on the index, middle finger and thumb. It's even worse.
Want a closer look at the beauty of the Sally Hansen gel polish and top coat that's guaranteed to look good for 2 weeks?
Well here it is after 2 weeks.
And here is the hand with the regular polish and the Sally Hansen gel topcoat. It can only be described as a shitshow.
There are two things the Sally Hansen polish has going for it.
1) It does hold up better than regular polish.
2) For some reason while I was removing it, the nail polish remover didn't make it bleed and smear all over my fingers and nail beds. It removed fairly cleanly.
Other than that? It was horrible. It was a complete disappointment.
I know that I'm harder on my nails than your average cattle rancher but I was still hoping for some kind of good if not great result.
I didn't get it. I got nails that looked like they belonged on a common crack whore as opposed to a higher quality crack whore.
Sally Hansen Miracle Gel Polish rates:
1 cleaver out of 4.
The only miracle here was the fact that in the full 2 weeks nobody asked me if I needed any cardboard to help keep the rain out while I slept in my hovel under the bridge.
Su
I cannot do my own nails... my dominant hand always looks awful...like a 3 yr old did it for me.... I go to the salon and get a french gel no-chip (that's what they call it around here).... the nice thing about a french no chip? as it grows out a bit you really can't see that it is.... my natural nail color shows thru and the white tips just grow up .... I file them down a bit a they grow and my mani lasts about 4 weeks or so until I go for another. I have to say that my nails seems stronger. I don't wear gloves to garden or wash dishes and they hold up.
Once tried on of those at home gel kits with the light and all.... yeah not so much - 1/2 a cleaver.... there's a reason why the nail techs get paid for what they do.... in the end they gotta pay for gas and lights too so I let them do what they do best....
Deb
This was very entertaining AND scientific! Even for someone (myself) whose two-part nail maintenance routine involves a dollar store clipper and fighting a daily urge to bite off all her cuticles.
Rose
Your nails may be chipped, but they are clean! I'm glad I didn't waste money on the gel polish. I was tempted at Shopper's too.
Tigersmom
Ha! I almost bought this the other day. Glad I didn't. Thanks.
I usually don't bother painting my fingernails (just do the toes) due to the constant painting and stuff I do. They are painted now because I hit my index finger with a hammer and the black spot on the nail was constantly distracting me.
I find that if I stick to pretty nudes, the chips aren't nearly as noticeable and neither are the places where I paint my fingers and toes in addition to the nails. This is especially helpful as I just ruin the whole job when I go to clean up any oops places. It allows me to paint, go out in public and then remove any extraneous polish in my next shower with a little scrubbing. The lazy girl pedicure.
Anita
As a cosmetic-acholic I've been thinking of trying this product. Thanks taking one for the team and doing the test for us. For saving me money and making me laugh - you get a 4 cleaver rating Karen.
Karen
LOL! Thanks. I'll display my award proudly. Although walking around with 4 cleavers hanging off my neck is gonna be tough. ~ karen
Linda J Howes
Okay the first picture needs correction, there are two reg polish / gel topcoat. Just saying. Really sorry this didn't work for you, nothing works for me either. The best I've ever used was Sally Hansen's Age Correct but it has no colour, colour never lasts on me. I mostly put it on to keep my nails from splitting down to the quick.
Shirley
Linda, thanks for the Age Correct recommendation. I'm going to check that out!
Karen
Thanks Linda! The photo has been fixed. Good eye! ~ karen
Catherine
Thanks Karen I'd been wondering about these too, due to pets, DIY, garden, cleaning etc can't keep polish pristine for more than a day normally. Won't buy these ones now that I've read this!
Louise
I used to wear nail polish when I was young and single, but now that I'm a mom who is constantly repairing/rebuilding my home (sort of like Karen), I gave up on nail grooming - I can barely remember to comb my hair! I have to remember to trim them if I'm going somewhere so that they aren't all different lengths and scraggly. Yuck! (I REALLY don't know how you keep up with personal upkeep, with all you do, Karen!
I accept my naked nails and I sure save a lot of trouble and money. But I DO miss my old raspberry sherbet pink nails from the old days . . . sigh! Ahh, to be young and glamorous again!
Carly
I use the Sally Hansen gel polish that uses the UV light. 3 steps instead of 2 but it's crazy shiny and I can usually get a solid week out of it before I start trying to pick at it. Longer if I leave my cuticles alone! It's way cheaper than some of the light kits and the additional polishes are sold at drug stores. Not oh so amazing that I think my fingers constantly look like a hand model's, but it lasts longer and I don't have to worry about gummy nails all day (completely dries after the third cost is cured!). Just a thought :)
peg
i sew heavy canvas tipis for my job.tired of always having no nails.bought the led light kit/with polish on sale.Love it~~ polish stays almost a week with just slight wear on the tips.so i do 1 more coat on top of color and top coat to keep it going until 2 week .then its grown out at cuticle. nice to have nails again.my mom was a manicurist and always did mine when she had time.Fuse has a kit for $12.00 (1 polish and very small led light)just does 1 finger but good deal if you just want to try without a big $$$ commitment. :)
Deb Rek
I have THE WORST nails always splitting and breaking. Someone told me about Nailtiques Formula 2. I had tried so many things and nothing helped. Now my nails grow so long I have to actually cut them. Another bonus is that once I started using it as a top coat I noticed my polish never chipped. I also love anything Deborah Lippmann, her colors are fun and wear well. I start with a coat of Formula 2, then apply color and top with Formula 2 and periodically put on a fresh layer of Formula 2. It is more expensive than a lot of products, but for me it is cheaper and more convenient than shellac at the salon, and bonus my nails underneath are stronger, not completely wrecked like when I removed shellac!
http://www.nailtiques.com/products.asp?CategoryID=1
Jeanette
Before you buy the home nail kit, please do a review on a salon/spa job to see how well that holds up!
I use regular polish, but use an undercoat and a topcoat; if they start chipping, I just fake another coloured coat on to, and that holds them for a few days
Karen
Hi Jeanette! I've had the shellac from a nail salon. I got it done before I went to Thailand actually and it was FANTASTIC. I'm not sure I'd wear it all the time because i don't think it's great for your nails not to breathe ever, but for every couple of manicures I think it's great. Like REALLY great. I just don't ever have time to get to a salon to get them done. ~ karen!
Melinda
I gave up red nails years ago when I retired from my desk job, went home and started doing real work. Now I wear a "natural" color. When it chips, it just looks like I had a french manicure.
Cynna
Well, that stinks! My favorite--because the colors and formula are fabulous, and it stays on and keeps looking shiny, is http://www.deborahlippmann.com/nail-color/creme . I've had "Don't Walk Away Renee" on my toes for over two weeks and it still looks great!
Laura
Good to know! I recently got my first set of acrylic nails put on (for my sister's wedding) and am convinced that women who wear those things never do any sort of real work. They were in my way constantly, and I already pried them (and, by default, my natural nails) off. I couldn't stand it. Never again!
Khadija
LOL This post was hilarious! I've never seen the term "crack whore" and cat vomit in the same story before. Chuckles....
Heather
I agree with Debbie: thanks for saving me money.
Valerie
I have so appreciated reading all about the gel polish adventure you had! I investigated "gel" polishes about a month ago and was horrified ALL of various product lines were so expensive.
Re: black nail polish
On a lark I decided last Christmas I would don black nail polish and purchased a Revlon product. After the event to which I wore the black polish was over I decided it was time to take the black polish off. I used up about a third of a bottle of remover and still my nails were discoloured until finally they grew out.
At least your polish flaked off with no evidence of staining underneath - about the only good thing about the gel polishes I'd say.
Patti
Oh, those Revlon polished are brutal for that! I prefer Rimmel's black polish. It cleans of much more nicely (though black is certainly a hanger-oner as far as colours go).
Lauren from Winnipeg
OPI Midnight In Moscow. Looks black but has dark dark burgundy with extremely subtle shimmer. Gorgeous and doesn't leave any trace of colour when removed.
Kris Wilson
yuk! I too have looked at it and wondered if the claims could be true. Obviously not. Thanks for saving me $25 bucks! Now could you experiment with the new Shellac polish and home light thing (that dries the polish)? Maybe it would work? K
Karen
Hi Kris! That's exactly what my plan was, but then I saw this stuff in Shoppers Drug Mart and thought I'd give it a shot first because if it worked it would be SO GREAT! It didn't work. It wasn't awful and it was better than regular polish but nothing like gel polish. At all. My next review will be on a gel and light kit! Way more money … I forget how much. $100 maybe? But if it works it would be worth it for someone like me. ~ karen!
Deb
I bought and used the gel and light kit. It works great! I am also very hard on a manicure, but I always outgrow this polish before it chips. The biggest problem I have with it is that I get bored when my nails start growing out and tend to peel it off, kinda like fake nails. And then my nails hurt for a day or two. Dumb, I know. I even tell myself not to, but then I am watching something boring on TV and BAM...I start peeling them like an onion. I don't think I spent $100 on it, probably closer to $50 through Amazon.
Louise
The best and cheapest nail polish I like is at Shoppers Drug Mart. It's called Essie I think and there's a very small display of nail polishes and make up products, all super cheap. I think the polish was 2 dollars. It dries super quick, goes on nicely, and lasts a few days no problem. And that's without top coat. Otherwise, I'd go with gel nails from the salon - but my nails grow too fast so I would spend alot of moola getting them refilled every 2 weeks.
Karen
Hi Louise! You must have got a small sample size of the Essie or it was on sale because it's normally WAY more than two dollars! You got a deal. It's actually a higher end polish! :) ~ karen
hortensia
I think you might mean Sinful Colors. Those are $2 a bottle and were rated by Consumer Reports even better than Vinylux. I've been using them and they're great. I know that Walgreens and Target carries the brand in my area.
Ericilda
You should try sensational gel kit. It's about 30 something. I love it.
Debbie from Illinois
I was wondering about this new nail polish. Thanks Karen for saving me some money!!! Now you need to treat yourself to a manicure! :-)
Doveranalyst
I would have said the exact same thing. Good God, this girl has some humor!
Now, I feel blessed about my better than rain pouring in arrangement. Haha.