When I was 16 I got a spiral perm. A big, Twisted Sister, spiral perm that screeched out of my head like a car wreck. What hair calamity have you had?
How do I know you've had a hairtastrophy? Because even if you only have one hair, you've had a hairtastrophy. Either it curled, or fell out or kept pointing at someone sitting beside you on the subway. I've have several hair disasters, but for today I'll focus on this one. The spiral perm.
I was 17 years old and in high school. My room was still in the decorating style of Holly Hobby that my mother surprised me with when I came home from school one day in grade 6. I wanted a white and green room with spider plants. I had told her this. We discussed it. She screwed it up.
She decided a mini floral (not even a big, cool Laura Ashley one) in dusty rose and grey was a very similar look to the contemporary white and green theme my 12-year-old self had envisioned. I lived with that Holly Hobby chintz until I started University. I hated it. But not as much as the spiral perm.
I'm thinking back trying to imagine who I was trying to emulate with this spiral perm. I mean, I know it wasn't Dee Snider. Madonna? Julia Roberts? Molly Ringwald? I have no idea. All I know is I got a spiral perm, I did in fact look like Dee Snider, I attempted to straighten my hair with a drug store hair relaxer meant for not only people of colour, but also people who knew what they were doing.
And then I got my wisdom teeth taken out. Then I barfed. Here's how that went down.
A few days after the perm and the debacle of trying to wash it out and then applying a straightener (which turned my hair into candy floss) I had all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed. I barfed the moment I got home from the surgery, went to bed and woke up a day later with an abscess.
So now, not only did I have a spiral perm exploding out of my head, my face had swollen up like a watermelon going into renal failure. From this swollen head I had a mass of straight/curly/fuzzy hair not unlike Animal from the Muppets. I was winning.
I could have had all my hair cut off. It would have been less of an assault on the eyes to be bald, but I kept my hair. Because a) I, like most 17-year-old girls, spent more time with my hair than any of my other friends, b) I deluded myself into thinking it wasn't that noticeable and c) maybe it really did give me just an "essence" of Julia Roberts. Slightly disheveled Julia Roberts. Julia Roberts who'd been into the whiskey cabinet.
Years went by before my hair texture was normal from top to bottom. Let this act as a warning to you since perms have made a resurgence. No. Just no.
My sister Pink Tool Belt had a similar perm in the 80's. Her 5-year-old son looked at her newly twirling hair, burst into tears and told her it looked like a bunch of swear words on her head.
My family doctor - proving being school smart doesn't mean that you're hair smart - also opted for a perm when she was a young mother. Immediately realizing her mistake, she also figured she was smart enough to straighten her own hair. What she ended up with was (and these are her exact words) "A head full of pubic hair that stuck straight out from my scalp." She sheepishly went back to the stylist who gave her the perm and said she thought she'd like it cut. She said this while staring at her feet.
I imagine poor Dr. Woods standing in her hairstylists shop, with a halo of cotton candy surrounding her face, a small child constantly asking her to spin around while he sticks a paper cone into it.
I never tried to perm my hair again. I don't think that should come as a surprise to you. In fact, I didn't try to curl it again until a few months ago when I, again, inspired by one of the world's most beautiful women, Charlize Theron, thought with the twist of a lock, I could look exactly like her.
As I've mentioned, I ended up looking like Barbara Bush on crack at a hoe down.
What about you? What is YOUR hair disaster story? I know you have one. Don't be embarrassed. We've all been there. In fact, I've been there a few times.
Have a good weekend!
Shelly
I was afraid from the headline that your spiral perm was new... And wondered if you'd lost your mind.
Thankfully I have fairly compliant hair that I put thru the usual paces over the years: The pixie, shag, Dorothy Hamel, frizzy perm, Farrah Fawcett, and mullet all made their appearances in the appropriate decade. And I've always colored my own hair. The only disaster came when in an attempt to darken my frosted hair, I applied an Ash shade and ended up gray with a lavender hue. My husband hated my hair when it was short and said I looked like Mama from that old Carol Burnett sketch. Thankfully I was due at the salon the next day for a trim and my stylist (bless her heart) said she could fix it. I told her not to bother since she had only booked me with enough time for the trim and that would wreck her schedule. She insisted saying "I'm not letting you walk out of my salon looking like that. People will think I did that to you!"
Emily
Well, my hair is naturally blonde and... in natural tight spiral curls. I'm the only one in the family with curly hair, so my mother was always after me to do something about it, preferably have it chemically straightened. Fortunately I didn't listen to her, because I thought ahead to what it would look like growing out with straight ends and curly roots. (If it wasn't a disaster from the beginning.) This was when all the other girls had their hair cut in "wings" to look like Farrah. My disaster story happened on the day of Grad Night at Disney, Sr. Year. I'd gotten up the nerve to ask a guy to go with me for the all night party for graduating Srs at Disney World, and to make the event more special, I agreed to go to my mom's hairdresser for a set. I doubt the woman knew anything about curly hair, and decided teasing my hair and loads of hairspray were the answer. I held back the tears until I got in the car, knowing I barely had enough time to rush home, wash the mess out and get ready before my date arrived. I also decided there was no way I'd stop for the gasoline I needed looking such a fright, now with red puffy eyes. Of course I ran out of gas, and just a few blocks from where my best friend lived. My best friend who was a guy. I gave him a call, and when he kindly interrupted his preparation for Grad Night to come help me out, I preempted any possible hair comments by being strategically mean to him. It was only 35+ yrs later I explained what had happened and apologized. Sometime in college I got the attitude, "I'm tall, I've got curly hair, I'm pale, I'm good at math, deal with it" and that made all the difference. That and products specifically for curls. As for my mother, the time she saw me with straight hair due to a flat iron, she spent the whole time saying, "Oooh, you look so strange with straight hair, don't you think Emily looks strange with straight hair?!"
Jodi T.
I lived with my grandmother and her hobby was doing crazy stuff to my hair. It's a point of entertainment when my family gets together, actually. It started with cutting my bangs in 1st grade so short they almost didnt exist, and cutting the rest up to my ears in 3rd grade, then spiral perming it into a resemblance of "the cone of shame" in 6th. I got made fun of by my classmates so bad, I took to wearing the hood of my jacket inside for a week and was constantly called "Buffy" and asked to play tennis at least once a day. (Kids are dumb.) I finally got so sick of it, my aunt took me and allowed me to chop it off into a pixie cut. Mind you my ears stick out and pixie cuts were not popular at that time. Growing it out was a B**** and one kid in particular commented on my "wig" every chance he got. It finally grew out and looked normal in high school. Needless to say, I don't do anything to my daughter's hair except trim it. She doesnt get to be tender headed though. If she has long hair she has to take care of it (she is 11) and she does.
Noreen McKechnie
Bad hair stories.
How about the perm that was supposed to give me big loose curls, next morning my 5 year old daughter asked her father who was in bed with him! That became headscarf head till it grew out enough for me to go to another hairdresser and get it fixed. Next was when in advance of chemo I had it dyed navy blue, loved it but it faded to a mix of pale greens and aquas, got that fixed but I don’t think the salon had ever tried so hard to fix it, turned out it was my fault for washing with really hot water. There are lots more because “ it’s only hair” seems to be my motto.
Donna
Dying! Hahaha!!!
Perm mishap stories... anyone alive who doesn’t have at least one? Made that mistake. Walk of shame home with what had been shoulder length hair permed within an inch of it’s life, literally-it curled up to completely surround my scalp. I immediately sobbed out loud the minute I was safely behind closed doors. I still would like to throttle that rock and roll playing male hairdresser.
BJ
Although I should have known better, (spoken like a true woman explaining a bad hairstyle), I wanted my fine straight hair to have some nice waves that lasted longer than the time it took to clean up my curling iron & brushes. I convinced my Mother to braid it while wet. I've forgotten how many 1/2" braids I had, but there were a LOT! I also misjudged how long it would take to "unweave" those braids the next morning. Running extremely late for work, we both worked as quickly as possible to free my hair. Ahhhhhh, done, now to go look in the mirror. Although Mother had fear in her eyes, I was still anticipating great things because it felt full! Oh it was full - Rosanne Rosannadanna full!! It stuck straight out from my head! No time to rewash, I had to get to work. The "bigwigs" were all gone to a dealer show & I was scheduled to head down later that evening. But alas, emergencies arose that required my immediate "on hand" expertise. They needed me in two hours, barely long enough to drive there, much less pack, and oh yea, wash out Rosanne! I got to the hotel & found most of them had gone to dinner so I had time to shower before seeing the majority of them. Never again have I braided it wet!
Lorraine Helferich
I had a perm, the one with the tiny rods, when I was 19yrs old. I had long blonde hair, hippie style. I told the hair dresser my hair processes FAST. Did she listen to me, NO. She in fast put me under one of those hooded hairdryers, perm rods still in place. As I sat there, reading a magazine.....plop, plop, plop, the top curlers right in the front fell out, hair still attached. I had nubs right above my forehead. I screamed, everyone came running, literally ripping the remaining rods out of my head. No apologies were accepted by me. I was in college and lucky for me everyone was wearing those red handkerchiefs to hold their long hair back. I don’t remember how long I wore one, but it was not cool. Guess you assume I never went back to that salon....even with the promise of free service forever.
Mary W
Honest - I laugh every time I see you as Barbara Bush. It made my day today since I also spilled my coffee. Your first picture made me laugh also but not the coffee spitting laugh. More like laughing but trying to hide it while this poor girl is looking at me - she is really sad. But since your asking about my bad hair days - I will tell you about my one good day - when I was sick and in bed and no one saw me. The rest is all bad. I cut my own short hair which is horrible but I don't have to pay someone to cut it and still look bad. Enough said. I'm beginning to bald so bad hair days will be ending. Yea! Maybe instead of a wig, I'll just paint some hair on. Cheaper.
Sarah
The day before my senior portraits (1988) I volunteered to be a hair model for a friends sister in cosmetology school. My hair cut was her final exam. She cut my hair, it was perfect, I loved it. Her instructor ran her hands through my layers and said, "do it again". When she was done I had 3/4' length all around. Kind of like Mama from "Mama's Family". It was the only time in my life I cried over my hair. In the closet. On the floor.
Heather
Thanks for starting my day with a laugh. Dee Snider indeed! I too got that awful perm. It was raining, a proper deluge, when I left the salon; I stood under a down spout, hoping if I soaked it quickly enough it might relax. No. Once home, I decided that Vaseline might loosen things up. I smeared it all over, really worked it in, and put on a shower cap. I slept in said shower cap, and when I got up in the morning I discovered we were out of shampoo. Regular soap didn't do much to alleviate the situation, and since I had a test I couldn't miss, I had to go to school with the greasiest of greasy hair. The nasty comments started the moment I set foot on the bus. The funny thing is, by acting cocky, I managed to convince everyone that it was intentional; I'd just used a little too much of a good thing. Pretty soon, lots of girls were applying a delicate film of Vaseline to their horrid perms to tame them. Including me! :D
NinaMargo
The day before my First Communion my mother decided I needed a Tonette perm! I went from bowl cut to frizzy stinky Shirley Temple-Bride of Frankenstein for the Big Day! All surviving photos show me with a crooked veil and a sour expression - uh, really, I wonder why?! Scarred for ...Life...
Jessie Heizer
I was dating in my youth and during my year in hair school was convinced by my instructor to try and get my hair “paper white”. We bleached it 3 times and did indeed achieve “paper white”, but then my scalp fell off and my already short hair turned into gum on my head.
Sandra Lea
In second grade I had long, fine, straight hair. My mother decided that my sister and I should get pixie haircuts. I did not ask for this haircut and even at that young age knew that it wasn't a good idea and boy was I right. This happened to be the day before school pictures. I cried and cried and didn't want to go back to school let alone have my picture taken. To this very day 50 years later I get traumatized when I think back to that time or see a picture of it. Unfairly, the cut looked good on my sister.
Susan Claire
Oh, the pixie cut! My mother decided that was the haircut for me-not my three sisters, just me. An understatement to say that it was the most unsuitable haircut I have ever had in my life. I wonder what I was being punished for!
Renee Ryz
Same here the dreaded pixie cut in 2nd grade. Then for some ungodly reason I thought as a sophomore I would cut my hair short again of my own volition. I have never had shorter than shoulder length since. I cry just looking at the pictures.
Eileen
It was in the 70's when I was just divorced so my budget included coloring my hair myself, straight blond, recoloring without the knowledge that you DON"T keep coloring the same hair, only the roots until the last five minutes. So there I am, a bleached blond and a new boyfriend suggests a perm and like an idiot I say ok. I look ridiculous, like a blond fluffed out cue tip, then the day that I color my hair, it came out in gobs in my hands when I went into the shower to rinse the hair color out. Lots of screaming and crying that day and for a long time after.
Melissa
My hair had always been long, and, I thought, straight. Fine, and yet very thick.
After a major health incident, most of it fell out.
Then I got the flu.
Twice in a month.
The second round, with a raging fever, I thought I was sitting on the bottom of the sea playing with the little pearl buttons on the back of a wet suit.
You know, they button up the back.
Anyway, my husband says I disappeared into the bathroom and came out some time later with no hair.
Nobody said a word.
Jacquie
Made me laugh out loud. God bless your family for not saying anything :-)
Beckie
I wanted to dye my hair black. Fir decades, literally. My 1st grade teach (in 1973) had bum length, jet black, straight glossy hair that I coveted my entire life. (I was dishwater blonde, mellowing to a light tawny brown as I got older and am now ash)
When I was 30-something I thought: it's my hair, I am an adult I am dying my hair black!!
I HATED it...it did not suit me in the least
I tried (unsuccessfully) to remove it
it turned brassy and frizzed from being dried out to within an inch of what was left of its life
I had to cut my then to my bum hair to chin length and had it colored a "normal" brunette
lesson learned
Denise
80's spiral perms....several, but I thought I looked great at the time. The alternative was my thin, poker-straight, stick-to-my-head hair - an even worse look back then.
My 17 year-old daughter arrived home with a perm yesterday, lovingly applied by her beauty-school pal. The texture is similar to uncooked ramen noodles. She thinks it's great. Because it was free.
Ah, the folly of youth and inexperience.
Stella
So far
In my lifetime..
1. Young adult
I had a coworker spiral perm me.
Really?!?
I already have curly hair
it was south Alabama USA
in the summertime
“Nuff said”
2. Childhood
... “the ever popular shag haircut”
In grade 4.
School photo document that
I looked very much like the son my father never had.
I remember wearing dresses for a while!
3. College
...”put it up something different please”
The result was a real original paired with a voluminous 80s party dress think ruffles
On my head
A lopsided blonde bun like creation
..all my long hair hair combed over my head mounding and winding ponytail style above my left ear with curled tendrils and wisps escaping.
I remember asking repeatedly
“.... not sure should
I take it down?”
I was told repeatedly and I quote
“No don’t take it down, your date is here
It looks fine go on!”wrong answer!
The date actually snickered as I appeared
And gifted me an over large corsage to cap it all off
Thankfully no photo phones in the early 80s
However over 3 decades later at “girls weekend”
1 photo of me that night always shows up to be passed around and we laugh and laugh
J
Ohh the shag. The long shag was popular in 1994 and my friend got a shag and looked so cool and sophisticated (for a 5th grader haha) that I wanted one too. Instead, what I received was a boy’s 90’s bowl cut complete with shaved neck. I wanted to die. It was just terrible and took forever to grow out. The neighborhood mean girls called me boy names for months and I’ve never had the courage to get adventurous with my hair again.
SuzNKton
My worst hair disaster was what I did to my 4 month old daughter, the day before her photo appointment. She had a lot of hair and it wasn't the baby hair like most babies. I decided to trim her bangs the way my mom had, with a piece of scotch tape and scissors. My daughter looked like one of the 3 stooges by the time I stopped. Had to take her to a hair dresser for intervention. Never cut her hair again.
Jane Anderson
OMG..."Barbara Bush on crack at a hoedown" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣