How to eat corn on the cob so you don't give the impression you're a tiny bit psychotic. 'Cause yes, you could actually be eating your corn in a way that gives people the wrong (or maybe right) impression of you. Like you didn't have enough to worry about in life.
You're at a family BBQ or street festival and you innocently pick up a piece of corn on the cob to eat. Raising it towards your mouth, butter dripping from your wrist to your elbow, you take your first satisfying bite.
So far so good. You're on track. But be careful because curious eyes are on you the moment you start your second bite. Everyone is watching to see what you do next.
You of course don't notice because you're busy concentrating on the sweet bursts of flavour, the satisfying crunch, the pillowcase sized piece of corn wedged firmly between two molars.
Will your next bite take you ...
Straight across the cob in a line?
Or around it in circles?
For this you will be judged. It's a well-known fact that how you eat your corn is the best way to tell if you're demented.
Table of Contents
Eating corn across the long way
If you eat your cob straight across like a typewriter chances are you're pretty stable. You fold your clothes when you put them away, own a Golden Retriever and can generally be counted on to pick your spouse up from the airport on time without challenging anyone in the parking lot to a cage match.
You're eating corn the right way. The way almost everyone eats corn.
Anyone around who's watching you can relax and enjoy their day.
Eating corn in a circular pattern
If, on your next bite, you choose to start going in circles, you've got trouble.
If you eat your corn around the cob in circles it's a clear indication you could go rogue at any minute. You're a hippie, a wild child, maybe even an artist. You're basically immoral and everyone watching you knows it. YOU have parking tickets. Unpaid parking tickets. And you probably drank kombucha when everyone still thought it was a poisonous alien life form.
But you're not a complete lunatic.
Eating corn like a lunatic
Those are even easier to spot. Those are the peckers. The people who randomly lift the cob of corn to the general direction of their face and wherever their mouth meets the cob, they bite.
If you eat your corn in a non-sensical pattern, you're giving a warning sign to everyone around you. One bite here, one bite there, another bite over on the other side until your corn on the cob looks like it has meth mouth.
Once anyone at the BBQ sees you eating your corn like this, you might as well get your fill of everything within arm's reach. Pack smoked ribs into your purse, dump a potato salad into your pants ... whatever you need to do, because you're not going to be invited to another grilling get together ever.
I eat my corn straight across like a typewriter. I know you were wondering. And I'm wondering about you.
HOW do you eat your corn? This is an informal poll and the information will not be held against you in a court of law. Just the court of public opinion.
Probably. But honestly, who knows these days.
Suzanne
Stem end in the right hand, around in circles turning the corn bottom to top away from me. The Correct Way. Period!
Karen
Wait. You only hold it with one hand? ~ karen!
Karen
I eat mine in circle around the ends then typewriter to finish it off 😁
Deb from Maryland
What! No Old Bay seasoners?! As is indicative from my moniker, I have always eaten corn with Old Bay Seasoning and butter. Of course more times than not, I'm eating corn at a crab feast, so rubbing across the back of a crab shell for the seasoning works perfectly. Oh - and I'm a typewriter muncher, born and bred. :)
Karen
I'm guessing Old Bay Seasoning is something I should know about?! I have no idea if I'm the only Canadian that isn't familiar with it or if none of us are, lol. ~ karen!
Renee
Old bay is a must for seafood seasoning! I’m from New England… coastal Massachusetts, and it’s definitely something we use on seafood! I’ll have to try corn next!
Jan in Waterdown
Maybe they don’t sell it in Dundas? Ya gotta get outta the valley more! 😉
Deb from Maryland
https://www.mccormick.com/old-bay/products/seasonings-and-sauces/old-bay-seasoning
It is a Mid-Atlantic/Lower Northeast US "thing". :)
Gayle M
You can mix your own with what's in your spice cabinet now...
https://www.allrecipes.com/article/what-is-old-bay-seasoning/
Dennis B
Pretty much a typewriter guy my whole (long) life!
Here's a fact i learned just a few years ago: there is one kernel on the cob for each silk!
Karen
That's true! And if a kernel is malformed or missing, that's because that silk didn't get pollinated. ~ karen!
Beth
Haha!! Love this. Like MacLaine, I am changing my style. I eat typewriter style but the circular style suits me more. On occasion I just my go rogue and eat it in style number three. Shake things up a bit, you know! Fabulous post!
Karen
I might do the rogue thing at a BBQ this summer just to see if people react. ~ karen!
Jane Glazer
I use the circular corn-eating method because there's no salt left in the last 2 rows if I go in a line. I have started skipping the butter and using lime juice, hot sauce, and salt like the Native American Indians do. It's AWESOME!
Karen
Oh yes, lime is GREAT on corn. If you like that you should take a look at my friend Edwina's Indian Street Corn recipe that I put up on my site a few years ago. ~ karen!
Barb
Like a lunatic! I don't even think I chew it...lol
My grandfather ate one row across. It was fascinating. Not a kernel was left!
I guess genetics don't dictate how we eat corn.
Happy Canada Day 🇨🇦
Karen
Funny story Barb. I had no idea this was Canada Day. I got up and ready to work. Now I'm all discombobulated. Half the fun of a long weekend is looking forward to it and I missed that WHOLE part. ~ karen!
Bob May
Always fun to read these but there are far to many ads now so I'm out...it's about hits now and not about the reader
ed
and how do you think she earns a living?
Karen
Thanks Ed! Funny thing is I haven't changed the number of ads on my site, lol. ~ karen!
Karen
Hey Bob. O.K. ~ karen! p.s. I haven't changed the number of ads on my site or their placement. In fact I haven't changed the number of ads in 8 years.
ME Van Blarcom
Oh please, Bob - have you never read a blog before, or done a Google search or read the NY Times??? You could go back to magazines with more ADs than articles. At least Karen is totally upfront about the use of affiliate ADs and most blogs/websites aren't. I even clicked through on one of her ADs recently knowing it would go to Amazon where I had already decided to buy a special gardening tool. If I was going to buy anyway, why not have a few pennies go to Karen? There is always at least one much needed smile here and although I already know most of the info, this is the kind of stuff for which we should use the Internet. Keep it up Karen, my sister-in- making!
Mary W
I've been known to eat it fresh in the garden which is fabulous but if it gets home, I'm a typewriter person.
Karen
You really can eat fresh corn without cooking it! I like to bring it home to warm it up though. It's easier for the butter to melt that way. ~ karen!
Marlaine Bernier
Since I only eat young, freshly picked corn on the cob, I don't put anything on it. While I mostly eat it typewriter fashion, I'll have to start doing it circular, since that suits my personality more. Thanks for doing this very scientific research! I've enjoyed reading the posted comments. Happy Canada Day, Karen! I hope you get to celebrate the entire weekend as we do in the states for the 4th.............even though we don't have much to celebrate politically at the moment. It seems that more than half of us are not independent citizens.
Karen
It would appear half of you eat your corn in a rather chaotic way. ~ karen!
Babs
How come as a farmer's daughter I never took a survey? There would never a be a need because we ate across like a typewriter. However, there is one married in family member who may be in the lunatic category. This explains so much!
Kristy
I try to eat it in circles for the simple & satisfying guffaws I get ;)
If I’m eating alone then straight across I go!
Sandra Lea
I know someone who eats their corn across but only one single row at a time. I don't know how it is even possible, especially with starting the first row.
Karen
There are 2 explanations. a) they're an angel or b) they're a witch Wait, there's a 3rd option - they have tiny little piranha teeth. So maybe they're a piranha. But that's it. Only 3 explanations. ~ karen!
Liz
I am rogue. I will actually slice it off with a steak knife. I have been known to forcefully use a butter knife, if that was the only implement available. Yes, my family makes fun of me.
Karen
Always, no matter what? I feel like you're missing out on some fun. It's almost impossible to get a good river of butter running off of your chin if you eat it with a fork. ~ karen!
Amber
Who says she eats it with a fork? Maybe Liz is slicing kernels off into a bowl of melted butter and then face-planting…? Not a bad idea!
Kay Curtin
I lived near very pretty historical city I nortwest Illinois. Once a year(on my birthday!!) A huge group of hells angels type dudes and their women would come to town and have a drunken mega sloppy gross corn boil in the city park. My parents would not let me be anywhere near it. I'd never seen folks with one or two top teeth eat corn before. Or puke it up with beer. Or do some of the other things they were doing before Mom whipped me back home. There were corn shuckins, beer cans and slip and slides for the kids made of drooled butter. It was fascinating but scary. I was just thankful that I didn't work on the city cleanup crew.
Karen
Yes. But what a wonderful childhood memory.😆 ~ karen!
Warren Whittle
How to eat corn? I would recommend using your front teeth.
Lynn
Straight across for me.
You might call me strange cause I got out of habit about 10years or so of putting anything on my cob.
Butter, Margarine or even raspberry or strawberry salad dressings.
Hubby once he tried the dressing was totally hooked, it was a. Total accident as we were also having a salad at the time and the dressing migrated on too cob.
Karen
??!! Really? I want to try it but I'm weirdly afraid to try it. ~ karen!
Lynn
It was total accident Karen. Both of us didn’t realize the salad dressing was on corn. Now if we don’t get really great cobs or even if we do hubby will put it on the cob. 😅
More of that dressing goes on cobs than on salad since the discovery in our house.
Gayle M
It's both categories of nibbling that I fall into. As a child, I fell and broke my two front (adult) teeth, bottom corners to top center. My mother cried--dentist had told her out of us 4 kids, my teeth were the only ones that would be straight. Till I tripped... Our dentist told my mom he wanted to pull them and give me false teeth (at age 8?) Mom said no, fix them. This stsnd off went on 2x yr for 10 yrs... That being said, eating around the cob was less messy for a girl who had to chew it off sideways to avoid the pain of heat/cold on those open edges. Teeth were fixed 55 yrs ago--and it's straight across for me ever since. Nothing like fresh picked corn from the garden!
Karla
I go sideways about 4 rows...munch munch munch. Then left to right one row at a timel, gently removing each row with the lower front teeth. Very satisfying. As a hygienist I try to keep from overworking my lower anterior teeth in order to preserve their integrity!
Deb
Karla, I do it exactly the same way. I do it because when the corn is young and fresh cooked the kernels just pop off. Mmmm!!
Auntiepatch
Butter, salt, & pepper. Then typewriter straight across! The only thing I do that is straight and narrow! Ha!