My mother doesn't swear. She'll tell you that if you ask her. Ask my nephew and he'll give you a different answer. When he was 6 years old he declared that "My gramma, smokes, drinks and swears a lot" to his Kindergarten teacher.
In his defence, the teacher did ask what his grandmother was like. The photo above is my mother's "I'm in public so I can't swear face." Notice the pinched smile and hands gripping her knees.
Of course my mother was mortified when she heard about what my nephew said to his teacher. He hadn't even mentioned her sassy fashion sense.
So I get my love of clothing, my migraines and my colourful language from my mother.
Unless you ask her. In which case she'll say she doesn't know what the hell I'm talking about.
Of my two sisters, one swears and one does not. As in, I have never heard her swear a word in my entire life. Ever. Not once. Not even in secret I bet. She also doesn't drink, smoke or lie and has natural blindingly blonde hair. She's no fun at all.
My OTHER sister? She's lots of fun.
I first published this post asking if you swear, TEN years ago and haven't looked at it since. I cannot wait to start scrolling through the comments. I have noticed in that time I've adopted a very weird habit.
Instead of swearing, sometimes out of the blue I say "Darn it all to heck". Mainly in place of one of the lower grade swear words like shit. For instance if my toast burns it might get a Darn it all to heck, whereas a few years ago it definitely would have elicited a SHIT.
I maybe just don't care as much about toast as I used to.
So tell me my little assheads. Do you swear? And before you answer no, think of the second thing that would pop out of your mouth if you were to smash your shin on a glass table. (I'm assuming the first thing would some sort of grunt or cry)
I'll go first. Yes. I swear. And it isn't because I have a poverty of vocabulary. I'm simply a fan.
Grammy
Oh, yes. Yes. Yes, I do. Of course. How can I not? I think your mom is just fuckin' with ya. She probably giggles about it when you're not looking.
Cathy
Shit fire and save the matches! I'd like to do it less, though.
Nicole
Uhh...yeah! But not in front of my mom (and I'm 42 1/2).
Molly
I'm in my forties and I will •never• swear in front of my dad. And he has pretty low standards. We don't say "fart." I have to be very careful not to hurt myself in front of him.
SeaDee
Hell-to-the-yeah I swear!
Apparently not very becoming of a lady, as pointed out by an ex.
I kicked him the fuck out. Lol
kelli
F*** in all its forms and functions, and son-of-a-b**** are two of my favorites, and are used often. Even today on Thanksgiving, when everything went wrong until I got to my destination! Tho it's not good when you let fly at the office and suddenly realize your boss is standing behind you. Oops.
Laura Watt
I swear a lot, yet people are always surprised. I've had two midwives tell me that swearing is great pain management,
Paula
Hell yes I swear. I think I'm getting worse as I get older too. But hey I just don't give a #%&*. I'm fun too. I can't believe there are no comments yet. Everyone must be in a turkey coma.
Sheri Braaksma
On my computer desktop sits a little motivational poster I refer to when I have one of those "I'm swearing way too much" days. It reads "People who use a lot of swear words tend to be more honest & trust worthy, human behavioral studies suggest" So basically yes I do love to swear :)
Sera
Ha! I love it!
I also seem to remember hearing about a pain study where they found out that swearing through pain actually does momentarily give your brain a sense of pain relief, where those who held their tongues were not so lucky. So maybe it's more appropriated to swear first then say "ow".
Molly
Thank you for sharing and/or making that up. Now I know it's self-healing to shout F%*# first thing when I've hurt myself. That's good because I can't seem to stop.
LeeAnne
Sera, I saw an experiment on that on TVO documentary thingy probably based on the that or at least a similar study.
http://ww3.tvo.org/program/193160/frys-planet-word
(See Uses and Abuses)
It involved timers and ice water and two guys. One was the host of the documentary, a normal, swears-a-little type but the other was a bona fide-crown-wearing Swear King (Brian Blessed).
The result of the experiment clearly showed that habitual swearing dulls the pain killing properties of swearing. :-( :-(
I'm getting older and hurt myself a lot more now so I tried to stop swearing hoping to save aspirin money. Didn't fn work. Now when alone and I bash myself, I bring out the big guns: "politically incorrect" words. The theory is that they are more taboo and thus more potent than overused swear words.
For a really different swear, I offer my father's favorite, the colourful and animated: "Snapping blue ass holes". Makes me laugh every time I think on it.
West Coast Nan
Yes, there are some situations where "Darn!" just doesn't cut it.
lori jones
oh ok you got me, yep i swear!
and hers a sign i saw on the way home to night. The sign was on a flower shop signage
"Gardeners are bed-wetters" I laughed out loud.
and my husband thought it said "Gardenias are bed-wetters" and could not understand it. so i had to tell him it was gardeners,not gardenias. hahah
Jennie
...wait, we're married to the same man? :)
shuckclod
Yes, I do... But not outside of home unless pissed off. I do not smoke and drink 1 0r 2 a year. :)
Miriam
I make the truck drivers blush.
Tracy
As much as possible. Fuck is my favorite word. I've found that it works as a barometer and helps me filter people out. I like the word so much that my new website is 'Brought to you by the letters W,T and F" Also on the main page......'If the word 'fuck' bothers you this is not the place for you.'
So yeah, I'm in! :)
SusanR
Yes, I do. A lot. At the Universe, about 10,000 times a day. Really, really bad words. It's a very difficult habit to break. I'm trying. Just because I think there are more elegant ways of expressing things. But for now, .....
Cynthia Jones
PS ....I love reading "Your comment is awaiting moderation". I imagine you slicking your hair back firmly, donning a pair of black rimmed eyeglasses and a crisp white blouse, putting your feet on the desk, popping a pencil into your mouth and making management decisions on whether we have been too naughty. PPS If donkeydick is too naughty, feel free to edit.
Jody
Now that is %&*#@ funny!
Jamie Lynn
like a potty mouthed sailor. and first words out of my mouth when i hurt myself is a string of profanities, possibly followed by an "ow". then likely more profanities.
cracks me up when (usually) guys in conversation say a "dirty" word and apologize for their language. if they only knew. i could swear them under the table.
Nancy Blue Moon
Oh Hell Yeah!!!!!!
Jan-p
My reply in entirety.
Donna
I sure as hell do, dammit!
Steven
I don't trust people that don't swear.
Cynthia Jones
Yes, monkeybum, I do swear. My favourite terms of endearment for my husband are ...'dogballs', 'donkeydick"and 'bumnose". He likes them all.
PS Chippies Awaaaaay!
Jamie
Those names are Amazing! My boyfriend and I have some very romantic pet names for eachother as well... He calls me FuckFace and I call him Shit Fer Brains (via text they become FF and SFB of course). So glad we're not the only weirdos out there :)