My mother doesn't swear. She'll tell you that if you ask her. Ask my nephew and he'll give you a different answer. When he was 6 years old he declared that "My gramma, smokes, drinks and swears a lot" to his Kindergarten teacher.
In his defence, the teacher did ask what his grandmother was like. The photo above is my mother's "I'm in public so I can't swear face." Notice the pinched smile and hands gripping her knees.
Of course my mother was mortified when she heard about what my nephew said to his teacher. He hadn't even mentioned her sassy fashion sense.
So I get my love of clothing, my migraines and my colourful language from my mother.
Unless you ask her. In which case she'll say she doesn't know what the hell I'm talking about.
Of my two sisters, one swears and one does not. As in, I have never heard her swear a word in my entire life. Ever. Not once. Not even in secret I bet. She also doesn't drink, smoke or lie and has natural blindingly blonde hair. She's no fun at all.
My OTHER sister? She's lots of fun.
I first published this post asking if you swear, TEN years ago and haven't looked at it since. I cannot wait to start scrolling through the comments. I have noticed in that time I've adopted a very weird habit.
Instead of swearing, sometimes out of the blue I say "Darn it all to heck". Mainly in place of one of the lower grade swear words like shit. For instance if my toast burns it might get a Darn it all to heck, whereas a few years ago it definitely would have elicited a SHIT.
I maybe just don't care as much about toast as I used to.
So tell me my little assheads. Do you swear? And before you answer no, think of the second thing that would pop out of your mouth if you were to smash your shin on a glass table. (I'm assuming the first thing would some sort of grunt or cry)
I'll go first. Yes. I swear. And it isn't because I have a poverty of vocabulary. I'm simply a fan.
Ev
Wish I did less, but yes. Watch it around my sister (a total goody-two-shoes, but I love her), my wonderful 91 yr old mother-in-law, my grandchildren, and most strangers! But if I get physically hurt, look out! Or if I fucking want to! But not in front of the above list. Well, hardly ever. I do have the feeling that swearing A LOT kinda means maybe the swearee has a limited vocabulary, though!
Suzanne @ Le Farm
"Take that fucker" ...usually the first words out of my mouth here on the farm.
And that bitch Mother Nature doesn't give a fuck, either!
lol.
Candice
Years ago, I tried very hard not to swear in front of my children as they were growing up and was mostly successful. Once I hit my forties, however I've found the word "fuck" to be the most cathartic of all words in the dictionary.
Thera
*hangs her head in shame*
I actually do not swear that much, after raising five children who repeat everything, I mostly out grew the habit.
But if I am really pissed or really hurt, hell yeah I let them fly.
KimS
I do....in fact, yesterday while I was making the "feast", I swore and my husband called me out on it. "Hey, it's Thanksgiving day, we'll have none of that". He's a non-swearer. However, I really don't like to hear the F-bomb. I think it's my age (52). I've noticed the twenty somethings use it a lot more and don't really seem to ever be offended or bothered by it.
Marti J
I don't. I did when I was a little "cub" reporter, because I thought it made me seem tougher, I think.
But I stopped because it didn't really work for me. When something bad happens, and the only thing you can think to say is s#it or fu@k, as a journalist, that's a problem.
So I quit. Cold turkey.
And then I had nothing to say for a full two weeks.
Susan Preston
Never! I'm too much of a lady, damn it!
Tara
Abso-fuckin'-lutely!
When my sister and I were growing up my mother NEVER swore in front of us - I really thought she was quite the good-two-shoes but just as soon as I turned 21 it's like she decided it was time to make up for all the lost-swear words she stifled. We're never to be trusted in public!
Kelly
in several languages, as a matter of fact, because English was not sufficient. I lived in Montreal before the French and English started to talking to each other and my very first words of French were "Ferme la bouche, maudit conchon." It was a point of pride in my parents's house to see how long you could swear without repeating a word. Our annual Xmas carrol was "Oh Xmas Tree, You SOB." And when I got married and had kids, I did have to clean it up a bit after saying Fuck in front of a two year old and then hearing him cheerfully tell his father "fuck, fuck, fuck." I'm trying to come up with better more imaginative and appropriate words, but sometimes, nothing but the basics will do.
Anita
not only do I swear in english, I also swear in croatian, italian, german, spanish and french. sometimes all at once.
Rhonda Smartypants
Oh, oh, oh please, please, pretty please with sugar on it -- teach us how to swear at least one good swear word or phrase in each of the languages. Please, motherfucker, fuck me with your best asshole shot, dickwad. (God, that was harder to write than I thought it would be; guess it's easier for me to verbalize my potty mouth - less personal.) (I''m sorry.)
Christine
Chris Ledoux said it best!
Well it's 40 below and I don't give a fuck
Got a heater in my truck and I'm off to the rodeo
And it's allemande left and allemande right
Come on ya fuckin' dummy get your right step right
Get off the stage ya god damn fool,y'know (you know)
piss me off, fuckin' jerk, get on my nerves
Well here comes Johnny with his pecker in his hand
He's a one ball man and he's off to the rodeo
And it's allemande left and allemande right
Come on ya fuckin' dummy get your right step right
Get off the stage ya god damn fool, y'know (you know)
piss me off, fuckin' jerk, get on my nerves
Well it's 40 below and I aint got a truck
and I dont give a fuck cause I'm off to the rodeo
And it's allemande left and allemande right
Come on ya fuckin' dummy get your right step right
Get off the stage ya god damn fool, y'know (you know)
piss me off, fuckin' jerk, get on my nerves
Well here comes Johnny with his pecker in his hand
He's a one ball man and he's off to the rodeo
And it's allemande left and allemande right
Come on ya fuckin' dummy get your right step right
Get off the stage ya god damn fool,y'know (you know)
Julie
Oh Christine....you bring back fond memories for me!
Laura Bee
I learned that one word for word from CFGM radio in the mid 80's. I could not have been more than 12. Always fun with my friends while waiting for the bus on those cold Ontario days. Never in front of my mom.
Heather
I swear-- but really only when the sentence should have an exclamation point at the end. I am not really a conversational curser.
JennyW.
I am an intelligent, classy, well educated woman, who says Fuck alot :)
Bre
Oh, the first word out of my mouth is rarely "Ow," I can assure you. I have potty mouth and I can cuss in other languages, too. Unfortunately, that's where my knowledge of them ends. As for the F bomb, sometimes no other word fits and it is so versatile. I'm currently imposing a cursing austerity campaign with myself however because I don't want the word f***ery to be the first word out of my infant son's mouth. Unless he learns to use it in context.
Maureen Locke
Yes, I swear, though usually it's only when I'm mad or upset. I try not to swear in front of the grandchildren but have to constantly be reminded by my daughter. I guess I forget a lot. :) I try hard to not say " Jesus" but I slip on that too. Once I tried to give up swearing and the word I used when upset was " NUTS "..... believe it or not, it worked well. Then I got divorced and all hell broke loose. Oh well, I yam who I yam, like it or lump it is what I tell people. I'm too old for that shit. hehe
Jay
I cuss like a stevedore. This disgusts my mum.
Suzan
Most certainly! I have been known to make up words when the "usual" profanity just won't do. Turns out that I have passed that ability to my youngest son. I discovered his ability this summer when he was installing a storm door on the front of my house. My house is 115 years old and just a bit out of square. After putting the door up three times trying to square it to the front door on the fourth attempt the battery operated screwdriver ran out of juice. I believe his exact words were "fuckity fuck fuck mother fucker fuckity". Not exactly new words but I was very impressed with his ability to create such a lively phrase!
Sherri
Suzan, I laughed out loud when I read your string of rather repetitive cuss words because it was the exact same string I used earlier in the season when I stepped on the business end of a metal rake, causing the handle to pop forward into my face, knocking me on my ample ass. I seriously thought I had been shot in the head by one of the dumbass novice hunters that patrol the perimeter of our property and have great difficulty telling the difference between a pheasant and a 90 pound dog. I thought shit like that only happened in cartoons and slapstick skits. I was wrong. No blood or broken bones, but I had one hell of a goose egg on my temple and had to explain what I had done whenever I ventured into public. After a few truthful explanations I began embellishing until the final story resembled the summary of a James Bond movie. Lesson learned--don't fuck around with garden tools if you don't want to get shot in your head.
Pat
Okay, there's some pretty funny posts here, but Sherri should win some sort of prize for this entry! Hilarious!
Sherri Hanigan
Did you hear that, Karen? I should win a prize! I patiently await word from you about my prize, but I want you to know that I already have a table lamp that looks like a woman's leg. Just sayin'.
Linda S in NE
Oh, Sherri...that was so funny...I was laughing out loud, and laughing and laughing. It's late afternoon, and maybe it's getting close to cocktail time?? Were you listening to that rake story, Karen? Now there's a guaranteed two day headache for ya!
Auntiepatch
OMG Sherri! I'm sitting here trying not to: 1) wake up my husband & 2) NOT pee my pants! I just saw the whole thing in my imagination! LOL!
Denise
Suzan, that gave me a LOL moment! Hilarious.
Angela
I save my swearing and cursing for special occasions.
Zala
I would never fucking use a swear word. It's so not classy.
Kate
Indeed I do. Happily. It's creative, and it's fun. Better than a crock of horse shit. I often simply do not give a rat's ass. My husband swears (non profanely) that a televised interview with me would be a long series of bleeps punctuated with conjunctions and pronouns.