I BOUGHT MAGNETIC EYELASHES. LIKE A WEIRDO.
I stand before you, a clear lashed woman, who wants two simple things in life. To be able to do the splits (either direction) and to be able to have luxurious eyelashes. I know. It makes no sense. I don’t even stretch on a regular basis. I’ll never be able to do the splits.
But eyelashes? That one’s doable. Magazine pages, CNN commentators, grocery store cashiers … everyone has some sort of fake lash apparatus on now. You can’t walk down the street without almost being knocked to the ground by someone’s enormous set of eyelashes.
So I decided. I wanted to try wearing some kind of fake eyelashes. I have friends who have semi-permanent eyelashes that have to be touched up every few weeks. No. NO. I have enough to maintain in my life without having to maintain eyelashes. If anything’s going to be maintained around here it’s gonna be my roof.
Then I remembered hearing about magnetic eyelashes. I think it was Betty who told me about them. I did a bit of research and discovered that magnetic eyelashes are very expensive. About the same price as a new roof as a matter of fact. For 2 sets of One Two Lash (which is the original inventor of the magnetic eyelashes) the price is $69 American. Once you convert that, add in shipping and duty, the One Two Lashes were going to set me back over $100.
But I was doing this for science so it was worth it.
And yet, there were also cheaper options on Amazon. I could get a set of magnetic eyelashes from China for about the price of a few roofing shingles. $10.
So I ordered both and committed to an eyelash experiment for you. My blogging friends who might want to get into the eyelash market.
Before you get all worked up into a lather, I’ve done as much research as I could possibly do and have not found any harmful effects about having magnets around your eyes, let alone magnets the size of a grain of rice. So no, magnetic eyelashes aren’t bad for your eyes.
The double set of magnetic eyelashes from One Two Lash came in a Chanel inspired box that makes that incredibly satisfying “click” sound when you close it.
The Chinese eyelashes came in this.
Like this. This is how they arrived. I felt like a Princess.
I went with trying the One Two Lashes first.
The premise behind magnetic lashes is you wear two sets of eyelashes on each eye. Each row of lashes has a small magnet in the centre of them. One sits on top of your real lashes and the other one sits below. Once they get near each other, the magnets click together.
I DIDN’T WEAR ANY MASCARA FOR THESE PHOTOS SO YOU COULD BETTER SEE THE FAKE LASHES.
You start by grabbing the top set of lashes and resting it on your own lashes.
You can see the magnet in the centre. The magnet is very, very thin.
You just rest it on there as close to your lash line as you can get it.
Then let it fall off. Repeat this sequence approximately 72 million times. Break to practice the splits then do it another 72 million times.
Finally you’ll get the hang of resting the lashes on your own lashes. Then comes the hard part. Bringing the lower set of lashes up underneath until they click into the right place. “Right place” being the operative words here.
You will hate these eyelashes at this point. You will say they’re stupid and it’s impossible and you hate everyone and everything.
Then you’ll have a drink. An alcoholic one. And the process will start all over again over the next few days. Until one day, it’ll happen. Just like riding a bike, all of a sudden you’ll find your balance and all will be right with the world.
You will be SO thrilled that you finally figured out how to put these stupid things on that you will be willing to overlook some of their idiosyncrasies. At least for the first few minutes. Then you’ll start to notice a few problems.
Like the fact that these eyelashes are completely straight for some reason. STRAIGHT. Eyeballs are not straight. They’re curved.
I don’t know why the makers decided straight was the way to go for eyelashes, but for some reason they did. The concept is genius, and these eyelashes are SO close to being brilliant but they’re not.
They’re also awfully glamorous for someone who just wants a bit of a lift. They’re long and luxurious which is perfect for Dino’s girlfriend Sassy, not so perfect for me.
ARE THE CHEAP MAGNETIC LASHES ANY GOOD?
Maybe I’d get lucky and I’d discover that the cheap, Chinese eyelashes were fantastic and I’d be able to recommend these $10 beauties to you.
The packaging was promising. Anything that looked this horrific to begin with surely had nowhere to go on the scale of 1-10 other than up.
I specifically ordered these lashes because they had 2 magnets on each lash which I saw as a bonus. It was a bonus magnet.
I tried to keep that upbeat attitude whilst hefting them out of their Pepto-Bismol pink case.
If I thought attaching one magnet was difficult, attaching two in the right place was harder than doing the splits in both directions at the same time.
The magnets on the cheap Chinese lashes were the elegant size of bricks.
Buy at least they looked good. I found the massive space in between the upper and lower lashes made a perfect spot for holding pens, knives or any other metal object that happened to be attracted to the brick magnets.
In conclusion I cannot at this point recommend either the One Two magnetic lash or the hilariously ridiculous Chinese lashes.
But it’s killing me. The One Two Lashes are SO close to being great. The actual lashes look great. If only they’d curved the strip. If only they weren’t $100.
If only I could do the splits.