I had one of the biggest scares of my life. I've always wondered how I'd react if I came face to face with an intruder. Here's the good news; now I know.
Most break-ins happen in the middle of the day, in nice weather, in the summer. Those who break into homes don't like venturing out at night and certainly don't want to go to work when it's raining and risk frizzy hair.
So really, burglars are just like you and I, only they're missing a conscience. And a hairdryer. Plus they're shitheads, so there's that.
Here's what happened. If you know me, you know that I'm always building or breaking something. When you build something you need power tools.
And sometimes you needs to borrow those tools from a sister who owns enough power tools to build a suburban subdivision.
Pink Tool Belt had a compound mitre saw I wanted to borrow and it was at a house she was renovating. She wasn't at the house, but she gave me the key to go in and get the saw.
At around 5:00 on a Friday afternoon I drove over to the house.
I pulled into the driveway, gravel crunching under my tires, and walked towards the back door. I slipped the key into the keyhole and opened the door. I walked into a house that had that weird feeling of a home that isn't lived in.
An empty shell where sounds bounce off walls like lottery balls in an air chute.
Knowing no one was supposed to be in the house working, I was taken aback when I thought I could hear some sort of sound when I got inside. A kind of shuffling from somewhere in the house but I couldn't pinpoint where the sound might be coming from.
At that point I did what everyone does when they hear something alarming. I ignored it.
I took a quick look around to see some of the work my sister had done and then went to the basement to get the saw. Yes, the dark, scary basement.
I don't mind telling you I didn't entirely want to go into the basement. Something didn't feel right about this whole episode.
I ran upstairs out of the basement with the saw (yes, I really ran, the saw is extremely lightweight which is why I wanted to borrow it) and set it down to turn the light off. That's when I heard the shuffling noise again and this time I knew I couldn't ignore it - because I was officially scared.
I got that tingly feeling in my toes and a dribble of pee escaped. Those are the official scared warnings.
And then I did something really stupid.
You know in horror movies when the next idiot who's about to get killed goes TOWARDS the ominous sound instead of away from it? Yeah, I did that.
And because I'm a blogger, I also whipped out my phone just in case this was a potential viral moment that would lead to me retiring in the French countryside.
I'm O.K. The squirrel's O.K. Everyone is O.K. I didn't get to move to the French countryside but I did invest in a squirrel finger puppet which I will use as a communication aid in my next squirrel negotiations.
Erin F
This had me hysterical. I had a similar experience. I had been working in the attic for several hours. Came down and went straight to the shower. When I came out, I heard a ruckus coming from the kitchen. I walked out to see a hole in my screen, two confused house cats on the floor looking up at a very fat squirrel who was sitting in my fruit dish by the window. The squirrel was very nonplussed about the whole thing and happily chowing down on some apples and bananas. It took a minute or several for all of us (me, cats, squirrel) to process what we were seeing. The squirrel saw me, grabbed the remaining apple and went out the way it came in through the screen. Fruit is no longer kept on the counter. :-)
Dale Tebbe
The choice of Squirrel Nut Sippers as background music was genius. Going toward the noise, maybe not. LOLOLOL
Sarah
I used to always criticize the heroine in the horror movies who went to the creepy shed in their baby dolls and heels, until it happened to me. Minus the heels. 17 years ago, I worked nights and was day sleeping, when I awoke to the sounds of voices in my house. Did I call 911? No. I did pick up my cordless phone and in my nightgown, ventured downstairs towards the “muffled voice” in the basement. Stopped at the kitchen for a knife, kept going. On the basement stairs, I heard the voice more clearly….the smoke alarm, was telling me “ Battery is low, please replace” in English and French! That’s when reality slapped me in the head. What the f@&$k was I doing, in my nightgown with a knife? Yup. Sometimes real life heroines are stupid too.
Mary W
I can't imagine how terrified that squirrel was when a huge blond headed 'thing' popped out with a SAW. Poor thing - LOL. I got one of those puppets 3 years ago for our annual family/friends Bingo Night Before Christmas with Prizes good and bad ones. But Covid came and took away that tradition so it sat in my closet until a young boy visited yesterday. He learned how to do magic acts and I thought he would appreciate the puppet. He did and finally it has a home. It gets played with constantly as he is a triplet!
Jane
My story is straight out of a cartoon. I was living in a bungalow on a 2-acre lot. Nice big finished basement. One afternoon, I was going to go to the basement to get something, opened the door, went down a few steps, met a young mouse on its way up. We both squeaked and made U-turns: me running up the stairs and the mouse down. You see, up to that point in my life, I had never encountered a mouse in a house before and I bet the mouse had never met a person either.
Uli
"We both squeaked..." LOL!
Suel
Thank you once again for another adventure in the life of Super Canadian Karen...The horror movies you describe were just the type of entertainment my room mates from college loved to watch. This was back when VCRs were new and wonderful. We would rent a movie like "Terror Train" and proceed to identify every time the characters did everything to put themselves in as much danger as possible. We even named the behavior as a syndrome and would rate each movie with a number 1 - 10. The syndrome was called S F B, (Shit For Brains). I think "Terror Train" rated a SFB level of 8.5. I would give your adventure a rating but only if after hearing the noise and the house was pitch black, you kept walking and yelled at the top of your voice, "Is anybody there?". Thank you once again for keeping us thinking and laughing. You're the best!
Cyndi
When I was a kid, my mom had gone to the basement to do laundry. A few minutes later we hear her scream and then she was running up the stairs. Being followed by a bird that had been in the dryer.
My brother and I were crying, my mom was screaming "get it out, get it out!" and my dad was swinging a broom at it. I don't remember how long all this lasted, but it is something we still laugh about today!
LM
1)That was suspenseful, then hilarious
2) You couldn't have picked a more appropriate sountrack than the Squirrel Nut Zippers
🌵Pamela of The Desert🌵
Dearest Karen- “Never run toward a scary sound” —- I have that tattooed on my right breast and it slightly wraps around under my arm. Not really but it makes for a better picture. Kinda. Anyway, I have a mitre saw you can borrow but, you really should just keep your sister’s saw. She might forgive you if you point out the pee pants and remind her that you know THINGS about her.
I live by the sentiment of being a total scaredy cat. I’ve seen dead people. My kitchen faucet turns on by itself and I just stare at it and whistle as I turn it off- I’m saving water by doing this and also I’m very curious about such things that go bump and drip in the night- Our water comes from Lake Meade and I won’t go into detail but the lake just about disappeared recently and revealed what happens in Vegas certainly does stay here. Yes, lots of dead people in there. In 55 gallon drums. You do not want to piss off the wrong people here (apparently.) I try not to be too controversial when going out here and I definitely don’t drink - loose lips sink ships.
You, meeting that squirrel is far less dangerous than angering a pit boss at The Golden Nugget, but no less terrifying. Squirrels can be furry balls that move at lightning speed and they can ALMOST fly. They have long teeth and can gnaw right through a roof. A pit boss cannot (generally speaking).
I’ve been faced with a massive rat looking scary opossum while walking through an inhabited living room. I’m not going to brag but I reached down and grabbed it by its rat-like tail and took it to the yard in back to release it. All while grown men cried and women fainted. Possums are not particularly bright and this one came in through an open set of French doors. This thing growled and I think it channeled Cujo as it showed off its needle teeth. Ewww.
But a squirrel is not some cheap parlor trick. (Like my possum.) You faced death and looked it right in the eye. Plus you left with that saw. You needed to cut on an angle and were determined. Like a boss!
Randy P
I dunno how reading about a 5yr old squirrel adventure had me taking the Myers-Briggs test, but for whatever it's worth, I'm an ISTP and among a scant 3% of your followers..
Jan in Waterdown
Hah! I need to take that test again…. can’t remember what I was last time, 25 years ago. I always like your comments so there’s that. 😁
Karen
You are a rare find aren't you. ~ karen!
Susie Heller
Wow! How scary. Good thing the intruder was afraid of being apprehended in the house and a possible arrest by the dog catcher. Glad you handled the intrusion with Grace and attention. Susie helller
hannelie
Hi I luv your blog! I live in South Africa and would love to know where I can find the little squirrel hand puppet as I am a licensed psychologist and I specialise in young children. The squirrel puppet is sooo cute and would really be very helpful in the practice!
Karen
Hi Hannelie. I got mine on Amazon, but I checked South Africa and you can get one here .. https://www.wantitall.co.za/toys/aqkilo-squirrel-finger-puppets-novelty-toys-finger-doll-props-animal-hand-puppet-gift__b08sbn1yjd ~ karen!
Heidi
You are braver than I would be💕
Thank you for sharing
cASSAndra e
So many smiles on my face. And I haven’t heard squirrel nut zippers as a moon. Thank you!
Nicole
I'm really hoping it's worth the 3 min ad. Lol!!
Karen
Hi Nicole! You should be able to stop those 3 minute ads. :/ If you encounter one again just reload the page and another one will pop up. Usually a 15 second one. ~ karen!
Shauna
HA, I knew it was going to a squirrel...or a raccoon, you know because they're the OG burglars. Great video:)
Heather
That was funny! You got me. I imagined some horrid villain. Squirrels are just horrid. They're okay in trees but horrid in the house. I once came home and found one in my kitchen. The little devil had chewed through a screen and was on my counter. Weirder was a chipmunk who got in somehow and refused to leave. I came into my kitchen and heard the sound of his (her?) nails screabbling on the tiles as he/she tore off. Next thing, there she was on the back of my couch. I tried chasing her towards open doors, but she refused to exit. I kept asking her: "What is it? Is there an owl out there? A snake? Why won't you leave?" Finally, I had to buy a live trap, bait it with strawberries, and capture her. I let her go about a km from home. She's never been back. Thank goodness! :D
Dana
I enjoy that Pink Toolbelt also has a pink lawn chair!
Kathy O HARTZELL
OK, I'm so glad you got to see your intruder run away. You know he wasn't trying to do any harm, just looking for a safe space to bury nuts. I was an au pair for a family with a large house, but not so large that I didn't hear a lot of poodle and collie commotion in the laundry room. They had "treed" a mouse behind the freezer. I shut the door on the dogs, and blocked one side of the freezer with a box, and made a path out the back door from canned goods (didn't occur to me that this mouse could climb) but, he did follow the path. Then, the dogs got thru the door, lunged at the mouse but never got to him - he dropped dead. Seriously, had a heart attack on the back stairs! Scared to death. If I didn't watch it I'd not have believed it. Not a drop of blood on little Mickey, not a bite mark, just trembled himself to death.
Jacquie
Awww, I hate mice and rats but "just trembled himself to death" made me sad for him; so near to freedom yet so far.
H
New subscriber. Not a poster, but...
Hehehe. Great build-up!
Thanks for that.😊
Glad you're safe too. Really enjoying your random wit.
H