It's almost Valentine's Day!! A holiday fraught with two of everyone's most favourite things - waxy chocolates and unfulfilled expectation.
To be a truly successful blogger you must, MUST celebrate each and every holiday with steroidal vigour. As if failing to create a St. Patrick's Day themed dinner party complete with live leprechauns glued to your wall in the form of a wreath will result in a man named Rocco showing up at your front door with a baseball bat and an unhealthy obsession with your knees.
Actually, scratch the baseball bat thing, if he's a blog enforcer obviously he'll beat you with a piece of a broken down pallet accessorized with some washi tape.
There are two other things crucial to being a successful blogger. I mean it isn't just about holiday frenzy.
The first being an ability to write. The second being an ability to photograph, manage, market, promote, beg, schedule, code, cry, recover, create, make, convey, invent and be perfectly content living for days on end without any real human contact beyond talking to your cat who you sometimes dress in pants because then it kind of feels like you have a co-worker, albeit a co-worker who never contributes anything significant to the business. So very much like upper management.
You get all those skillz down and you, my friend, WILL BE A SUCCESSFUL BLOGGER.
One of my attempts to make it into the world of successful bloggers was coming up with the cherry tarts I featured last week.
Why do these if I hate Valentine's day? As I do. Because WOOOOOOOOOOOO it's a holiday and we must all celebrate the holidays even if we don't like them and think they're stupid and would rather eat a bag of toenails.
#bloggerlife
The tarts are really good and really easy by the way. Nothing like a bag of toenails.
I do not like Valentine's Day. I think it's stupid and silly. And kind of embarrassing really; mostly for men. It's a holiday that at its heart seeks to point out that men, if unreminded, would go years on end, possibly even an entire LIFETIME without buying their wives cheap, skanky underwear. That's just dumb. Any men I've come across have to be reminded to NOT buy their wives cheap, skanky underwear.
Enter Valentine's Day, which conveniently and concisely reminds men throughout the world that nothing better assures a woman that she is loved and cared for, than a man coming home from work, pulling a newly purchased Valentine's Day card out of a plastic bag, signing it in front of her and handing it over with a self assured "I got you covered." smile. Once a year.
If the inventors of Valentine's Day were really serious about their job, the international symbol for it wouldn't be a heart, it would be the silhouette of a man with a drill and a romance novel tucked into his toolbelt while taking out the garbage in front of the whole neighbourhood wearing a thong. Handy, romantic, well read, funny, confident and helpful.
But because I'm a blogger and wish to maintain my status of successful blogger I spent a lot of time trying to come up with a good Valentine's Day DIY for this year. Maybe some food or a decoration or perhaps a recipe for how to make your own edible underwear. You know. Something classy.
I couldn't do it. Really the only Valentine's Day decorations I like are the super cheesy paper cutout hearts that you stick to your windows. You know, kindergarten type stuff. Which makes sense since I also like those old fashioned classmate Valentine's Day cards which are just a cutout of a slightly misshapen cartoon puppy holding a heart.
You'd have to have the cold, cold heart of a man named Rocco to not love that.
It's not that women don't like romance or grand gestures or even chocolate.
There's just something insincere about telling men, forcing them to prove their love through red roses and cheap chocolate on one of the 365 days in the year.
For most women the most memorable gestures of love rarely involve lace. Usually it involves a beverage. Like making you a coffee or pouring you a glass of wine, miraculously just knowing when you need it.
Maybe even on June 23rd. Or October 5th. Or noticing something that needs to be fixed and ... just fixing it. At the very least calling someone and arranging to have it fixed. Now THAT'S romance.
And don't even get me started on what a libido revver it is for a man to cup your chin in his hand as he draws your face close to his mouth and whispers "I want you to be in charge of the remote tonight."
So for right now, I've got nothin' for ya. No red wreath made out of cutout cupids, no chocolate beverage with a homemade heart shaped stir stick. No Valentine's dinner, dessert, printout or cutout.
Nothing.
But if you've learned anything from this post you've learned that doesn't mean I don't love you.
Ev Wilcox
Making Valentines for my grandchildren is the extent of the day for me. And it is just fine! Love back at ya' though, Karen!
Jenny W
Thank You.
A few weeks ago, we had a crippling ice storm here on the East Coast, and there were over 100000 of power outages. My husband works away, and was not home for it, lucky bugger lol!
A few days after the storm my early Valentines gift was delivered to the door. A shiny bright red generator, and an appointment with an electrician to get it wired up to my panel :)
Karen
Now THAT is a Valentine's present. :) ~ karen!
jainegayer
WOW!!! So much better than chocolate! He's a keeper!
Laura Bee
I bought my bf a new shower head for Vday. Well it is really for us. It's a dual so we can share a shower and we both have water.
Having fun making cards with my kid for her class.
That is the extent of it.
dana
Thank God here, too! We have all 3 been sick and I have been inundated with emails from over-the-top bloggers for cookies, printables, crafts, Valentine's dinner ideas. Blehhh. I'm taking this year off. We haven't bought Valentine's for the kiddo's party on Tuesday yet. She's freaking out! It will get done by Tuesday.
Grammy
For forty years we've managed to make it through every February without acknowledging Valentine's Day. It's just a Hallmark Holiday, manufactured to make people buy crap. And, yes, he makes me coffee, and pours wine even though he doesn't drink it, and rubs my back to wake me in the morning. He's not good at fixing things, but I am, so I'm the fixer and cook. And we make each other laugh.
I'm happy to see so many others have got it, right, too.
Melissa
In true Valentine form, you show your love 364 days a year, for which we are all thankful. Who needs a stinkin paper heart anyway!
So, thank you for all you do the other days of the year. We'll let this one slide.
Sandy
Who told you I dress my cat in pants????
Sherry in Alaska
Bravo!
It's about time somebody says it and it might as well be you.
Valentine's Day sucks as a holiday.
It sells cards and chocolates and roses and, yes, creepy underwear. It does not show any depth of commitment. It pumps expectations beyond the limits of reality. It sets everyone up for disappointment.
Let's get over the hype and expectations and keep calm while we share a bottle of wine, a bowl of popcorn and a movie. Gather the cats and snuggle into the couch! If enough of us do it, maybe it'll become a movement.
Barbie
Love you too Karen!! XXOO
Lisa
Hell Yes! Must admit my Valentine's night treat is....go my Hairdressers (humidity kills me). Scalp massage, colour and a glass of bubbly, plus fabulous company. Prefer that over chockies any day. :)
Valerie
I really don't appreciate anyone to include the gentleman who lives here responding with 'things' because of basically a money making commercially organized pursuit of the almighty dollar by merchants, so called a holiday.
He shovels snow, - non stop for us, he serves me wine, he can cook beautifully, he rubs my feet when we watch movies, he tells me I am beautiful when I am in my bathrobe and have no make up on and he tells me he loves me all the time. Do I want a valentine card, flowers or chocolate from him when what I receive daily is so much better?
Chris
I know he loves me when I don't know what I did to my laptop and he fixes it without grumbling.
TucsonPatty
Ha! I'll buy my own chocolate or Girl Scout cookies as the case may be, therefore ensuring that I get myself the correct and perfect type. No chafing cuz no thong, for me or anyone else! Hmmph, does bah humbug work for Valentine's Day, too? Overrated, you're right, Karen.
Susan Alexander
Three comments:
1. AMEN! I agree with you, Karen, one billion gazillion percent.
2. Am I a grinch, or does anyone else gag when a TV personality cocks their head to one side, coyly smiles, brings their index fingers together, then their thumbs together and holds what is supposed to be a heart over their chest?
3. And lastly, is anyone else having Karen's blog freeze, then reload (4 times) when trying to enter a comment? These last three weeks, it has been freezing up on me. So, I'm writing my comments in my Notes, then copying and pasting them into the comment box. So, if you happen to agree or disagree with my number 1 and 2 comments, I probably will be unable to leave you a reply. Sorry in advance.
4. OK - there is a fourth one. If no one agrees that the blog freezes when making a comment, I'm turning this iPad into a frizbee.
TucsonPatty
Susan, I have had several instances in the past, at different times, of the screen rolling, disappearing, and not letting me type in more than one letter at a time before losing the keyboard, but I figured it was my iPad. As I am writing this, it just now occurs to me that doesn't even make sense, as it doesn't do it now, and my iPad didn't get anything changed. However...it is doing something wonky right now, printing the letters I'm typing about 5 letters behind when I hit the keyboard. I have given up in frustration several times, and just had to keep my comments to myself! The horror!
Karen
I wish I knew what was going on. I don't ever have it happen to me so ... wait ... let me check my ipad ... O.k. just got back from my iPad. There was trouble. I'm wondering if it has to do with the pop up subscription box. I'll remove that tomorrow and see if that fixes it. In the meantime, clear your cache and see if that helps. ~ karen!
Karen
It does, on the other hand, work perfectly on my laptop so it might also be a problem with the mobile version. I'll look into it. Thx! ~ karen!
Susan Alexander
Exactly! Same problem for me!
I think it may be a mobile version issue.
Had to paste this from Note as blog froze and reloaded itself numerous times!
Thank you!
Valerie
Yes, I also experience the blog freeze but was thinking initially it was because we live gone and beyond and are hooked up to a satellite dish; but I agree with you.
You will probably receive this email but it will go to 'junk mail' as that it the location I have received replies to comments I have made on Karen's blog to which others have responded.
Lisa
Happens to me sometimes...but I just think it's trying to keep up with how fast your brain is working. We are all too fast for our computers.
Joanne
I like to think that as well -- computers are fast, but not quite as fast as our brains are (and what in the world did we ever do before computers???)
Lisa
They struggle with multi-tasking too (well my work computer does). :)
Susan Alexander
got it! Not junk mailed! :-)
Stephbo
I just told someone the other day that every time I see somebody doing that stupid heart symbol, I want to smack the crap out of them. I'm glad I'm not the only one who hates it!
Gayle M
Feeling the love. ?
And wondering about the case of chafing that toolbelt will cause cuz of that there thong, especially after yesterday's Brazilian wax...
Terri
Amen!!!!!
chris
A tool belt AND a thong. Help me, I'm drooling a little. Giggity.
Kim from Milwaukee
Even with a belly that would be sexy. :)
Paula
We each have our own remote - now 'that' is interesting! lol
Marianne
You nailed it Karen. We'll, maybe not the thong. But pouring wine and fixing things. My idea of the perfect man. No red roses and, as much as I love chocolate, no boxes of chocolate. Perhaps a spray thingy for my compressor. Maybe we should all go back to the little paper Valentine's with the puppies and I kittens. Would be fun.
dlmcl
Oh thank god!