I guess you probably don't know what it's like to almost kill someone but I do. I mean, obviously, I do, I'm sure you assumed that about me the first time we met. I pretty much ooze lethal in the same way a hand grenade does. Or a Long Island Iced Tea.
Lemme tell you how it all happened. My sisters and I loaded into an SUV at 8 o'clock last Saturday morning to head to the Christie Antique Show and Sale where I assumed I probably wouldn't be almost killing anyone. We do it every year, head out to Christie's. Sometimes it's both sisters, sometimes it's one sister and Betty, sometimes it's both sisters and Betty. Always it's an exercise in patience, thirst, lust and hunger. So like sexy time, but way more fulfilling because half way through you get to eat French Fries.
Betty didn't come this year because of the temperature. It hit around 37 degrees on Saturday which sounds cold if you're American but for everyone else, it's sounds like maybe I'm describing the oven temperature for baking cookies. 37 degrees celsius is around 98 degrees fahrenheit.
The show is always filled with hundreds of things you didn't know you needed.
... came, she saw, she bought. She also sweated.
Luckily someone was offering free shade.
Thousands. These two iron urns were thousands and thousands of dollars.
Christie's is the place to go for things you didn't know you needed, know existed, or didn't think you'd ever find.
Did I mention the heat? It was SO hot that both sisters and I were crawling along the ground in search of water when we came across this disgusting, filth riddled trash can. ALL three of us stared at it and exclaimed WATER!!!! No, we didn't notice the filth, or the garbage or the fact that all the bottles were empty and smeared with ketchup. All we saw was glorious water.
It was a rare antiquing moisture mirage.
Around noon we decided it was time to break for lunch. That would be the famous French Fry break.
My favourite part of Chip truck fries is the wood fork which I had no idea you could buy.
This is the moment I came close to taking my own sister's life.
Standing in line to order our food, Pink Tool Belt asked me what I was getting. I said "Fries.", paused a little, then repeated "Always Fries". And that simple phrase was the weapon that almost killed Fish Pedicure. At the same moment I said "Always Fries", she was taking a drink of water and laughed at the same time.
At that point a series of events ensued that would involve choking, laughing, a weird donkey sound, and a most unfortunate incident involving bodily fluid.
I should point out that the Christie Antique Show and Sale is quite a crowded event and the lines for the food trucks are the most congested area in the show. We're all packed in there desperate for a quick meal so we can get back out into the trenches and find that thing we don't need but have to have.
Just after my sister inhaled her water, but before the donkey sound, the man in line next to us, turned to look at what the commotion was at the exact moment she did a good old fashioned spit take. I can still see the entire event as it played out in slow motion. His hand raised up to shield himself, his eyes wide with fear, my other sister jumped aside covering her mouth, but neither one of them moving faster than Fish Pedicure's spray of spit and water.
She spit taked a stranger. A real spit take. The kind you'd learn in an improv class. Or by studying a particularly bad episode of Saved by the Bell.
She continued choking, laughing, coughing and apologizing for the next several minutes as everyone around her looked for napkins to wipe off the spittle.
And THAT is how I discovered I could use humour as a weapon. And a cooling off device when timed perfectly.
This is the exact style of chandelier I'm searching for, for my house makeover. It's am Empire chandelier. But I would prefer one that doesn't measure 4 feet from top to bottom.
Yeah, I mightta tried it on and walked around telling people I wore it to the show while they stared at me through a sweat tears dripping off their eyebrows.
Oh I'm sorry, BACK UP. BACK THE HELL UP.
Recognize that bed?
No?
How 'bout now?
Yup. Sold it off my front porch for $20 or $25. At the show for $95. I'm just glad it's off my porch. But there's something very strange about seeing something of yours, days after owning it for sale at an antique show.
Somebody bought this. They bought the massive mountie! I saw it in the big pick up area as we were leaving.
And that's it.
Somewhere in the pictures from today's post are the things I bought at the sale. Feel free to take a guess. I bought 4 things. Not including the french fries. Always french fries.
Lindy
Those beautiful wooden boards. And I hope you had a rush of blood to the head and bought those old wooden card file drawers. The ones stripped out of libraries without a care. They are perfect for storing seeds. Heavenly. And I'm so glad you bought me that big quebec butter storage box for me. So kind!
Holly
Well, I guess pizza bread boards, rolling pin, one of the wood boxes, and the chicken!
I lost it when you described your sister's unfortunate incident. I, too, seem to have more than my fair share. Once: my sister (who is always very well dressed and friendly) and I were in Macy's (I hate shopping) at the perfume counter, with my 5-year-old niece who is the daughter of another sister who was not there. We were busy, and I guess she was making vague noises, which we ignored. All of a sudden, we looked down and she had made a huge puddle in front of the perfume stand. I had just picked up a tester bottle of perfume and, in my shock, sprayed it all over my face and started choking like crazy. The perfect model-like employee didn't react other than her eyebrows started twitching. I could imagine her eye-rolling get these idiots out of here.
Karen
LOLOL!!! Ohhhhh ... I love a good almost kill yourself story. The almost being the operative word of course. ~ karen!
Jennie Lee
I hope you got the cement chicken. I want the blue and red truck! It is a wonder to behold. I love it when you go to Christie's. I swear, it's the best thing you ever do. Why not start a blog where you just go to flea markets and tease us with photos of what we can't buy? I would love it.
Karen
LOL. There's another fairly good market around here that happens twice a year, Aberfoyle. Maybe I'll do another post like it later in the summer. :) ~ karen
Gillian
Yes!
Sharon
Aberfoyle runs every Sunday in the summer but they do have a big spring and fall show! Love Aberfoyle.
Sherry in Alaska
The white platters and 3 other things..............
Thanks for the peek.
Leslie Ladd
Not the Loui garment bag? Every girls gotta have one of those!! Ha!
Kathleen
Definitely Christmas ornaments, possibly a pizza board, the "Dewey" drawers, to store stuff in your basement, and some of that coloured glassware.
When are you going to put us out of our misery and tell us.?
Lovely photos and some 'stuff' I would have loved to have bought.
Karen
On Friday Kathleen! I'm just not sure which Friday. Either this Friday or next. :) ~ karen
Heather J Tebbutt
My guess: She Letters, tin goat (you always wanted a goat!) this one carefree! depending on price otherwise a hanging wooden box, the wooden hen, the black wrought iron planter.
I liked the doll pin cushion...she has a lovely face!
Karen
I loved that doll pin cushion too Heather! ~ karen
Nancy Blue Moon
The SHE letters...the picnic case...a pizza board...old Christmas ornaments...There you go..I win so my prize will be..the love & peace chairs!!!!!...Let me know when you will be delivering them..oh and...please stop trying to kill Pam...the lady was already traumatized by the little fishes eating her toes off...sheesh...Thanks for all the great pics!
Brandy Ballard
I would so totally have gone for the pink door!!! Not sure what I'd have done with it but it's so awesome. :) I'm so jealous at this sale
Tracy M
I love that door too!
Stephanie
I was thinking that exact same thing!
Susan Alexander
the wood basket things hanging off the door in the sixth photo
the orange sun, for sure
the letters S H E
pink door
guy with the beard
Karen
Yes, lol. I bought a buy with a beard and brought him home, lol. ~ k!
Angela
The ladder, the chicken, and the pair of off white chairs. Maybe not the chicken, and the lady in the white dress instead. Did you buy a lady in a white dress? She's beautiful, and I think she would be a great coatrack!
Kathleen
LOL!
Karen
LOL. Maybe I did! Maybe I did not. ;) ~ karen!
Auntiepatch
Veggie baskets, white chicken, iron balls, library ladder. I would have bought the Robert Goullet Mountie.
Ardith
This list sounds very plausible to me, so I'll go with Auntie Patch. I will add that you rode away with these goodies on the red tricycle (dragging the ladder behind you).
Becky
Im guessing at least one of the boxes in the sixth pic. They'd be great on the brick wall in your kitchen,
But please let one of them be that lion head
Terri
The chicken and the gigantic wooden toboggan!
Martina
The chicken, it has to be the chicken and the ladder and I give up on the other two...lol
Stephanie Barnhart
Good thing I wasn't drinking water while I read this, otherwise I'd have had my own spit take going on here, complete with the weird donkey sound. I almost did that at work the other day, and I totally fought it, thinking all the while, " NO!!! YOU CANNOT MAKE THAT SOUND HERE! PEOPLE WILL THINK YOU'RE DYING!! BREATHE, DAMMIT, BREATHE!!!"
That chandelier type would be perfect in your house. I'm guessing you bought some vintage Christmas ornaments and that really cute chicken. And maybe one of those wonderful carved wooden dough bowls. I can't wait to see your stuff!!
jen
For sure, the library ladder and 3 bottles of water.
Stephanie Barnhart
I loved that ladder!
Beckie
I'm thinking the ladder, as well! Maybe the rooster statue, but it does somewhat seem like maybe that man bought the rooster since it's sitting on a table all by itself.
I saw about 37 things in the photos that *I* need...most of them in the background of the actual item being photographed LOL
Carmen Greene
I hope it was the Peace & Love chairs!
Muff Hackett
Karen,
Please tell me you bought the tin sheep and goat set - they are wonderful!
Ardith
Ditto and then some. I totally want these two in our backyard. As we're in Texas, it's a bit of a drive to get them, so someone local should get to love them, and that someone should be you, Karen.
Laurie
So much great stuff!!! How can you stand it? Love the photos.
Thanks.