I guess you probably don't know what it's like to almost kill someone but I do. I mean, obviously, I do, I'm sure you assumed that about me the first time we met. I pretty much ooze lethal in the same way a hand grenade does. Or a Long Island Iced Tea.
Lemme tell you how it all happened. My sisters and I loaded into an SUV at 8 o'clock last Saturday morning to head to the Christie Antique Show and Sale where I assumed I probably wouldn't be almost killing anyone. We do it every year, head out to Christie's. Sometimes it's both sisters, sometimes it's one sister and Betty, sometimes it's both sisters and Betty. Always it's an exercise in patience, thirst, lust and hunger. So like sexy time, but way more fulfilling because half way through you get to eat French Fries.
Betty didn't come this year because of the temperature. It hit around 37 degrees on Saturday which sounds cold if you're American but for everyone else, it's sounds like maybe I'm describing the oven temperature for baking cookies. 37 degrees celsius is around 98 degrees fahrenheit.
The show is always filled with hundreds of things you didn't know you needed.
... came, she saw, she bought. She also sweated.
Luckily someone was offering free shade.
Thousands. These two iron urns were thousands and thousands of dollars.
Christie's is the place to go for things you didn't know you needed, know existed, or didn't think you'd ever find.
Did I mention the heat? It was SO hot that both sisters and I were crawling along the ground in search of water when we came across this disgusting, filth riddled trash can. ALL three of us stared at it and exclaimed WATER!!!! No, we didn't notice the filth, or the garbage or the fact that all the bottles were empty and smeared with ketchup. All we saw was glorious water.
It was a rare antiquing moisture mirage.
Around noon we decided it was time to break for lunch. That would be the famous French Fry break.
My favourite part of Chip truck fries is the wood fork which I had no idea you could buy.
This is the moment I came close to taking my own sister's life.
Standing in line to order our food, Pink Tool Belt asked me what I was getting. I said "Fries.", paused a little, then repeated "Always Fries". And that simple phrase was the weapon that almost killed Fish Pedicure. At the same moment I said "Always Fries", she was taking a drink of water and laughed at the same time.
At that point a series of events ensued that would involve choking, laughing, a weird donkey sound, and a most unfortunate incident involving bodily fluid.
I should point out that the Christie Antique Show and Sale is quite a crowded event and the lines for the food trucks are the most congested area in the show. We're all packed in there desperate for a quick meal so we can get back out into the trenches and find that thing we don't need but have to have.
Just after my sister inhaled her water, but before the donkey sound, the man in line next to us, turned to look at what the commotion was at the exact moment she did a good old fashioned spit take. I can still see the entire event as it played out in slow motion. His hand raised up to shield himself, his eyes wide with fear, my other sister jumped aside covering her mouth, but neither one of them moving faster than Fish Pedicure's spray of spit and water.
She spit taked a stranger. A real spit take. The kind you'd learn in an improv class. Or by studying a particularly bad episode of Saved by the Bell.
She continued choking, laughing, coughing and apologizing for the next several minutes as everyone around her looked for napkins to wipe off the spittle.
And THAT is how I discovered I could use humour as a weapon. And a cooling off device when timed perfectly.
This is the exact style of chandelier I'm searching for, for my house makeover. It's am Empire chandelier. But I would prefer one that doesn't measure 4 feet from top to bottom.
Yeah, I mightta tried it on and walked around telling people I wore it to the show while they stared at me through a sweat tears dripping off their eyebrows.
Oh I'm sorry, BACK UP. BACK THE HELL UP.
Recognize that bed?
No?
How 'bout now?
Yup. Sold it off my front porch for $20 or $25. At the show for $95. I'm just glad it's off my porch. But there's something very strange about seeing something of yours, days after owning it for sale at an antique show.
Somebody bought this. They bought the massive mountie! I saw it in the big pick up area as we were leaving.
And that's it.
Somewhere in the pictures from today's post are the things I bought at the sale. Feel free to take a guess. I bought 4 things. Not including the french fries. Always french fries.
Karen
You HAD to have the ladder didn't ya?
Lesley
Arghh. Didn't even want to LOOK at this post, having just taken two more boxes of stuff to the Sally Ann store. The boxes did not include the hideous "leather" wine rack that my mother bought me when I moved here three years ago even, after she asked if she could buy me something for the new house and I said, "Please, no, I don't need anything, really, please don't", and which I would never have bought myself because I didn't need one. Because frankly it's not worth the shit that would ensue if and when she visits and notices it's not on the kitchen counter. So, there it sits on the kitchen counter, at a slight angle, and if I bump it accidentally bottles of wine slide out. But I digress ...
I think you bought the library ladder, some creepy doll parts to make Hallowe'en things, the green jug and the chicken.
I'd have bought the big SHE letters, the orange sun and the red pig. And french fries.
Karen
There was a red pig, lol?? ~ karen!
janpartist
Yes, I considered that you may have bought the red pig in the background of the other metal animals
Grammy
I thought I was being so clever when I spotted the library ladder and KNEW you got it for your new library and absolutely no one else was going to figure that one out. So, yeah, we all read everything you write and had the exact same epiphany at the exact same time. Cool.
My guesses are the library ladder, the trug, the small wooden keg in front of the toboggan, and the tall wooden cabinet behind the boy mannequin. That's a lot of big wooden things and nothing small, like the pin cushion or more white serving pieces, but I'm sticking to my list. At first I thought the chicken was a sure thing, and a pizza board, then I remembered that you like to mess around with people so of course you threw those in to trick us all.
connie
It's your fault that I found out about this and bought a double cast iron bed frame thats going to be sitting in the sunporch for a while cause I have to get all the rest of the junk out of the spare room.I did have a great time even if sweat was dripping off my nose most of the day
Amy D.
I would have bought everything you took pictures of!! Well maybe not the baby doll parts...too creepy for me...
Sonja
#1 chicken pink door with knocker set of 4 chairs with "love". #2 mountie wooden boxes probably the round one goat ram red pig. #3 rugs ladder 2 blue upholstered chairs scale wooden table behind scales. #4 wooden fork. at least that's how I'd count. NO WAY could you have gotten out of there with only 4 items!
Maureen Albertson
I guess the white bench with pillows on it. The goat and the chicken..and maybe the library ladder.
I had a hard time focusing on what you might buy...I was looking at what I liked, lol.
For me it was the warm walnut stained elaborately carved end tables with the matching coffee table. I'd be all over the seller..I'd send PayPal if I didn't have enough cash. Those were lovely!
Wendy
Hmm.
I think you might have bought the library ladder for your new library/dining room plan.
And I'm hoping you bought a creepy doll robot, or the one with the oil can for a hat. I was somewhat taken with those things. For the same reason I liked the doll head cup you posted ages ago on a Christmas present ideas post.
Wendy
Lauren
Didn't Betty tell you, somewhere around adolescence, that's it's very poor form to be a tease?
Katie C.
Oh! I need all the things!
I have no idea what you bought, but I'm willing to fight everyone in the comments for the Peace & Love chairs.
Safetydog
I know what you mean about your headboard. We had a sleigh bed. After 3 moves and 25 years, the footboard cracked too much for us to repair, so we put the footboard only at the curb for trash pick up. A few weeks later we saw it at an antique sale, marked as a headboard, for $65! We just laughed. Would love to visit Christie's some time.
Linda in Illinois
C'est la vie sign, red, white and blue buoy, pizza board, concrete looking rooster, all of which I would have purchased. Love the photos !!! There are many other choices I would suggest you bought as well... The water spit, donkey sound about killed me since I was reading this at work and could not stop laughing.
Keelea
As soon as I saw it I knew you'd bought that beautiful library ladder! Great pics! Thanks for sharing!
Helen Whaley
Whatever next? A better than sex antique show! I'm currently experiencing all those primitive feelings, also longing and desire.
Especially for the metal sheep and the Love & Peace chairs .
Which you're probably too sensible to buy.
Robyn Belsvik
Karen, I don't know if it just my feed, but I could not read your words over the pictures! I caught bits and pieces of words but most could not be read! The photos were gorgeous but I think this post had hysterical content and I want to read it!!!!
Did anyone else have this problem (I could not read the comments for the exact same reason)?
HELP!!!!
Karen
I think it's just your feed robyn. Try just refreshing the page and see if that helps. ~ karen!
Sharron Wall
Thanks for the tour. I really enjoyed those pictures. I would have bought any affordable wooden cooking utensils we do not already have in our museum. Did you get the sheep?
Anti Kate
Big orange sunburst. To be painted royal blue.
What, for you? No silly, me!
Mary W
The baby voodoo pincushion. The black fan. The wooden divided tray. The stone chicken. The white squared off plates. The drink MOXIE box. The yellow leather purse. The white wicker chair. The skinless man poster. The gorgeous ladder that you shouldn't have because you didn't get enough for your bed. The white serving platter or pitcher in the open wood cabinet. Wood topped - black legged table. One of the huge gorgeous frames that Athena is standing in front of. The horrid baby with the starring blue eye in the suitcase full of babies. ( Is Halloween really worth all these props?) Yes it is. One of the troughs over the pizza paddles. Hanging wooden match box. White leather chair.Surely I got at least one but don't tell me it was the orange sun.
jill
The flag, the sun, and the jadite pitcher. I'm CERTAIN of it!
Alexandra
What a fabulous flea market! I love going to them as well. In my neck of the woods we have Brimfield held in Sturbridge, Massachusetts. It's held 3 times a year: May, July and September. If you haven't been, it's quite the experience and perhaps worth a visit to New England. It is vast and therefore impossible to see everything in one day. You need at least two full days....and a cart of some sort to lug around your loot. You will definitely find good loot to buy. Going in July is a nightmare due to the heat although there are people selling drinks everywhere.
The photos you took are fabulous by the way...I feel like I was there with you minus the heat and dehydration!
Jeannette
One of the best memories of my life was the trip (a million years ago, when I was 12) to Old Sturbridge Village with my dad & little sister. Part of the fun was sharing my dad with just one sister instead of the usual 2 sisters & a little brother (& my mom). We got to buy candy buttons on a strip of paper. I think my love of early American history started then.