I have a puppy. Holy crap. He's so much harder to take care of than sourdough starter. And yet - nobody mentioned that. Not a single person I told said, "You know it's gonna be harder than raising sourdough starter don't you? " What the hell, people?!
Listen, before we even get into this post with its assortment of terrible, blurry pictures of the 8 week old puppy, I have to wonder out loud - why didn't I get something easier to take care of? Like a soufflé. Or 17 babies.
At least when you bring a brand new baby home it just lays there. Yeah, it might scream for extended periods of time but you can eliminate that problem with a $2 set of earplugs and some Gin.
Speaking of elimination, were you aware that a puppy needs to eliminate every hour? Or maybe he doesn't. 🤷♀️ It's a game of risk ... and chance! Will he go? Or won't he? You could roll the dice and wait 2 minutes until you yourself have finished peeing while being stared at by a dog to take him out, but then you run the risk of having two messes to clean up.
Again. WHY people, why?? Just a little nudge and - Hey, remember that time you always kill your sourdough starter?
The First Week With a new Puppy
Is completely exhausting. There's no time to get showered or groceries and definitely no working. Your time is divided between making sure it only eats inside the house and only poops outside of it.
When I first started thinking about getting a dog a couple of years ago, I imagined me and my pup creating beautiful portraits together. Me behind the lens, he standing regally, staring directly into the camera with a certain glint in his eye evoking the spirit of his mentor Tyra Banks.
The reality of portrait taking with your new puppy evokes something a little more avant garde than your standard Vogue shoot.
You are not on mushrooms. These are the portrait shots of my dog ...
I'm quite proud of this one. I was taking a photo of his face. Yes, it's his ass, but it's *almost* in focus. A soufflé on the other hand will certainly move during a photoshoot, but in general is much better behaved.
Have I mentioned I ate a fistful of dog kibble by accident?
Instead of walking around with my phone constantly I am now walking around with a treat pouch. Dog does something good - I give dog treat. Dog doesn't attack my ankles - I give dog treat. He knows exactly what to do to make me give him a treat.
It is the Pavlovian response in reverse.
Near the end of the week I sat at my computer with the treat pouch on my lap, the dog at my side and a small bowl of mixed nuts beside my laptop.
I don't think I need to explain it any more than that but I would like to say that the treats were surprisingly fishy.
I'd like to really hammer down on the fact that I didn't just put the nut sized handful of treats in my mouth and spit them out. I chewed them. Crunch, crunch, crunch. Yup, this makes sense - nuts are crunchy, deduced my brain.
But they're not fishy.
Not wanting to waste food and feeling moderately irrational after the shock of it, I walked over to the dog's food bowl and spat the partially chewed treats in. I felt like a seagull feeding her young.
Oh. I didn't mention that? I thought I had. K. Moving on.
I can't say for sure, but from what I remember upon waking up from a terror faint, this was the exact moment he got the Zoomies for the first time.
We were outside for another supermodel photoshoot. The above photo is a very accurate representation of how that went for us.
The Zoomies last from approximately 6 - 7 p.m. and involve chasing imaginary scary things, biting the air, biting my pants, biting my feet, biting while doing somersaults, and generally terrorizing anything in his path.
That's right. Between 6 and 7 he becomes a predator land shark who trained with Cirque de Soleil at some point.
This is normal.
This is another shot from the Zoomie photoshoot. That's a leg. I believe. If I gave this one above a zippy title I could probably sell it to one of the more forward thinking art galleries.
In this next shot I came very close to photographing almost half of him.
In the end, over the course of 3 weeks I got one photo that I could use for identification purposes on a flyer if I had to. If, say, my puppy was carried off by a gaggle of little girls wanting to smooch and dress him up like Ariana Grande.
So that is the photo I have left to the end to introduce you to my new blue Standard Poodle ...
PHILIP
(Lip)
If you're fan of the show Shameless you probably instantly recognize the name Lip. That's exactly where my new puppy's name came from after a long list and several days of being called STOP THAT, You're so cuteeee, Hi Puppy! and OMG that reeks.
I didn't really want a human name for him but he ended up being Philip with the nickname Lip because it felt right. The same way saving a large handful of potato chips at the bottom of the bag so you can eat them tomorrow as a snack at 4 o'clock feels right.
I'll continue trying to get a good photo of him. Maybe one where he's actually looking at me for instance. I could take one while he's sleeping but that feels like cheating. Also it would be a terrible photo because being black, when he sleeps he just looks like a hairy snow tire.
Over the next 2 years his coat will clear from black to blue. I'll explain more about what a "blue" poodle is in my next post on Philip.
Philip's breeder ultimately selected him for me based on his personality and temperament. Aside from the Zoomies every night he's the calmest, nicest puppy I've come across.
After being home one week he could sit, lay down (with luring), wait and walk at my side.
And he requires a lot less feeding than sourdough starter.
→Follow me on Instagram where I often make a fool of myself←
Lisa Steele
Hahahahahaha! But c'mon, you have chickesns, you've got to be used to fast moving animals!
Karen
Hey Lisa! At least the chickens can't fly which the dog seems to be able to! ~ karen
Helene
I love it when my dogs, and also cats, have the Zoomies. Also known as “frapping” which comes from the acronym “F.R.A.P.” or “Frenetic Random Activity Period.” but Zoomies is a much more descriptive "Verb". It makes me smile. I know its not the funniest thing at 3am but its just like kids being released for recess. Only I'll take a zooming puppy over a playground full of 5 year olds any day. Embrace it for what it is. Sometimes I look at my 12 year old lab who groans, just like me, when she gets up and remember the Zoomies and smile. The upsides of sharing space with a pet way outweighs the downsides. Have Fun!!!!!
celestial
Your post today was exactly my life 1 year ago with the most energetic sheltie puppy I've ever met (he is my third). He has eaten innumerable underpants, socks, 4 pairs of bamboo knitting needles, a knitted pillow that had taken me a year to make, chartreuse embroidery floss (boy, was that a wake-up call in the early morning poop!) Socializing was very difficult during Covid and he remains the smartest, most active thing short of a pre-school class. People wanted to see photos of him but it truly is difficult when they are moving 99% of the time.
I so look forward to your posts and Philip will calm down...in about a year or four. You've got this, Karen. If I at 65 can do it, you can as well. He isn't any more difficult than patio furniture or refinishing floors...he is just mobile, and most of what you do is static (except the chickens and plants).
Dave R
Awww. What a handsome guy.
Oh, the memories of when we first got Stella. I was the ultimate housebreaker (not to be confused with a homewrecker). I took her out every 15 minutes. Pee. Big fuss. Treat. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Eventually every 20 minutes, then 30, 45, 60, etc. Then she just parked herself in front of me and stared when she needed to go out.
Great name, btw. I love me some Shameless. Lip is my favourite character. I also have a nephew named Lip. Or nicknamed. It's legally Phillip. I also have a great-nephew named Axel Rose. But that's a tale for another time.
Trish k
I was laughing so hard reading this! I've been thinking of another dog (I'm partial to JRTs and there are GoldenDoodle-JackRussell puppies at a rescue) but after reading this, I think I should wait. Just puppy-proofing may be exhausting.
Congratulations on your new best friend. As he grows, Lip will let you know he is smarter than anything.
Cherie Oke
Hi Karen Thanks for this. It is 7:12 AM and I have been awake for nearly two hours already. You had me in stitches, mostly because of Annie Oakley (our last name is Oke, after all) who is sleeping peacefully about 7 ft away from me in her crate where she took herself for her morning nap. She is a Sheltie, now four months old and -- I think -- finally potty trained. Does Lip jump exacitedly on his hind legs and then twirl and jump some more when he greets you. The "Sit" command is my favourite. Be prepared. You will be exhausted for quite awhile yet. And now, I have to have my shower while she is still asleep. It doesn't last long, my shower or her nap. You, at least, have relative youth on your side. Every day I ask myself "whatever prompted me, a normally sensible 77 yr old woman to get a puppy?" Worth every exhausting minute, though. Happy Puppy, Happy Mommy. P.S. DId I mention that we also have a 12 yr old Sheltie, Sima who daily wonders when it was I lost my mind? It's been really good for her, though; she's a much happier, much livelier old girl.
Kim C
I appreciate how much work went into your photo shoot and the number of words you were able to put into this post. No easy task while training yourself to avoid his potty accidents!
Where your post had me laughing the most...LIP!! Brilliant!! Great show, great name.
Having also recently endured puppyhood, I can say it may seem now that you can't even remember if you brushed your own teeth but this chapter will be over quicker than you think and you and Lip can cozy up by the fire and tuck into a good book!
Susan
Wow-I had no idea dogs did Zoomies! My introduction to this phenomenon came via two special cats that came out of the woods at different times and moved in. I had had a beloved Springer Spaniel some years before that, and other than loving to "spring" on all fours to try to reach a specific ball-shaped pendant light, I do not recall her doing the equivalent of cat Zoomies. At least not in my presence. Although she was a funny goofball, especially with a Frisbee. Hopefully dogs do not try to launch themselves from the tops of bookshelves or move chairs and tables in similar fashion as felines or you may need to get the drill out and get serious about bolting down your furniture.
Hugs to Phil-Lip!
Deb Wostmann
Welcome little Lip. Your butt is extremely cute so I'm quite excited to see a full frontal of you... Congrats to the puppy mom. It does get easier quicker than you think. He will be much better company than sourdough starter so that's on the plus side. Have fun.
Suzanne Herbruck
Welcome to dog world! Keep remembering, after pulling out your hair, you don’t have to send him to college, phew.
Enjoy! There is nothing like a new puppy. Does Lip have puppy breath still? Having raised many puppies, I still miss puppy breath. Give him a squeeze for me.
Oh, and just take movies, you can always cut out a still.
Kerstin
Congrats on your new house mate! A Standard poodle, eh! You do know they need regular grooming?! As a groomer myself I had the pleasure to groom quiet a few Standards and also mini poodles. And some of the owners really wanted to get true poodle cuts. It was a lof of fun for me. I realy hope you will keep up the poodle do's and not go with the generic shaves.
Karen
Hi Kerstin! I will definitely have a poodle cut for him! And there are so many! ~ karen
Maureen Spencer
Congratulations on your puppy! As you can already see, your life will never be the same again!! But your heart will grow bigger than you ever imagined!!💖💖🐾🐾 Hope to see you and Philip out on the trails.🍁
Karen
I can't wait to get on them with him, Maureen! ~ karen
Dawn
Congratulations on bringing Philip into his new home.
I’d give all kinds of advice ( I brought a 9 week old German Shepherd Dog into my home a few years ago, I remember the pooping schedule!) but I see you are getting lots already.
I’ll just say, wait until you discover the wet dog smell.
🤣
Karen
It can't be worse than the puppy diarrhea smell! ~ karen
Jan in Waterdown
Hah! At first, that’s what I thought you were talking about when you said “zoomies” 🙄🤢
Dawn
Yep, been there too. Pumpkin is a staple in my house, and luckily Luka loves it!
I recommend you avoid offering Lip ice cream. That was 3 days and nights of explosive diarrhea.🤦♀️
Katie C.
HE'S SO FLUFFY!!!
Also, I laughed so hard at this post. You're doing great. He sounds like such a good boy. 🥰🥰🥰
Karen
He's very good! Just exhausting! ~ karen
Ann Visco
He's gorgeous. These guys are ridiculously smart, you could probably teach him to read. Make sure anything you try to hide behind a door has a catch you have to use 2 hands to open. Good luck.
Karen
I think I'm going to have a love/hate relationship with the whole smart aspect.😆 ~ karen!
Laura
Yay! It’s gonna be the best decision you’ve ever made but there will definitely be days you’ll think it’s the worst. There is no greater love then from or for a dog! So happy for you and Lip, he’s a very lucky dog!!!
Karen
Thanks Laura! ~ karen
Linda J Howes-Smyth
Someone is going to have a broken heart in 12 - 15 years but it will be worth it.
CathyR
More unsolicited advice from a fan. Read up on which foods he eats results in a 3 am emergency vet visit; my pup got into and ate 6 grapes which from what I’ve read are Uber toxic to dogs. ( he was fine) Same with apple seeds. Plus a host of others. But I suspect you dealt with a Breeder who loves they’re brood and they offer a boatload of info/advice. Once out of this stage, you’ll have the smartest most beautiful dog on earth. I once saw a silver standard who was a guide dog. He was so regal, beautiful and loyal I nearly burst into tears gazing at him🥰🥰🥰🥰
Welcome to crazy town, Philip. Your Mom is bat 💩 cRaZY but loveable nonetheless.-
Karen
LOL!! "Your Mom is bat 💩 cRaZY but loveable nonetheless." - Truer words were never spoken. ~ karen!
Penny
It's not long til Halloween. https://www.reddit.com/r/nextfuckinglevel/comments/q19667/dogs_halloween_cut/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Karen
No joke, that's partly why I was kind of hoping for the white poodle!! ` karen
Lynn
It takes at least a hot minute before the furry babies gain some manners--think of it as the 'terrible twos' although I actually enjoyed that phase of our kids. He will calm down and you will remember this time fondly! He is beautiful and will love you more than you have ever been loved in your whole life--for his whole life!!
Karen
Thanks Lynn! Gotta go clean up puppy diarrhea now.😆 ~ karen!