It's almost Valentine's Day!! A holiday fraught with two of everyone's most favourite things - waxy chocolates and unfulfilled expectation.
To be a truly successful blogger you must, MUST celebrate each and every holiday with steroidal vigour. As if failing to create a St. Patrick's Day themed dinner party complete with live leprechauns glued to your wall in the form of a wreath will result in a man named Rocco showing up at your front door with a baseball bat and an unhealthy obsession with your knees.
Actually, scratch the baseball bat thing, if he's a blog enforcer obviously he'll beat you with a piece of a broken down pallet accessorized with some washi tape.
There are two other things crucial to being a successful blogger. I mean it isn't just about holiday frenzy.
The first being an ability to write. The second being an ability to photograph, manage, market, promote, beg, schedule, code, cry, recover, create, make, convey, invent and be perfectly content living for days on end without any real human contact beyond talking to your cat who you sometimes dress in pants because then it kind of feels like you have a co-worker, albeit a co-worker who never contributes anything significant to the business. So very much like upper management.
You get all those skillz down and you, my friend, WILL BE A SUCCESSFUL BLOGGER.
One of my attempts to make it into the world of successful bloggers was coming up with the cherry tarts I featured last week.
Why do these if I hate Valentine's day? As I do. Because WOOOOOOOOOOOO it's a holiday and we must all celebrate the holidays even if we don't like them and think they're stupid and would rather eat a bag of toenails.
#bloggerlife
The tarts are really good and really easy by the way. Nothing like a bag of toenails.
I do not like Valentine's Day. I think it's stupid and silly. And kind of embarrassing really; mostly for men. It's a holiday that at its heart seeks to point out that men, if unreminded, would go years on end, possibly even an entire LIFETIME without buying their wives cheap, skanky underwear. That's just dumb. Any men I've come across have to be reminded to NOT buy their wives cheap, skanky underwear.
Enter Valentine's Day, which conveniently and concisely reminds men throughout the world that nothing better assures a woman that she is loved and cared for, than a man coming home from work, pulling a newly purchased Valentine's Day card out of a plastic bag, signing it in front of her and handing it over with a self assured "I got you covered." smile. Once a year.
If the inventors of Valentine's Day were really serious about their job, the international symbol for it wouldn't be a heart, it would be the silhouette of a man with a drill and a romance novel tucked into his toolbelt while taking out the garbage in front of the whole neighbourhood wearing a thong. Handy, romantic, well read, funny, confident and helpful.
But because I'm a blogger and wish to maintain my status of successful blogger I spent a lot of time trying to come up with a good Valentine's Day DIY for this year. Maybe some food or a decoration or perhaps a recipe for how to make your own edible underwear. You know. Something classy.
I couldn't do it. Really the only Valentine's Day decorations I like are the super cheesy paper cutout hearts that you stick to your windows. You know, kindergarten type stuff. Which makes sense since I also like those old fashioned classmate Valentine's Day cards which are just a cutout of a slightly misshapen cartoon puppy holding a heart.
You'd have to have the cold, cold heart of a man named Rocco to not love that.
It's not that women don't like romance or grand gestures or even chocolate.
There's just something insincere about telling men, forcing them to prove their love through red roses and cheap chocolate on one of the 365 days in the year.
For most women the most memorable gestures of love rarely involve lace. Usually it involves a beverage. Like making you a coffee or pouring you a glass of wine, miraculously just knowing when you need it.
Maybe even on June 23rd. Or October 5th. Or noticing something that needs to be fixed and ... just fixing it. At the very least calling someone and arranging to have it fixed. Now THAT'S romance.
And don't even get me started on what a libido revver it is for a man to cup your chin in his hand as he draws your face close to his mouth and whispers "I want you to be in charge of the remote tonight."
So for right now, I've got nothin' for ya. No red wreath made out of cutout cupids, no chocolate beverage with a homemade heart shaped stir stick. No Valentine's dinner, dessert, printout or cutout.
Nothing.
But if you've learned anything from this post you've learned that doesn't mean I don't love you.
Jan in Waterdown
Best Valentine ever was from my little brother back in the fifties. It was one of those punch out cards that we gave out at school. It said "To Brussel Sprout, from Norman Chubb". Back then, he thought my pixie hair cut made me look like that particular vegetable and I guess he apparently felt his last name was necessary. I still have that card and my brother. Both worth keeping!!
Kisha@ Design Intervention Diary
Brilliant. As always. :)
Sandy
I agree with you!
Tami
My device freezes up too.
Tami
I love to give my husband flowers as a surprise throughout the year..he gets the biggest smile you ever saw. He makes me smile especially in his tool belt.
Leeuna
We love you too Karen. Happy Valentines Day.
Miriam
Oh definitely pouring wine and fixing things, that is totally romantic.
It's too easy to go buying red roses (most of which are harvested by poorly paid FEMALE workers) etc.
I love this post...go Karen!!!!
And Happy Valentines Day, all year round. Well, except Christmas Day!
Lupe
Ha! Nailed it!
Kelli
I'm with you Karen - VD (ha) drummed up by card companies trying to make an extra buck. It only ends in tears and awkardness, IMO. But then again, I'm happily single...except around Valentine's day! Bah humbug!
Dana
I've always thought that there are two camps of people on Valentine's Day...it's a love it or hate it holiday and one's feelings for it stem from whether they received those silly student council candy grams in middle school (they love it) or whether they sat in class watching other kids receive candy grams while receiving nothing (they hate it). I fall into the "hate Valentine's Day" camp.
These days I get plenty of gifts, thoughtfulness and help from my husband during the other 364 days of the year. We joke that we would only "celebrate" Valentine's Day if he was being punished for something. If we're in the market and see some tulips (my favorite) for the first time of the year, I'll casually say, "Hey! Look--Tulips! You might want to come back and get some soon. I'd hate for you to have to celebrate Valentine's Day."
Lynn
Same here keeps crashing:(
All notes have just been for me :(
An agree Valentine's Day sucks , why do people need 1 day a year to prove that they love each other. That has never made sense to me.
sledwell
Valentines stinks.
Onto more important things... we're in the market for a new range. Is it possible to light the gas burners on your Blue Star with a match during a power outage?
Karen
Yes Ma'am! ~ karen
sledwell
Thanks for the quick reply Karen. We'll add Blue Star to the must consider list :-).
katie
i do not like that karen head she is so dumb she is not a good girl like a dog bad dog bad girl🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒👿👿🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬😡😡😡😡😡🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬😡😡😡😤😤😤😠😠😠🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮😷😷😷😷😷😷👿👿👿👿👿👿🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶
Heather
We each have a TV but his remote doesn't work as well as mine. Will I share?
Elizabeth
I hear you, and my inner curmudgeon agrees. However, VD perhaps needs reframing...I mean, roses? chocolates? purchased cards? edible panties? ugh...all I can say is what a lack of imagination. Tool Belt and thong is just the beginning (that's why we love your blog, Karen!) Send a donation to a Refugee Charity is love's name....send a post card to everyone you love and tell them why you love them.
Needless to say that my rebellious self is not always my best self; I am challenging myself to not let predigested expectations of St. Valentine's Day get in the way. Do something, or not....gonna let my curmudgeon chew on it for awhile today and see what inspiration belches up. Thank you, Karen!
Colleen Smith
Amen! Valentines Day and all of those other "hallmark holidays" make me want to rip my hair out!
Linda
I met the love of my life 47 years ago on Valentines Day, which also happened to be Chinese New Years, at a frat party in San Francisco. We celebrate the day with Chinese food. Hurray for us!
Anita
What a dear post. Indeed! Hurray for you each, and both!
Linda
Thank you. Now we’re 51 years and going strong.
Ella
Fricking loathe greeting card holidays...all of them - Mothers Day, Fathers Day, freaking Grandparents Day...wtf. These days all just serve to remind people who don't have those people in their life that they don't. Valentine's Day is the worst IMO. And I am not alone. i just feel badly for those who are not by choice and the fact that V Day is like a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.
And no issues writing this on my iPad.
Lois Baron
Agree! Last year I sent my college-aged daughter and my soon-to-be divorced sister cards with snarky messages about better to be alone than with someone's who's a jerk.
I get so tired of Pinterest/blogs predictably exploding for each holiday, e.g., "Pumpkin-spiced everything!" Maybe I should start following more Architecture and Car boards.
Blyma
Karen - I'll show you MY cat dressed in trousers if you post a pic of your bag-o-toenails. Polish optional. Thanks in advance!
Marlene E
Valentines Day here is us making a special dinner together and we do share cards! And sometimes an excuse to drink some nice champagne!
As for the flowers ... I know when I'm being a real bitch .... I get a dozen pink roses!! It always puts a smile on my face!!! And for him, that gives him pleasure!! Happy wife, happy life!!!
Sandra Brooks
Maybe Idris could help change your Valentine views...
https://youtu.be/vHfdla3I9dos...
Blyma
I loathe the manufacturedness of this pseudo-holiday. This cause, however, I can get behind. And, well, you know, Idris.