It's almost Valentine's Day!! A holiday fraught with two of everyone's most favourite things - waxy chocolates and unfulfilled expectation.
To be a truly successful blogger you must, MUST celebrate each and every holiday with steroidal vigour. As if failing to create a St. Patrick's Day themed dinner party complete with live leprechauns glued to your wall in the form of a wreath will result in a man named Rocco showing up at your front door with a baseball bat and an unhealthy obsession with your knees.
Actually, scratch the baseball bat thing, if he's a blog enforcer obviously he'll beat you with a piece of a broken down pallet accessorized with some washi tape.
There are two other things crucial to being a successful blogger. I mean it isn't just about holiday frenzy.
The first being an ability to write. The second being an ability to photograph, manage, market, promote, beg, schedule, code, cry, recover, create, make, convey, invent and be perfectly content living for days on end without any real human contact beyond talking to your cat who you sometimes dress in pants because then it kind of feels like you have a co-worker, albeit a co-worker who never contributes anything significant to the business. So very much like upper management.
You get all those skillz down and you, my friend, WILL BE A SUCCESSFUL BLOGGER.
One of my attempts to make it into the world of successful bloggers was coming up with the cherry tarts I featured last week.
Why do these if I hate Valentine's day? As I do. Because WOOOOOOOOOOOO it's a holiday and we must all celebrate the holidays even if we don't like them and think they're stupid and would rather eat a bag of toenails.
#bloggerlife
The tarts are really good and really easy by the way. Nothing like a bag of toenails.
I do not like Valentine's Day. I think it's stupid and silly. And kind of embarrassing really; mostly for men. It's a holiday that at its heart seeks to point out that men, if unreminded, would go years on end, possibly even an entire LIFETIME without buying their wives cheap, skanky underwear. That's just dumb. Any men I've come across have to be reminded to NOT buy their wives cheap, skanky underwear.
Enter Valentine's Day, which conveniently and concisely reminds men throughout the world that nothing better assures a woman that she is loved and cared for, than a man coming home from work, pulling a newly purchased Valentine's Day card out of a plastic bag, signing it in front of her and handing it over with a self assured "I got you covered." smile. Once a year.
If the inventors of Valentine's Day were really serious about their job, the international symbol for it wouldn't be a heart, it would be the silhouette of a man with a drill and a romance novel tucked into his toolbelt while taking out the garbage in front of the whole neighbourhood wearing a thong. Handy, romantic, well read, funny, confident and helpful.
But because I'm a blogger and wish to maintain my status of successful blogger I spent a lot of time trying to come up with a good Valentine's Day DIY for this year. Maybe some food or a decoration or perhaps a recipe for how to make your own edible underwear. You know. Something classy.
I couldn't do it. Really the only Valentine's Day decorations I like are the super cheesy paper cutout hearts that you stick to your windows. You know, kindergarten type stuff. Which makes sense since I also like those old fashioned classmate Valentine's Day cards which are just a cutout of a slightly misshapen cartoon puppy holding a heart.
You'd have to have the cold, cold heart of a man named Rocco to not love that.
It's not that women don't like romance or grand gestures or even chocolate.
There's just something insincere about telling men, forcing them to prove their love through red roses and cheap chocolate on one of the 365 days in the year.
For most women the most memorable gestures of love rarely involve lace. Usually it involves a beverage. Like making you a coffee or pouring you a glass of wine, miraculously just knowing when you need it.
Maybe even on June 23rd. Or October 5th. Or noticing something that needs to be fixed and ... just fixing it. At the very least calling someone and arranging to have it fixed. Now THAT'S romance.
And don't even get me started on what a libido revver it is for a man to cup your chin in his hand as he draws your face close to his mouth and whispers "I want you to be in charge of the remote tonight."
So for right now, I've got nothin' for ya. No red wreath made out of cutout cupids, no chocolate beverage with a homemade heart shaped stir stick. No Valentine's dinner, dessert, printout or cutout.
Nothing.
But if you've learned anything from this post you've learned that doesn't mean I don't love you.
Franlie Allen
Agreed! Especially about the drill. That said, feeling a nice formalized expression of love, my spouse and I write a handwritten love letter to each other each Valentine's Day, as it was our ability to communicate well that drew us together.
Annie
I soo sooo soooooo want to be able to post a pic here. My mom gave my children a box of cards to give out to their friends. Dinosaur themed. You know... four different designs, perforated edges that you spend a bit of time separating... Only not cute dinos. One of the the cards says, “you’re so cute I could eat you up!!! ...............oops!” The picture is of a tiny Dino laying in a pool of blood while a T. rex stands on one end of the tiny Dino to hold his body down while the T. rex rips the flesh off of the tiny Dino. Have I painted the picture well enough? I really want to send you a pic. I love this card so much.
TucsonPatty
I want that card! Years ago, I had an ongoing “battle” with a boss, where we kept sending this small, smooth rock back and forth. (Sometimes hiding it so it took a while to find, and then was a fun surprise!)
We added a bit of decorating or glued other items to it before sending it back. It ended with a toy T-Rex with blood (red nail polish) dripping from his mouth, with a tiny plastic human on the ground under him. He couldn’t top that! I wonder where that disappeared to, probably 25 years ago. Thanks for jogging my memory. 😂😂
Valentines Day - schmalentines day - I don’t care. Been divorced for I forget how many years (11 1/2 years I think), but it is a “forced love” holiday, and it always felt so fake. I don’t like cut flowers either, and can buy my own chocolate that I like, so there’s that. I once had a client who sent herself her own flowers because her husband could never get anything right for her. (I tried that one year for Christmas, but I hated giving myself exactly what I chose, purchased, wanted and wrapped. Never tried that again.)
I don’t begrudge others their holiday - my own mother sent out those grade school cards to each and every one of her own 11 children and the 28 grandchildren. I enjoyed getting tat card. Others - not so much.
Thanks Karen, for keeping it real.
Sherry Sidner
A man wearing a toolbelt with real tools that he really knows how to use is more exciting than any other thing a man can do! LOVE your post as always. I used to blog but it became a job & when it's not fun anymore it's time to move on to something else, like cleaning out a closet.
Edie Marie
Rowen
😂🤣awesome read. Refreshing and sure do appreciate that I'm not the only one who feels a certain way about the Valentine.
Sabina
Ha! My brother’s name is Rocco and he does not have a cold cold heart lol!
RAYMONDO
HI I LIVE IN ENGLAND BRIGHTON AND HOVE A CITY ON SOUTH COAST OVER LOOKING THE ENGLISH CHANNEL I HAVE FOLLOWED YOUR COMMENTS THE VALLENTIENS COMMENT STATES THE 23RD JUNE THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY IN 2016 CAMERON OUR PRIME MINISTER GAVE A REFERENDUM ON EUROPE IN OR OUT I WROTE TO HIM TO CHANGE THE DATE AN D I WAS GOING TO VOTE AGAINST HIM HE REPLIED IF I CHANGE IT WILL BE SOMEBODY ELSES BIRTHDAY SINCE THEN TWO MORE PRIME MINISTERS HAVE COME I HAVE ASKED FOR A PUBLIC HOLIDAY ON THIS DAY BUT WITH NO SUCSSES IS THIS A SPECIAL DAY IN CANADA AND WE ARE NOW OUT OF EUROPE WHICH HAS TAKEN FOUR YEARS TO HAPPEN TAKE CARE RAY BRYAN
Gail
Have you ever gone out for a romantic dinner on Valentine’s Day?? WORST IDEA EVER. Crowded, noisy rooms full of people, wait staff mania, being rushed out of the restaurant because of overbooked reservations. Nothing remotely romantic about that. It’s certainly not like it’s depicted on TV or in the movies, no cozy quiet candlelit corner for 2. My husband and I went out once and I said no more of that insanity. As for flowers, I’d rather get a surprise bouquet any other day of the year “just because” instead of the obligatory overpriced-for-the-day roses. That being said I love vintage valentines (beautiful artwork) and school valentines because they bring back good memories and are so cute.
Penny
I’ve been with my husband since I was 23. We got engaged on Feb.14th 1994. Other then that day before and after he said that day means Nothing! Because I don’t need someone to tell me when I need to appreciate you or show you love! We make a point to avoid the 14th of Feb. and laugh that that’s when we got engaged! Point made!
Rita Tytus
Des
Thank you! One more cynical marketing exercise to guilt people into spending money they don't have on things no one needs.
Penny
Exactly!!!
Audrey D.
So true. And I hate being told when I have to give presents.
Nan
You hit the nail on the head, sista!
Heather MacDonald
I'm a little late with my love letter but I have to tell you that your posts lift my spirits. xo
Karen
:) Thanks for saying that Heather. ~ karen!
Nancy Blue Moon
I remember back a few years ago..ok...a few more than a few...it was early morning...my niece and I were sending our children off to school together..My niece was a bit flustered but then she was stupid and had more kids than me..ok..I apologize for that one...when those sweet little darlings were all out the door with their coats, hats, gloves, lunch boxes, book bags, bags of valentines, gifts for teachers and snacks to share...I said to her...Did Richard get you anything for Valentines Day?...She turned around and stared at me like a woman gone possessed..."HE DAMN WELL BETTER HAD!!"...was all she said...When she went to shower I left quietly out the door wondering if I should call him at work or just go buy her something and take it to him in case he forgot..After all..I didn't want to see her locked up forever for a lack of flowers and candy...I would probably have to take her kids...Ever since then I have realized the true meaning of Valentines Day....It is to pay for all of the shit women do everyday with no thanks...and the times he said. "Oh..she stays at home with the kids..SHE DOESN'T WORK!"...Amen Sisters..everywhere.....
Melissa
"a piece of a broken down pallet accessorized with some washi tape" LOL. No mason jar involved or are we past that fad know? I never know, because I preserve, I'm still surrounded with them.
I also hate Valentines Day. Thankfully, my husband gave up trying to 'be romantic' years ago, and now we just pretend the day doesn't exist.
Gaeyl Kanter
Karen I really appreciate your sense of humour . I have to correct you it won't be Rocco he is otherwise occupied improving their cement bootie line for major infractions , you will receive ministrations from Jules being completely engulfed with all those off trend items that No One is purchasing. Sorry but the manufacturers have to dump it somewhere. You keep up the great work . Love your Blog
Sandra
My husband is the type who always gets me a birthday card, a Xmas card and, maybe, a Valentine's card. I seldom return the gesture, even though when I do, I make it. I'm a procrastinator!
I didn't mean to make my hubs guilty, but I reminded him that 20 years ago he proposed to me on this date. He dropped off the grandson, and came home with some lilies. I didn't need them - he also does things that show me he loves me, all the time.
We've agreed that they'll look nice in mom's hospital room.
Andrew Karr
Granted that Valentine's Day is a " Hallmark " holiday. But most (if not all) holidays have their PAGAN roots. And if this day that is supposed to fall around or on a spring full moon can remind us of our carnal selves, pull a new years resolution to shower more and smell better, buy a pair of sexy underwear for not only our significant other but for ourselves, -maybe perform a little dance in said underwear-, bring an awareness of our lustful teen selves.......
Maybe it isn't such a bad holiday after all.
Renee
ps - I am so glad to hear that others too want to smack people doing that stupid heart hand thing. AAArgh HATE IT
Renee
I like to make a cute dessert or something like that for my family, and I like my cute pink sparkly hearts on the door- the gift crap? nope. I did buy a little box of chocolates for my Mom - she deserves it, and she was so excited. My idea of romance? Hubby worked a spaghetti dinner for an organization he belongs to, and brought home a bag of the french bread ends for me, "cause I know how much you like that part babe" now THAT'S romantic. It is sad that some men (my son included) feel like they must buy a piece of jewelry or end up in the dog house. I love my D-in-L, but eeehhhh tell him he doesn't have to get sucked in to it. His girlfriend before her did that to him. The whole premise should stay based on what St. Valentine did - he sent notes of love to those he cared about when he was imprisoned. So, go ahead and tell someone you love them, and it is ok to do it an extra time or two on this day, but love does not come in cellophane. Just my 2.5cents
Robyn
Geez, it is so nice to know I am not the only woman on the planet that thinks VD is horrible. I have been married for almost 33 years (will be on the 18th) and I do not care one iota if my hubs even remembers it is VD, nor do I care if he remembers our anniversary. He drives me crazy most of the time, but throughout the year he grocery shops so I don't have to, allows me to do most anything and any color to the inside of our house, brings home pizza and adult beverages anytime I ask, doesn't care that I have gained almost 100# since we were first married and understands my anxieties and pretty much allows me to "be me" as weird as I am. Kinda hard to top that one day a year!