There are 3 things women universally dread: the day we realize some asshole stopped manufacturing our favourite jeans, a pap smear and a mammogram. In that exact order. Always. Last week I experienced number three on the list. The mammogram. The boob tube. The knocker rocker. The breast test quest.
Yes indeed, welcome to my mammogram.
So for those of you who are worried, concerned, afraid, nervous or curious about what a mammogram is *really* like, join me during the fun filled experience of mine.
In Canada you don't have to get a mammogram until you're 50 years old. That's because the government is trying to save money not lives. But if you want to or have any history of breast cancer in your family you can ask your doctor to get one earlier. 40 is a popular age for your first if you have a history of breast cancer. My aunt had breast cancer so I told my doctor I'd like to get one.
The only instructions you have to follow when you're getting a mammogram is to wear a top and pants so you can take your top off and still be clothed on the bottom when you go in. Of course you could always wear a dress, be completely naked and schedule a colonoscopy for the same day and be ready for anything. Oh! And don't wear deodorant that day because it's possible it will have metals in it that will interfere with the x ray.
So now you're ready to leave your house in your pants, top and unprotected underarms (that are already getting a sideways glance from the cats because you're nervous about getting your first mammogram). Everything's off to a good start.
I went to a brand new clinic, The Breast Assessment centre, a subsidiary of Hamilton Health Sciences in Hamilton, Ontario. It's beautiful. It had a very sparse, Japanese type design to it so the minute I walked in the doors I felt good. Like I was taking my boobs for a special spa treatment.
Your place may not be like mine but it was a really nice way to get the mammogram underway for me. The beautiful surroundings made me more self conscious about feeling like I had seeping garbage smell coming from my underarms. If I were in a Bangladeshi slum my smell at least could have blended a little.
Now that I had walked in and indiscriminately started taking pictures of the waiting room, with my arms clapped as tight to my sides as possible, it was time for me to check in.
I arrived at 12:35 for my 12:45 appointment. Mainly I was there early because I was so looking forward to it. And by it I'm referring to the moment I returned home and could put deodorant on. I was checked in, taken to the change room and given my gown within minutes.
As of yet no one had pointed to, commented on or made notice of my breasts in any way. In fact they probably got more attention on my last trip to the grocery store.
I had to remove everything on top and kept my jeans and boots on. And my necklace. Just because you're about to have a mammogram doesn't mean you can't be fancy.
Even though the clinic is new and beautiful they didn't have actual gowns for mammograms yet which means that I had to put on a regular, flimsy hospital gown worn backwards. Which means there was no way to do it up so that it covered anything. I could have held it together with both my hands but I had one hand in my pocket and the other one hailing a taxi cab. Wait, no. That's not right. I had one hand on my iPhone, taking pictures. That's right. I was only walking out into a very small, private waiting room with no other people in it, but still. I wanted to be covered up. Enter the winter scarf tied as a jaunty belt. It was at this moment I wondered why I had never taken up Russian dancing. I looked around the change room to see if anyone knew of a good Russian dancing school but no one else was around. Typical of this day I was having. Here I was ready to establish what was obviously my next career and I couldn't do anything about it because of these stupid boobs. Today was boob day. Tomorrow I'd look into the Russian dancing.
As soon as I finished my change room photoshoot I came out into the hall, ready to sit down in the waiting room but the lovely Beth said my name and asked me to follow her.
Beth was my X Ray technologist. She's be the one lifting, moving and squishing my boobs for the mammogram. I immediately felt as though Beth could be trusted with my most prized possessions: the breasts of a woman who hasn't had children. Sadly no one ever sees them. Conversely everyone sees the two warts on the end of my ankles, otherwise known as feet.
Here's Beth. Beth is about to ask me to step towards the big, biting machine so it she can set it up to properly gnaw down on each of my boobs.
A mammogram takes 4 pictures in total. One of each boob with you standing straight in front of the machine the way it is now ...
And two with the machine in this tilt-a-whirl position.
Beth positions where you need to go to then lifts, shoves and gently rolls everything where it needs to be to get the best image. Then the machine bears down automatically to a certain point. When it stops squishing, Beth turns a hand crank to get it a bit tighter for good measure.
You're also given an X ray blocking pad (total technical term) to protect your lady guts. I'm pretty sure I'm past the point of ever deciding to have children, but the X ray blocking pad would help ensure they didn't come out looking like E.T., I would imagine. But that's just a guess.
I know what you're thinking right now. You're thinking that girl has ENORMOUS elbows. And I agree. But I think it was just a bad camera angle.
Does Getting a Mammogram Hurt?
If you have big boobs it will hurt less because you have fat cushioning them.
A lot of the pain factor depends on your technologist and how heavy handed they are with the squishing part.
If you go during your period it will likely hurt more because your breasts are more sensitive at that time. If that's the case you can reschedule your appointment.
If you are nervous and tense it will hurt more because the chest muscles laying under your boob will be tensed up.
Around ⅓rd of women say a mammogram is very painful.
Which means ⅔rds or over 66% do not find it painful. Which is the majority of women.
Did I find it painful? No. No I did not.
The whole procedure, in and out takes about 15 minutes if you don't have any waiting in the waiting room. That's from the minute I got in the place until I got out. Now, it took me a bit longer because I was taking pictures and showing off my boobs, and looking for a good Russian dancing coach, but for most people it will be a quick, 15 minute visit.
Results generally take about a week. I don't have mine yet but I'm looking forward to getting them. I'm also looking forward to getting a Yugo.
Update: I got my results from this mammogram and they were good.
Su
I am fortunate the mamm doesn't hurt much.... do I look forward to it? not really but I go cause the alternative just sucks... Thanks for taking us along with you for yours.... if you motivate one person to go and get screened who may not have and help save her life you are a rock star!
I'll do the mamm every day if I can avoid ever ever having to do the prep for colonoscopy!!!
My clinic gives you a warmed gown to wrap yourself in and a nice antiperspirant towelette to wipe your underarms with when done. And the tech is a riot which is a great distraction during the procedure...
Tigersmom
I have had a few mammograms and I have a very little known tip for making them hurt less. While some of it is definitely in the hands (quite literally, I'm afraid) of the technician, there is something that can be done to help.
Relaxed breast tissue mashes much less painfully than tense breast tissue (unless you have the tech that I had last time that over-tightened the machine on my right boob to the point of me crying out). How does one obtain relaxed breast tissue? Through orgasm. How one obtains orgasm is up to the individual.
Don't believe me? Take notice of your breasts' density when you have gone several days without having an orgasm and then immediately after an orgasm and you will notice a big difference.
I am speaking from experience here, as I have had a mammogram both ways. And besides, it's not as though I'm recommending something unpleasant as the cure, here. Hrrmph! The cure to many of life's ills should be so enjoyable.
And a special thanks to you, Karen, for providing a forum I which I could publicly share this tip. Up 'til now, I haven't had one in which I felt comfortable in doing so. ; )
Bonnie
I believe you, but the logistics of that are both baffling and intriguing. How long does the effect last? Or, do you have to have the orgasm immediately before the squashing? I can just see me saying to the receptionist in a tense voice,"Could you please get me in soon? My orgasm was almost an hour ago."
Tigersmom
Haha! I imagine it varies from one person to the next, but I have found that the morning of the appointment is best, the night before will work, but if that's the case, I would schedule the mammogram for the morning.
What I'm really saying is, "I don't know," but, I DO know that I have never noticed them suddenly spring back to dense and that the firming of the tissue is far more gradual than the instantaneous relaxation that comes with an orgasm.
Please know that I have no data to back me up on this as it is just from my own personal experience and I am merely assuming that everyone goes through the same relaxation of the breast tissue after orgasm as I do. If not, then I am way more weird and singular than I thought.
Debison
Thank you for sharing on this very important topic. I started having mammograms at 40 and, while I don't necessarily enjoy them, I don't dread them either. I think a lot of the discomfort depends on the tech doing the exam too. I'm average size and have had some that I have felt absolutely no pain and others that have felt like they are trying to pinch my breast off. Pap smears are another story. I haven't had one of those for several years. I better quit delaying and get it done. *sad face* Oh, and just an FYI, because there is some justice in this world for all the boob pinching going on, some men have to get mammograms too, because they can get breast cancer as well..
Jody
First off cheers to Beth for being a great sport and your photo assistant. Second cheers to you for the photo essay and taking the mystery out of having a mammogram. And thirdly I'd rather have my teeth cleaned than have a mammogram. When it's time for your screening sigmoidoscopy will you blog that too? Can't wait.
Louise
I don't believe that smaller breasts hurt more during mammograms. I have big breasts (nyah, nyah! except they sag now :-( ) and they have to roll them flat like pancakes. I would say "Ouch" but I'm too tough . . . and I'm biting my quivering lip to keep from yelling!
Carmen Greene
Cram-o-grams!
judy
My experience with this horror devised by males who I am convinced had Mommy issues, was so painful I had an up chuck moment in my throat and felt so woozy I thought I was going to pass out. I grabbed the trunk of the machine and held on for dear life not wanting to die by bleed out from amputated breast. Having 2 sisters die from breast cancer both at 62 led me back to what I hoped would be a much improved procedure. I meet Hannibal Lecters sister who I greet with "here's the coward" Well-she harrumphed- you must be a coward to wait 25 years for a second mammogram, followed- by I don't know how you're going to stand this because this is really going to hurt you. She got one agonizing squeeze in and I fled. I found a different facility and got through it with minimal pain so choose your provider wisely cause there is a difference in the result.
Karen
Yup. A lot of people who think it's extremely painful just have the wrong technician. ~ karen!
JMC
At my most recent I fell in love with the tech who ran to her little protective booth once she had me fully squished. BTW big ones also mean it takes four pics for each boob, sigh.
AnnW in the US
At my radiologist in Connecticut we get a little bag of pink things each time we go. A pink pen, some pink mints, sometimes a mirror, and other little pink crap like a sewing kit. It's like getting a little mammogram party bag! I look forward to it. Thanks for the public service post, Karen. The latest figures in the US indicate that the death rate for breast cancer has dropped quite a bit in the last ten years. That's because we catch this disease early and treat it aggressively.
Rebecca
So not only do I have to go through life with the breasts of an 11 year old girl, it's going to be more painful to get a mammogram? This sucks!
Rebecca
Oh no, my friend! They're likely going to do sonograms for you. Be ever so grateful. When I was about 14 years old, I had already developed fibroadenomas that were larger than the rest of the normal tissue. The doc sent me for a mammogram. While I sat in the waiting room, techs kept peering out the door, staring at me for a moment and then popping back behind the door. Finally one kindly, older lady came out and explained that I didn't have enough tissue to even fit in the machine. So, I had sonograms (or whatever that procedure with all the gooshy gel is called) until I finally had enough tissue that could be trapped into a machine. I had a partial hysterectomy not too long ago and gained a cup size in the bra while losing weight everywhere else. No, I'm not rejoicing...I'm dreading the next mammogram already...it's just more to squish.
Auntiepatch
WHO told you that there is less pain for large breasted women!?!?!? In order to get a "good read" they must smash the Girls as thin as possible. That means that my 44DDD's are smashed down to 32A size.
One year the machine caught fire during my mammogram. It wasn't working correctly and we had to do several "retakes" on the same side. Well, I started to notice a smokey/hot rubber smell and told the technician about it. She couldn't smell anything at first. After I insisted that I was smelling smoke she moved over to me, her eyes got huge, and she ran out of the room leaving me caught in the machine. I tried to get it to release me but it wouldn't. I just knew that I was going to die with my right breast attached to that damn machine. A minute later she came running in, released me from the machine, and threw my clothes at me yelling, "Get dressed!" Right on her heels were 2 men who took one look behind the machine and then they ran out. We were close on their heels. The fire alarm was going off and the building was being evacuated when I left the building with the technicians card in my hand. Her last words to me were, " Call me when you want to reschedule."
Louise
OMG, that's one scary story! Why did the men run out? Maybe radiation was flying around; have you noticed that you're stating to look like a fly lately?!
Ev Wilcox
Yes! biggies mean pain!
Karen
LOL! That's a great story! See? This is just the kind of fun that women are missing out on if they don't book their mammograms. ~ karen!
Vanessa
HA!!
Bonnie
Funny! Though I am sure it was not at the time.
Linda
I stopped having them. If they're rotting I guess ti's ok....they're trying to crawl away anyway. I'm 765 months old, (sounds better than almost 64). Not that I don't believe in them, Just don't believe in them for me. I wish all of you luck of course.
Meg
"rotting" ??? I'm sorry, what the hell?
When you get cancer, your boobs don't just rot and fall off, and you're fine. It can spread, and you can die. 40,000 women will DIE this year, because of breast cancer. Putting that in more understandable terms: 1/36 women who get breast cancer will die. And the 5-year survival rate for women with stage one (soon detected) breast cancer is 100% wheras that number drops drastically as the stages increase.
Simply put, women that detect cancer sooner: live.
http://www.cancer.org/cancer/breastcancer/detailedguide/breast-cancer-key-statistics
It makes me angry and sad to read this, having watched my own mom die at 62 of cancer. I really hope you don't have any children that would miss you. Because I can tell you 62 wasn't enough time with my mother. And it would be horribly selfish and cruel to put anyone through what I went through, intentionally.
KAREN: Thank you for this reminder to all women to take a SMALL amount of time and comfort from their day to try to live their lives. And for myself, thank you for the look into what it will be like. I'm young still, and am not due for them *just* yet - but I can tell you I have been afraid of mammograms 1) because they seem scary and 2) because my mom *had* breast cancer. (when she was 38...she died at 62 of renal cancer.) This might be your most empowering post. You're basically my hero.
Karen
Thanks Meg. :) ~ karen
TucsonPatty
Meg, Thank You and Amen! Please, you Do need to have a mammogram - you have a first-degree relative who had Breast Cancer at a very young age? Please ask your Doctor why you have not already had a baseline Mammogram! I am an almost 8 year (in May) Breast Cancer Survivor. (I finally found out that your survivor date is the *day* you were diagnosed.) I have been getting mammograms since the dawn of time - well, actually since I was about 21 years old, because of "Unknown-Lumpy-Breast-Syndrome" (I totally made up that disease!) I've had multiple biopsies and a Small-Needle Biopsy found not just one but TWO different cancers. I had a lumpectomy, chemotherapy and radiation and I'm still here and kicking and have had many more mammograms and MRIs and even more biopsies and I will continue to go in for the 5 minutes once a year of squishing because IT SAVES LIVES!!!
Karen, thank you so much for this, you have done a great service to hundreds and perhaps thousands (if each one will tell others, please thank you very much) of women and lives WILL be saved. I am one of the 2/3 that it doesn't really hurt - even though now they have to take more pictures, more angles and more magnified and more squished and if I had to, I would go do it once a month. It is that important!
Please, Ladies, AND Gentlemen - my great-great grandfather died of Breast Cancer and it has passed down through him, into testicular cancer for my grandfather and colon cancer for my mother . All these cancers, plus ovarian cancer (cousin) and an aunt also with breast cancer are on the same gene and have certainly made a believer out of me.
Go Get Your Mammogram!
Rant now officially over.
Karen, thank you, I am positive you have saved someone's life today, with this post. You are also my hero!
Meg
Patty - haha did you actually read my response? I am pro-mammogram!!!
My doctors actually say that they are NOT recommended for younger women (late 20's early 30s) anymore for several reasons including the fact they don't really get the data they need from young boobs because they're too dense or something. Believe me I ask....and also.... Breast self-exams! Know your 'gals!'
BethH
Most disturbing, Linda. You must be one of the fortunate few whose lives have not been touched in some way by cancer. May God bless you.
Elizabeth
I call the two tests The Big Squeeze and the Annual Feel Up. Since I developed Macular Degeneration, the two Lady Tests have dropped down on my Scale of Unpleasant Medical Procedures: number one is now the monthly needle in the eye.
Pam
Ahh..squished boobs...always a good time! I always chuckle when the technician tries to shield my modesty with the gown when we both know her hands are gonna be all up close and personal with the 'ladies'. I mean really, what's the point? Even though I'm quite a prude I just toss the gown aside and tell her to get on with it!
Wendi Miller
Good girl, and thank you for blogging about this! I can't believe the age to start getting mammograms in Canada is 50! My family doctor started my mammograms at 40 with no family history of breast cancer. And boy, am I glad she did! Just this past November, my yearly mamm caught cancer....at stage zero! Just three and a half months later and the whole kit & caboodle - biopsy, surgery and radiation - is done and I'm now cancer free, with a 99% probability that I will never get breast cancer (in either boob) again! If I hadn't been getting a yearly boob squish they wouldnt have found the cancer until it was at a much later stage, and therefore, harder to treat.
So take it from me, about five minutes of boob squishing discomfort once a year is worth it to help you avoid upper stage cancer!
Debbie
Nice to know the boob squish machines are just the same in both countries. I to have an aunt who had breast cancer. It started the tests at 40 for me. A good thing for all woman to have one at 40, to have a base line picture to judge changes in the breasts with. Friday was my pap test, in a couple weeks its mammogram time again. Good for you asking for one early. Still, remember the day I found out my favorite jeans were discontinued (by an asshole) same day as my first mammogram.
Amber
Damn damn damn. I was hoping no one would call me out on the fact that I've blissfully ignored my latest mammogram scheduling. My dairy delights are squashed enough with all the winter-wear layers, do I really need to pay to have them flattened out in six different ways?
Who designed these things anyways? Men just have to cough.
TeePee
We men do have to cough but we also have to bend over and get the finger wave. All in all, still better than women when it come to this sort of things.
Nancy
Well I'm 5'5" and always weighed about 110lbs. After 2 breastfed children, my already small boobs were just little flaps. At 40 y/0 I got a mammogram every year and it never hurt. At 50ish I was told I had osteopenia. Start of osteoporosis. My Dr, a country Dr, said "my God woman, gain some weight or you have to take these killer bone fixer pills". So, I did. I got up to 130 and wonder of wonders I grew nice boobs. Amazing. Only now they're dense. So mammograms are horrible. It's better if your machine only has dial controls. These machines with foot pedals will knock you to your knees. Only you can't go to your knees cause you're hung up in the machine by your poor breast.
carswell
My best friend has very dense breast tissue and bitterly complains about her mammograms. That said - for someone pushing 60 she can go braless and look good so there's a decent trade-off there in my book.
I've always had big boobs (braless hasn't been an option since I was a teen) and at this point they don't have much shape so I don't find a mammogram to be very painful. The most discomfort I felt was from the pulling on the skin to get them nice and flat and spread out. Now isn't that a sexy mental image you want embedded in your brain? Not.
Rebecca
I just choked from laughing so hard! (I think I can only read one of these blogs per day...two and more are a complete workout.)
I starting falling to my knees during a mammogram where the tech had the tray too low and a very heavy foot on that pedal. As I was dangling there, pinned in the grip of death, I reached up and grabbed onto the handlebar so hard that I dislocated my thumb and wrist. That was about 6 years ago...I haven't had another mammogram since but I can finally laugh about it!
barbee
My favorite mammogram was when the Asian technician said "you not big but you long"
Linda
This is the funniest thing I've read all day.
Louise
LOL! Oh, that's bad! :-)
Lucie
Hahaha! Love it!
peg
oh my that was FUNNY,laughed out loud!
Cynthia
Yay for getting your boobs squished and being able to trust them again. Good boobs.
I 'googled" Yugo. Why would you want one? Apart from the boxy square shape, are they iconic?
I personally feel you are more suited to one of the ol' trucks you love. But then, you listen to Robert more than you listen to my opinion. :)
Whenever mammographers or x-ray technicians or even dentists do their thing, we are told to remove the teenniest tiniest earrings and you were allowed to wear a Mr. T's hand-me-down style necklace?
Is there nothing in this world that is consistent?
Love your boots. Your boots and jeans are so classy and classic all at the same time together. Assholes who stop making your favourite jeans need to be exposed on twitter along with L'oreal and Revlon when they delete the perfect eyeshadow colour just as you drop yours and turn it into fairy dust on the carpet.
Karen
Ha! That damn Robert. So the Yugo is an iconic REALLY BAD Russian car. :) ~ karen!
Mindy
LOL. Wow, now that's a first. I've had one. I had a biopsy done on a lump several years ago. Then they tagged what remained of my lumpiness, the same way they tag cattle. The mammogram was to document the cattle tag. It didn't hurt at all. I have a girlfriend who said it was horrifyingly painful. She's either a giant wuss, or the technician sucked. I turn 40 next year and will start getting them annually. Clearly I need to document them in photos for my blog. :)
Karen
Well I figured, what the hell do I care. It's good chance for me to remind women to book a mammogram. If I can get one and put pictures of it on my blog then surely everyone else can get one in private. ~ karen!