Dear men,
The ladies and I are going to discuss lady things today. And quite frankly I don't think you men are woman enough to deal with it. So please enjoy this video of a Monster Truck rally while we discuss Diva Cups.
Years ago I was wandering around my local health food store looking for cheese making supplies. The store is in a very old building in town complete with creaky wooden floors. It's the kind of place that, even though it isn't very big, you can't help but wander around. It feels serene, and calm and cozy being in amongst all the bins of coconut flour and raw nuts.
This particular day there was no music playing in the store and the only sounds were the shuffling of feet, the sound of scoops hitting the bins and those wonderful creaking wood floors.
And of course my screaming. My top of the lungs, tonsil revealing, primal screech.
You see, as I was wandering the aisle of essential oils and organic soaps I came across a site so shocking that a bunch of terror got all mangled and twisted inside of me until it forced its way out through my mouth in the form of a scream. A scream was better than a massive toot I suppose.
What I saw was the Diva Cup for the very first time. It had to be 12 years ago and these were not well known. I learned they were one of apparently many brands of "Menstrual Flow cups". Now, I had no idea these things existed and I can assure you my scream wasn't a scream of excitement. It was a scream of horror.
Table of Contents
What is a Diva Cup?
Staring me in the face was a clear silicone cup that was meant to be pushed up your hoo hoo and extracted when it was full of your womanly deposits. Basically you're turning yourself into a human Dixie Cup dispenser, only instead of water or Kool Aid the Dixie cup is filled with the blood of your menstrual flow.
It looks like the nipple of an overbred dog.
I immediately thought it would make a great post topic but couldn't bring myself to buy the thing. I just couldn't.
Fast forward to 2014 when I heard a couple of people, for some reason, mentioned they had used and loved the Diva Cup. I found this hard to believe, what with it being a silicone cup that held your period blood like a cherry cordial.
So I went out and bought myself a Diva Cup. I did so without screaming, all in the name of science.
The benefits of the Diva Cup are the low cost of $32 for almost a lifetime of use. They were $25 when I first tried it in 2014 by the way. So that's about the price of a few boxes of tampons/pads. Even though they're made from silicone which does not ever, ever biodegrade, the makers still claim it's better for the environment than flushing/disposing of the thousands of bleached tampons we go through in our lifetime.
Read this post on the only kind of toilet paper to use if you need a reminder on why you shouldn't flush tampons by the way.
Welcome to my menstrual Diva Cup adventure.
This is how it all went down.
Just days after buying my Diva Cup I felt that tiny little cramp in my gut letting me know I was a grown up lady woman.
Turns out I had just eaten too much Shepherd's Pie. But two days later the cramps were back and the main event was on its way.
Since inserting the Diva Cup involves pushing it into yourself with your fingers, I wanted to make sure I got in there before my fingers came out covered in uterine lining. So into the bathroom I went, armed with the Diva Cup, a full sheet of instructions and very clean hands.
How to Use a Diva Cup
To insert the silicone cup you roll it up until it's small enough to fit. There are two sizes. One for women under 30 and one for women over 30. The over 30 cup is bigger. I'm assuming the makers figure at that age we're so stretched out down there you could drive a train though us because these cups are BIG. Intimidatingly so.
But I rolled it up and got it where it's supposed to be. Once you get it up there you grab the base of the cup and twist it 360 degrees. This ensures it's fully open and suctioned to your insides. I managed to accomplish this on my first try and was desperate to tell someone about it but there wasn't anyone around.
I wasn't terribly worried about losing it up there but that seems to be a fear for a lot of women. Not to worry. It won't get lost.
So there it was. The Diva Cup. In my vagina. Wayyyy up in my vagina. Turns out the Diva Cup is actually more comfortable to wear than a tampon.
Why? Because it stays in place.
Have you ever noticed that after wearing a tampon for a while it tends to decide it'd like a good look at the world? It slowly starts working its way down towards the door until it's just a strong sneeze away from flying out of you.
The Diva Cup doesn't do that. It's obedient. The Diva Cup stays where the Diva Cup is put. More on that later. You really can't feel it at all. There's no itching, or pulling or attempts at escape.
So far so good with the Diva Cup. Did I mention it has handy measurements on the side of it you can see exactly how much fluid is in there? Because it does. Incredibly useful for anyone who likes to keep track of how many ounces of blood they shed a month. These are probably the same people who keep their scabs in a jar and have a laminated bowel movement chart.
You can wear the Diva Cup for 12 hours at a time at which point you have to take it out ... and empty the reservoir. This is where the Diva Cup lost me. Removal was difficult. Very difficult. I'm sure it gets easier with time but it was slightly painful and kind of like pulling a turkey out of your nostril.
In fact, when it finally popped off I’m pretty sure my nose whistled.
But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was emptying the blood streaked cup of woman goo into the bathroom sink and rinsing it out.
I know this is where a lot of you will be thinking "How awful for Karen that she's so out of touch with her womanness that such a thing bothers her. A woman's period blood is a miracle of life to be revered and marvelled at.".
I know there are those of you thinking this because that's exactly how other women who reviewed the Diva Cup describe the experience as. They liked the cup dumping. It fascinated them. You know what fascinates me? Magic Tricks.
I couldn't bring myself to put the cup in again and instead put it back in the box and slipped it to the back of the cupboard.
The one other caveat to the Diva Cup that even those who love it say is an issue, is public restrooms. If you need to empty your cup while at the mall or your favourite local restaurant you'll need to dump the cup in the toilet, pull up your pants, get yourself back together with one hand because the other hand will be holding the blood stained Diva Cup.
Once you're back together you'll need to dart to the sink and wash out your cup in the public restroom sink, all the while your face getting hot and your pits getting sweaty worried that someone will wander into the bathroom to a horror show.
Is your cup rinsed? Good. Now it's back into the stall to reinsert the Diva Cup.
I just couldn't handle it. But I have to say there are many of you who will be able to handle it. You'll think it's great and life changing like the other women on the Internet. Like the 10,000 people who reviewed the Diva Cup on Amazon with almost 5 stars. The women who say they couldn't live without it.
To you I say, you're more woman than I. I have no doubt you also would have handled donating blood far better than I did. It's a bit blurry but as far as I remember my blood donation involved a prayer circle and a stretcher. You can read about that proud moment in my life here.
Do I recommend the Diva Cup? Yes. That probably surprises you but it just wasn't for me. I know it wasn't for me because I got gaggy and almost fainted. So there's that. I know that other women won't be bothered by it at all.
And to you women I have one more thing to say. Please don't try to change my mind. Please don't try to convince me I didn't give it enough of a shot. Much like Brussels sprouts, it won't matter how many times I try it ... I'm never going to acquire a taste for menstrual cups.
As luck would have it I am currently moving out of my Diva Cup years and into my coffee cup flying across the room and exploding into shards as it hits the wall because I can't sleep and am so tired years.
I resisted the urge to use my Diva Cup as a change purse and eventually threw it out.
I now buy my cheese making supplies online.
May your cup not runneth over
YOU ARE BRILLIANT! Again, you hit my inbox with a topic I've been wondering about and nailed it! Thank you for your honesty, your wit, and vulnerability to "go there" - I will be trying these on my next moon cycle - I am doing it - I am making the purchase. xoxo Lara
PS: Somewhere, somehow, I did hear of a beautiful woman who saves her menstrual blood to fertilize her lawn. Food for thought.
Nope. Nope, nope, nope. Lol. ~ karen!
So I finally found a cup that works for me- the Flex cup. It's easier to break the seal and remove, which was the main issue I had with other cups, and it's not horrible to reinsert.
There are people who hate the brand, I'm sure it's super evil, but I like the cup and will continue to use it.
And I sure wish my meno would hurry up and pause.
Don't know if I'm allowed in this post or not, but I find things like monster trucks and football boring(no, I'm not gay, really!), so I came back to read this. A pretty interesting product. No doubt a woman engineer thought this up. (I think a woman engineer invented the modern toilet with no clue how low a man's nether bits might hang down, but that's another story). It's right up there with the "female urination device" that lets you pee standing up. A must have for those iffy rows of portajohns at Burning Man. (Even I won't sit down in those nasty things!)
Anyway, I am more fascinated by the engineering genius behind this than being grossed out. After all, we all have bodies and they all do interesting things that we won't discuss at the dinner table. Okay, no more coffee for me.
You’ve been to Burning Man????
Cool!!!
Dumping in the toilet and wiping before rinsing in a public bathroom is a good tip.
No, it is not ideal in a crowded public bathroom situation, but taking into account that you are
doing one thing less to contribute to the massive waste washing up on the beaches
makes it worth it in my book.
There was a great little group called Moon Cycle that made cloth pads out of patterned flannel. They worked better than pads or tampons. You just folded them throughout the day, maybe needing 2-3 on heaviest days. They came with a cloth carrying bag. I got through the work day with them and soaked them at night or just threw them in the wash. They never stained, were easy to clean, and I used them for many years. I still use the pretty bag as a travel bag for jewelry. It was before the internet was really
a thing, so probably long gone.
Thanks Melanie!
I have a teenage daughter that will soon be needing something
just like that. I will definitely look them up.
Lisa
I know this post is over a year old but I'm way behind on reading my blogs because of school lol.
I hated wearing tampons there was always a dry spot that would hurt coming out or they would leak, and hated the empty applicators in the garbage can or heaven forbid the toilet plugged and that tampon just spun around aimlessly in the rising water. Worse if at a friends house and they didn't have a plunger.
Pads I found were noisy and sweaty because of the plastics.
So I bought and tried the diva cup nine years ago. Used it for five months. Hated it the whole time, couldn't get it in leaked all the time because I didn't put it in right then trying to take it out... Hated it!!
A year later got fed-up with the dog getting into the bathroom garbage if I forgot to empty it and spreading chewed up chunks of pads everywhere throughout the house. EWWW!
So decided to give it another try but this time went onto you tube to see if I was doing something wrong. I now absolutely love it. Have been using it for eight years straight. I can put it in a day or two before my period because there is no risk of bacteria cultivating in the medical grade silicon. (I still take it out ever twelve hours to rinse it off and see if my period has started). I have left it in for twenty four hours with no issues. I now have to empty it a few more times during the day as I am older now and my periods are getting heavier but it always gives me a "burp" warning that it is getting full and I can get to a washroom in time.
I don't have to carry a bunch of pads with me or tampons and by the way for those of you worried about bacteria and thinking "how unsanitary and gross" just so you know tampons and pads are not sterilized and besides chemicals they can contain mold and bacteria.
Oh and as a plus when I started using the Diva cup I had less cramps to no cramps (was previously on prescription pain meds for those nasty cramps) and my periods went from ten days to only four!
Love my Diva cup and love your posts Karen. I do miss seeing you on T.V. though.
Oy Yoy Yoy---
If I read all your blogs will I have earned a Masters Degree in Ask Karen?
Thank you for sharing.
Mmm. no. You will however get a gold star and an imaginary certificate. ~ karen!
I've been using the Diva Cup for 6+ years and I can't imagine another way. It's amazing.
You really only have to fiddle with it max 3 times a day. I've never had an issue with it once.
These comments are funny.
I dont know how I ended up on this golden blog nugget again but it was a good laugh while at work. Going back reading older blogs is fun. You make me howl....not laugh. I will buy your book....oh thats how I got here....2.0....I think I have ADD....I am not doing math right now just drifting in my large cranium....I want to go fishing now.
LOL! Genuine LOL! ~ karen
I have been using Diva/keepers for 18 years, since I was 19, and I love it! Other than post-partum, the only time I didn't use it was during tree planting. I started using it with an impressive routine involving holes in the dirt and water bottles and wipes, but then learned that bears are attracted to the smell of menstruation. I opted out of becoming bear-bait and used the carry-out-tampons system for the rest if that summer. One huge advantage of the cups is how all that regular mucking around makes you very familiar with that zone. Also, you get really good at it so you don't worry about spilling it all over as
some commenters worried about. Tonnes of good tips above so I won't repeat.
oh come on girls-broaden your mind out on the diva side of this product ;) I feel like a Diva when I use it because I can wear my thong while on my period and not wear any liner or have strings hanging out all over. Not to get to graphic, but I have to remind my man that I'm not available because he forgets what's going on in there because there are no tell tale signs. I always have baby wipes with me for the public bathroom issue because I like to use them for better clean up even when not on my period if I can help it which I think is rather diva like and not necessary. I even got hooked on boogy wipes for babies because they are saline solution soaked and keep my skin happier. I know...pretty ridiculous. Plus....dumping blood in the toilet may seem gross...but pulling a tampon out every three hours and wrapping it in TP is gross too ladies...we just got used to it along the way. I prefer dealing with this thing once a day and only in a public bath if I feel like it's on the verge of leaking or something from heavy flow. I never leave the stall with bloody hands...come now come now...with toilet paper right there to help yourself out? And I wash my hands really well...like the whole ABC song like I tell my kids too after which is rare for me otherwise. And no more ripping a not very wet tampon out on light days when I refused to wear a dumb panty liner. THAT was the worst. Something I never want my daughter to experience. :( so lame.
I have to say that you are absolutely hilarious! I enjoy your witty humor immensely! Thank you for the laughs
That's what I'm here for! ~ karen!
I tried the Keeper back when Y2K was a worry to me. The last thing I ever wanted to consider was a world without girl stuff. I would be jumping off a bridge if I could not find a box of tampons. Seriously. When it arrived in the mail I was not too worried. I had already had a baby so I felt confident enough that this little thing would not be a problem. I used it a few times. I experienced a strange farting feeling around the little air holes at the rim. I assume that it was releasing air because the cup was filling up. Not a real pleasant feeling in the hoo ha region. The removal was like removing a small Japanese car from the nether regions. The suction was unbelievable. The sound it made was beyond disturbing. If I had been in a public restroom...OMG I don't know what I would have done! What would anyone think was going on in my stall!? Really, what makes that kind of sound in the potty? NOTHING NORMAL! Y2K has come and gone. I still have that thing some where. My daughter found (around age 15 or 16) it one day. I explained the many benefits of the thing and she got real pale. Seriously. She looked at it like it was something out of her worst nightmare. There have been very few times that she does not have some off hand comment about something. This was one of those times. She spun around and left me standing there holding it and never came back. To this day it is still a topic too taboo to even hint at discussing. She's 23 now. I'm thinking therapy may help.
Awesome! Here's another item that could use a review... It's supposed to be useful for long treks - http://www.amazon.com/Freshette-LIB355500-by/dp/B005SRVAS6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1399950464&sr=8-1&keywords=sani-fem+freshette+feminine+urinary+director
LOL. You know you're the second person to recommend some sort of peeing product for me to review. ~ karen!
I'm late to the party but have to share my thoughts. I was a skeptic but am now Diva Cup's number one fan!
Don't dump it in the sink; dump it in the toilet. After every dump I rinse it with water and re-insert. If I'm in a public bathroom then I make sure to have a bottle of water with me in the stall. Once a day, usually in the shower, I give it a good cleaning with soap and hot water. The directions say to never use antibacterial soap, however. And after every cycle I give it a really thorough cleaning with a small brush and hot soapy water.
There are numerous benefits. One, you don't have to change it often. You insert and forget about it. Second, unlike a tampon, you never get that dry, scrapey uncomfortable feeling down there. And the best reason for me is that there is no smell. Let's face it. No matter how clean we keep ourselves during period week there can be a smell. The smell is from the blood that has been exposed to the air. But with the Diva Cup the blood never makes it to the air. Hence, no smell. None whatsoever. My cousin found a fourth benefit. Her dog no longer tries to dig the dirty tampons out of the trash (they should never be flushed contrary to what the box says). And she no longer has to answer her inquisitive sons' questions about what those white sticks with strings are for.
good grief!
I've been using one for 3 years? 4 years? And the worse thing that ever happened was the day I dropped it in a public toilet and I had to debate trying to fish it out or flushing it. Flushing won.
I compare it to laser eye surgery. I forget I ever wore glasses, yup those 25 years were just a glitch, and yes, I forgot I had to remember to buy, carry and deal with tampons. Yippeeeee
Way better dealing with a bit of mess. And you do kind of get the hang of it it pretty quickly. And yes there's a trick to pulling it out without feeling so much pressure. On an ANGLE!
I used to use a cervical cap a zillion years ago for birth control. Loved that thing. Kept me depregnatized, too.
That was the best! A great laugh! And I am so glad my boys did not come up here and ask what I was laughing so hysterically about! I am so incredibly glad I do not have to worry about that anymore for more reasons than one now!
I loved the part about the tampon being one sneeze away from escaping. I haven't snort-laughed in ages! It reminds me of that joke about the waitress who is on her period. She goes to get an order at a table and pulls her writing pad from her apron and a tampon from behind her ear. "If this is my tampon," she says, "where's my pencil?"
OMG. I am so glad I am in the start of menopause and don't need products anymore. I had heard of this, but would never have tried it. I don't think I ever even looked at a used product. Yuck and gross. More power to you earth mothers who can or have tried alternative methods. (I once used moss while in the high Arctic and I worried all the whole while that I would get crabs or mites or worms).