Yeah, I thought that would get your attention. It sure got mine.
Last week when I told the story about my sister accidentally lining her lips with black eyeliner in the middle of a grocery store, a reader commented with something along the lines of "I see your lip liner story and raise you a Brushing my teeth with Vagisil".
And yes, I'm pretty sure there's only one kind of Vagisil.
We've all done it. Something stupid/embarrassing and (many years or beers later), hilarious. In fact one of the most read posts on my website is all about a a girl, a first date and a fart.
As soon as I read NinaMargoJune's comment about the Vagisil I immediately thought of the time I decided to try to multitask by brushing my teeth while I was sitting on the toilet. I sat, I peed, I brushed and by force of habit when the time came that I needed to spit my toothpaste out, I did that too. All over the bathroom floor.
I'm pretty conditioned to think there's a sink under my face when I'm brushing my teeth.
And then last summer, in another episode of trying to save time I decided if I just jigged my leaf blower a certain way I'd be able to eliminate one of the leaf blowing steps. My leaf blower is also a leaf sucker that has a bag attached that all the shredded leaves go into. Every 10 minutes or so I have to pull off the big, heavy bag, and empty it into a paper yard bag. It's a bit of a pain. I'm very, very smart, so I figured I could just eliminate that attached bag altogether and just keep a yard bag under the leaf blower so all the shredded leaves would fall right into that. Here's a picture so you have a better idea of what I'm talking about ...
See how I got rid of the bag that attaches to the leaf blower and threw it aside so I could implement my better idea of holding the blower directly over a paper yard bag? See how happy I am? How smoothly it all went? That was in my imagination. How I pictured it would go. This is how it actually went ...
There I was standing out on the sidewalk on a Saturday afternoon, when WHOOMP. I forgot that the very, very, rapidly, fast moving air that sucks the leaves up into the leaf sucker, blows them out with the same force. Air came flying out of the bottom of the leaf blower, hit the leaves that were already in the paper yard bag and sent them flying into the air all around me like an atomic bomb. And it happened in an instant.
I had leaves in my bra. In my ears. In my mouth.
You want to know what my first thought was the SECOND this happened? OMG I hope everyone saw that. It was too funny not to be shared. It was like something out of a cartoon. So I looked around, up and down the street and not a single person saw. This wasn't like when you half trip while walking down the street alone and hope no one saw. THIS was something people needed to see!
Nobody saw. A moment of accidental comedic genius wasted.
It was awful.
It could have been embarrassing this moment, but it was just so ridiculous, so perfect, SO hilarious ... it wasn't.
That time I was on a cruise and upon meeting the ship's Captain at dinner and blurted out "How do you do?" like I was a debutante. THAT was embarrassing. Or the time in highschool when a boy I had a crush on said hi and I said "Greetings" back. GREETINGS? Evidently I am bound and determined to make a really weird first impression at all times.
So. Now it's your turn. I'm sure you all have much better examples of stupidity than I do. Because as I established near the beginning of this post I am smart, smart, smart.
(One second I was the coolest girl on the street, the next I looked like I was about to slowly rise out of the bushes in the jungles of Vietnam.)
Have a good weekend!
p.s. If you read my 10 Seed Starting Tips post on Wednesday and the link to my half price ($15) seed starting video was broken, I've fixed it so here you go ... I personally email out the course information packet so if you don't get it immediately it's only because I was asleep when your order came in. It's coming. I promise.
Larissa Stretton
This past Christmas season, my husband and I go to this Mexican restaurant where most of the staff is Mexican, we live in New England so this is a bit unusual. I try to learn as much as I can about other cultures so I ask our waiter how they say "Merry Christmas" in spanish........he looks at me quizzically, and answers "Feliz Navidad".....which happened to be playing at that moment.....I felt so stupid and my husband, the waiter, and I just laughed and laughed....
Renee
Back in the mid 80's when kid's juice boxes just had those stupid straight, short little straws - I had given my daughter (about 2 at the time) a box of apple juice. Of course 5 minutes later "Momma I pushed the straw in" My brother-in-law says "if you squeeze the box, the straw will pop back out" So, I did, and squirted juice right in my kid's face. Then he says, "you have to hold it the other way, and squeeze"...so of course I did, and got her again. Everyone was rolling, including my daugher...except for me- bewildered. To this day, at family parties, someone will inevitably bring up 'the juice box incident' because of course, he told EVERYONE. That and the many many times I shoot water in my own face when I attempt to set the sprinkler up EVERY summer.
Renee
oh and I forgot, when I was in high school, I worked the summer at a men's clothing store in downtown Chicago. Protocol was to ask for drivers license when someone wrote a check. Customer bought quite a bit, and I got the check, asked for license before I was corrected by him, thatsee the dark glasses - I'm blind, I can't drive. Hmm I was laid off right after that.....
Deb
I was getting out the hose to water the flowers, and decided to try my new hose nozzle. Then I saw the bird poop on the railing of the porch. OOOH, wouldn't it be great to just hose it off? So I started spraying, and preceded to blow all of the paint off the railing! My new nozzle is actually pretty powerful. Of course I had to show my husband what I did, and he was unimpressed :)
I've repainted it now and learned my lesson...however this year we have to powerwash the deck.....
bellygrl
Well, I probably should be embarrassed about this, but I'm just not. Hard headed, I guess..
Anyway, many years ago my hubby, best friend and I went sledding. A local ski hill had opened their kiddy hill to sledders, and it was full of kids having a great time on sleds, saucers, cafeteria trays etc. We had a big tractor wheel tire we were using. So my friend and I jump on the tire, and at the last minute my husband piles on the top. Between the 3 of us, we had a lot of weight on that tire and we went screaming down the hill, over the flat at the end and over the curb, smack into a station wagon! After looking around blearily for a minute, I saw that I had dented the quarter panel on the station wagon with my head. A big, head shaped dent! I yelled, 'Let's get out of here before someone sees the damage!', and we ran off laughing. No permanent damage to anything but the vehicle....I think....
martina
That is seriously uncool.
bellygrl
You may be on the wrong blog here. Mostly people with a sense of humor frequent this space. BTW - station wagon illegally parked on the street at the foot of a ski hill.
Catherine Naulin
Dear Karen,
Sorry I missed that perfect comedic moment back then. Just so you know, since we can be truthful here: you are smart -that has been established- but I LOVE TO LAUGH! So your post had me at "leaf blower" then had me crying from laughing. My husband believes I should hire myself out at comedy clubs to be the laugh track for would be comedians. But..you take the cake.
Keep them coming!
Catherine
Karen
Thanks Catherine, but it's not me, it's the reader's comments that are hilariousssss. ~ karen!
Angie S
I was leaving an appointment with my 13 YO daughter. I'm fairly anal and always try to park in the same spot. I had been to this place just the day before, got MY spot, no problems. However on the day with my daughter, I didn't get my spot and forgot to note the new parking location. When we went to leave an hour later, I saw my car was gone! SOMEBODY STOLE MY CAR!!! I was hysterical and went back in. The receptionist was in shock, along with others in the waiting room... I called to police and then called my husband, all the while making a huge scene. "WHO STILLS A PRIUS???" is all I could say! We even went out several times, looking in disbelief at my parking spot, it was gone!
About five minutes later, we came back outside and the lot had emptied considerably from the last time I had been out... there was my car, just sitting there, not stolen.
I was so embarrassed and went to tell the receptionist, but that's when the cops pulled up. They laughed at me and I can't blame them! My daughter brings it up all. the. time.
Lesley
Reminds me of an airshow I went to quite a few years ago in England. Thousands upon thousands of vehicles parked in any number of fields. After a great day out my husband says "So which one did you park the car in?" Duh, no idea!!!
Carole
When I was in my 30's I started getting a few gray hairs in my light brown hair. Before I pulled them out, I would ask my husband "See the gray hair ?" He always said, "No, he couldn't see them." One day when we were in line at the grocery store with all the check outs full, he LOUDLY exclaimed, "Oh ! Now I see your gray hair !" I had to laugh along with all the other customers. But he did hear about it when we got home. Actually I brought it up many times over the years.
Ardith
Once upon a time in a magical kingdom called College Dorm, a young maiden returned home in the wee hours of the morning from a local festival. She silently creeped into her room whilst a fellow dorm maiden slept in the dark. She quietly scooped up her toiletries and hastened to the shared bath to tend to her ablutions.
The maiden was in the midst of removing her eye decorations with cold cream when suddenly a searing pain emanated from both eyes. She was virtually blinded and began to panic. She splashed water wildly into her eyes and did her best to remove the cream from them. Eventually she was able to regain some of her sight.
Through red and blurry eyes she managed to inspect the cold cream. To her astonishment and abject horror, the maiden realized she had mistaken her cream deodorant for the cold cream. Henceforth, she never used cream deodorant again.
Jan
Remember those really large tubes of chap stick that tasted like Dr. Pepper, and such? About 2 inches across-- and real dark brown? My twin brother and I were going to a store for something, and while in his truck, I asked him if I could use his chap stick-- which happened to be one of those Dr. Pepper things. Didn't even think about it. Rubbed it all around my mouth a couple of times-- my lips were real dry. He just looked at me-- no expression. We went into the store, and people kept looking at me. When I got back out to the truck, I looked in the mirror and saw that I looked like Al Jolson in reverse. He never did say anything to me-- just let me look like an ass. He's real good at letting me look like an ass...
Carol
When my boys were aged 2 and 4, I took them to the beach for the day. I strategically placed myself beside a family with two similarly aged boys, who also happened to have loads of beach toys (compared to the pittance I brought). I was proudly sporting a bikini as I'd worked hard to get back into shape after my second pregnancy. I attempted to befriend the other family but the wife was a supreme witch. She barely spoke to me, scoffed and was downright rude. The husband was ultra friendly, very chatty and offered my boys some of their toys. After maybe 20 minutes, they packed up and left. Eventually I looked down... The underwire of my bikini top had fallen out. My left boob was completely exposed the entire time.
Ardith
Gold star for this story
wrybread
Where to start?
1. I've introduced myself by the wrong name. Twice.
2. I was pulled over by a police officer because I was sure he noticed my back light was out. I had attempted to fix it but gave up halfway. When he approached the car, he stopped, looked in the window of the hatchback and saw all the tools sitting there with the new light bulb. He then came up to my window and said, "I stopped you because your front light is out."
Me: "My front light?"
PO: "Yes, your front light."
Me: "My FRONT light?"
PO: "Yes, your front light."
Me: "My FRONT LIGHT?"
3. I was wearing a huge, and I mean HUGE, lapel pin/brooch shaped like an diamond engagement ring (it was the 90s!) when I was introduced to the President of the United States. He said, "Hi, nice to meet you. I like your pin." I replied, "It's not real."
Chrissy @ Adventures in DIY
When answering the phone at work, I introduced myself as "Critty". This happened TWICE on 2 separate occasions. I have no idea what a "Critty" is. lol
Pam
I just got a leaf blower/sucker and was thinking of doing the same thing. Thanks for saving me from the disaster.
Madeleine Whitfield
One hot summer evening, I took my six year old daughter to see a kid's movie that started at 6 p.m. at a local theatre. We rushed through dinner to get there on time, so feeling pretty stuffed when we sat down at the theatre, I undid the snaps of my short, wrap around skirt to feel more comfortable. Fast forward to exiting. As we entered the aisle to leave, my skirt dropped off leaving me in pretty skimpy panties. What could I do, I bent down, picked up the skirt and put it back on. Much to everyone's credit, nobody laughed at me. But I still go a bit cold when I remember it 45 years later!
Bethany Jones
I taken my Honda over to get a car wash during my lunch break. After chatting up the vacuum guys I went inside to have my lunch while I waited for my car to be washed.
I was there a few minutes when the lady manager came over and said, "The guys wanted to let you know that your pants, in the back, are ripped and they can see your thong." I figured I had some clothes in my car and they were just covering their asses from my claiming they damaged them. She said, "No, your pants are ripped" and she pointed to my backside. I remembered I had pulled off a belt loop that morning by accident, so I replied, "Oh, I know. Not a big deal."
The manager gave up and I finished my lunch and went to the restroom. In the mirror, I saw that the hole from the missing belt loop had torn down the back pocket and was hanging open, white flesh and dingy pink thong exposed for all to see!
I marched back out to that manager and told her, "Please tell the guys thanks for looking!"
Dagmar
Good for you! Let them be embarrassed for staring-at least you weren't commando ;-)
Pam
My sister is the queen of embarrassing moments that often involve toilets. And when she's embarrassed she goes into fits of hysterical laughter. My favorite is one time she was sitting in a stall doing her business and realized there was no tp. She sees some dangling down in the next stall and reaches over to snag some expecting it to roll down so she could tear off a few squares. She was surprised to find a little resistance, heard a little human sound, but did end up with a length of tp. It was then noticed the other end of it was wet. She'd pulled the already in use section of tp right out of her neighboring pee'ers hand!
Jenny
NO OMG! I am dying laughing at this one. :D
Ann Brookens
I'm having trouble breathing over this one! Hysterical!
Jean
My flub up was....my decision to clean out our dryer vent using our leaf blower. All kinds of lint and stuff blew out the 10 ft long vent tube to the outside of my house. That worked like a champ!
Then, I and my husband got the bright idea to do the reverse...since that worked so well! LOL!!
So, I go inside and hold one of my sock hoses over the vent opening and yelled.."Ready!" He starts the machine up and WHOOSH! The sock fills with lint, I loose my grip, and the sock hose blows across the room like a bullet -along with TONS of lint and dust! I laughed so hard I started wheezing and couldn't catch my breath. I banged on the wall - to get my husband to turn off the leaf blower...but...he couldn't hear me over the noise of the machine. It was a real Abbot and Costello moment!
Karen
When I was 15, my very first boyfriend with a car was dropping me off at home. We kiss goodnight, for longer than I'd ever admit to my now 16 yr old daughter. We stop after a short time and we both have blood all over our faces! I got a bloody nose mid-smooch. I was mortified! Not sure if it was related but we broke up a few weeks later. Cut to today - the guys a friggin' millionaire. Will never forget that moment, so gross and so embarrassing all at the same time.
Elaine
Many many years ago, my big brother was in a church pageant. The hall was filled ... it was a very exciting time! Mid way into the play, my brother made his big entrance on stage. His line: "Pray! I've come to fill you soul with hope!!" BUT when he opened his mouth out came: Pray! I've come to fill your hole with soap!!"
My 10 year old ears had not deceived me as I heard the hall fill with laughter!!!
Patricia Gulat
Forgot this little gem: When I was 8, my mom had my last sibling, a boy with FLAMING red hair. I knew nobody in our family who had red hair (my grandmother did who died before I was born) so when the landlady came to visit, she asked my little 8 yr old self where Gerry got his red hair from and I told her, "well, we had a painter come paintnour house and HE had red hair !" My staunch Christian mother was AGHAST ! LOLOL ! And I remember it like it was yesterday and it 51 yrs ago.
Jess
Haha! Love this!
Patricia Gulat
So y'all haven't lived till you have sneezed your false teeth out at the feet of your soon-to-be step-daughter. I swooped down & snatched those babies up so fast that she said later she thought something had come outta my NOSE instead of my mouth ! IT WAS MORTIFYING !!!