Are you loaded up with fresh tomatoes and basil? An oven toasted baguette, glistening with salt & olive oil is the perfect mode of transportation to get these things directly into your mouth.
I buy hummus. That's right. I said it. I buy it. I don't make it. I go to the store with a fist full of quarters, throw them at whoever is standing near the hummus, grab it and run away.
My name's Karen, I'm an avid D.I.Y.er and I buy hummus.
I buy other things too. I buy milk. I buy door mats, pillows, cutlery, clothing and crackers. In fact, I even bought my car.
Because DIYing is pretty much my thing, people always get squinchy faced when I tell them I bought something.
Stranger: You buy gum? Really? But it's so easy to make. I thought you did everything yourself. I'm kind of disillusioned. I always make my own gum.
Me: Yeah. I just buy my gum premade.
Stranger: But it's so easy to make. It doesn't take any time and it's so much better than store bought.
Me: Yeah. I just buy my gum.
Stranger: Why not try making some gum right now?
Me: Because right now I'm going to poke your eyes out with this wooden spoon, which I also didn't make.
Stranger: If you made your own gum you could add all natural sedatives to it. You know. On account of your anger issues.
And so on.
I do some things myself, other things I buy and other things I hire people for. And there's absolutely no logical explanation for why I do some things myself and why I don't.
Hummus? I'll buy it. Soup? I make it. I'll spend time building a pizza oven but there's no way I'm going to make my own pizza. I just buy a frozen one and cook it in my outdoor pizza oven. A girl's gotta save time somewhere.
Just kidding. I make my own pizza. Dough and sauce. You don't? But it's so easy to make. It takes no time at all. I'm really surprised at you. I thought you did everything yourself. Can I offer you a wooden spoon?
I don't understand the reasoning behind why I do some things myself and am happy to pay for other things. Part of it is convenience, part of it is what I actually like to do, part of it is cost and the other part is based completely on random brain activity that even Sheldon Cooper's girlfriend, Amy Farrah Fowler, TV's beloved Blossom, couldn't explain.
Having said that, I make my own baguette crisps. They're $5.99 for a 180 gram box to buy. $3.99 if you buy the store made brand with no salt or olive oil or flavour or satisfaction.
Here's how you do it.
Scroll below for more in depth information. And hilarity.
JUST THE FACTS
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Toasted Baguette Crisps
Baguette Crisps
Ingredients
- 1 baguette try flavored baguettes like onion or garlic.
- ¼ cup olive oil good quality
- sea salt flaked if possible
- 4 sprigs rosemary optional
Instructions
- Preheat oven to 375 f. Slice the baguette into ¼ inch pieces.Brush both sides with olive oil.Sprinkle each slice with flaked sea salt.Sprinkle with chopped rosemary if desired.Bake at 375 for 15 minutes.
Nutrition
Buy the cheapest baguette you can find. Whichever one is the cheapest, buy it. Try the day old rack.
It'll cost you between $1 - $1.99. (and will result in the same amount of crisps as a bag/box for $5.99)
Slice it into ¼" slices and brush them with extra virgin olive oil.
I'll give you $700 if you can find anything other than extra virgin olive oil in the grocery store.
Why do recipes state "extra virgin" olive oil like it's some special thing? It's not. You can get a huge crappy bottle of extra virgin olive oil for like $6.
Having said that, the better the olive oil the stronger and better the flavour.
If you want to waste it on your baguette crisps that is entirely up to you. I certainly did.
Sprinkle with chunky sea salt. I use Maldon.
Give 'er a grind of pepper.
That's right. Giver.
Gently pull a sprig or two off of your artfully placed pot of rosemary.
Chop 'er up.
Sprinkle a little rosemary over all the baguette pieces.
More if you like rosemary, less if you just want a hint of it.
I can't believe I have to explain this to you.
Bake in a preheated 375 degree oven for 15 minutes.
Then bake them an hour and a half more.
Swear, laugh, roll your eyes and start again.
After 15 minutes at 375 they should be dried out and lightly browned but all ovens, baking sheets and baguettes aren't created equal so keep an eye on them. Also don't start watching House of Cards.
I flip mine halfway through the baking process so you should do that too if you can be bothered. If not, the world will not end. Not because of your baguette crisps anyway.
Serve them with ... store bought hummus. Double gasp.
Or, top them with tomatoes and basil and salt marinated in ... extra virgin olive oil.
Since the crisps are so crispy let them sit with the tomatoes on them for a few minutes to help soften the crispy crunch of them a tiny bit.
You can also buy flavoured baguettes. The ones I burned until they were soot, were actually from an onion baguette.
Go ahead. Give it a shot. They're so easy to make. And take no time at all.
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Ann Brookens
Karen, you nut! I love you dearly!
Kim
For doggie breath, I feed my dogs parsley and have their teeth cleaned at the vet. Parsley is completely safe for dogs but I'm not sure about cats. Mine won't eat plain parsley leaves so I chop it and sprinkle it into their food. It does seem to help but like us, once they become seniors and their teeth are bad, it's hard to eliminate doggie breath completely LOL.
Ann Brookens
I laughed more over today's post and comments than I have altogether all week! You guys are all hysterical! And please. No tutorials on how to use sea sponges in unmentionable places.
Karen
Oh hell Ann, there's no way I'm going to let that opportunity pass by! ~ karen
Kim
OMG, I love this site!! Karen, you rock! I just found you a few weeks ago so still getting to read all the archived stuff. I love reading your new posts each day and now I really love reading the comments too! (and just for the record, I hardly ever read the replies to any blog post). The replies to your posts are so great. This is such an entertaining group of people. I mean where else would I find old hooker tricks for home-made tampons??!!
Now for my nerdy response haha: There is actually an International Olive Council and they determine the grade of the different types of olive oil based on several factors but mainly having to do acidity level and purity. EVOO is the first press of the olive and has to be mechanical only, no solvents or chemicals are allowed. Organic Cold-Pressed EVOO by a reputable company is heavenly! Yes, it's expensive but once you do a taste comparison you'll understand why people make such a fuss about it. It has an extremely low smoke point and will catch fire if you try to cook with it. It also turns extremely bitter. This purest level of olive oil is used for foods that aren't cooked such as salads, bread dipping, pesto etc where the taste and mouth feel are better appreciated. Virgin olive oil is the second press and usually involves other methods to extract the oil such as heat or chemicals. It doesn't taste anywhere near the same and once you've had really good EVOO, anything else will taste "chemically" to you. Light Olive oil is last press of the olives and usually has other types of oil added to it so that you can cook with it. AS for hummus and other DIY projects, it's always a toss up for me. If I can buy it cheaper, easier or better than I can do on my own and it's something I don't particularly care about then I will. This frees up time and money for the projects that I'm really enthusiastic about :-)
IRS
Excellent explanation, Kim. There are a couple of points that I would like to add. As a reader far above somewhere mentioned, there is quite an international scam going on regarding fake olive oil. I recall reading somewhere that almost half of the olive oil sold worldwide is not what the buyer thinks it is, but has had other (cheaper) oils added to it. If that is the case, then buyer beware. The higher the quality of the olive oil, the better it tastes when used unheated, and the healthier it is. Another factor in the quality and health of the oil is whether or not it has been filtered. Unfiltered oil appears to have a very fine sediment floating toward the bottom of the bottle. It doesn't look as pretty as the filtered oil, but unfiltered is much tastier and healthier than its fancy pants filtered cousin. Here in Canada (I don't know about the US), Costco sells a reasonably priced 2 bottle pack of unfiltered, cold pressed Italian EVOO. The brand name is "Il Grezzo", and it is very tasty, not bitter, and great for everything. For those of us who are craftsy, artsy fartsy pack rats, the actual bottles it comes in are really nice. They are 10 sided heavy glass bottles, that even come with 2 caps each. One is a removable black cap with a rubber cork attached to it, and the other cap is one of those metal lever mechanisms that is attached to the bottle, and has a white stopper with a rubber gasket. I never throw the empties out, but recycle them for flavored oils and vinegars, and lots of other stuff.
Karen
I actually like the regular Costco Olive Oil. It's good. I'll give the fancy bottled stuff a try next time! ~ karen
Kim
Thanks so much IRS!! We also have Costco's here in the US so I will definitely have to go find the Il Grezzo. The bottles alone sound lovely :-)
Pam
Thanks for the great nerdy oily info, Kim! Lest you think this is the first time that tampons, sponges and other such topics have been broached here you'll have to hunt down Karen's HILARIOUS frozen yogurt tampon post! And, of course, the comments are always worth a read. I even find myself returning to posts to read comments that may have been added since my first reading. Welcome to the fun!
Karen
Hi Kim! This still doesn't solve my "Regular Virgin Olive Oil" problem. Why are all the virgins extra virgins? I plan to solve this in my lifetime right after eliminating cat breath in cats. ~ karen!
ronda
can you do aomething to solve dog's breath too please? I just about pass out when my dog wants to give me some puppy kisses!
IRS
In my dog's case, the key to eliminating bad breath was to get her pills for worms. The worms made her poop a lot, and so of course canine logic dictated that she eat what she just pooped. All of it. And then the same logic made her run right over to give Mom (that would be me) a friendly greeting. Since the canine in question was an Irish Wolfhound, her face was at such a high level that it was hard to escape. It has been many years since she has last been with us, and while I have many fond memories of her, the stench of that gorgeous face just inches from my own, still haunts my dreams. Hey, I'll take your sea sponge-wearing hookers, and raise you one wormy poop-eating Wolfhound.
CathyR
Get his teeth checked! My 10 yr old pup developed reallllly bad breath and he ended up having 22 teeth pulled😱
Yes, I typed twenty-two!!!!!! And he had regular cleanings too—go figure
Kim
I'm just guessing here but maybe it's because they are the purest of the pure virgins, unsullied in both body, mind and spirit LOL. You know some of us play fast and loose with the definition of virgin. There is a lot of leeway in the definition here in the US. I even had a friend once tell me she was a "recycled" virgin because she hadn't had sex in a year.
Cathy Reeves
Is that a store bought oven???
Theresa G Chickering
Cathy ! Ha ha ha!!
I just LOVE M-W-F.... You, Karen and the rest of the readers are SO entertaining.
Theresa
PS I think I need to run to the bottom of my hill and pick up a bottle of Merlot, to go with those yummy tomato/pesto/crisps.
RobinofEdm
Superstore sells a no-name olive oil. Not EVO just olive oil.
Ha-HA! Now you own me $700!
Never mind - I'll just poke my own eyes with this wooden spoon!
Love your writing and your sense of hunour. Thanks for all the help with my tomatoes!
Ruth Mattox
I am nearly 82 and have never yet figured out what happened to all the virgin olive oil. Where did all the extra virgin olive oil come from, and what happened to the virgin? It boggles the mind. Maybe the virgins had a problem with the sponges, who knows. I have a perfectly beautiful Mexican olive tree blooming and producing olives in my own front yard, but ain't about to start mashing those olives into oil. We have a lot of oil in Texas, but not from my front yard. Laugh over your comments every day and appreciate your entertaining an "age challenged" lady.
Daphne
You can buy non-extra virgine (or however you spell it) olive oils here in Holland. It's cheaper. And we are Dutch so we like cheap. It has less "taste" and according to the bottle it's for baking and cooking. The extra virgine looks darker and most bottles tell you it's excellent for cold dishes. So most of the time I have a bottle of both.
cary
isn't big bang theory the BEST!?!
Megan
*Wielding wooden spoon* That's great, Karen... I mean, your hair is pretty fantastic.
Also, I made hummus once. Then I went to the store to buy some. Because who keeps Tahini as a staple? Or maybe you're "supposed" to make that too? I'm new to this.
Megan
I cry-laughed through this entire post. Your site is my favorite. I get twitterpated when it shows up in my email inbox. And then I read everything and burn my crostini... which has no rosemary on it because I have no artfully placed pots of it. Sad. I should do better.
Karen
You really should do better Megan. I mean I'm kind of embarrassed for you. By the way, I made my own hair. Just so you know. ~ karen!
Kim C
Maybe you're tired of hearing this but I'm going to say it anyway. YOU ROCK!
Your writing makes me smile. This is the first time I've ever snickered out loud while reading a recipe!
Also, only here could a recipe post turn into a succession of little boxes filled with tips and tricks about menstruation!!! Can just imagine how this conversation would have played out if we were all to gather in your backyard for homemade baguette crisps and your delicious store bought hummus. ;)
Brilliant!
julie
If you want super smooth and creamy hummus like you get when you buy it you have to peel the garbanzos. Which....is just as much of a pain in the butt as it sounds like it would be. Although, it is strangely satisfying like popping bubble wrap. Unfortunately, it makes the hummus fantastic.
Lez
Thank you Julie! I now know why my daughter's boyfriend says it's the "texture" that is different between homemade & store bought. Makes sense now. What a mission though!
Ev Wilcox
EWWWWWWW! I too like homemade-but there is a limit! As for the hookers? Can't help wondering how the "retrievals" were done! Yikes! I have made (and will again) no knead baguettes but will sure buy them when I $%^& want to! You go girl! The icey tampons were far out enough-hoping for no tutorials on sponge ones! Love this blog Karen!
Lea
You all are on the ball today. What an amusing post and equally hilarious comments! Nicely done.
BethH
A couple of nights ago I kept hearing a small noise in the kitchen. I went in to investigate and tracked it down to the pot full of dried garbanzos that I was presoaking to cook the next day. The beans were popping and pinging against the side of the pot. Sure am glad I soaked them, because those must have been some gaseous little suckers! I did make some hummus with some of the cooked ones, because, well, I wanted to use some of them up. Usually I buy hummus. But I always cook dried beans, never canned. I have to go buy a day old baguette now. I'll be making some tomato, garlic, basil topping, all from the garden to go along with it. But I don't make my own olive oil, either.
Tigersmom
"I can't believe I have to explain this to you."
Bwaaaaaaahhhaaahaahaahaa!!!
BethH
Karen, why don't you grow an olive tree in your community garden, or better yet, the backyard, and press out your own extra virgin olive oil? I mean, it' not that hard, really.
Jo
Thanks for a chuckle this morning! Now I'm hungry for baguette crisps, but eggs will have to do. And I can prove I'm awake because I didn't pass over your instructions to bake 15 min then an additional hour and a half without my brain catching something amiss. My cell phone timer with an obnoxious tune is front and center - I know better than to trust myself to take something out of the oven (unless it's lasagna - I never forget lasagna!)
CG
I love this community :-)
Gordy
Me too! I stumbled upon Karen's blog by some now forgotten accident a month or so ago and haven't missed a single post. And I ALWAYS read the comments, at least the first 100 or so.
Thank you Karen for introducing me to all this fun folks!