Dear men,
The ladies and I are going to discuss lady things today. And quite frankly I don't think you men are woman enough to deal with it. So please enjoy this video of a Monster Truck rally while we discuss Diva Cups.
Years ago I was wandering around my local health food store looking for cheese making supplies. The store is in a very old building in town complete with creaky wooden floors. It's the kind of place that, even though it isn't very big, you can't help but wander around. It feels serene, and calm and cozy being in amongst all the bins of coconut flour and raw nuts.
This particular day there was no music playing in the store and the only sounds were the shuffling of feet, the sound of scoops hitting the bins and those wonderful creaking wood floors.
And of course my screaming. My top of the lungs, tonsil revealing, primal screech.
You see, as I was wandering the aisle of essential oils and organic soaps I came across a site so shocking that a bunch of terror got all mangled and twisted inside of me until it forced its way out through my mouth in the form of a scream. A scream was better than a massive toot I suppose.
What I saw was the Diva Cup for the very first time. It had to be 12 years ago and these were not well known. I learned they were one of apparently many brands of "Menstrual Flow cups". Now, I had no idea these things existed and I can assure you my scream wasn't a scream of excitement. It was a scream of horror.
Table of Contents
What is a Diva Cup?
Staring me in the face was a clear silicone cup that was meant to be pushed up your hoo hoo and extracted when it was full of your womanly deposits. Basically you're turning yourself into a human Dixie Cup dispenser, only instead of water or Kool Aid the Dixie cup is filled with the blood of your menstrual flow.
It looks like the nipple of an overbred dog.
I immediately thought it would make a great post topic but couldn't bring myself to buy the thing. I just couldn't.
Fast forward to 2014 when I heard a couple of people, for some reason, mentioned they had used and loved the Diva Cup. I found this hard to believe, what with it being a silicone cup that held your period blood like a cherry cordial.
So I went out and bought myself a Diva Cup. I did so without screaming, all in the name of science.
The benefits of the Diva Cup are the low cost of $32 for almost a lifetime of use. They were $25 when I first tried it in 2014 by the way. So that's about the price of a few boxes of tampons/pads. Even though they're made from silicone which does not ever, ever biodegrade, the makers still claim it's better for the environment than flushing/disposing of the thousands of bleached tampons we go through in our lifetime.
Read this post on the only kind of toilet paper to use if you need a reminder on why you shouldn't flush tampons by the way.
Welcome to my menstrual Diva Cup adventure.
This is how it all went down.
Just days after buying my Diva Cup I felt that tiny little cramp in my gut letting me know I was a grown up lady woman.
Turns out I had just eaten too much Shepherd's Pie. But two days later the cramps were back and the main event was on its way.
Since inserting the Diva Cup involves pushing it into yourself with your fingers, I wanted to make sure I got in there before my fingers came out covered in uterine lining. So into the bathroom I went, armed with the Diva Cup, a full sheet of instructions and very clean hands.
How to Use a Diva Cup
To insert the silicone cup you roll it up until it's small enough to fit. There are two sizes. One for women under 30 and one for women over 30. The over 30 cup is bigger. I'm assuming the makers figure at that age we're so stretched out down there you could drive a train though us because these cups are BIG. Intimidatingly so.
But I rolled it up and got it where it's supposed to be. Once you get it up there you grab the base of the cup and twist it 360 degrees. This ensures it's fully open and suctioned to your insides. I managed to accomplish this on my first try and was desperate to tell someone about it but there wasn't anyone around.
I wasn't terribly worried about losing it up there but that seems to be a fear for a lot of women. Not to worry. It won't get lost.
So there it was. The Diva Cup. In my vagina. Wayyyy up in my vagina. Turns out the Diva Cup is actually more comfortable to wear than a tampon.
Why? Because it stays in place.
Have you ever noticed that after wearing a tampon for a while it tends to decide it'd like a good look at the world? It slowly starts working its way down towards the door until it's just a strong sneeze away from flying out of you.
The Diva Cup doesn't do that. It's obedient. The Diva Cup stays where the Diva Cup is put. More on that later. You really can't feel it at all. There's no itching, or pulling or attempts at escape.
So far so good with the Diva Cup. Did I mention it has handy measurements on the side of it you can see exactly how much fluid is in there? Because it does. Incredibly useful for anyone who likes to keep track of how many ounces of blood they shed a month. These are probably the same people who keep their scabs in a jar and have a laminated bowel movement chart.
You can wear the Diva Cup for 12 hours at a time at which point you have to take it out ... and empty the reservoir. This is where the Diva Cup lost me. Removal was difficult. Very difficult. I'm sure it gets easier with time but it was slightly painful and kind of like pulling a turkey out of your nostril.
In fact, when it finally popped off I’m pretty sure my nose whistled.
But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was emptying the blood streaked cup of woman goo into the bathroom sink and rinsing it out.
I know this is where a lot of you will be thinking "How awful for Karen that she's so out of touch with her womanness that such a thing bothers her. A woman's period blood is a miracle of life to be revered and marvelled at.".
I know there are those of you thinking this because that's exactly how other women who reviewed the Diva Cup describe the experience as. They liked the cup dumping. It fascinated them. You know what fascinates me? Magic Tricks.
I couldn't bring myself to put the cup in again and instead put it back in the box and slipped it to the back of the cupboard.
The one other caveat to the Diva Cup that even those who love it say is an issue, is public restrooms. If you need to empty your cup while at the mall or your favourite local restaurant you'll need to dump the cup in the toilet, pull up your pants, get yourself back together with one hand because the other hand will be holding the blood stained Diva Cup.
Once you're back together you'll need to dart to the sink and wash out your cup in the public restroom sink, all the while your face getting hot and your pits getting sweaty worried that someone will wander into the bathroom to a horror show.
Is your cup rinsed? Good. Now it's back into the stall to reinsert the Diva Cup.
I just couldn't handle it. But I have to say there are many of you who will be able to handle it. You'll think it's great and life changing like the other women on the Internet. Like the 10,000 people who reviewed the Diva Cup on Amazon with almost 5 stars. The women who say they couldn't live without it.
To you I say, you're more woman than I. I have no doubt you also would have handled donating blood far better than I did. It's a bit blurry but as far as I remember my blood donation involved a prayer circle and a stretcher. You can read about that proud moment in my life here.
Do I recommend the Diva Cup? Yes. That probably surprises you but it just wasn't for me. I know it wasn't for me because I got gaggy and almost fainted. So there's that. I know that other women won't be bothered by it at all.
And to you women I have one more thing to say. Please don't try to change my mind. Please don't try to convince me I didn't give it enough of a shot. Much like Brussels sprouts, it won't matter how many times I try it ... I'm never going to acquire a taste for menstrual cups.
As luck would have it I am currently moving out of my Diva Cup years and into my coffee cup flying across the room and exploding into shards as it hits the wall because I can't sleep and am so tired years.
I resisted the urge to use my Diva Cup as a change purse and eventually threw it out.
I now buy my cheese making supplies online.
Amber
I once went to a workshop on having a green period at a sustainable living festival in Fort Collins, CO. We learned how to make pads out of old rags and terry cloth. One of the instructors talked at length about how wonderful the Diva Cup is, and that one should never throw the contents of the cup away. She said she always collected her menses to use as fertilizer for her plants, and as a result grew the best, biggest tomatoes in the area. Needless to say that put me off tomatoes for quite a while. To each her own, I guess.
Fifi
O.M.GEEEEE!!!
Ok Karen , so now you have a Diva Cup (gross!) sitting in your cupboard....I you are the type of gal who is probably going to repurpose it, so as not to waste a good (?) thing....how bout a slug trap for your garden?..........or if you had a pair of these, they would make a good strapless bra for someone with small pointy boobs (I don't mean you lol)......or a seed starter.....or plant a tiny succulent ( ew LOL) and hang it from a macramé plant holder......how very chic !
Why why why did I open this post during my lunch ??
Why have I never heard of this either? I thought women talked about this kinda stuff......maybe no one I know uses this ??!! As for Moi........I happen to like tampons !!!!!
The name for this product is sooooo wrong......what real Diva would use this, surely not Beyoncé !!??? They should come up with another name for it....any suggestions? I got none..... I am speechless and wordless ;-)
Lynne
I'm speechless at the idea of repurposing it. LOL.
Kim from Milwaukee
Diva Cup is much better than BEAVA cup!!!
Ruth
As heavy and as lengthy as my menses are, I doubt I could stomach it. Then again.... I don't have the stomach for tampons or pads either, so I guess I am just going to be stuck between a rock and a hard place, until 55 shows up (15 years to menopause... oh joy).
However, I must say that I am a bit intrigued by that 12-hour duration. Intrigued... not sold, but definitely intrigued.... If I ever come across them, I may just buy one to use at home.
One question... can you sleep in it? (I never get proper sleep on my heavy days due to bathroom trips for changing, so THAT would be the selling point)
Another Ruth
Cups are much better for heavy flows than either tampons or pads. You might not get the full 12-hrs during the most "torrential" part of your monthly, but it holds more than a pad. And yea, you can sleep in it! If you make sure it's empty before you go to bed, it will give you the most leeway.
Many women report less heavy flow and less cramping once they switch to the cup (this was my experience), but of course there's no way to know if it's causal.
As other comments have mentioned, there is a learning curve--the first time you use a cup it is really weird and awkward. But if you think back to when you learned about pads and tampons, that was really weird too! I find it's much cleaner and less trouble than other options; give it a try!
Ruth
Hmmm... Thanks for responding, Another Ruth. :-)
Raina
Ruth, love the cup, much more comfy than a tampon or pad, bedtime use is the greatest benefit. The most important part to remember is to bear down before retrieving it and don't let up until you pull it out, if you don't it's a bloodbath, if you do it right there won't even be blood on the outside of the cup. So if you're in a public bathroom stall there's no need to even rinse it, just dump it and reinsert, and no need to carry supplies in your purse because you're already carrying it inside you. My only regret is not getting one of them years ago.
Gwen
Coincidentaly, I too bought my Diva cup at my local health food store while looking for cheesemaking supplies but the similarity ends there; my health food store is very 'judgy' and my Beava cup cost $40. Additionally, after years of giving up too easily, I now apply a 20 hour rule to any new endevour. At first I had the same negative issues as others have posted here but after giving it my full committment, I now love it. My biggest complaint is the squishy noises but I suppose they're no worse than the alternative crumpling paper wrappers.
Teddee Grace
A diaphragm always served the same purpose for me short term. No big deal.
Katie
Here in the states there's a disposable one in with the lady-diapers section in the grocery store. It says to throw it away, but I'll rinse it if I'm in a bathroom with my own sink and stick it back in for a few days' worth of use, but can also throw it away if I need to...and I do at the end of a cycle. I forget the the name right now, but I've got a box at home! They're more expensive than tampons, but not $25. Like 8 for a box of 10, or something?
I think they're fantastic, but don't use it all the time...
Amie
I've been using the Diva Cup for 6 years now, and I love it. It does not hurt like tampons do, nor can I push it out while going for a big #2.
In public restrooms, I dump it in the toilet, use toilet paper to wipe out the cup, reinsert, wipe hands on tp, and exit to wash hands. I rinse it when I get home.
I also sterilize it every couple months in a pot of boiling water, because I keep it in my purse between flows.
It is fantastic, economical, and helps ladies get more familiar with a very natural thing.
Kirsten
Bahahaha! Hilarious! Love it!
The first time I heard about these I wanted to puke at the idea but a couple years later after seeing it on a popular mommy flash sale site and reading up on them I decided to give them a try.
I've been using one for a couple of years now and love it! No more running out of tampons or having to make an excuse to stop by my purse on the way to the bathroom every few hours! But my very VERY favorite part is sleeping through the night normally! No more worry of leaking on the sheets or the feeling of wearing a soggy diaper sized pad keeping me up! love it!
I did find insertion/extraction a little difficult the first month but by the second it was no problem and didn't gross me out anymore.
And I don't recall ever having to change it in public because you can wear it for so long. If you're worried about it just empty it before you go out and you're good for another 12 hours. But I have heard of women just bringing a bottle of water in their purse to rinse it off in the stall.
Thanks for the laughs!!!
jane
There's a version called Instead that's disposable. Also smaller. And easier to wear. Sole drawback was was someone asked you for a tampon; you handed one over ... and they said what the blankity blank is this?!
Amy
Laughing. Laughing so hard.
I've sent this post to my girlfriends, so they too can enjoy the hilarity.
Leslie
If these had been invented when I was a teen I'd maybe still be a ballerina. My mom wouldn't even tell me about tampons.
Safetydog
Thank you so much for trying this product and telling us about it! Intellectually, I agree that this sounds safe, hygenic, natural, convenient, etc. I try to be in tune with my wonderful female processes. The flow isn't a problem. It's the actual insertion and removal that gets to me. I've gotten light-headed using tampons or watching child-birth films. Thank you for your sacrifice. Thank goodness I am past the point of needing this product.
Traci
I won't try to convince you Karen, but I will give some tips for other people on the fence or thinking about trying the diva cup. Before I tried it I found a bunch of message boards dedicated to the thing. Yeah, message boards plural--this thing is life-changing and once you get it you want to shout to the hills and tell everyone. What I learned is that most people take at least 2 cycles to get the hang of it, so you've got to commit to giving it a good try to reap the benefit. There are multiple folds for insertion that aren't in the instructions. Look them up b/c one might work better for you. You have to break the seal before taking it out. Push in the side with one finger to break the seal then pull it out and immediately dump in the toilet (that helps lesson the ick factor). Wash in the sink or if you are in a public restroom wipe with a travel wet wipe like these http://www.natracare.com/p102/en-GB/Natracare-Products/Everyday/Organic-Cotton-Wipes.aspx . Then just put it back in. If it gets stuck, the key is to relax and if you are really having trouble just squat down low to the ground and it will come right out. Also the sizes are for if you've given birth. No kids go size 1, yes kids go size 2.
Like I said, the learning curve is steep, but when you hit that moment where you forget you have your period you'll be a convert for life. And that's coming from someone who has long, heavy awful periods.
Tina Marie
Karen - this article is Pulitzer worthy! God how I love you! Refreshing, hysterical and informative!
Marion
BAHAHAHAHA, this is exactly what I needed to read this morning! Thankfully I'm alone in my office right now so I didn't have to muffle my laughter. I have friends that swear by their diva cups (they're a bunch of hippy, vegan, home-birth advocating feminists) but I've been to scared to buy myself one just yet. I might after reading this though! Excellent review. Also, I'm loving the comments from other ladies!
Jen W
I'd heard of these things years and years ago....and thought it was the most horrible and disgusting invention ever. Then about 6 months ago we were going on a backpacking trip, and I expected to be reminded of my womanliness while on the trip. I had to either get used to the idea of carrying around my used feminine products (there aren't any trash cans in the woods) in a bag in my pack......or try the Diva Cup. Well....the cup was the least horrific of the two choices...so I gave it a try. I didn't end up having to use it on the trip...but I've used it every month since...and am a 100% believer now. (also, in cases where you think a public restroom "changing of the guard" might have to happen..take baby wipes/alcohol wipes.....works to clean it and your hands.....better than in and out of the bathroom stall for sure) :-)
Sia
I would like to know how a person comes up with an idea like this.
Luanne
I had been curious, and up until now, just assumed I'd never know. My curiosity is sated.
This had pretty good shock value. And all I can think of is how I wanted to share around the frozen yoghurt tampons post, but didn't. (Maybe because I've tried the yoghurt remedy without the aid of freezing and a tampon.) I think that I'll just enjoy my tearful laughter at the Diva Cup all on my own, though. And just hope that people I know run across this post.
Mary Werner
Would rather drive a monster truck. Thanks for the alternate view but was so fascinated by the comments that I read every one!
Melissa in North Carolina
OMG! Thank the Lord I don't have to mess with that anymore. I've never, ever, heard of this. Thanks once again Karen for enlightening my morning. And look at all those comments!
And what about, "people who keep their scabs in a jar and have a laminated bowel movement chart"? Where do you get this stuff??? You are sonething else, keep it comin'!